Chapter twenty-three: Who I am part two.

I cannot believe Morgan! She rang my late last night after I had come back from a meeting with da. I had been talking to the other witches about how we should go about over reining the council, there is to be a vote among the witching community, we will be judged and tried by the witching elders, our motives and ourselves. We have sat with Council members and they have made it clear that we are not wanted, but it is not that that is troubling me now, it is Morgan, my love, and my insanity. She said she is on a flight and she is going to Ireland, to a rest home to see her father, Ciaran. I couldn't believe my ears when she told me. I am so afraid for her, he will do something awful, I can tell.

I can't bear to let her be hurt anymore; I don't think she could take it.

-Giommanach.

It was raining I stepped out into the terminal; the sky had turned murky grey, almost like it was mixing with the clouds.

I closed my eyes for a moment but then opened then almost immediately, someone was calling me.

I turned around and saw Colm Byrne standing over by the west gate waving an imperious hand at me, beckoning me to him.

I took a deep breath, trying to release the tension that had built up inside me then I reached down for my overnight bag and made my way through the thickening crowd.

"Hello Colm" I said as I neared him and he smiled when he saw me. The smile instantly vanished when he saw my face, and he came to me, his eyes asking a question I new would be too hard to answer right now.

"Are you alright Morgan?" he asked as he steered me out of the noisy building and into his waiting car. I prayed to the goddess to give me strength for this, to give me the strength to face my father even after what I had done to him.

And it had been me, it had been all me. I was his daughter and no matter how evil he had been, and probably still remained I should have had a daughter's loyalty to him. But I had destroyed him by my actions, by my own guilt that I had to stop him before he himself; destroyed himself- or someone else did it for him. He had been evil, I told myself fiercely, you ad to do it; he would have hurt other innocent people if you hadn't.

For all Ciarans faults- and there were many- he was still my father, and I knew that without doubt that he would fell no love or compassion for me now, not after what I had done.

I had betrayed him

I had lost him.

Thinking of Colms question, a simple, everyday asked question, made me think, made me wonder if anything in my life would ever be all right. Could I someday be free of all that is haunting me? Would I someday be able to know without doubt who I was?

My Birth father was the only person who could tell me, since my birth mother could not, he was the only one that could show me who I truly was, and why I was the way I am.

Why I had lost my baby.

I just hope I was strong enough to pull through it at the other end,

"I'm fine," I told Colm faintly, not really believing it.

"Here we are," he said and I looked up to an old fashioned, small cottage with red brick walls. It was a beautiful, old Victorian style cottage that practically glowed with power.

"Is this..." I asked wonderingly, I had sensed something oddly familiar in the house, like presences, a remote felling of a place that I would call home.

Colm Grinned at me and shook his head "yes this is were the original Belwicket held it's circles. "he closed his eyes "can you feel them- they are still here, working their own magic" he said and I smiled at him, lost in the feelings that this place, this cottage had awoke in me. I felt a sense of peace here; of understanding and acceptance that made me feel warm in a way I could only feel when I was with Hunter.

Hunter... O best not to think about him, not now anyway.

"Morgan?" Colm asked again holding the door open for me and waiting with raised eyebrows almost amused.

I smiled at him again and he smiled back "Come on, Morgan, mum and dad want to say hi to you" I nodded and took a last look around me, taking in the live oak tree planted in the ground with the names of all the Belwicket members stencilled into it.

I smiled again and followed Colm inside. The house was just as beautiful as the outside. It has a cream and brown colour on the walls and it had wooden floorboards going through it.

The ceilings were low, maybe only 6 or 7 feet taller than myself with windows set high up in the walls, were the sunlight streamed in.

Colm poked me gently and nodded to the kitchen and he took my hand and led me into the brightly lit room.

"Morgan!" Katrina said jumping up and coming towards me, she gave me a big hug and Powel smiled at me behind her.

"Let her breath Mum" Colm joked and Katrina let me go, however reluctantly.

"Its wonderful to see you again" she said and Powel asked.

"Would you like something to drink, to eat?" he asked started to get up but I shook my head, feeling suddenly exhausted.

"You look so tired Morgan, are you ok?" she asked as she led me upstairs, it was a small cottage but it was very beautiful.

The were three room up there, but I didn't take in much of anything else, I was very tired suddenly.

"I'm fine- just tired" I knew she could tell it wasn't the whole truth but she didn't ask any more of me, just smiled and pushed open a bedroom door.

