I would like to address the fact that I haven't said a few things of late that need to be said. First, I would like to thank every one of the individuals (including Silvara, who hasn't read my story yet) who have given me reviews, even though it was such a long wait for this chapter. Was it not for the 20 reviews (probably more than that by the time you read this) that I have gotten so far, I would not have this feeling in the back of my mind that tells me, "To stop writing is to let down the hopes and expectations of my beloved fans; who, despite the fact that I have never met any of them in person, would be left in a state of dismay at my decision to quit." O.K. that was a bit dramatic even for someone like me; I guess I get a bit carried away sometimes. So essentially, what I'm trying to say is: (Gives fans big chibichi hug with tears in eyes) "You like me! You really, really LIKE ME!"
Now if you are interested in my life and the reason behind why this chapter took so long then you should read this next paragraph. If not, then slap yourself and read it anyway!
It recently occurred to me that Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones was going to come out on the 23rd of this month! At first, I was filled with joy, but then I realized something: I still had yet to get the remaining 27 of Support Conversations on the first (American version of) Fire Emblem. Now this is for me, the highlight of my favorite game of all time and during the 1 1/3 years that I have owned the game; I have perfected the 'art' of getting Support Conversations. I knew that once I bough the next game, the cartridge would be practically welded to the slot in my Game Boy Advanced SP (which would be crazy-glued to my hands), so I thought to myself, "23 days, 149 remaining Support Conversations, and I'm an expert. Yep, I can do that! We'll consider it another goal. On your mark, get set, GO!" And I basically spent all of my free time playing one of the few games that I will never get tired of for a number of days. Then I remembered 'Can I Push Your Button?' and thought of how selfish I was being. So here I am, redeeming my self, and typing up this chapter as quick as I can. But don't worry; just because I'm hurrying my writing of this chapter, doesn't mean that it'll be of any lesser quality than the others.
GUEST STAR APPERANCE!
Because plagiarism is a really bad thing; I'd have to say, "I do not own Tales of Symphonia, its respective characters, the Tower of Salvation, or any other characters of Nintendo."
ONWARD!
Kratos soon found himself in the same position as Genis and The Professor had been at one time, with one exception; he was not unconscious or in a dazed state of RESEARCH mode. He stared down at the 'scissors' thad Lloyd had thrown to him which on closer inspection, turned out to be a pair of rather large, rusty hedge-clippers. Of course he could scarcely make out so much as the silhouette of the garden tool due to all the hair that was constantly distorting his vision. "Well," he thought to himself, picking up the pointy object, "may as well get this over with". He raised the 'scissors' to himself made one snip, and howled in pain. He had removed his ear.
Now Kratos had never taken a single barber class in his life, and he wasn't the most nimbly fingered person in the world. His unclean hair was about as stiff as the cartilage on his face -- which was also covered in callus from tripping over many 'unseen' objects -- it made understandable that he was now missing both of his hearing displays (the other had been bitten off by Genis when he had accidentally stepped on the short half-elf while he was napping). He did however find that the absence of his remaining ear would make his job considerably easier. The absence of a mirror however, did not. He worked hard at it though and after a many hours of work; the man with uncovered armpits -- now ankle deep in the stuff that had once covered his head -- threw down the garden utensil, and felt proud to be bald.
"Hey," he said to himself, "now that I can actually see..." he pulled out a Rubik's Cube from his pocket that was so messed up that no two squares of the same color were touching. "I bet I could figure this colorful piece of shit now!" he exclaimed as he began twisting it this way and that. Thrilled with the renewed gift of eyesight, and now living absorbed in the little do-hickey that had been invented by some mad scientist obsessed with the art of wasting time, Kratos was happily entertained for the remaining time that he had on the elevator.
With the exception of the last 10 seconds of the ride where his mood instantaneously changed from 'happy hour(s)' to 'I am so (F-bomb)ing frustrated with this piece of shit'. He then proceeded to throw the little six-sided-stupid-box at the wall in his anger. It was at this precise moment that the door of the elevator opened up and the cube flew threw it at mach 3, hitting the Professor right in the face. This caused her body to be removed from the location that she had been previously occupying, and leave all of her clothing behind in the process.
