Angels
By: Kuroi Neko-kun
Summary: They always push you in the right direction. It's their job.
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI: NY. I don't own CSI: NY. I don't own CSI: NY… But I want to.
Warning: Slash. Pre-slash though.
A/N: I'm officially stuck on this fic. All the others are in the backburner. SIGH
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Angels. They always push you in the right direction. It's their job. And they're not the ones that look like butt naked children with wings. Sometimes, they come in a form that you never thought of. They could be the friend you've had beside you all this while. The one watching you and watching the people around you. They whisper in your ears a suggestion or two just to get the idea going. Sometimes, they're the ones that just work in the background without you knowing what's going on until it happens. Because that's what they do.
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Looking over the computer as it ran prints through AFIS, Mac crossed his arms, waiting. Inside, he was willing for it to print out the results faster but as he did that, it felt like the computer did the opposite. He was at a point where he wanted to drum his fingers impatiently as a cause for distraction. After a two-day break, Mac wasn't sure the vague reason he came back to work. Well, he does. Danny told him to get back there because there was only so much he could do just sitting around waiting for Danny to wake up. They had fine conversations, sure. Mac even managed to squeeze out a bit about Danny's time with the Tanglewood boys but Mac had avoided questioning him about the reason that landed Danny in hospital. By right, this was a case IAB would be investigating. A suicide attempt was no joke but Mac had kept it under wraps as much as he could. Danny didn't need any more trouble. A beep drew him from his thoughts. He looked over the screen as 'NEGATIVE' flashed at him like neon lights. Sighing, Mac turned to the next batch of prints and contemplated on hiring new lab technicians to do this job. As he loaded them to the scanner and waited for the computer to do its job, he sighed as he rubbed his eyes.
"To prevent the development of myopia, one must look away from the computer to an open scenery every forty minutes." He looked up to see Stella grinning at him.
"What exactly to you want me to look at?" She handed him the file in her hand.
"The paint chips we found matched our suspect's car. It might get us a warrant," Stella said.
"Great, you go over that with Flack. I've still got prints to finish." Stella looked over at Mac before sighing.
"Okay. Anyway, it's great to actually have you for the whole lab to share again," she said as she patted his shoulder.
"You miss me that much?"
"Not really," she said though smirking, "But you spent that leave at the hospital. Sounds like you're trying to make up for lost time."
"Sadly, that is the truth. I never gave thought to his feelings. All I did was sit there and not bother about it. I thought him as a veteran cop but I forget that he's a bundle of human emotion."
"And you think that did him in, huh?"
"No. Everything that he could say to me is sitting in my desk drawer right now. I just don't think I'm ready to read it yet." Stella had the urge to hit the back of her supervisor's head but she let it pass.
"Mac, you already had a taste of what happens when it's too late to do something. I know you don't make the same mistake twice." He glanced at Stella who just closed the file before turning away.
"Well, I'll be getting Flack to harvest a search warrant." She walked off, knowing that she had planted a seed of thought in Mac's head.
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Thinking wasn't any good when there's just a mesh of thoughts in your head. Flack knew he was finding that out the hard way. After his visit at church, he had been trying to think of how to approach Danny. He wanted to see him again and maybe, if time permitted, hold Danny. But he couldn't go about anything casually because everything was intensified the day Danny was admitted in the hospital. He didn't know what to do or say.
"Hey, Flack!" He looked up to see Aiden walking up to him. He had been hanging around the CSI building because Stella had called for him. He already handed the search warrant she needed and she headed off with a uniform, telling him that he didn't have to come over but he just smirked and said that he wanted to be chivalrous. He was about to leave when he passed the workstation that had been a favorite of Danny's. And that got him on his train of thought that derailed and crashed into another train apparently.
"What are you doing here?" she asked before shaking her head. "Never mind. Look, I've been looking for someone to help me out here. Danny asked me to bring him some reading material and I have this book that I never let him read until… well, today. Since I figured that I should be nice to him, for once. But now, I'm just packed with work. I have lots of paperwork to fill and there's no way I can send it over. So can you do me a favor and give this to him at the hospital, please?" He blinked. Aiden was speaking too fast for his brain to work on it.
"Uh…" She just handed the book in his hand and gave him a peck on his cheek.
"You're a doll, thanks!" Before he understood what was going on, Aiden had walked away and disappeared from sight. He just glanced at the book in his hand. Well, at least I have a reason to see him now.
