Chapter seven: Blinding realisations

It's been four months since I've moved in with Kakarot. I could easily say it's been four of the best months of my life. Why I didn't do it sooner, I'll never know. He's so much fun to be with! Most people think I don't like having fun, but I've got a penchant for playing around. I'm nowhere near as bored as I was before. During the day, we train Uub, and at dusk we spar, the sun setting amongst our yells and blasts. At night, we talk, relive old memories, watch DVDs, go out for the occasional movie, but we've become serious Playstaion addicts. Once again, Kakarot proves to have a natural gift for yet another facet of life. He's excellent at fighting games, (go figure) and at racing and sports games. As for me, well, I'm more of a strategist.

I never thought that the two of us would get along so well, considering how much he used to grate on my nerves. But, he's a totally different person when he's just with me. There's none of that annoying fake happiness, but a wit as sharp as my own and a roguish streak under that innocent exterior. We do have the occasional quarrel though. It's mostly over his annoying habits, or my mood swings. I know it's wrong of me, but I almost wish we would fight more often. You see, whenever Kakarot apologises, or wants to make me feel better, he gives me one of those bear hugs of his. The thing is, I'm too shy to hug him any other time. Don't ask me why. I think it's a pride thing. I don't have the guts to just go up to him and hug him for no reason. I guess one of the reasons why I like his hugs so much is because I'm short, and I like the way his arms wrap around me. It makes me feel safe. As I lie here on the grass outside our house, looking up at the stars, I'm struck by a sudden thought and it hits me between the eyes like a meteorite.  It disorientates me, and disconcerts me. It explains everything that's been going on inside my head, and it also scares me too.

I think I love Kakarot.

I wonder what Geta's thinking about, lying out there on the lawn. He does this quite often and I wonder why. I guess he's thinking about his old home, or what he did out there in space. Maybe he misses it. I'm quite content to watch him from here, leaning against the door frame and watching the wind tug at his loose shirt, his one foot resting on his bent knee.

My blue-jeaned saiyan. My Saiyan prince.

I wonder what he really thinks of me. I know he likes me as his best friend, but I don't know what I feel. Having him here has made a huge difference in my life, and it seems to be having a good effect on him too. He smiles more often now, and his frown lines are less pronounced.  My loneliness is gone, and I look forward to the evenings. He's exclusively mine, and I don't have to share him with anybody, least of all Uub. When Uub is with us, I feel a little jealous, especially when they spar. Although I can see that Geta thrives on the challenge that Uub presents, and I would never take that away from him, I kinda get edgy. It seems to be a sort of feral response. Almost possessiveness. I find it hard to put words to what I'm feeling, because it's clashing with the way I've been brought up. It hurts that I shouldn't be having these sorts of feelings at all, because I've been told my whole life that men love women and that's final. I'm still married to Chichi. Yet…I don't know. I don't know why it feels right to think about him this way. I'm happier than I've been in a long time. I can't explain it. It just is that way. My social conditioning is clashing with my gut instinct, and it's driving me mad.

Geta… my prince.

What have you done to me?

Goku walked out onto the grass, and plonked himself down next to Vegeta. Vegeta's eyes swung towards Goku for a second, then he returned his gaze to the sky., his head cushioned by his hands. The two Saiyans were quite content to enjoy each others silent presence.

"Whatcha thinking about, Geta?" Goku asked quietly, lying down with his hands behind his head. Vegeta gave a small shrug.

"Life. Love. That sort of emotional stuff. I used to do a lot of thinking in that space pod of mine."

A sigh.

