1 I feel like a fool, a sniveling fool.

I shouldn't be bothering him with the pointless details that have been haunting me for the past year. He holds me and strokes my hair. He whispers my name; no man can say my name like he does.

I don't know how long I've been crying, but with every minute I feel worse.

Guilty. I am guilty of crimes against my only true friend. Against my morality, against myself; I sold out. Leo made me a fancy offer, and I ravished it, I left everything behind for my "noble cause." In the wake of my rapid accent to power, I abandoned the one person with abandonment issues.

He, who brought me from the ashes, gave me a job, life, a family. He, who protected me throughout the years. He needed me the most in New Hampshire, he needed me during the primaries, and I tossed him aside.

To make the pill harder to swallow, here I am sobbing and he comforts me. He has no reason to. He has done nothing to deserve this. He should toss me aside and let me drown in my tears.

Unless. Oh. God. Does he blame himself?

Does he think he's the reason I left? He is self absorbed enough to think that.

I lift me head from chest and our eyes meet.

"Josh, why do you think I quit?"

"Donna, at this moment and all the moments for the past two days I just care you came back."

I should tell him. There is so much for me to say and the words choke me in my throat. He wipes my tears with gentle fingertips and kisses my forehead. My head returns to his chest. His words linger in my ear, 'I just care you came back.'

I suck myself way from my self-indulgent pity to really survey the situation. Josh is lying on my bed. I am lying on top of him, my head on his chest; his arm wrapped around my waist. If I didn't look and feel so gross and blotchy I would take advantage of the situation.

The fact is, this is the closest I've been to him, ever. The closest I've been to any man in years. It feels right, laying like this hold each other. I don't want him to move, leave or change anything. I sniffle one last time.

"Josh, how did you sleep last night?" He looks at me with questioning eyes.

"Fine, why?"

"Just fine?"

"Best night of sleep I've had in years." He knows where this is going, and his dimples make another appearance.

"Mine too. Do you want to perform a science experiment?"

"What kind of experiment?" He's very interested now; eyebrows raised, his forehead all wrinkly.

"To see if last night's sleep was a fluke?" Oh god I can't believe I am doing this.

"You should stay tonight and sleep with me."

"Donna!"

"Don't get too excited, its just sleeping, clothes will remain on the whole time, no sexy stuff. Just holding each other like we are. You know for science."

"No sexy stuff." Awe, he sounds so disappointed.

"Nope."

"Well, if it is for science."

Donna rolls off of me and goes into the bathroom to change into her nightclothes. Just two inches of wood separates me from a naked Donna. No sexy stuff. Damn! Not fair, I waited eight years to be able to touch her.

Sleeping next to her is just as good, sort of. It leaves me a little more frustrated physically but much more satisfied emotionally. The best part of my day was waking with her in my arms. Her scent filling my nose and her hair tickling my chest.

We fit, like we were made for each other.

Truth is I didn't like sleeping with the women I dated, I could never get close enough to truly feel comfortable with them. Not comfortable enough to sleep at the very least. Mandy didn't like to be touched while she was sleeping, it made her too hot. And Amy, well I was just afraid she was going to smother me in my sleep and steal my job.

She finally emerged from the bathroom wearing light blue tank top and flannel jammies bottoms, they have little bears on them. I want to make a wise ass remark, but the truth is, she's never looked better, more natural and comfortable.

"You look cute." I head into the bathroom when I realize all my nightclothes are back in my room. "Um."

"Boxers and under shirt." I still think she can read my mind.

Back to my train of thought. Last night with Donna I feel asleep faster then I ever have before. I spent a few minutes looking at her as she slept. Not in the creepy stalker way, but just looking at the nuances of her body and face. She seems older now, I know she is, with that whole passage of time thing, but she looks more mature.

The innocence is gone, I knew it had to happen eventually, DC changes people, makes them jaded and callous. I wanted to protect her from that as long as I could. And for a few minutes last night I really hated Will for exposing her to it.

Last night she was pissed at me, I can't really blame her for that. But as she slept in my arms she looks peaceful, and serine. Donna was and is the only person I have ever been comfortable around.

She's been with me through the worst moments of my life and the best. I made a list once, best and worse moments, her name appears on them more then anything else.

I watched her sleep and her gentle breathing patterns made me soon join her. Last night, I didn't have any nightmares either.

Tonight, if she didn't ask me to stay; I would have asked, although I wouldn't have put the no sexy stuff rule in either.

She's already in bed and I come out of the bathroom. She smiles and starts to giggle. I look down. Oh!

"I didn't mock your jammies, you can't mock my boxers."

"You're in your 40's Josh, why do you have Spiderman on your boxers?"

"Because he's cool." Her laugher fills the room. I missed her laughter.

"I set the alarm for 4:15."

"WHAT!"

"I have a flight that leaves at 6:30, I'm with Leo tomorrow." I didn't know this.

"When are you coming back?" I just got you back..

"Thursday, by noon."

"But it's Monday now!" Great, now I am going to start to whine.

"Its 12:15 am. It's Tuesday. Wednesday we sleep alone and report back on Thursday. That's how science works."

"Stupid science."

I crawl into bed, and she rolls over and places her head on my shoulder. For a few minutes we lay intertwined breathing together. I wish we were alone, but were not. The elephant is still in the room.

"The elephant is still here." I whisper.

"I know, but he's a little smaller now."

"Is he going to be sticking around for a while?"

"Probably, but when we talk he gets smaller, less obvious. I still think we should name him."

"George." An elephant named George seems appropriate.

"George it is."

"I hate elephants, Donna."

"I know, Josh, but donkeys just aren't big enough." She kisses my cheek and falls asleep.