International House of Psycho Lunatics
By Larien
Chapter 3
First Day On The Job…What Do You Sleep With?
Summary: Malik, Marik, and Bakura decide to open up their own business, and what is it? Well you'll just have to guess! Very old plot probably…but with new twists!
Genre: Humor/Humor
Rating: K+ - T (PG – PG13)
Warnings: Language, implied violence
Disclaimer: I don't own YuGiOh, or anything else here that is copyrighted
Thoughts are italicized
Bakura yawned and stretched, he wondered how his hikari was, it had been a whole weekend since he had seen Ryou…
-Ryou's House-
"WOOHOO! PEOPLE LET'S PARTY!" Ryou yelled. His hair was a mess and he had dark circles under his eyes, but he was still up, he had been partying for three days straight with Yugi and Co. they some how had stayed up three days also, Tea was bouncing up and down on the couch, Yugi was doing the limbo with Joey, Mai was giving Tristan a lapdance, and Serenity was drinking, and Yami was trying to seduce Duke…(No Yaoi, and remember they've been up for three days straight, they're brain dead…literally)
-Back to Malik's House-
Bakura's eyes were wide open in shock…his…his…his…his innocent little hikari!
His eyes were now a mix of O.T…really, Marik cracked open an eye and saw Bakura crying with his eyes wide open…
"There there Kura, I had the same feeling too when Malik tried his first cigarette from peer pressure…luckily he doesn't smoke and take after me…a bit, well I'm not really a chain smoker but…you know, stress…" And Marik continued to rant on…completely ignoring Bakura.
Malik turned on his side and snored…cuddling up to Hoppers…
Marik continued ranting when he came to the part about Malik's first "time"…
"And then I saw him with a girl on the bed right? And it was getting steamy, so I decided to stay…but then I saw he didn't have protection! So I went in and brought him…"
At that moment, Malik shot up and covered Marik's mouth with his hand. Bakura looked up…
"Why'd you stop? It was getting good!" Bakura pouted.
Malik's eyes widened…IT WAS SO NOT GOOD!
Bakura's eyes began to water a bit…a tear leaked out…
"FINE FINE! HE CAN CONTINUE!" Malik removed his hand from Marik's mouth.
Marik breathed a sigh of relief and continued.
"Anyways like I was saying Malik wasn't using protection! So I took one of those bright red condom thingies and went in and gave it to him!"
Malik slapped his forehead.
"RA! Malik's girl was hot! She had blonde hair that was totally soft! And she was huge! I mean the chest area k Kura? Anyways she was smokin'! I wonder where Malik picks up babes like that! And I gave him his condom and gave the babe a birth control pill thingy I stole from Isis…"
Bakura's eyes went all starry, graphically imagining the scene.
Malik facefaulted and went into swirly eye mode…
WHACK WHACK WHACK!
There goes Marik into swirly eye mode!
Ishizu was standing on top of Marik holding a model THG5000 Whacking Pan in her hand. Bakura's eyes suddenly became wide with fear…Ra Damn! Why did it have to be ISIS? NOW! Crap it's almost time for work…
"Hello Bakura…" Ishizu said dangerously.
Bakura trembled…not really but let's say he was semi scared.
"Tell your little friends when they wake up that it's time for work in…20 minutes!" Ishizu threw her head back and cackled.
This woman has problems…is it PMSing time of the month? Bakura twitched…he had 20 minutes to get to work with two knocked out pyromaniacs.
Ra…could this day get any worse?
Suddenly a bolt of lightning shot across the sky.
BOOM! CRASH! BAM!
It began to downpour…
"Oh! I forgot Bakura-chan, you have to walk today! The car is in the auto shop and Odion and I are taking the other one!" Ishizu said sweetly
I just had to ask…
Bakura grumbled, life was not going smoothly for him! It was rather sucky at the moment!
Bakura got up and pulled on a pair of white leather pants over his blue boxers he transported from home. Then he stuck on his stupid blue striped IHOP shirt and buttoned up the buttons, then he picked up Hoppy from the bedsheets and put him in his pocket. Finally after he was all done he stuck his hat on, and dragged the two Egyptians to work…in their boxers…
75 minutes and 15 angry mobs later Bakura arrived at work with two groggy Egyptians.
Mr. Snofflegon burst out of his office with a very mad face.
"WHY ARE YOU LATE!" He yelled.
Bakura merely used a burst of shadow magic to make him fall asleep.
"You may start your jobs now boys, keep up the wonderful work…" Mr. Snofflegon said with a dazed expression.
Bakura promptly went in with the two finally awake but still a bit dizzy Egyptians.