"But, I was thinking about bad things. Thinking about how much I hated my life, how I wanted to die, about how hard my life was. But, I never quite had the guts to die in battle. My self-preservation instinct would always kick in, and I'd live another day, another week. I took every assignment I was given, and I would take on other people's assignments. Anything to stay off that hell called Frieza's ship. Inevitably, I would have to spend time there between assignments. It was long enough for him to find me and do as he wished with me. I used to hope that sometimes he would take his abuse too far, and kill me. But, he was careful. I would be brought right to the brink, then the torture would cease. If I had been especially disobedient, or difficult, I would be punished. I had to heal without a regeneration tank. It doesn't sound so bad, but I would get locked in a cell with barely enough food to get by. No bandages, no splints, nothing. That's why I'm so short. My spine was sometimes so twisted I couldn't walk, my bones crushed and cracked enough times to stunt them. As a result, my growth was stunted. I've been the same height since I was sixteen, and I still get flare-ups from old injuries."

Vegeta sighed again.

"That's my sob story. Ever wondered why I can't look you in the eye?"

Goku turned his head to look at Vegeta.

"Is that why you wince so often?"
"Yeah. Most of my nerve endings are shot, and I wonder if I wouldn't have been far stronger if my body was in the condition it could be, instead of the broken form it is now."

Goku looked back at the sky.

"That explains so much. Like why you always need to warm up before battles, whereas the rest of us just fight. And why you've got such a high pain threshold. You've learnt to master pain."

Vegeta nodded.

"I guess old age isn't helping either." Vegeta joked, as they both turned their head to look at each other, breaking into identical grins.

"You? Old?"

"Actually, a teenager, by saiyan standards."

"Maybe, but your mind is mature. I guess wisdom comes with adversity."

Vegeta smiled up at the sky.

About a week later, while they were training with Uub, Vegeta felt his mobile vibrating. He pulled it out of its strap around his boot, and opened the flap, as his eyes followed Uub and Goku darting around the landscape.

"What?"

"That's a friendly greeting, Vegeta. It's Bulma here. I just thought I'd call to remind you that it's Trunks' birthday –"

"- this Saturday. Yes, I know. What are the plans?"

Vegeta listened, one finger in his other ear so that he could hear Bulma amongst the crashing of energy blasts.

"HEY! I'M TRYING TO SPEAK ON THE PHONE! DO YOU MIND?!" Vegeta yelled, but Goku stuck his tongue out at Vegeta, then continued fighting Uub. Vegeta growled.

"Sorry, Bulma. Anyway, say that again, I missed it."

Vegeta nodded every once in a while, as Bulma told him what was happening.

"Of course I'll be there. He is my son, after all."

"Great! I don't suppose you could bring Goku?"

"You know I've tried. I'm still trying to figure out why he won't see the rest of the gang. I honestly can't tell what's going on in his head."

On her side of the line, Bulma shrugged.

"You know him. Too stubborn for his own good. Don't push him, Vegeta, wait 'til he's ready."

Vegeta nodded and after a few minutes he said goodbye and closed the flap on his phone.

He tilted his head to the side as an energy beam shot past his ear.

"Your aim is abominable, Uub!" Vegeta yelled across the desert. Goku appeared next to Vegeta, chuckling.

"Crazy kid. So, who called you?"
"It was Bulma. It's Trunks' 21st birthday this Saturday. She's booked a sort of cruise thing, I think its called Floating Parties. It's a two-night affair."

"Oh, that's great."

Vegeta looked at Goku.

"Why don't you come? I'm sure its going to be fun, and all your friends are going to be there. I know how much you love parties."

Goku looked away.

"I've told you before, Vegeta. I can't."

"Then could you at least tell me why? I've told you before that you have no reason to keep any secrets from me."

"Fine, I'll tell you tonight."

"Good."

As soon as they got home, Vegeta literally dragged Goku to the couch, sat him down and sat next to him.

"Right, let's hear it. What are you running away from?"

"Huh?"

"Why do you refuse to see your family? I wouldn't be surprised if you felt nothing for Chichi, that's understandable. But what about your sons at least? Don't you want to see them?"

Goku looked at his knees.

"You don't understand, Geta."

"What don't I understand?"

"Lots."

