Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter
AN: Chapter named after the awesome Linkin Park song. I used it to form some of the dialogue.
Chapter 11 Papercut
Now that the demon had been sealed, they were faced with a difficult decision.
Should they tell Harry about what kind of evil lived within him? Could they tell Harry that he was responsible for a string of brutal tortures and murders, that he held an evil on part with the Dark Lord inside his soul?
All the events from Sirius' death to this moment, along with such a revelation, might drive Harry off the deep end. And that was not an option. Losing Harry to himself, to that blank Stygian abyss of his depression that he had only just escaped, could not be allowed.
But they had to tell Harry. There was no other choice.
The demon could escape otherwise, could kill and torture and slaughter and murder relentlessly. He would make good on his vow.
And the memory of that vow still lay fresh in their minds, an ever-haunting melody of a promise, not a threat.
In the end, they all told Harry (except Snape) the next day, when he awoke. Luckily, it was a weekend.
He didn't take it too well. First there was the screaming, then the violence, then the lashing out, then the swearing (Ron was quite impressed with it), then finally the silence, the worst part. Harry just stopped moving, sat down on the bed, and said one word.
"Leave."
It was so full of absence, so completely incomplete, so lifeless, so toneless, that they left quickly, because it told them all one thing.
Harry hadn't been driven off the deep end. He'd been blasted in, and sealed shut in the black abyss.
So they left, all but one feeling useless.
That night, a solitary figure in Harry's invisibility cloak snuck into the Hospital Wing carefully, before taking it off and planting herself next to Harry, who was sitting up in his bed, looking unable to sleep.
For what seemed like hours, maybe years, maybe lifetimes, Ginny Weasley sat next to Harry, waiting patiently. She could feel, somehow, that he was hurting, feeling violated and used and broken and disgusting. Like she felt after the diary.
So she sat, until she could somehow detect that Harry was ready to speak.
"Harry?" Ginny asked, breaking the silence.
"I feel like I'm going nutters, Gin. I keep checking over my shoulder, feeling paranoid but I can't help myself. He's always there, watching for me, watching when I make a move, when I close my eyes, I feel him, waiting inside." Harry whispered brokenly, revealing just how truly scared of whatever was inside of him he was.
I know you're scared of me Harry. I know, and I feed off of it, the demon whispered softly, causing Harry to shiver unconsciously
"Oh… Harry…" Ginny whispered compassionately. Somehow, she could actually feel his sorrow, his fear, his pain. Was this the bond?
"I feel like its always dark, like I'm always on the edge. Its like a bloody whirlwind in my head, I can't stop hearing him, can't stop hearing the voice from within." Harry said quietly, brokenly, putting his head in his hands. "He's always there, just at the back of my mind, waiting in the darkest part of me.
"For the love of Merlin," Harry cried out, jerking his head up, "I can't even close my eyes for too long without thinking he's there!"
"Harry, its okay. I felt like that, after Tom possessed me. I felt like I couldn't trust myself, like everything was cold and numb and dark. But I got through it, and so will you." Ginny touched Harry's arm, trying to reassure him.
"I don't know Gin. I don't know if I can get through this. I could have stopped those deaths." Harry rasped.
Ginny shook her head, grasping his hand. "No you couldn't have, Harry."
But Harry shook his head violently in response. "I knew, deep down. And when Bellatrix died, just before that, I felt something, a darkness, numbness creeping right underneath my own skin…" Harry whispered, rubbing his arm furiously, as if to fight off the numbness he remembered.
"You didn't Harry." Ginny whispered, feeling his despair trying to engulf her.
"I'm scared Ginny." Harry managed to whisper, despite his mind's protests not to reveal weakness, "I'm scared he'll kill all of you."
"He won't Harry. Not as long as the bond holds him back." Ginny assured him, patting his hand reassuringly.
"Th-Thanks… Gin." Harry whispered, feeling the emotional fatigue settling over him, along with a wave of warmth alien to him, but comforting nonetheless. But still, the shadows in every corner continued to haunt and mock him.
"You must be tired. I'll let you rest." Ginny said, smiling at him, moving to get up.
"No!" Harry cried out, grabbing her wrist, before pulling back. "Sorry… but… maybe… if its not too much trouble… you could…" Harry swallowed. Was it really that hard? "Stay?"
Ginny seemed taken aback, and Harry began babbling apologies, but she smiled and shushed him. "Sure Harry."