"Huh…where am I?" Malik asked rubbing his eyes.
"At work." Bakura said as he stuck on his name tag and went to the kitchens.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK! I don't have CLOTHES!" Malik yelled as he saw his black silk boxers and nothing more on him.
"Neither do I!" Marik yelled looking at his yellow cotton boxers and Naners, "Well I have Naners…"
Malik peered outside the hallway…no one…hmm…a guy…with tri colored hair…PHARAOH!
"AH! CRAP! The pharaoh is gonna see my boxers!"
Marik looked out and saw the pharaoh too…
"HI PORCUPINE HEAD!" Marik yelled waving Naners in the air…
Yami turned his head.
"Why are you waving a banana plushie around?" Yami asked, "And why are you in your boxers? Oh…you sleep with the banana plushie!"
"YOU SLEEP WITH WHAT!" Malik yelled at his yami.
"A b…a…nana…plushie…named…Naners…" Marik whimpered.
"Why me?" Malik slapped his forehead.
Yami was clutching his sides laughing his insufferable head off.
"Shut it pharaoh if you know what's good for you…" Bakura hissed.
Yami continued laughing.
"Oh shut up." Marik said, "I know you sleep with a Kuriboh plushie named…hmmm…should I say it?"
"NO NO NO NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT!" Yami yelled.
"Named…"
"PLEASE! I BEG YOU! I PLEAD!" Yami said.
"Hmmmm…then you have to do something for me!" Marik said in delight.
"Fine…what?"
"Read me Green Eggs and Ham!"
Bakura and Malik slapped their foreheads, out of all the stupid things to ask for!
"Fine fine…but I'll read you another stupid version."
"YAY!" Marik exclaimed as he sat contentedly on the floor.
I am Yami
Yami I am
That Yami I am!
That Yami I am!
I do not like that Yami I am!
Do you like Duel Monsters and ham?
I do not like Duel Monsters and ham!
And so it went on…and on…and on…for about 43 different versions until Yami collapsed from exhaustion…
"Awww…stupid pharaoh…is he dead?" Marik wondered.
"I'm alive!" Yami said weakly.
"Awww…phooey…well I wanted 100 different versions, you only read me 43! I'm telling you're plushie's name!" Marik said.
"NO!" Yami yelled…and everything went in slow motion…
"Kuriboh's name is Anzu I Love You Mercedes Darky Eloise Meredith I Hate Marik Malik And Bakura But Secretly I'm In Love With Anzu and Serenity Benz." Marik said proudly.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Yami yelled but it was too late.
"WHAT DID YA SAY?" A Brooklyn voice rang through the restaurant.
"Eeep. I think that's my cue to leave." Yami whispered…as he tried to dash from the angry blonde named Joey Wheeler.
"COME BACK HERE YAMI!" Joey said as he chased Yami out the door.
Then Tea Gardener just had to walk in!
"Gardener."
"Bakky!" Tea yelled and glomped him…
Insert huge huge huge sweatdrop here.
"Get off me woman."
"Get off him lady." Marik said.
"MARIKKY! MALIKKY!"
"Great…"
"It's gonna be a looooong day." Bakura sighed.
Authoress Notes
OMR! I'm sooo sorry that i haven't updated for sooo long! T.T...I've been soo busy! This might be the last update for awhile in all my stories...my 'rents are grounding me for bad test scores (c'mon the scores were above average!) and they're installing an internet tracking software...O.O...but yea yea yea...I've neglected my babies! Sooo sorry! I hope you enjoyed this chap...slight bit of Tea bashing not much...cuz pro Tea fan here! Just some humor...I bash everyone...even my baby Kaiba! ((heh heh))...if you must know where I've been then go check out my other story on Winglin, which is another fanfictino site, for stories about anything, mainly Asian/Chinese Actors and Actresses...some mixed in other catergories...I've been sooo obsessed with a Taiwanese series called Meteor Gardens lately, it's based off a manga called Hana Yori Dango (which fanfiction(dot) net has a catergory on...but Winglin is better)...my fave character is Lei! Played by Zai Zai (Vic Zhou) ((insert love smile here))...lolz...but yea...anyways...if you'd like to read it go to www(dot)winglin(dot)net/fanfic/MeTeOrRaIn YAY!
Review Responses
Seto's Princess - YAY! GO MALIK! GO KURA! GO MARIK!
Master-Editor - Thank you!
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Mana-the-Authoress - Thank you!
Mana-the-Authoress - THANK YOU! I updated!
kaiba's run-away bride - thank you!
AZNgummigirl - thank you! I will...
ttMai - thank you!
ttMai - Thank you! I updated!