This fic is not meant to offend

Summary: What if the spell hadn't been reversed? I can't stand those fics but this is a parody, so should (hopefully) be funny! WARNING: much Dawn and Riley bashing, the possibility of naked Spike and also, if you don't approve of slash, then don't bother, not that there's much, but there is some.

Decided to cut all the crap, seeing as if you haven't picked it up by now you must be bloody slow… or else you're reading it sdrawkcab! Hehe…

Buffy and the Melodramatic Parody

Joan smiled nervously at the tall, dark, broody man standing in front of her.

"Hi!" she said. "I'm Joan," she said.

The man stared blankly at her.

"Buffy! This is no time for jokes; you're in serious danger! There's this demon headed for Sunnydale and I think it might target you." The man paused.

"And maybe start an apocalypse." He said.

"And… maybe try to kill you." He added recklessly.

"Gee… I don't know who you are, but you obviously know something about *demons*" she whispered.

"Buffy! You don't recognise me?! It's your one true love!" she stared blankly at him. "Surely you can't have forgotten me!" She stared blankly at him. "It's me! Angel!" She stared blankly at him. "You know… we had sex, I turned evil, you stabbed me, I came back as nice Angel, you kept me secret!" She stared blankly at him. "Eventually I went to L.A to do a spin- I mean to become a detective!" She stared blankly at him. "Come on!" He said. She stared blankly at him.

"Look, you seem very…*strange. SAY strange!!*… nice" Joan said awkwardly "but I really have no idea who you are."

"OH GOD! IT'S GOT TO YOU ALREADY!" the man slapped both hands to his faced, screamed like a woman and ran out of the shop.

Joan stared blankly after him.

"Ok now that was weird…"

"I'll say!" Said Spike/Randy, (hell, lets call him Ikandy. Hehe… say it fast and you'll understand…I hope!) as he turned to Joan. "

"Did anyone else notice that he always spoke in exclamation marks? Or was it just me?" Joan said, obviously unimpressed (That's exclamation points for you American type people.)

"It wasn't just you luv. I also have a strange urge to follow that guy and punch the living hell out of him… but I don't know why…" Ikandy said, with a bemused smirk on his face. (Hard to picture… but try!)

"I have a similar feeling myself. Although I feel quite outraged that he left me if he was supposed to be my 'one true love' or whatever."

Ikandy moved over to her and put his arms around her.

"There there luv" he said in a sultry voice, as he nestled his head into her hair.

"Uh-uh! Not until you've remembered who you are… or were until an hour ago…" Joan said forcing him away (with some effort and not entirely because of his refusal to move.)

"Look luv, I can't remember a bloody thing. Other than my name, and strangely... Where I live. *Ahem…* And anyway…" he said changing the subject swiftly "that bloke wasn't much better, he called you 'Buffy' whoever that is!" Ikandy said disdainfully.

Then to himself he said,

"Buffy… now there's another weird name… keep hearing those today for some reason."

Joan sat down and stared wistfully up at him, thinking of all the mad sex they could be having. She sighed heavily and he looked at her with raised eyebrows.

"Something the matter luv?" he leered.

"What?! No! I was just…uh… thinking" she said, laughing nervously.

"'Bout what?" Ikandy said suggestively, sitting next to her,

"Uh… just stuff…" Joan fumbled

"Anything in *particular*" Ikandy said moving closer and looking meaningfully at her.

*Damn… he's not gonna let this one go is he?* Joan thought to herself

Luckily (for Joan at least) the door suddenly burst open. Again.

"Look. Whoever the hell you are just GO. AWAY. If you need it any clearer then go outside and someone will not be out to talk to you. Ok?" Joan said, crossing her arms and arching an eyebrow.

"I… j-just… wanted some… candles…" the weedy looking guy at the door said. Joan started to get out of her chair. "But it can wait!" the guy said before turning tail and running out of the shop.

"Jeez! Some people have no manners!" Joan commented, flumping back in her chair.

SO sorry for the time it's taken to get this bloody thing up! And sorry it's so short! But it's not my fault! I've got my GCSE's in a week, so writing could be slow… sorry if it is! I'll do my best! But please don't give up on me!

But in the meantime, here's a fun game to play! If you press the cute little button down there, then this box pops up, and you can write to me! How cool is that? Go on, give it a try! :D

Tinkerbell- Hey, thanks for reviewing again! Well done with the guessing! Did my clues give it away? Hope so! Well… for whatever reason I just decided that spike should re-lose his memory only this time he just remembers his name and where he lives… not sure why, just seemed funny at the time! Lol! Hopefully there will be some Angel bashing, I'll try to work it in! well, to be honest I'm not sure how long this fic is going to be. but I'm pretty sure it's not going to be, like forty chapters! We'll see! :D

Wolf116- Ah… sweet, sweet painful torture for those characters we all know and hate! I've GOT to work that in somewhere! I know the Spike thing's a bit… well… odd, but hopefully it'll turn out ok! I don't know yet! The story kind of writes itself if you know what I mean… hehe