Scratching the corners of my brain for ideas… thinking about this massively melodramatic play… then thinking about Tabula Rasa… uh-oh! Beware!!

Summary: What if the spell hadn't been reversed? I can't stand those fics but this is a parody, so should (hopefully) be funny!

Rating: R, just so I don't offend anyone!!

Pairing: X/W, W/T, G/A, B/S, D/D

Feedback: Ah go on! Come on people, if I don't get feedback how do I know if you like or hate my story?

Distribution: you actually want my story? Are you mad! Well feel free, just ask and it's yours…well not yours…but you can borrow it for a bit, as long as you take its coat and mittens, these February days are cold!

Set: Very AU but around Tabula Rasa.

Spoilers: I'm a BBC watcher… Spoilers! Don't make me laugh!!

Disclaimer: I own nuttink, honestly Mr. police cop! Nuttink! Zat threat to Joss vas nuttink to do vith me… honestly! Vat do you mean you 'aven't said anysink about a death threat… ah…*laughs nervously* lovely veather ve are havink, ya? (where exactly am I from? What language am I speaking? Where am I? How long can I keep all this stuff going on before I get to the story? Obviously not long, coz here…it…is!)

Buffy and the melodramatic parody

"What? What what what did you say?" Randy manfully pulled back from Joan staring, unbelievingly into her downcast face,

"I didn't mean anything by it…it's just…it's a very unusual name isn't it? Randy…" she laughed nervously, realising there was no way out of this one.

Randy manfully paced up and down

"I can't believe you think my name is stupid! I mean losing my memory was bad enough… finding out I was a vampire was bad enough… finding out GILES was my dad was bad enough…but this? I might as well go and stake myself. Did you ever care about me? Or was it all just to say you've kissed a guy called RANDY? Eh? Come on Joan! And don't even get me started on your name. I mean, you think Randy's a stupid name… for god's sake! At least I didn't name myself…Joan! Jeez! I mean… it would have been pretty weird if I'd named myself Joan…but you know what I…"

He trailed off as he saw the expression on her face "Ah…"

"What's wrong with Joan?"

"I didn't mean anything by it… it's just… a very… unusual name isn't it? Joan…" he laughed nervously, realising there was no way out of this one.

"It's just a bit…plain for a superhero, d…don't you think?" he said sheepishly, still digging the hole for himself, as she stood in the trademark Buffy way, arms crossed, legs slightly apart, head back (you know how I mean!)

"d…don't you…think?" he said, more timidly this time, seeming to shrink under Joan's fierce (yet slightly amused) gaze.

"No, actually, Randy I don't think it's plain, I think its very… classic, and… and… beautiful…" she stopped, realising she wasn't winning this one either. "Well so what if it's a bit plain! At least it's not as bad as RANDY!" she said petulantly

Randy scoffed at her (manfully) "it is." He said. "Its worse!"

"Isn't!"

"Is"

"Isn't!"

"Is"

"Isn't!"

"Is"

"ISN'T!"

"IS!"

They paused, noses a millimeter apart, breathing heavily…

"Oh, Randy…"

"Oh, Joan…"

In a moment they fell against each other, kissing passionately.

A few minutes later, Alex, Willow and Tara ran up wheezing heavily

"Man! Is that woman fast!" Alex panted out. "WHOA!" he exclaimed, having just spotted Randy and Joan… otherwise engaged.

Willow and Tara didn't seem to notice as they were slightly preoccupied trying to avoid getting too close to each other in case Alex spotted that his girlfriend was, in fact, gay.

"Hey… Willow, you wanna go make out… coz I can't remember the last time we kissed like that!" Alex grinned at his 'girlfriend' who was smiling weakly at his little joke.

Trying to keep up the charade that she wasn't gay, Willow agreed.

"Sure… baby, er… your bush or mine?" Alex grinned lecherously and dragged her into the nearest bush.

For the next 25 minutes, Tara stood alone, feeling very much like a gooseberry.

*

Joan and Randy appeared from their bush, looking severely dishevelled. Randy manfully straightened his tweed and Joan agitatedly patted her (for once) hopelessly messy hair. A moment later Alex and Willow appeared, Alex strutting into the clearing, and Willow awkwardly following, feeling pretty sure she wasn't made to be straight.

Tara smiled awkwardly as the couples tried to pretend the last 25 minutes hadn't happened, for Tara's sake at least.

"Right" Joan said brightly, picking off a stray leaf attached to her be-hind. "Shall we continue?" with that she moved off into the bushes on the other side of the clearing.

Sorry it took so long to get up… too much GCSE coursework… what can I say? Forgive me…

Ok, so what did you think of that one? Come on! God damnit! Review!! Btw thanks to the 2 people who actually have… *grumble grumble*

Should I bother with a third chapter? I could probably come up with a few GOOD ideas, maybe including dawn bashing (my favourite topic) or more Spike (my favourite topic… oh… ok I stand corrected!)

All Mighty Terrestrial- Cheers, it is quite like Halloween isn't it? Hmm… well I liked that episode so I spose that's a compliment! Lol. As long as it's only a Spuffy SPOOF I'll be ok, but I worry that although I fully support the Buffy/Spike relationship I don't like fluff…

Azure K Mello- well at least the disclaimer entertained you! Lol, I'm not quite sure what possessed me to write that disclaimer tbh… it was a moment of madness (I seem to have a lot of them… like writing this fic in the first place, for example!) I hope you're awake enough to read this! :D

Dork with a Fork

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