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Author's notes: This is one of my favorite chapters.
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Then Everything Changed.
Chapter 7
4:10 and I wake up, we barely moved all night, I am still on his chest and his arms are still around my waist.
Night two and no nightmares! I think I might really be on to something. I want to lay here forever, but the alarm is going to go off in three minutes.
I better wake him before the buzzer does. I don't want to move too much, gently, I should awake him. My arm starts stroking his chest, he stirs every so slightly. I kiss his neck, only because it was the closes thing to my mouth, I really don't want to move too much. It would be jarring and that's no fun.
"Josh, wake up." hmm, my voice is awfully husky sounding, maybe its just really sleepy.
"No. Must keep sleeping." He squeezes me tighter.
"I have to get up."
"No, tell Leo you quit."
"No, I don't think I will be doing that."
"Bed warm, outside cold. Stay warm."
"That does sound tempting."
"I win. Shh we're sleeping now."
"I said it was tempting, that doesn't mean its going to happen."
"Don-na." Oh, no he's whining around, he's eyes aren't even open yet. "Go back to the kissing my neck and stroking my chest, lull me back to sleep."
"Not happening. You can sleep, but I have to get up."
"No!" He squeezes hard and rolls me over on my side. He has a death grip on me, kind of a nice way to die.
"There is a short list of things I would rather do, then get out of this bed with you.."
"Really." He starts to nuzzle my neck.
"Ok. It's a long list."
"What's on the list?"
"Josh the alarm is about to..."BEEP BEEP BEEP the garish and jarring noise scares the hell out of him and he damn near throws me off the bed.
"Donna the alarm! Kill it." I turn it off and get out of bed. "No. Don't leave."
"Sorry. You were the one who nearly throw me off the bed."
"No, it was the alarm from hell's fault; not mine. Come back, remember the warm and the talks of the short and yet long list."
"Not gonna happen. We had a rule, remember"
"You BROKE the rule this morning when you woke me up."
"Would you rather have the alarm do it? Next time will." Next time? Donna think before you speak.
"Next time huh?" He rolls over and holds my pillow as he grumbles. "Stupid alarm, stupid Leo, stupid rule, stupid science."
"Don't blame the science, it's not science's fault."
I gather my clothes and get into the bathroom. Two inches of wood separate us. It feels like miles. No sexy stuff, what the hell was I thinking? He's right it is a stupid rule. Why would I say something so logical and all together crappy?
My tank top is on the floor and one look in the mirror and I remember why I made the stupid rule.
Scars, two of them, between my breasts. No one has seen them, expect my doctors. Stupid, ugly, deforming scars.
I run the water in the shower so he can't hear me cry.
She finally comes out of the shower. Note to self- Donna takes freakishly long showers. I am watching CNN on the bed, fully dressed in yesterday's suit, needless to say I feel like shit. I just got her back. It was on the good list. It was! And now, she's leaving, sure it's only one day, but it's one night.
I think I am an addict. She's worse then heroin and we haven't even done anything yet. Did you catch what the key word was?
"What are you doing up?"
"The bed was cold, no point in going back to sleep." She smiles. "Come on, your cab is down stairs. I'll help you get your stuff." We get ready in silence. George is back. Something's wrong with her and the elephant is getting bigger by in minute. "You ok?"
"I'm fine." George just grew ten feet. She's lying.
"You sure." I rub her back.
"Yeah." I grab her bags and we walk down the hall, George follows behind.
"You're carrying my bags? We should write this day down."
"This is under the assumption that you will bring me coffee sometime."
"Not happening,"
"You said that a lot this morning." The elevator opens at the lobby.
"Josh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you to stay, even in the name of science."
"Don't blame science, I was going to ask to stay."
"You were?"
"Yeah." Silence. She breaks it when we get to the door, where her cab is waiting.
"I shouldn't have kissed you this morning, I broke the rule."
"Yeah, that was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Getting shot and you waking me. Horrible." We laugh. I don't know what going on in her head. After eight years she's still a mystery. I push her hair from her face. Intimate. Quiet, just us in a hotel lobby.
"I don't know what this is." she gestures in the small space between us, somehow I've moved very close to her. "I don't want to lead you on, I don't want to hurt you again. But I do know, you are very valuable to me Josh. And I need to take it slow."
Valuable good word choice. I hold her for a few minutes, and tell her I understand, even if I really don't. She kisses me on the check and goes to her cab. I think it is raining. I can't really tell. I watch as the taillights turn down a street, when my cell phone rings.
"Don't look so sad, Josh, I'll be back by noon Thursday."
Then I confess what I never thought I would, not after parting just a few seconds ago.
"Donna, I miss you."
"I miss you too." 37 hours until I see you again. I can make it.