Comfortable heat surged through both of them; something that felt so right that words soiled it.
"You don't have to…" Harry began, but Ginny cut him off.
"You need it. I'll stay as long as you need. Sleep." She ordered firmly, but her brown eyes were concerned.
"Thanks… Ginny…" Harry whispered, before being pulled into the land of dreams, but also nightmares.
It was… almost beyond description. As if words would mitigate the beauty of this place.
The sun shined down on Harry, and although the sun had shined many a day before this, something about this sunlight seemed surreal. The vivacious trees whispered with the gentle wind, the bountiful land had an aura of tranquility, and the grass was soft and silky, like naturally growing silk sheets on the soft brown earth.
Silence and peace reigned supreme, and Harry found his cares drifting away in the summer-like breeze that tickled his nose, awakened his senses.
He felt more alive than he had ever been, feeling, really feeling, not hiding behind the shell developed at the Dursleys and refined through years of hardship, but actually letting himself be who he really was, be himself.
Paradise.
Harry walked tentatively, wondering where he was, what was going on. He walked as one might walk in front of the holiest relic of their religion, cautiously and respectfully, with a tinge of disbelief at actually being here.
And then an angel appeared.
Harry wanted to close his eyes and fall to his knees, unworthy to be in the presence of this beautiful creature. But he found he could not tear his gaze from the enchanting sight before him.
The angel was petite, with soft curves and long legs, with big brown eyes that sparkled with mischief, delight, and happiness, clad in a white sundress that seemed surreal, an angelic garb for an angel. And crowning the angel was a fiery halo of crimson hair.
"Ginny…" Harry whispered.
Ginny Weasley smiled at him, her smile fulfilling Harry in a way that filled that void in his heart that had grown and widened with every loss, every hardship. She said nothing, but embraced Harry in her arms, the comfort of a mother, a friend, and a lover all in one motion.
Harry let himself be held by this creature, this seraph, known as Ginny Weasley. He found an upsurge, a tidal wave of warmth flood his senses, his mind, his very soul. Was it love?
Love seemed too weak a word to describe what he was feeling, but it would have to do. He felt his heart, his soul beating in unison with Ginny, and their embrace seemed to transfer these feelings. This love.
And he couldn't hold it in within himself. He had to say it. Like a geyser, the words tumbled out of Harry Potter's mouth for the first time. "I love you."
Paradise.
Then paradise was lost.
Behind Harry, his shadow stretched out, until it was exactly the same proportions as him. Harry and Ginny didn't notice anything, not until it was too late. The shadow stood up, smirking viciously, staring down at the two of them.
Harry was ripped from Ginny's grasp violently and viciously, with a mocking, cold laughter surrounding him and freezing the warmth that had once flooded his veins.
The wind became violent and harsh, the trees were gone, and all that was left was an inky darkness that surrounded Harry Potter.
His angel and his paradise were gone.
"You love her… well, that's an interesting development."
Harry spun around to face the speaker, the one who took his paradise.
And he gasped in horror.
It was himself. The demon that he had seen once before, in his nightmares, the demon that attacked Malfoy, Snape, and others. He stood, a demon from Hell, clothed in black almost indistinguishable from the darkness around them, his eyes matching the darkness, a smirk on his face.
"You… you." Harry managed, stumbling backwards.
"You love her. Your love will kill her now." The darker version of Harry laughed. "I'll take her from you, or I'll drive her from you. Either way, she will die, or you will lose her. I win."
"I won't let you." Harry whispered, clenching his fists in anger.
"You can't stop me."
"I can try." Harry said confidently, bravado ringing within him.
"You can, but you will fail, just like you failed to save Cedric and Sirius." The demon taunted.
"BASTARD!" Harry roared, lunging, but the demon sidestepped and laughed amusedly.
"Perhaps I should show you a vision of what will come." The demon muttered, and snapped his fingers.
"Help me Harry!"
Harry spun around, to see Ginny surrounded in fire, his angel on the verge of death. "No!" Harry cried out, but he couldn't move.
"You can't save her from me Harry. You can't save her from yourself." The demon smiled viciously.
Ginny was engulfed in fire, and his angel was lost to the darkness.
"No…" Harry whispered brokenly, falling to his knees, sobs wracking his body.
"In the end," The demon lectured, "I will prevail. I am the Darkness. I am You." He bent down to look into Harry's eyes, abyss meeting light.
"And just like you, I always win."