"If you need anything just ask, you have only to ask" she said and I got the feeling it was a double meaning. I smiled gratefully and felt and odd urge to hug her.

Katrina though looking worried gently waved goodbye and disappeared downstairs, I heard murmured voices but I was too tired to eaves drop.

The last thing I remember was my fathers face as his life and his magic left him. It was a mixture of remorse, anger and pain.

And it was what I had caused.

My visit wasn't till noon the next morning and I really didn't have a lot to do till then so I decided to go for a walk around.

It was a surprisingly good day; the sun was high in the sky and the clouds shone brightly above them.

I miss Hunter, the suddenness of the thought surprised me and I gasped feeling a sense of longing and passion at just picturing his eyes, his smell, and his touch.

I had talked to him last night, but it had been kind of stilted, he was still angry with me, but not angry enough that he didn't say he loved me.

It was the only comforting thing I think he could have said.

I wanted to hear his voice again, just for him to tell me it would be ok, as he had done so many times before.

"Daydreaming again?" the voice startled me and I let out a little shriek, then I found out it was Colm and I smiled to myself.

Such a joker, honestly. He had attended the school in Scotland over the summer like me, but not for the same reason, he had failed in some of his classes and Katrina had practically dragged him over to the school. That was what Karalee told me anyway.

He was a really nice guy, one you could be really comfortable around. " Something like that" I admitted, blushing slightly.

"Why... well how come you're here anyway, mum said you were visiting someone- short visit," he said glancing over at me once then hastily moving his gaze back to the ground.

"I'm- well I am going to see my birth father" I said wincing again as I thought of Ciaran.

I honestly didn't know what I would find when I got there, I had though a lot about it last night. I hoped he was at least still in one piece- so to speak.

I know he will be angry, hurt at what I had done to him. But I really didn't know what to expect.

"Your birth father?" he asked running his hands down his grey corduroys.

I nodded and bit my lip, not knowing how to put it into words "Yeah- he – well he had his powers stripped a few months ago and well-

"Yeah I heard about it from mum, I'm sorry, did- did you know him?" he asked appearing to not really understand my relationship with my father. Whether it was a good or bad relationship

"We weren't close, I just- I guess I just need to se him- to talk to him" I said starting to feel unsure.

He nodded and kicked a rock out from underfoot "I understand, a lot of people didn't like him, what about you?"

I almost walked right into the oak tree "Em... well I don't know really"

I had so many mixed feeling about him, so many I thought I would never work thorough them.

At one point I had wanted his approval, his acceptance and his love. I had so much with my family. But not acceptance, with them I was odd, unfamiliar; I wasn't related to them by blood like I was to Ciaran. He was my blood link and he could help me figure out what it was I wanted, why I was this way.

He was the only birth parent I have ever known; he would know things about me that I could never understand. He could make me understand. But I didn't know if he would want to be a part of something that had betrayed him.

"Colm sensing my discomfort said "you don't have to tell me" and my head jerked up.

" I do" I assured him "it's just hard with someone like my birth father"

"What happened?" he asked as he opened the gate that led to the grounds of the cottage.

"He wasn't what I thought he was "such an incredible understatement "he- he didn't care enough about me to care," I said feeling the pain of it all over again.

"I don't understand" Colm said running a hand through his thick black hair.

I let out a breath "When I think of my own father, I think of love, warmth. When I think of Ciaran I think of hate, malicious lies and deceit. He didn't care about me at all, he just cared about himself, not me, not anyone."

"But?" Colm pressed, and we came out to a garden, it was just coming to bloom, the flowers were starting to come out to the light.

The was a path between two rows of a garden that must look wonderful in spring, when they are fully out. It was bursting with energy and growth. Almost vibrating.

The sun overhead blazed down onto me "But- I guess I do love him, and- he had loved me in his own way, whatever that was. I really didn't understand him, he- well I just didn't understand his reasons"

"His reason for what?" he asked looking over at me, almost with sympathy.

"For hurting the people he did. A lot of people think he deserves what he got, but really, does anyone deserve that?" knowing that Ciaran didn't have much of an existence without magic crushed me. He had nothing else. Nothing else to gain what it was he wanted to gain. I don't think he would think his life- or what remained of it- was worth living at all.

"But you did love him though- I mean in the end, he is still your father" Colm said and I nodded absently, coming to realise that Colm was right. I did love him. I knew I possessed a lot of what he did. That he and I were in actual fact, very much alike.