"Try me."

"Drop it, Vegeta."

Vegeta grabbed Goku's chin and turned his head quite forcefully, to face his. Their noses were only four inches apart. Goku gulped. Vegeta looked more than just a little pissed off.

"Listen here, Kakarot. I don't have time for your mind games. Don't you tell me that I can't understand without even giving me a chance." Vegeta snarled, his fingers tightening their grip slightly.

"Don't say that you're going to tell me something, then just change your mind. I don't and won't tolerate that. Now what the hell has gotten into you? Since you've left the others, you haven't been to see them once. I go there every two weeks, and not once have you come with me. You've been giving me excuses for the last four months! Tell me why, Kakarot."

Goku looked away, but didn't try to get out of Vegeta's grip.

"I feel guilty, Vegeta."

"Guilty?"

Vegeta let go of Goku.

"About leaving every one. Again." Goku rubbed his jaw, slightly sore from Vegeta's grip.

"So? Then you should visit them."

Goku looked down at his lap, shoulders slumped.

"Well, I'm scared that if I go home, even for a visit, I won't come back here. They'll convince me to stay, and I probably won't be able to train Uub again. And we have to have someone to defend the Earth when you, the kids and me can't. I can't say no to any one, and I know that if I go back there, I won't come back here. And I don't want to lose what I have here. Everything is fine as it is, and I don't want to change it."

Vegeta was quiet, as he let Goku finish.

"I've got you, and I've got Uub. I'm so happy now. Happier than I've been in so many years. For once, I can be who I really want to be, because I know you'll accept me that way. Do you understand now, Vegeta?"

Vegeta picked up a photo frame that was on the coffee table. He held it in front of him and Goku.

"You remember this picture, Kakarot?"

Goku nodded. It was one Uub had taken of the two of them a while back, with Vegeta flipping steaks on a barbecue, and Goku wearing Vegeta's apron, both of them grinning at each other, they didn't even know that Uub was taking the photo.

"Yeah, I do. What about it?"

"Look, I just want you to know that you'll always have me around. I can see why you're reluctant to go, and I understand your reasoning. I won't force you. But I'm going. It's an important day for Trunks, and he's expecting me. I don't want to let him down."

Goku took the photo, and looked at Vegeta, who smiled, then got up.

"I'm going to go make dinner. Just…think about it."

Goku sat there, staring at the picture, wondering.

Am I giving up my family just because I want to be with Vegeta?

An- And off Vegeta goes to a party. I'm glad my beloved beta-reader has got back to me. Much tweaking must be done!

Shout outs!

Anonymous : Please leave me a name, so I can thank you personally. Yeah, I've taken them out of character just a little, but it fits the story. Never mind the fact that all shonen-ai fanfiction is basically ooc because there is no chance in hell that they would ever do this on screen. Thanks for the compliment though.

Chayron – yeah, fluff is sorta my thing. I actually don't know what I'm best at, that's why I have reviewers.

Ozuma's girl : many thanks for the idea…but I'm eagerly waiting for those pics. Now that you've heard about Skye, and the others, maybe you've got some ideas!

Katchan metakoki- Geta can be very silly, but that's why we love him. He has far more anime moments in DBGT, from what I can tell, but there are some absolutely priceless ones during the kid buu saga.

QueenPhoenix – you touch my heart, really you do. Thanks for the round of applause. It's reviews like the one you sent that can make an author proud.

Gutterball – Budokai 2 is majin! Keep rocking the game. I know a cheat for all the capsules…but I'll only tell you if you want it.

Goleta – Yes, Goku the introspective one…but he's gotta check how Uub can cope. And when you mean Goku's woman, do you mean chichi? Or the evil Claudia I created a while back? Whatever the case, thanks for the review.

Bra-two – glad you like it!

Clarobell – I love it when Vegeta beats people up…it's (at the risk of sounding like the immature brat I really am) so damn hot!