As before, Darkness engulfed Harry, as did the mocking laughter of his darker half…
And in the Hospital Wing of Hogwarts, Harry James Potter awoke in horror to love and the consequences of his heart.
The demon laid silently, a Titan within the Tartarus of his mind, waiting for his chance.
Ginny lay sleeping in a chair next to him, invisibility cloak on, but Harry could feel her, somehow. Her presence was the sweetest torture imaginable. To know that the girl, nay, woman you loved was so close, yet to touch her would be her demise.
So Harry just watched her, making a vow in his mind to the silent demon that bore witness to the oath.
Knowing that the demon, that Voldemort would use Ginny to bait him as with Sirius, Harry swore that very night that he would not love Ginny Weasley. That love could not be the thing he possessed. That he would avoid Ginny, he would avoid all forms of love from friendship to true love.
Those he loved would know only death otherwise.
The demon spoke once, and Harry could feel a soft grin hidden in the shadows of his soul. I win.
And Harry knew the demon had won. Knew it intimately but knew that the demon had to win the battle so that Harry would not lose any more, so that there would be no more casualties of war. And so it was that in this dark moment in the silent night, Harry James Potter lost the first of many battles with the darkness of his soul.
The tears followed soon after, like salty rain from an emerald sky, drops of liquid sorrow in the dead night.
Thanks to Saphire Phoenix, brilliant-author16, Zeromaru: Chaos Mode, Night-Owl123, CharmedMilliE, Treck, A-man, Pleione, japanese-jew, Hunter101, Ice-Phoenix-Tears, Samurai Demon-God Sekikage, Gyre, PinkytheSnowman, RealityIntrovert, jbfritz, Lady of Masbolle, Fire Gazer, BladeofUltio, harrysmom, nessy-poo-2008, HPbabe143, Cattatra, PhoenixFawkes05, Akua, YamiClara, Rift120, Tanydwr, spike blade, ToushinisKing, corvus-the-wizzy, TopQuark, Maxennce, Ginny M, mashimaromadness, Julie Long, HPfan, and dementorchic for reviewing!
Q&A
Zeromaru: Chaos Mode- I personally liked those lines. But hey, there will be plenty more opportunities for the demon. Now, as for the darkness not overpowering the light, the bond has some... weaknesses that I've hinted at. Darkness will prevail!
japanese-jew- One demon per person.
Hunter101- I've never heard of the Ministry detecting Dark Magic before.
Samurai Demon-God Sekikage- Excellent theories, and for a misread second, I almost thought you had it. But no, Harry (not the demon) is a real person. Well... maybe not a person in the way we all are... (Try to figure that one out. I suppose one clue should help, perhaps. The saying goes, in every darkness...)
PinkytheSnowman- Yes, but don't count Harry out just yet.
Lady of Masbolle- Just like I said above, one demon per person, one person per demon. Now, the shell thing is a bit of a debate, but I can say that Harry is not just a shell, or a demon. There's stuff that can only be explained by one person in this story, and well... you can't really expect ol' Tom to waltz into Hogwarts to tell people stuff now can you! Or maybe you can...
BladeofUltio- Definitely Dark Harry that stays dark. I thought about the other path, but this way is more fun!
harrysmom- Very good! Your one of the few people who gets it! Congrats!
Cattatra- The demon definitely, as you can see, does not like Harry. He was merely using that anger as a method of coming out of the shadows. Why didn't he just do that before... well, even Dark Harry is afraid of someone. And it isn't Tom or Albus.
Akua- No offense taken. I know there's people reading this for just the Dark Harry, and its okay if you don't like Ginny. As for her death...
Rift120- Still not getting it. But no, there's just Harry and the Demon.
Tanydwr- Harry's true strengths? My, my, someone's beginning to think like me. Now, when the demon returns, you'll probably still like him, but also hate him. Evil people tend to make people feel both ways.
corvus-the-wizzy- Perhaps sooner...
Maxennce- Well, not everyone who deserves retribution will have it. But they will have it, to be sure. This should get a good message out. Though we cheer the demon now... we might not cheer when his intentions and motives are clear.
mashimaromadness- (Bows) Thank you, thank you. Sorry for jamming up your inbox! Now, when did I talk about elves?
dementorchic- Well, the demon has powers from Darkness. Maybe there are other powers... other forces at work.
AN: Sorry for the delay, my angst center was off from the holidays. Thanks for reading and please review!