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Chapter 2 Then Everything Changed

He wanted to kiss me.

I wanted to kiss him.

I wanted him in my arms and I wanted all the pain to disappear, melt away.

Then I remember in three months he didn't call or e-mail when I did.

So I reminded him of the salad. Jerk.

Damn ten years of boring, very boring speeches. He has got to stop writing is own stuff.

Eyelids are getting heavy, breathing slowing down. I hate this time, it happens every night. This is the point where I can move and wake myself up or sleep where the dreams come.

Fire. Heat. Twisted metal. Roaring explosions, more heat, more fire. Fire, burning bone piercing my skin. I can't breathe. I am going to die here. Screams. Heat. Pain. Faceless people pull at me, yank me. Red. Red everywhere. Panic. Voices. His voice calls my name. Donna.

Two more hours of reading, she changed into her sweat pants and a tank top.

We don't talk much. She rolled over to face the door and away from me, who set up camp at the little table next to her bed.

I think she is asleep, she's been on the same page for twenty minutes now. I finish my last page and stand to leave.

Her blonde hair veils her back, she's appears peaceful.

Expect now she's not.

She's twitching every so slightly and moaning. Not cute sexy moans but gut wrenching moans.

Her breathing even changed, short and harsh.

I sit next to her pushing her hair from her face. "Donna, wake up," I say not loud, not soft, kind and concerned.

Her eyes bolt open, wet and salty.

Then everything changed.

She gasped, "Stay." So I did.

I have a sixth sense for when the alarm is about to go off. I wake five minutes before. Hmm.

Something is different; I'm warm but not sweating.

Bunnies. I dreamed of bunnies, and fish and flying, isn't all of them symbolic of something.

I can't move my arm, true I haven't gotten the energy to open my eyes, but my arms should be able to move.

I feel rested, not panicky, I keep thinking about the dream, it's not right. No fire or pain.

I didn't relive Gaza.

Why the hell is my back so warm and my arms are stone? Slowly, Donna, open your eyes.

There is an arm. NOT my arm, hairy, soft and strong.

A man's arm.

Oh, shit, this isn't what I think it is.

The smell, musky: I know this smell, I know this arm.

"Josh." Don't let him hear the panic in your own voice.

"Mmmm." He's still sleeping.

Maybe I could move. I don't want to. There is a strange sensation running though my body.

What is this feeling? Safe. That's what it is. I feel safe.

When did I last feel it? When I woke up in Germany, and I saw him.

That was the last time I felt this at peace.

"Josh, wake up." I hate myself for doing this.

"No, I'm sleeping." I missed his groggy voice, I missed making his wake up calls.

"My alarm is going to go off in three minutes, you have to wake up."

"I don't want to," he whines, raspy and sexy. Focus Donna, focus.

"Josh, you do know you are in my hotel room, in my bed don't you?"

"Uh huh." Ok so he isn't drunk or something.

"What are you doing here?"

"You asked me to stay." He says it like it is the most obvious of answers. Me, I am confused as all hell.

Him, he's calm and sleeping.

When did I ask him to stay? The last words I spoke to him were, "you owe me a salad."

"Josh, I need you to wake up a little bit and focus." He sighs, he's been awake for a few minutes. That bastard was toying with me.

"We didn't have sex Donna, calm down, you were having a nightmare and I woke you up. You asked me to stay and I did. You needed me."

I'm humbled, he isn't toying with me, he's just Josh. It's his tone that makes my stomach dance, my vision get burly.

He's lost all sleepiness from his voice, the words are soft and hang in the air. I needed him and he stayed. He makes it seem so simple, natural as if there wasn't all the...history there. He pulls his arm away from me and rolls away.

He's fully dressed expect for his dress shirt, that's balled up on the chair. "Sorry, I won't help you again. I didn't think you'd freak out like this." He mutters under his breath.

Shit, he's hurt, again. He always said I guilted him into things, I pouted and manipulated him. It was a two way street. He grabs his shirt and walks around the bed to the door.

He won't even look at me. I'm going to lose him forever this time.

"Josh." I call out; still on my side a grab is arm. He's motionless and looks at me. His eyes filled with shame, pain, and fear,

"I..I wasn't expecting...um, I didn't know..."

Damnit, just say it! But I know I can't.

We're not ready. Instead I settle for the next best thing. "Thank you."

His dimples flash across his face.

"Any time Donna." My alarm goes off.