As she stood up in a woozy daze, Kratos made use of his newfound eyes (which were very wide indeed) and sputtered, "Wow. I never noticed... (GULP) those before!"
Raine looked down at his comment to notice that her considerably flat breasts were very much exposed. Unable to cast any offensive magic, she drew some pencils from her hair and started throwing them at him ninja-style in her hurried advance on him. "PERVERT!" She screamed her face red with not embarrassment but pure hate and fury.
"WOW, SIS!" The now nude nerd's brother exclaimed, "I didn't know you were a boy!" He was both surprised at his sibling's body and entertained by the chase-scene that was rapidly unfolding in front of him.
"I'M A GIRL YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" The apparent woman shouted, "I'M GONA (F-bomb)ING KILL YOU!"
Meanwhile down on the ground...
"I can't believe how much of a pig he turned out to be!" Sheena commentated on their current situation. After Lloyd had told them of his intentions involving sex, Sheena had whipped out a lesson from her years of training as a Mitzuhoian ninja, and knocked him out buffet style. "I mean 'Now we can have sex!' honestly!"
"Sheena, what is sex?" Colette inquired her friend as she stood rather mesmerized over Lloyd's body. (He did have a snot bubble the size of his head protruding from both of his nostrils after all.)
"You're better off not knowing." She replied. "Let's just say that he was going to do some 'M-rated' stuff with us."
After being asleep for a day or so, Lloyd finally woke up to find Colette's face hovering over him. Noticing he was awake again, and filled with curiosity, Colette bubbled, "Oh, GOODY! You're awake! By the way, would you please have sex with me?" Lloyd was about to do something very M-rated (and lemony) to Colette when Sheena chucked an entire 52-card deck at his head, and his consciousness left him once again. "Oh, dingle berries!" The clean minded one 'cursed', "Now I'll never know what sex is!"
"Did somebody say 'SEX'?" Called a gay (silly gay, not sexually gay, you perverted monkey) voice echoing from beyond the hills. A gaily (now this is the sexual gay, but that doesn't change the fact that you're a perverted monkey) clad blue-eyed figure of a man appeared on top of one of the hills in the distance, his bright red hair flowing in the breeze of the fan he had set up behind himself. "I have traveled many leagues to answer the call of a dear maiden in emotional distress. And I have finally arrived at the presence of yonder fair damsel to offer what ever assistance I... SHEENA!" He cried in delight, "At last I have found you once more, my sweetest, and sexiest of honeys!" With that he ran towards her with open arms.
"ZELOS! My knight in shining armor has returned to me!" Sheena squealed in a rather 'wooed-school-girl' sort of way. "I am suddenly very HORNY!" She cried as she ran towards him in the same manner he did to her.
"So you have finally come to see the truth about me!" He sighed in a triumphant tone.
When they met on the fields, and he was about to embrace her, she kicked him square in the balls. As he fell to his knees howling in pain, she declared, "That's so you can't use them!" She then set his hair on fire with her Pyre-Seal magic and yelled, "That's so you'll stop it with this stupid 'wind-effect' thing!" She finally grabbed him by the shoulders, stood him up, turned him around, and booted him into the stratosphere (as he yelled, "LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET'S BLASTING OFF AGAAAAAAAAAAIN!"). "And that's so I won't have to deal with you for another year! I hate guest appearances." She finished, walking back to a dumbstruck Colette.
"Holy shabibbles (pronounced: shabibbles)! What was that all about?" Colette asked the ninja who was turning in to be more of an anti-male sort of person.
"Oh, that?" She replied casually pointing her thumb back over her shoulder to the now-bright point in the sky that Zelos had flown toward, "This kind of started a few years ago where I finally decided that I'd had enough of Zelos and his perverted ways. I mean he would drill a peep-hole in the wall of the bathroom, every time I took a shower, while I was taking a shower! He would regularly replace my clothing for the next day with really erotic stuff that was always 3 sizes too small! And he would do that only after he had placed a hidden camera in the toilet or somewhere, and totally raided my bra drawer! And lot's of other stuff that's to discussing for your innocent little mind to comprehend. So I gave him a treatment much like the one you just witnessed, and I guess I knock him so far away that it takes him a year to cross the distance back to me."
