From Hannah's POV
15th February 2005
Dear Diary,
Yesterday, I attended Ephram's surprise party, after finding out that my results being negative. I knew logically that I should be happy, but I could not quite process the happiness as I was so overwhelmed with guilt. Don't get me wrong, I certainly did not want to have the disease, but part of me felt guilty that my dad had it, and I didn't. Survivor's guilt type of thing I guess. I kept myself in the corner, trying to avoid having to tell anyone, especially when I was so unsure about how I felt about it myself. I know I must have seemed upset because when Bright approached me, he looked prepared to hear the worst. It was only after telling him, after seeing the happy expression on his face, that suddenly I realised how lucky I was. I cannot tell you how or why what happened next, did, I think it was the heat of the moment, but we ended up kissing. It was short, over before it had even began, but it was a kiss all the same. My first kiss! Was with Bright! And I was so unprepared.
Nothing much happened after that. I excused myself as quickly as I could, not knowing what to think, what to do. I started to think about what I was going to do next. Knowing that my results were positive, I decided it was time to visit my family. There has not been a day when I haven't thought about them and missed them, and I could finally go home with this huge burden lifted from my shoulders. And to be honest, I guess I was glad that I had an excuse to stay away from Bright for a while. That kiss really rattled me, more than I would like to admit.
18th February 2005
Dear Diary,
It has been wonderful returning home. Nothing had changed. Everyone is exactly the same. It is almost like I have not been away at all. My family are glad to hear that I do not have the disease, but they are starting to put pressure on my brother to get the test too. I feel guilty about it, but I am glad that I decided to visit.
21st February 2005
Dear Diary,
I am on the way back to Everwood now. I cannot stop myself from analysing the situation with Bright. In the beginning, I only had a crush on him, because I thought he was hot. But since then, after getting to know him better, I have realised that not only is he hot, but he also has such an amazing personality. But I cannot help feeling that he is way out of my league. He tends to go for the beautiful, confident, outgoing girls. And I don't think I'm any of those.
I love my family, but I have to admit that I've grown quite fond of Nina, the Abbotts, Everwood. I remember the conversation I had with Nina a while back, about how it takes courage to tell someone how you feel. In that moment when I first kissed him, I stopped analysing and just followed my heart. Admittedly, the outcome, i.e. his rejection, was not exactly very positive. But I do not regret, for one second, taking that chance. This time, however, it is different. He did not pull back, he reciprocated. It probably did not mean as much to him as it did to me, it probably was just a spur of the moment thing, but I am not sure if it matters. I'll let you know how everything goes
22nd February 2005
Dear Diary,
I can hardly believe it. I am half afraid that sometime soon I will wake up and it will all have just been a dream. A wonderful dream but a dream nonetheless. You see, I have just been making out with Bright on my bed. And it was everything I hoped it would be.
Imagine my surprise when I arrived home and found Bright it my bedroom. At first, I thought I was imagining it. You know when you spend so much time thinking about someone that you see them wherever you go? Well I just assumed that it was one of those times. When I realised that it was in fact Bright, I tried to play it cool, attempting to disguise the excitement I felt just seeing him there. I am embarrassed that I have become one of those girls who gets so excited just by being in the presence of the guy she likes. Nothing, however, could prepare me for what happened next. He walked towards me, cupped my face in his hands, and kissed me. I was so taken back, I don't think I responded at first.
He paused for a second. He started talking, saying,
""Look Hannah, I know this was probably unexpected I mean it was for me ..."
I interrupted him however, by pulling him back to a kiss. I realised; at that moment, that I did not care. I know I am inexperienced, and was probably doing it completely wrong, but I did not care. All I wanted to do was enjoy the fact that I was making out with Bright on my bed.