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Stella was right, he knew. She had never been wrong when it came to him anyway. Once he was done with the fingerprints (like reproducing bunnies all they did was spawn negatives at him), he headed to his office. He had already told Stella about the results. Stella informed him that the secondary trace evidence hasn't been processed yet so he could help her by waiting for it. So, either way, Mac was stuck in the lab with, surprisingly, nothing to do except read the letter. He sat at his desk and just stared at his drawer. He knew what he had to do but he just couldn't bring himself to it. He wondered what was holding him back as the image of Danny, smiling, laughing and just generally happy around him flashed in his mind. This was the calm of the storm, the moment where the chaos around them didn't mean anything and he wanted it to remain that way as long as he could. Sure, he had a few things cleared up but that was just to show that he cared and he needed to know. He admitted if Danny didn't go through extremes, he still wouldn't have found a way to ask Danny the right questions. He thought that there was nothing to fear about this but he feared of losing whatever he had with Danny after he read the supposedly last words of Danny Messer. All thoughts and emotions bundled into a piece of paper and ink. The fragility of their relationship was so great that if any of this goes the wrong way, he would lose Danny forever. He didn't want that.
'You already had a taste of what happens when it's too late to do something. I know you don't make the same mistake twice.' Stella's words returned to haunt him. Taking the unneeded breath for confidence's sake, Mac opened the drawer and reached for the letter.
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In the meantime, Flack found himself in a similar situation. Standing outside of Danny's room, he only glanced at the book Aiden had passed him. He didn't know why Danny would ask for such a book or when Danny became a fan of Stephen King's Dark Tower series. Maybe I should wait till he's sleeping or something…
"Hey, Flack." The voice told him it was too late. Danny looked at him with a smile. He smiled back, though most of it was forced.
"Danny, what are you doing out here?" In your hospital pajamas no less.
"Well, I had to go for some therapy and they said it'll be better if I got my legs moving again. I was at the cafeteria and had some proper food. Well, anything's better than the food sent to me, you know?" he said.
"Yeah, I guess," Flack said, not really sure what to say until he reminded himself of the book in his hands. "Actually I came as a favor to Aiden. She said something about you wanting to read this." Danny looked down at the book before shaking his head as Flack passed it to him.
"I was wondering when she's going to hand this over," he said. "She can't resist my charm for long." Flack couldn't help but raise an eyebrow, looking down at Danny like he had said something wrong. Well, he did
"Hey, Danny, are you okay?"
"What? Yeah, I'm fine. Why?" Because you're acting like nothing happened. Flack knew that he couldn't ignore this.
"Why don't you get back to your room? I need to talk to you. It's been awhile." Danny shrugged and they headed in. Once Flack closed the door and Danny got comfortable by sitting on his bed, the detective took a breath.
"Danny, look. I've been worried about you since that day I found you. Is everything okay, Danny?"
"Hey, you think you can get Aiden to pass me the rest of the series. I think there's six or seven more to this…" That was it for Flack. It didn't take a shrink to see the signs. Danny was avoiding it. He was acting. Ah shit, Mac. What did you do? He knew he couldn't blame Mac for everything but every time there's something wrong with Danny, Mac happens to be the one to blame. Flack took a seat next to Danny.
"Danny, look at me, will you?" Danny was still fiddling with his book. He had no choice. He cupped Danny's chin and forced eye contact. That was when he saw the wild look in Danny's eyes. He knew shock and fear when he saw it but he held his gaze.
"Danny, listen to me," he said, calmly, "Are you okay?"
"I-I'm fine. Everything's fine. Nothing to worry about," Danny said but his voice failed him. No, that's a lie. Nothing's fine… Stop lying to yourself. He saw that in Flack's eyes. Tell me what's going through your head.
"He… He's acting like nothing happened," Danny finally said in a voice that wasn't calm but it wasn't too shaken either. His tears were forcing to surface. "And where the hell were you?" Danny's voice rose to anger. Something Flack wasn't expecting. He just moved back, almost removing the hand on Danny.
"Praying for your ass," Flack said almost as harshly. He had a knack of responding automatically in the same animosity as the person who spoke to him. It's a detective's disease.