"Well that's a... nice story, but what I meant was; what does 'horney' mean?" The curious Chosen asked.
"I'm not telling." The other woman replied.
DING!
"About time!" Sheena sighed, grabbing Lloyd by the leg and hammer-throwing his still unconscious body into the elevator. She then walked up and pushed the button that sent him up.
"Well in that case," Colette continued, asking another question, "I'm just wondering: where do babies come from?"
"WHY IS IT THAT EVERY QUESTION THE 'INOCENTLY MINDED ONE' ASKS HAS TO DO WITH M-RATED MATERIAL?" Was all that she could say.
Meanwhile, up in the stratosphere...
"In the name of our sexy goddess Martel, why doesn't she like me?" Zelos asked himself, rubbing his rear where Sheena had kicked him. He was still hurdling through the sky traveling at about 500 knots, and moving in a rather constant angle of 70 degrees. "I guess I'll just have to try again when I catch up to her next time." He shrugged.
"I guess that she just doesn't know the meaning of the word curiosity." Came a voice that Zelos reckoned was coming from about the same altitude as he was at. He was turning himself around when he crashed into a green armor clad man who had apparently been flying through the air in the same way that he was.
After Zelos got himself sorted out after such a surprising collision, he decided to make friends. He and the stranger were now both in free-fall, but they were so high up that they would have a good deal of time to get acquainted. "Hi there!" he spoke to the man, extending his hand for a handshake, "The name's Zelos, rich playboy, noble, and knight of Meltokio."
The man shook his hand casually replying, "Sain, Sub-Commander of the Knights of Calien. Are you by any chance gay? You appear to be dressed in pink."
"Absolutely not!" Zelos replied in a slightly offended manner, "This just goes good with my hair color."
"What hair? You appear to be quite bald." Sain noted, pointing to the top of Zeloses head.
Feeling the top of his burnt head Zelos replied, "Never mind that, it'll, grow back. But who are you to so suddenly insult me!"
"I feel I have the right to do as such, after all; you are practically me. My creators took my characteristics and put them into you." Sain quoted.
"Prove it. Tell me why you're here."
"Well I was viewing Lady Lyndis as she was bathing. I simply had to know if her unclothed body was as marvelous and flawless as I imagined. You can understand that can't you?"
"Absolutely." Zelos replied, "Do continue."
"Well it turned out that I was right, and so taken aback was I that I gasped in disbelief that such a figure could be mortal. She heard this and soon found my 'peep-hole' as she later called it. I told her the truth; that I was merely curious. I suppose that she mistook me for some sort of 'perverted mischief maker', and so she sent me to the catapult. She also mentioned something about this being 'the last straw'. But as much as I admire her for not just her body but her face as well, I cannot help but question her judgment."
"Some women are so misunderstanding. Namely the good-looking ones, which is quite a shame."
"Indeed. Well any way, I did get some pictures!" The brunet started pulling out some 11 1/2" by 8" sheets of colored pictures from beneath his armor.
"Halle-freaking-luiah, is she a piece of work!" Zelos cried in delight when he saw the glorious figure of a female that made Sheena look fat, "and you got to see her every day?"
"Yep! Too bad I won't be able to see her any more."
"Yea, too bad. Well, it looks like we've got quite a bit of free time on our hand's left, care to play 21 questions?"
"Sure! O. K. I've got one."
"Is it round?"
"Yes."
"Does it come in pairs?"
"Yes."
"Is it a glorious and highly treasured thing of happiness?"
"Yes."
"Is it a breast?"
"Correct!" Zelos complimented his friend, "Now I've got one."
"Is it round?"
"Yes."
FIN!
Hope you enjoyed the ending. I just thought that it would be funny to see what kind of conversation would come from two 'sophisticated' perverts in free-fall way high up in the atmosphere. I don't know how long this story will go on for, but it looks like the end may be near. I'll try to get chapter 6 out soon! R&R!