I arrived at the courthouse the next morning an upset stomach. I couldn't figure out if it was because of nerves or from the bottle of wine the night before. I sat in the courtroom nervously awaiting the trial to begin, a good two hours away. I couldn't think of doing anything else though. This trial was going to both save my life and kill me at the very same time. I would get the love of my life back, but he had the face of my rapist.

"Emily? What are you doing here?" I turned around and saw Reese Marshall standing in the doorway. She and I had talked a couple of times when she was looking for Michael, but hadn't seen much of her since. We had gotten along tolerably well, but right now I couldn't have been happier to see her. I needed something- anything- to take my mind off Nikolas.

"I dropped Michael off and I didn't have anywhere else to go. I just wanted to wait here, I guess."

She made her way over to me in silence, her heels clacking against the sparkling wood floors, echoing throughout the empty courtroom and slid into the bench beside me.

"What are you doing here?" I finally asked.

"I had to talk to Ric Lansing about Carly's trial. He insisted we get it done first thing in the morning."

I looked around the courtroom, pretending to be interested in the woodwork along the edges, trying to think of something to break this silence. I turned back to Reese and this time, I caught her eyes. She stared at me for a minute and nodded, as if she finally understood something.

"Do you want to get a coffee?" she asked.

"Do you mind if we sit outside?" she asked after the short walk to Kelly's. We had been silent the whole way, but I was intrigued at what she had to say. If anything.

"Can I get you girls anything to get started?" I waitress asked, bounding over with seemingly endless energy.

"Coffee," Reese answered. "Just coffee."

"I'll have the same," I told her.

"Coming right up," she promised, her bubbly personality too much for me to take so early in the morning. Quickly she reappeared outside and poured each of us a steaming cup. Once she had a sip, Reese reached into her purse and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. She hit it twice, the brought it to her lips and lit it.

"I didn't know the FBI allowed their agents to smoke," I said for lack of a better sentence.

She laughed. "I quit eight years ago."

"And how's that going for you?"

"It was fine until Michael's case came up. Something about the Corinthos." She offered me the pack.

"No thanks."

She took another deep drag. "It's a disgusting habit. When did you quit?"

I gaped at her. "How did you know?"

She shrugged. "I'm a profiler. I figure these things out."

"It was another lifetime." Truth was, after I OD'ed, I had stopped smoking and drugs completely.

"How's Michael doing?"

"He seems good. His painting skills are really coming along. I think he'll do okay. He's a strong boy."

"Yeah, he is. So why are you looking so anxious?"

I knew that it was wrong to admit to Reese what was going on, but I found some off sort of camaraderie in her. "I'm nervous about Nikolas coming home."

"Because of what happened with Connor?"

I gaped at her. "How do you know about that?"

She took a final drag and stubbed out her cigarette. "I read the report."

"Do a lot of people know?"

She shook her head. "Just some of the need to know people at the PCPD."

Somehow I felt it tumbling out. "I still haven't told him."

"You know, it could help."

I nodded. "I haven't told him all this time because I didn't want to lay anything more on him, and now I can't imagine him knowing."

"Based on my history with men, I can't give too much insight, but based on everything I've heard about Nikolas he does seem like a really good guy."

"He is," I assured her quickly. "I just don't want him to know. I don't want him to see me as. . ." I trailed off, not sure what to say.

"Damaged?"

"Yeah."

She took a final sip of her coffee and set it down silently. "I can promise you, Emily, you're not damaged. Now come on, we're going to be late for the trial."

At that moment, I wished more than anything that she was right about me.

"Your honour, at this time, the People move to have all charges against Mr. Cassadine dismissed, in light of Helena Cassadine's recent appearance," Ric Lansing told the judge.

I squeezed Liz's hand. This was it. Nikolas was going to be released. It was going to be over. He was going to have his freedom again.

"Mr. Cassadine, you're free to go with this court's apology," the judge announced to the courtroom. He banged his gavel. "Court dismissed."

I plastered a wide smile on my face, and Nikolas turned to hug me. He was still in his orange jumpsuit, but he was as handsome as ever. I allowed him to huge me tight, while I dug my nails into my wrists to keep from screaming.

"I'm coming home, Em. This whole nightmare's over. I'm coming home."

"I'm so happy for you," I told him honestly.

"We're going to be so happy, Em, we're going to be free. From Connor and Mary and this whole mess."

"Nikolas," Alexis said, pulling him gently away from me. "We've got some paperwork to be done before we can leave."

"Okay." He hugged me one last time, then kissed me deeply on the lips. As hard as I tried, I felt like I was choking.

"I'll go with you," Lucky volunteered. I was thankful to see them all leave. I turned to Liz when we were finally alone.

"Liz, I need you to do me a favour. I know it's huge and it's horrible, and it's not fair to ask you, but I need this more than anything I've ever needed before."

She looked confused and concerned. "I'll do anything for you, Em, you know that. Is everything okay?"

"No," I admitted. "I still haven't told Nikolas, and he's going to want to make love tonight. And I want to make love to him."

"That's great!" she exclaimed. "Isn't it?"

"I can't do it though. I can't even kiss him, let alone make love to him."

"How can I help?"

"Is there any way you can steal some Sidenafil tablets?"

"Viagra?"

"Yeah."

"How will that help?"

"Look, I know that it sounds crazy, but it works the same way in women. If I could get in the mood, maybe I could do it."

She sighed. "Wouldn't it be better to tell him?"

"Not tonight. I don't want to ruin his release."

"Okay. . . come by the hospital after three. I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks Liz. I'm so lucky to have you in my life."

"You know I'd do anything for you, right?"

"Of course."

"So if you want help telling Nikolas, let me know, okay?"

I sighed. "I will. Thanks."

But I knew that I wouldn't be asking her anytime soon.

"Emily!" Michael cried when I went to pick him up that evening. "Hi Nikolas."

"Hi buddy. I hear you're staying with us for awhile."

"You mean you live there too?"

"Yep. I'm the one who got the ping-pong machine in the game room."

"Cool!"

Nikolas had reacted well to the news that Michael was staying with us. He said he was happy to have another guy in the house, and he and Michael had always gotten along on the few occasions that they had met.

"Are you ready to go?" Nikolas asked me.

I nodded. I had slipped off to see Liz when Nikolas had gone to the washroom, and I felt like I was ready for whatever happened that night.

"Yeah, let's go."

"Night Millie," Michael said that night when I tucked him in.

"Goodnight Michael," I said, and switched off his light and closed his door.

I had taken one of the pills just before putting Michael to sleep, and nothing was happening. In our bedroom, Nikolas had lit candles and poured two glasses of champagne. I quickly slipped into the washroom and took the other two tablets in the package, carefully hiding any evidence of the box, then went to see Nikolas.

"To us," he proposed, handing me one of the glasses of champagne. We clinked them.

"To us," I repeated. I swallowed mine quickly, and felt the bubbles rush to my head.

"Good champagne," I explained.

He grinned. "I'm glad you like it." He put his glass down and come up behind me, sliding his arms around my waist and kissing my neck. The champagne had made me momentarily woozy, and I didn't flinch when I felt his lips to my neck.

I had four more glasses of champagne before Nikolas and I made love. It wasn't sweet or soft like I had remembered, but aggressive and fast. It wasn't Nikolas' fault; It was because of me. But I left me feeling sick and I knew that if I were to make love to him again, something big was going to have to change.