"Didn't do any good. You left me stranded. Nobody was actually asking me anything about what I've done. Mac's still acting like Mac, even after he pulls some shit together miraculously…" Danny was talking steadily and Flack thought that was a good thing. In the end, Danny knew he was just looking for someone to scream at. Flack was always it.
"Danny, I'm sorry," he said, "I should've been here but I was… scared and I didn't want you to have to…"
"What?" Good question, he almost said. Flack took a breath and finally dropped his hand.
"You want the truth?"
"That'll be nice for a change."
"I thought that it would be better to hand you over to Mac because I thought he had some brains about what's going on around you. He stayed and everything looked fine so I thought there is no reason for me to hang around." He reached into his coat pocket, fingers touching a familiar crumpled paper as he pulled it out, placing it on Danny's book.
"Then Aiden gave me this," he said, "She cleaned out your apartment, by the way." Finally, Danny spilled his tears.
"Hey," Flack said as he pulled Danny close to him.
"Now you know how fucked up I am," he said as he leaned against Flack's chest.
"You're not."
"I can't love two men, Don."
"You can't die just to 'release us from pain' either," Flack pointed out, "Danny, you're not a burden. I'm your friend and I don't want my feelings to interfere with what we have. But I'm not going to let you dig your own grave again. If you want, we can leave everything behind."
"I don't want to leave," Danny said, "I like it here."
"Hell, I like it here too, no matter how fucked things are. My point is I don't care what happens. All I want you to be is really happy. Right now, you're lying in a hospital after trying to kill yourself. I don't take that as being happy." Danny didn't say anything else but he just looked down before finally wiping his eyes.
"You think I have a chance with Mac?"
"You do," Flack said truthfully, "Because he probably read the letter that you gave him."
"Did you read it?" Flack paused for a while before finally answering. There's no way he could lie to Danny about it anyway.
"Yeah, I did. Stella found it on Mac's desk and asked for my opinion."
"I see," Danny said, gripping at Flack's arm before letting go, "Thanks. I never had anyone who would always be there for me, Don. I appreciate it."
"You still will," Flack said before looking at his watch. He was surprised at the time. "Oh shit. Danny I…"
"You got to go. You've got a job, remember?"
"Of course, it's how I met you." For that moment, Danny smiled. Not able to resist it, Flack kissed the top of Danny's head before smiling back. "Get some rest. I'll swing by in the evening."
"Sure. I'll be waiting." Flack looked back before smiling. He liked the thought. As he closed the door and was about to leave, he looked up and thought his world was about to crash. Mac was walking towards him, a familiar piece of paper in his hand. He had a feeling he should stick around for Danny's sake.
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Aiden sat in the break room, stirring the chamomile tea that she thought she should have since it was a slow afternoon in her realm. As she took a sip, she casually glanced at the papers scattered in an organized mess on her table. Once she managed to put her cup down, Stella burst into the break room.
"Did you do something?" she asked.
"Huh? What?"
"Did you do something about Flack? I've been trying to reach him until Thacker called and told me he took the afternoon off. All cases go to him," as Stella said that, she sat down in front of Aiden.
"Great, we're working with 'stare-at-butts' Thacker," Aiden said, groaning.
"That's not my point. Did you do something?"
"Yeah, I got Flack to send a book to Danny about," she glanced at her watch, "An hour ago."
"Well, Mac's at the hospital right now." They both looked at each other, realizing that the other knew what was going on all along. Stella buried her face in her hands.
"We so need to communicate," Aiden said though smiling.
"Okay, how much?" Knowing that Stella was definitely not talking about money, Aiden took out a piece of paper. A photocopy of Flack's letter.
"That much." Eyes scanning the paper, Stella's jaw dropped.
"I just got Mac to read Danny's letter just now and if he did…"
"There's going to be confrontation," Aiden ended for her, raising an eyebrow. At that moment, Stella broke into a grin.
"We should be there to control the situation as much as we can." Stella got up as Aiden did.
"What about work?" she asked as they walked towards the locker room.
"I've got a few techs working on prints and trace. DNA is no go and I don't have anything until all the evidence pulls through. I told them to send everything to Mac's desk. You?"
"Ballistics is a goner. I have no bullet, no suspect and no viable witness. I closed my case and waiting on Mac to call me on the next one."
"Well, Mac's getting a personal visit anyway."
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…And sometimes, angels just happen to be the women in your life that changes every aspect of it with a simple word or action…
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To Be Continued… As a different piece.
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