Disclaimer: You see, the wonderful, creative, genius, and multi-talented JK played Lily in the HP movies. Which makes Harry Potter her son (which he kinda is, cause she created him…). And do I look like Daniel Radcliffe's mother? I don't think so.
The next morning at breakfast, Dumbledore stood, asking for a word with the Heads. Hermione was still trying to wake herself up, and turned a glass of orange juice into coffee as she walked over to where Dumbledore was standing.
"Yes (she yawned) Professor?"
"Well, as I'm sure you two heard, the Heads share a common room and—"
Hermione sprayed a mouthful of hot coffee all over Malfoy, who happened to be standing in front of her. He then proceeded to run around in little circles, jumping up and down as the liquid scalded him. He finally removed it with his wand.
"Are you drinking coffee, Granger?" asked Malfoy.
"Yeah, I have been since I was thirteen, you got a problem with it?" The fact that Hermione was bloody tired was making her rather blunt.
"YES, I have a bloody problem with it! Because you just bloody sprayed it all over my bloody body!"
"You don't look bloody to me."
"Now," continued Dumbledore. "As I was saying, you'll be sharing a common room as well as a bathroom—"
Hermione sprayed another mouthful of coffee. Fortunately, Malfoy did this cool, slow motion looking thingy where he jumped to the side and rolled.
"Impressive," said Hermione.
Malfoy glared evilly.
"Your rooms will be located same as the dorm rooms in your respective houses," continued Dumbledore as if nothing was happening. "Now follow me."
A few floors higher, they stopped in front of a painting of a Dragon and a Lioness.
"Not a snake and a lioness?" asked Hermione with some sarcasm.
"Well, this painting changes on it's own every year to suit the occupants living behind it, so talk to them about it," said Dumbledore, jerking his head at the two.
The Lioness and the Dragon were as far away from each other as the frame would allow. "Here I leave you. You two are excused from first day of classes to… get situated." Hermione knew Dumbledore wanted her to have a day off after last night. He had probably excused Blaise as well.
"Thanks Headmaster," Hermione called at the old man's retreating back. He turned and smiled, then continued on down the hall.
She turned to the portrait, and found that Malfoy was conversing quickly and quietly with the Dragon.
"Hi," began Hermione awkwardly.
"Oh, I do love meeting Gryffies," said the Lioness in a calm, soothing, sweet voice. "I'm Onna. Let's see, so you're Hermione Granger? If I don't miss my guess, you've been first in your class since your first year here?" Hermione nodded. "And you being a muggleborn at that."
"So, how did you get stuck in a portrait with scaly over there?" asked Hermione, gesturing towards the Dragon.
The Lioness laughed. "Same way you got stuck living with ferret boy." Hermione decided not to ask the painting how she knew so much. "So, I think you should pick a password before the ferret does." Hermione nodded, then leaned forward and whispered something in Onna's ear. The Lioness gave a sort of grin.
"You know, I think this could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship," said Onna. Hermione smiled.
"Alright, I'm exhausted, so I'm going to go rest. Good day, Onna," said Hermione politely, stepping through the portrait. Malfoy tried to follow, but the portrait slammed shut.
"WHAT THE HELL!" she heard him bellow. Then Hermione heard Onna's response of "Well, you didn't say the password."
"DAMMIT GRANGER, OPEN UP! YOU DIDN'T GIVE ME THE PASSWORD!" Hermione could hear the Dragon hissing and Onna's odd laugh.
"NO, I DIDN'T," she called. She listened to his vivid cursing. "Would you like me to tell you what it is?"
"DUH!"
"Then ask me."
"What's the password, Granger?"
"Now, now, Malfoy. Ask politely. Which means, you have to use FIRST names." She grinned when she heard him swear.
"What's the password…Hermione?"
"Hermione's a sexy goddess."
"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL! I'm not saying that!"
"Then you can stay out there forever."
While Malfoy stood outside, Hermione inspected their new quarters. Everything was a compromise between scarlet, gold, green, and silver, and looked lovely. The rugs on the hardwood floor were scarlet and silver, while the chairs and couched were green and gold. There were two desks, a bookshelf, and a number of cabinets.
Hermione opened a green and gold door to find the bathroom. Everything in it was white marble. There was the customary pool-sized bathtub, two showers, sinks, etc.
Behind the scarlet door with gold trimmings, Hermione found her room. It was perfect. The bookcase, dresser, bed frame, and other furnishings were cherry wood. The walls were deep yellow, with maroon trimmings. The feather comforter on the bed was gold, with scarlet silk sheets. Hermione sighed contentedly and fell onto her bed, causing Crookshanks to growl at her, seeing as she almost landed on top of him.
"Honestly," she told him. "One would think you would've learned not to lay there any more."
The noises outside her door told her Malfoy was in the common room. She grinned evilly. She felt so empowered, controlling Malfoy like that.
Blaise stood outside the portrait, glaring at her best friend.
"What's the password, Draco?" she asked for like the thirtieth time.
"I'm not going to say it; it's too disturbing! Why do you want to get inside, anyway?" he asked suspiciously.
Blaise rolled her eyes. "Because I've got nothing better to do."
"I refuse to say it." With that, he turned on his heel and walked away.
Blaise made an exasperated noise. "Some people I know have gotten awful arrogant since they became the Heir," she muttered.
"Are you a Slytherin, dear?" asked the Lioness in the portrait.
"Uh, well, yes, actually," said Blaise.
"Well, Blaise, seeing as you're Hermione's friend, I'll give you the password just this once." Blaise was about to ask the all-knowing Lioness how she knew her name and that she was Hermione's friend, when the Lioness continued. "The password is 'Hermione's a sexy goddess.'"
