This fic is not meant to offend

Summary: What if the spell hadn't been reversed? I can't stand those fics but this is a parody, so should (hopefully) be funny! WARNING: much Dawn and Riley bashing, the possibility of naked Spike and also, if you don't approve of slash, then don't bother, not that there's much, but there is some.

Decided to cut all the crap, seeing as if you haven't picked it up by now you must be bloody slow… or else you're reading it sdrawkcab! Hehe…

Buffy and the Melodramatic Parody

Joan hurried back along the path to the Magic Box, wondering what her Randy was doing right now. She dreamily imagined him lying in front of her in the path staring up at her with those great, manly eyes and clutching his head… wait…

"Randy?! What are you doing?" Joan exclaimed, staring down at the man lying on the path in front of her, clutching his head and staring up at her with his great, manly eyes.

"Randy? Bloody hell woman, I've just walked into a sodding tree and all you can do is call me bleedin' names? What kind of a name is Randy anyway? I'd bloody kill myself if I was called Randy. Sounds like a sex crazed maniac!"

Joan arched an eyebrow at him,

"Don't play games Randy, I've just had to deal with Umad or whatever, and then Riley practically stalking me home, drunk of all things! I just need a little… attention…" Joan said straddling Randy as he lay in the path. She lay over him and ran her hands up his manly stomach

"What's say we go back to my house and have a little fun?" Joan said in a sultry voice

"Even better luv, let's go back to mine! I don't know who the hell you are, but I'm not gonna refuse an invitation like that!" he said, leering at Joan.

She leant back sharply and slapped his stomach with her hand.

"What?" she said stonily. She hit him again

"What?!" Randy, stop it! I thought we were you know… past all this bantering, you were the vampire with a soul, fighting other demons and whatnot, and I was the gorgeous slayer, protecting the world from evil and whatever. I don't have to put up with your games!" She sat back on her heels and crossed her arms sulkily.

"Look luv, I really have no idea what you're talking about" he said gently.

Joan looked up at him suspiciously. Then, seeing the confusion in his eyes, it dawned on her

"You really don't do you?" she said

"Wait, what did you say had happened to you?"

He looked suddenly embarrassed,

"Ah… well… I might have… maybe… walked into a… sort of a… tree shaped thing… or at least I assume I did, seeing as how I'm now lying at the bottom of one, with a bugger of a bruise on my forehead."

Joan coughed loudly to cover the sound of her hysterical laughter

"Either that or something about Jimi Hendrix and a cucumber."

Joan choked and stopped laughing, as dozens of images flew into her head.

She shook herself to get the last one out. It involved Jimi Hendrix, a cucumber and a nun.

"Come on…whoever you are. Lets get to the Ma… this place I know so we can figure out what to do with you."

"Spike." He said.

"Bless you, now come on" Joan grabbed his arm to move him, but he pulled back and lit a cigarette.

"No luv, that's my name. Spike. As in railroad."

"Oh. OH!" Joan said, remembering suddenly the page from her- no, Buffy's diary

"Uh… that's… uh… original, shall we go?" she said, laughing nervously as she stumbled over her words in a vague attempt to hide her shock.

*At the Magic Box*

"Where's Rupert, he seems like a leadery guy. Randy's lost his memory. Again. What do I do with him?" Joan asked as she burst into the shop, dragging Spike behind her.

Alex looked up from where he sat, and raised an eyebrow suggestively. He opened his mouth to say something lewd, but closed it when Spike fell about laughing at the sight of him.

"What?" he said, offended.

"Man, you big poof! You remind me of someone… with that angelic peachy complexion, and that nancy boy hair gel… argh! Who was he?" Spike gasped out, when he had himself under control.

At that point the door burst open, and a swirl of smoke came in, followed by a man in a leather jacket that Joan thought was nowhere near as impressive as the one in her wardrobe, belonging to Spike.

"Buffy! Thank God I've found you! I've been looking everywhere! Well… here… and there's something very important I have to tell you! You're in great danger!"

The shop's inhabitants looked up at the man blankly.

"HUH?!"

Hehe… can you guess who it is yet? (With bad Australian accent)

Sorry it's taken so long to get this one up! Hopefully the next one will be quicker, although I have exams soon, so I'll do my best!

Tinkerbell- cheers! Well… who doesn't love Dawn/Riley bashing? And I think Angel should be making an appearance at any moment! I'm not sure what's going to happen with Alex/Randy yet…but we'll see!

Wolf116- what would I do without your reviews? You definitely get the award for most regular reviewer! Hehe, I have to agree, painful deaths are the best for people like Dawn and Riley! Mm… torture…good idea!

Dork with a Fork

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