This fic is not meant to offend

WARNING: much Dawn, Angel and Riley bashing, the possibility of naked Spike and also, if you don't approve of slash, then don't bother, not that there's much, but there is some. It's not smutty per se… but there are definite innuendos and mentionings of smutty topics!

Not mine. Wish it was. Spike…mmm… That's all I have to say. :D

And I couldn't just carry on without casually mentioning the fact that I haven't updated for about a million years… but I have a good reason! All the rough work for it is on my old computer which is dead…stares mournfully at comps grave, so what I've done is to copy ALL the chapters off and onto my new comp. god that took ages… but I've done it! Just for you! So I'll try my utmost to write more now! Especially as I've now finished school! Woo! Although this does mean that I don't have any of my ideas  so I'll just have to make it up again…

Also I may try and re-write the first few chapters coz they're pretty bad on re-reading them!

Anyway… must stop procrastinating! Right. Here we go! The first new chapter for many many months!

Buffy and the Melodramatic Parody

In vast contrast to the events of the previous chapte- cough hours a stunned silence filled the bridal wear shop. The absurdity of the situation was quite overwhelming. Two fully grown, supposedly macho men were standing, dressed in full wedding gear… and telling them that they were gay.

Joan collapsed in a dead faint. Luckily (for both of them) Ikandy had already sat on the floor, and provided a handy, manly (if a little… lumpy) seat for her.

"Pet?" he said, manfully concerned for her wellbeing. Joan didn't reply (being unconscious has that effect on some people).

Angel and Riley blinked down at the fallen woman, looked back up to see Ikandy staring at them with one eyebrow raised and decided that fainting was quite a good idea. They both tumbled to the floor, ending up in a very compromising position, eliciting a snort of laughter from Ikandy.

She was looking down again, unable to see her own body, but feeling it suspended securely in the air. This time she saw a warehouse type building, with muffled sounds of vampires talking to some little kid. The sounds gradually increased, as if the volume had been turned up.

"This weekend, the night of St. Vigeous, our power shall

be at its peak. When I kill her, it'll be the greatest event since the

crucifixion. And I should know. I was there."

Hearing this sudden clear speech she looked up and glanced round the scene, only to see her beloved Ikandy enter the scene. He was looking unbelievably hot (as usual),

"You were there?" and he laughed, -oh god he's hot when he laughs-

"Oh, please! If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock!"

She laughed along with him, and revelled in the scornful (obviously confused) expression of the vampire. After speaking for a moment more, a woman emerged from the shadows.

She got the briefest of glimpses, taking in a white dress, incredibly pale face and long dark hair before she felt the strong wind and the scene before her swept away and she saw a middle aged woman wielding an axe, about to hit Ikandy, then the same woman talking to Joan herself. While these tiny snatches of action flashed before her the wind continued, gathering speed and force.

This time the scene stopped and she had time to take it all in. Alex stood in full army uniform with an enormous…gun. Willow stood in some unusually sexy clothes, but appeared to be…what? A ghost! And Joan herself…she looked amazing… she couldn't take her eyes of herself as she stood there in a beautiful pink period dress, her hair long and dark, wild around her shoulders. Suddenly the wind stopped and she began to fall forward again. She began to gather speed and the pavement drew nearer and nearer. Just as she began to panic the scene disappeared.

"That was weird…" She struggled to a sitting position, rubbing her eyes "how long was I out for?" she asked anyone who was listening.

"About five minutes, pet" replied a soothingly familiar and manly voice from behind her. She struggled to her feet, with a helping hand from Ikandy (although not necessarily a helping hand in the appropriate place!) After she had removed Ikandy's hand from her arse (with protests from both parties) she took in the rest of the party.

Everyone was ignoring Angel and Riley in their compromising position, for fear of rupturing an internal organ through too much laughing.

Joan continued looked around, waiting for some big drama to happen. Gradually the conversations died out as one by one the Scoobies waited uneasily for something to happen… and waited… and waited…

Suddenly! Rupert left. Then they waited some more.

Thought I'd leave it on a slightly odd note there! All prepared for the massively dramatic events that will follow soon enough. Hope this chappy's ok, I know it's a little slow and short, but I just wanted to get back into the swing of this story!

Melian7 – yeah they would have seen Buffy on their way to the shop, that's the point:D I thought it was rather amusing myself… :D

MindOverMatter - :D Thanks for a brilliant review there! Hmm, I like the idea of bringing Principal Wood in… I may do just that!

CaiteeMarsters – lol! You lucky, lucky lady! I think I'd be exactly the same if I met the gorgeous one! I'd probably collapse into a big pile of slobber on the floor! I thought the idea of Angel in that dress would gross a few people out, me included! And don't get me wrong, I love Xander, I'm just using him for my own devious purposes here :D

Wolf116 – hehe! Ronald MacDonald… it was just the rankest thing I could think of :D I also detest Macdonalds, although (thankfully) I don't work there! Hope you'll keep reading and feeding me good ideas!

SpikeLover520 – I would gladly steal Spike away with you! Although I couldn't deal with the only yours part! He's just too damn sexy! Its unnatural!

Spikespet2002 – thanks for reviewing so much! Riley's just randomly in it! I thought as its AU anyway I'd just throw Riley in there for some extra comedy/character bashing  I'm glad you call them exclamation marks, I feel very wrong saying "points", together we will educate the rest of America! Mwah ha! I'm thinking I should throw in ASH as Frank-N-Furter, you've inspired me! I'm always cheered up to meet a fellow Rocky fan :D Maybe I should get a sign "Don't feed the Umad" to put over her cage in the zoo!

Angelsumoritos – hehe naked spike is ALWAYS good! I just had to put some character bashing in…they annoy me so much:D here's you update, hopefully the next won't be too long coming!

Your mission now (should you choose to accept it. And you better!) is to press that teeny little shiny, shiny button and leave me a shiny, shiny review :D

Oooh…press me…