Blaise laughed. "That's Hermione for you," she told the Lioness appreciatively. "Thanks…"
"Onna."
"Well, thanks Onna. We should talk sometime. Hermione's a sexy goddess."
The portrait opened, and Blaise was about to step through it when she heard a voice.
"Wow, didn't know you swung that way," said the amused male voice.
Blaise turned. "Very funny Harry. Hermione made that the password 'cause she knew it'd kill Draco to say it."
Harry laughed as well. "Yep, that's Hermione. Oh, hey Onna! I didn't know you were getting assigned here."
"Neither did I. Or I wouldn't have agreed to it," said the Lioness, looking disdainfully at the Dragon, who hissed in response. "But there are reasons."
"How do you two… never mind. Do the reasons have to do with a certain prophecy?" asked Blaise. Onna winked. Harry shook his head.
"No more prophecies," he moaned. Blaise raised a questioning eyebrow, but he shook his head. Onna nodded knowingly.
"Shall we? Good day Onna," said Blaise.
"Talk to you later, Onna. Oh, Hermione's a sexy goddess."
The two proceeded into the chambers to talk with Hermione.
A beam of sunlight woke Hermione from a dream of riding Dot Com. She smiled happily, then stretched. All of a sudden, the brown-haired girl sat bolt upright. She was late. Crap, crap, crap! She pulled on a random robe and shoved on her witch's hat, then grabbed her bag and raced out the door. She glanced at her watch. She had about forty-seven seconds to get to Charms. Hermione ran faster than anyone had ever seen a human being run. She slid into the classroom as the bell rang (do they have bells?). She scanned the room. The only seat left was next to Malfoy. Figures, she thought. Ron was sitting with Seamus and Harry was sitting with Blaise. Score one for Harry. She winked at him, and he turned a startling shade of pink.
"Miss Granger, please have a seat," squeaked professor Flitwick.
"Yes, Professor," Hermione gritted. She thumped down next to Malfoy.
"Today, we will be starting a partner project. Your partner will be the person in the seat next to you."
"Figures," muttered Malfoy.
"Great," hissed Hermione under her breath.
Flitwick glared and continued. "I want each of you to find an ancient, and very advanced charm that was used in a region I assign you. You will be expected to give an oral report and exhibition of the charm. Weasley-Finnogan, Siberia. Potter-Zabini, Australia, Malfoy-Granger, America… (A/N: don't feel like making up more names b/c I've been eating cake and sucking helium out of balloons, if that explains anything… IT'S MY B-DAY!)
"What's America?" asked Malfoy.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Why me?"
Malfoy would have liked to tell her to stop acting like her life was hell, because she didn't know hell. But Granger was nosy, and would want to know how he knew hell. That was something he didn't feel like explaining to the Mudblood. Besides, he knew very well what America was, it was just fun tormenting her. When she's angry or frustrated she looks so… I don't know, almost hott? Oh, you know she's hott. Shut up. Don't tell me to shut up. I'll tell you to shut up if I want to! Oh yeah? Well… yeah? You're such an idiot. Am not. Are too. Am not. Oh go snog Granger. Bastard. Bitch. I'm going to punch you. You can't punch me with out punching yourself. Wait, which one am I again?
"Let's meet in the library, six o'clock," she said commandingly.
"Whatever." later in library
"So what spell are you doing?" asked Malfoy lazily.
"We."
"What?"
"We. Not me. We."
"Bitch."
"Bastard."
"Mudblood."
"Pureblood."
"Gryffindor."
"Slytherin."
"Slut."
"Slick ass ferret."
"…"
"What?"
"What's with the whole slick ass ferret thing?"
"What's with the whole mudblood thing?" she retorted in the same tone.
He smirked. "It annoys you."
"No, what annoys me is that damn SMIRK!"
"I knew I did something to annoy you."
"Malfoy, your very existence annoys me." He opened his mouth to say something. "Sod off." He looked taken aback. "Don't talk to me unless it's an emergency, or it has to do with the project, she said, opening a book.
Of course, Malfoy just smirked, as if his smirk counted for an entire speech. Hermione tried to ignore him, she truly did, but when someone is just staring at you with a smirk on their face, you eventually have to tell them off.
"Stop smirking at me before I rack you," she said, not even looking up from her book. Malfoy, not used to being threatened, was confused.
"What's that?"
"What's what?"
"What do you mean you'll rack me?"
"Stand up." He did. Hermione glided over to him and looked up into his face. For a second, he thought she might kiss him. Instead, she sharply and quickly brought up her knee. It connected with a place no guy ever wants to be kicked in. Malfoy's face paled, and he sank to the floor with and inaudible whine. "And that is what it means to rack someone." She returned to her book. A few minutes later, Malfoy pulled himself off the ground and found a cushion to sit on.
"Bloody… bitch," he panted.
"You asked."
"For… a… definition… not an… exhibition!"
"You never clarified that. Okay, I like this spell. It's one Native Americans used to gentle wild horses."
"Yeah, right. How… are we gonna… show that?"
"You're so stupid."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"This could go on forever."
"Haha, I win!"
"You are such a three year old."
"Am not!"
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
"Alright, I'm leaving."
"How are you going to do your project, then?"
"I'm going to ask Flitwick for a new partner."
"You know, maybe you're not as stupid as you seem."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Obviously you are," she muttered, throwing her bag over her shoulder to leave.
"What was that?" he said, grabbing her arm.
"Would you like me to rack you again?" she retorted, raising an eyebrow.
"Mudblood."
"Slick ass ferret."