"Did you have a good walk guys?" Katrina asked as we came in the back door, the wind had started to pick up and it was quite cool outside now.

I nodded sweeping the hair away from my face; I looked at the clock 10:30 am

"I guess I should get going soon," I said almost sullenly.

"Would you like some company?" Colm asked and I could have hugged him.

"That would be really great" I said sounding very grateful and Colm nodded and poured himself a mug of tea, then held out the pot in an offering to me. I shook my head and smiled faintly feeling really content.

"When is your bus?" he asked taking a sip and I pulled out a straight- backed wooden chair.

"11:10" Colm nodded and smiled at me, trying to lift my spirits. I felt like I was going to a funeral.

We waved goodbye to Katrina and Powel who were out doing gardening. They both smiled warmly and Katrina took both hands in mine.

"Come back soon- it had truly been our pleasure" behind her Colm rolled his eyes and laughed to himself shaking his head at his mother.

Katrina turned around and gave him a playful clip over the head "Mind your manners you, dear boy," she said but she smiled at him affectionately.

Colm and I exchanged smiles and then we were out the gate and heading down towards the bus station.

It would take us about half an hour to walk, I guessed.

We didn't talk much for the first few minutes but then I said "Are you sure you don't mind coming along?"

Colm laughed "Of course not, I haven't got anything better to do" he mocked and I laughed. He really new how to make a person laugh, he swung for a branch above us and he actually caught it.

Colm was only about 4 inches taller than me, that made him just 5'10 and that was fairly small for a guy, but he was very muscular and Karalee liked that in guys.

"Are you okay?" he asked again and I looked over at him.

I nodded and we turned around the corner to the bus station, it was fairly big with 7 or 8 buses already parked there.

Colm looked at me again and took my arm then led me to the terminal.

The bus ride went by really fast, I guess we were both deep in our own thoughts.

Suddenly we were in Carlow and I started to feel really nervous, I didn't know what to expect, or what to say to him.

"Hi dad, tell me why did you save your own skin instead of mine?" or maybe "What am I? Why am I the way I am? Was I not good enough for you?"

I looked over at Colm and he smiled back at me. I could feel he new I was nervous.

I looked out the window again and took a deep breath.

It was now or never.

"Do you want me to come in with you?" Colm asked watching my face but I shook my head, now that I was here I felt this was something I needed to do myself.

Colm understood without my saying anything "I'll be outside, witch message me if you want me" he said sitting down on the stonewall opposite the building.

It was such a sullen building that desperately needed paint. The flakes were peeling off from all the bad weather that Ireland had been having recently.

I walked inside slowly and walked up to the desk, but I nearly lost my nerve and ran out the door again "Hi- I'm here to see Ciaran Macewan" I managed to choke out.

"And who are you?" the curly haired nurse asked.

This was hard to spit out "I'm his daughter -Morgan Rowlands"

I swallowed hard and bit down on my lower lip "All right, would you wait right here while I get the head nurse?" I nodded ands stood silently as she went through the double glass doors at the end of the room.

I looked around me feeling almost dazed, the room seemed to swing in and out of focus.

I closed my eyes for a moment and breathed in. Could I do this? Could I go through this, with my father? The father that had killed my mother.

The curly haired nurse came back in and with her she brought an older witch, a very motherly looking witch.

"This is Mary Reilly, he is he head nurse that is in charge of Mr. Macewan," she said and I nodded looking at her.

"You must be Ms. Rowlands," she said coming over to me and shaking my hand.

"Were is he?" I asked feeling almost sick.

They both exchanged glances, then the head nurse said "He upturned his room this morning, and did himself some serious damage, he is outside now and we have only just managed to calm him down I'm afraid" she said looking to me.

O no. Ciaran what have you done?

"Can I see him?" I asked and they exchanged glances again.

Finally they both nodded and the nurse said, "Yes- but please stay at a safe distance Miss. Rowlands, he is very dangerous an upset at the moment- his wife was here only the other day and is now on suicidal watch" I nodded, holding my breath, Grania had been here? What had she wanted?

The head began to walk towards the door and I followed her and it seemed to my like I was walking in slow motion.

I didn't know if I could do this. I wanted Hunter so much.

She held open the doors and I came face to face with my father.

And for all I thought I would expect, it was nothing like I had predicted.

Authors note:

That was part two! Whew! God that was long! Well I hope it made up for the last chapter and I will have part 3 up in the next few days, okay?

And as always review, review, review!