Scratching the corners of my brain for ideas… thinking about this massively melodramatic play… then thinking about Tabula Rasa… uh-oh! Beware!!

This fic is not meant to offend

Summary: What if the spell hadn't been reversed? I can't stand those fics but this is a parody, so should (hopefully) be funny! WARNING: muchos Dawn-os bashing…os, also Riley bashing, although unfortunately no naked Spike in this one!

Rating: R, just so I don't offend anyone!!

Pairing: X/W, W/T, G/A, B/S, D/D

Feedback: Ah go on! Come on people, if I don't get feedback how do I know if you like or hate my story?

Distribution: you actually want my story? Are you mad! Well feel free, just ask and it's yours…well not yours…but you can borrow it for a bit, as long as you take it's umbrella and wellys, these March days are wet!

Set: Very AU but around Tabula Rasa.

Stuff in ~* *~ are thoughts

Spoilers: I'm a BBC watcher… Spoilers! Don't make me laugh!!

Disclaimer: Does anyone else think I should change my disclaimer? Or is it just me that's kinda bored of it now? "I own nuttink, honestly Mr. police cop! Nuttink! Zat threat to Joss vas nuttink to do vith me… honestly! Vat do you mean you 'aven't said anysink about a death threat… ah…*laughs nervously* lovely veather ve are havink, ya?" (Where exactly am I from? What language am I speaking? Where am I? How long can I keep all this stuff going on before I get to the story? Obviously not long, coz here…it…is!)

Buffy and the melodramatic parody

*Back in the Magic Box*

The Scoobies were gathered round the table, listening intently to Joan as she explained her plan.

While at Buffy's house, Randy and Joan had decided to keep what they had found out to themselves, at least until they had more proof.

"So, I think this Dawn must be some kind of demon. Maybe she talks other people to death, but because she's lost her memory she can only talk them to sleep," Joan explained, "and herself along with them," she added as an afterthought.

"Maybe she's taking revenge on one of us. I like that idea, a… Vengeance demon…" Anya butted in, looking pleased with herself.

"Maybe, I don't know. But I think her hair could be the key to her power, I mean, how many people do you know with hair that shiny?"

The others looked uneasily round the room and voiced their agreement.

"Rupert, could you have a look in a few of these books, and see if there's any reference to a demon by the name of Umad. I think she may have been giving away more than she intended when she let slip with that little pun."

Rupert nodded and moved away to the books, closely followed by Anya.

"Every one else; find a pair of scissors, or something sharp, and get cutting."

They all moved grimly away to find a sharp implement. When they had successfully done this, they gathered themselves around the sleeping figure and moved in.

Just as Joan's scissors had touched Umad's hair she sat straight up and screamed

"AAAH!!!"

Then yawned… the group were puzzled

"What's up guys?" she said. The group didn't respond. "Guys?" she said, a little more tentatively.

Joan signaled and Randy leapt forward, pinning Umad's arms down, whilst the rest of the group were trying desperately to use scissors before the inevitable happened and Umad started shrieking. Willow, Tara and Joan then began snipping swiftly and energetically at her hair.

After a few minutes they were all covered in hair, even Umad, only she had none on her head. Umad had now stopped screaming and was bawling. Loudly. (Does she ever do ANYTHING quietly?)

Randy stuck some duct tape over her mouth, and Joan signaled to the group. They all pulled the cotton wool out of their ears and breathed a sigh of relief. There was no question that Dawn had been Umad, the evil, extremely talkative demon from some hell dimension.

"Thank god she's being quiet now…" Randy said gratefully.

Suddenly the door slammed open

"JOAN! Are you ok? I was so worried! I thought something had happened!"

Joan shared a look with Randy who was looking daggers at Riley. She hid a smile and turned to Riley,

"Why? What's happened" she said, trying to force herself to sound concerned

"Well… I wandered all over town, trying to find you, and I couldn't, so I came here and well… here you are!" he beamed at her and made to hug her

Joan jerked backward suddenly

"Uh… Randy you remember that thing… in the back… you know the thing… we should get the thing…" she turned and beckoned to Randy with her head.

"Oh… of course, the… the thing that we have to get…" Randy mumbled as he hurried after Joan.

Riley looked after them like a wounded puppy, and began whimpering as soon as she had left his sight.

The others looked at him witheringly and he backed into a corner, probably to scratch his fleas.

* In the back *

Randy pushed Joan up against a wall, and she grinned as this powerful side of him emerged. He leant up close to her and pressed his lips hungrily to hers.

* Back in the main shop *

"I think I should go see where they are. Don't you think I should go see where they are?" Riley whined for the hundredth time in the last five minutes.

"Oh for Pete's sake! Just go already!" Anya said, vehemently.

Riley got up, waddled two steps forward then turned. Turned back. Turned. Turned back. Turned once more.

"I don't want to crowd her so early in our relationship. What do you think? What if she's in danger?"

The group glowered at Riley who just stood there, looking helplessly at the door to the back room. He obviously wasn't going to leave anytime soon.

After a few minutes of dithering Riley turned towards the door again and walked indecisively towards it. The group breathed a sigh of relief.

Riley paused with his hand on the handle, unsure why he had such a sense of foreboding. Taking a deep breath he turned the handle and entered the room.

Ah… see what I did there? No… oh well… hehe! Sorry this took so long to get up, been COMPLETELY bogged down with coursework, and worse yet to come, so the next chapter may be a while, although hopefully not (fingers crossed!)

!!!!!- well, what am I supposed to do? Aside from Riley, Dawn's the most annoying character! There really are no words that quite describe just how annoying she is, are there? Lol! And naked Spike… well… what can I say… Spike… Naked…. Naked spike! Yey!

Azure K Mello- you are my star reviewer! Thank you so much, it's lovely to know you are still reading my story, I worry people may get bored, and I'd never know! My exam wasn't too bad actually, thanks but the worst are yet to come, as I said earlier :S but thanks for your support!! :D mmm… marmite… hehe! Glad you like my story so much! Well… the thing is… it's not that I don't like spuff-fluff, I just never saw myself writing it… but now I am, well, I kinda like it! lol… I know… oh well, why stop a good thing from continuing, up with the spuff-fluff!!

All hail the great god that is Joss! I'll have to try that excuse with my school, do you think a load of Catholics would let me off assembly? Hmm… worth a shot!

Doodlebug- Frankly darling, it doesn't take much to get you thinking it… you know full well you're as bad as I am!! And how are you going to beta read for me if you don't like my filth?! (Maybe I'll write a Harry Potter fic next… Oh Malfoy! behave!) ;) hehe