Chapter thirty: What it means

Three Months later (Date - November 21st 2001)

I hear you calling though I don't know your name. That voice haunts me now, forever in me, through me. I cannot explain the voice; it just comes to me. Hunter hears it too. I can feel him scream inside my head sometimes, and I know, without doubt, that he can hear me too. The visions come and go, some lasting long, others short, and I wake with that feeling of helplessness, of uncertainty. I don't know what it means. I'm scared.

- Morgan Rowlands.

(Morgan's POV)

The dreams have been coming for just over three months now. They first started like they had when Selene had plagued them. Slow, unnerving dreams that made no sense, that had no time or place to associate. The burst into my mind like flowers in bloom- full bloom. They are beautiful- and frightening.

The first dream I remember well, the feelings it awoke in me, and it reminded me of Ciaran, the feeling of affinity I felt when near him. That feeling of true purity, of rightness. An explicable feeling. I wish to understand the feeling but it seems lost to me, a memory of some kind perhaps, half-truth, half lie.

It has been so long since I have felt this way, and in a way, with this happening now it makes me more vulnerable- hunter to. The bond now is securely in place. It is strange sometimes, I can hear him think in my head (often about me) and his smile warms me, touches my essence in such a way that it mesmerises me. I think of him too. About were he is, but it is so hard to talk to him. We haven't spoken of the strange dreams and visions, neither of us know what it means- what it could mean. They frighten me, and what frightens me the most is what I do not understand.

" Hunter, I had another dream last night" I said quietly. It was raining outside and I was sitting in the myth and dream section in the library just outside of widows vale.

I had not spoken to Hunter in over two weeks; he had had to go away to Sweden for the time to gather more information, on what and for whom I didn't know. Hunter had always been very secretive about what he did, even when he was with the council, but now, even more so.

" I know, I did too," Hunter said almost as quietly. He seemed to be very withdrawn lately, ever since the bond had been set in place, but yet he seemed more open- if that made sense. Nothing in my life did anymore.

I sighed, " Hunter, I really need to see you, to talk – talk about the bond. It has to be making the connection with the visions. I don't know what to do –or to think anymore about this. These dreams- visions- are getting worse. I had a headache for two days straight after the last one" I said glancing around the quiet library, I had come here hoping to find some information that would help me. I had gone to practical magick but nothing had turned up. Alyce had even got books on order for me, thinking they would be useful- but nothing, nothing had given me anything than what I knew already. I didn't know what to do now. Hunter and I had talked about the visions but not at great length.

" I know love, and we will- soon. I've…. I've just got a lot a lot on right now" He said but he sounded sad, lonely, like what he said what the exact opposite of what he wanted to say.

I bit my lip hard " I know, I'm just scared Hunter. I don't know what's happening to us," I said near crying. I hung my head.

" Morgan. I'll come soon. We will sort this, whatever it is; it'll be over soon…. I miss you," he said suddenly. He said it quietly so I wasn't sure I had heard him.

" What?" I asked startled my eyes wide.

" This place makes me said without you" he said sombrely " I know it's not forever- but right now it seems that way. Its so hard"

I closed my eyes, love, for what it was, was never easy " Soon" I whispered,

"Soon" he repeated softly but I don't know if he really meant it.

A girl stands alone, arms spread wide, she embraces the goddess. Behind her darkness escapes. It rises, comes, and flows into her. She cries out a name but I cannot hear it, only her fear, and her panic. Painfully she accepts her fate, not understanding her acceptance. Her memories fade and what is left now? Fear, pure fear with hatred of what she has become. For now she is what they all said she would be- evil.

Tears ran down my face as I realised just how petrified I was, how maddened by grief at such a loss. The girl had given in. Her hatred had consumed her as I new some day it could me. My hatred of my father, for who he was, and what he wasn't- a father. He had tried to feed that evil into me, temped me, teased me, tricked me and into what? What would I be if not for Hunter, his love, his protection? I would still be me, Morgan Rowlands. Princess of Belwicket. Lover to a half cast from two different clans, my life, my love. Daughter to the darkest origins ever imagined.

These were my origins, this is what made me who I am, or…. Was it?

Alyce was sure that the draught would work, it was the strongest sleep-warding potion she new, had ever concocted, and yet I had dreamed, why didn't the damn things work?

Alyce had recommended an old friend of hers, a dream expert, to me. They say she could interpret the dream for me, see what it meant- or what it could mean. There were many reasons for a dream like this one – or so Alyce said anyway.

I had called Hunter as soon as I had spoken to the expert, her name was Mia, and he had agreed that it had been a good idea. He was on standby for a flight from Sweden and he should be here- he guessed- by Friday. It's like déjà vu all over again.

Hunter told me not to worry, that we would be together soon, I wondered, not for the first time, for how long.

Hunter was due any minute, he should have been here twenty minutes ago, but I guess he was delayed. The announcer had said that the flight from Sweden was on time, no delays expected. I looked around me at everyone, they seemed so far away, in their worlds, were evil couldn't touch them.

The doors in front of me opened and a middle-aged man came through carrying a huge suitcase but wearing a smile. He caught sight of someone and waved eagerly, I turned my attention back to the doors. Oh Hunter were are you?

Then Hunter came but I had to do a double take when I saw him. His hair was tied back in a ponytail it was so long, he had obviously not cut it since our last meeting; Morgan had never seen it so long before. He looked tired, worn out, but he smiled at me, his eyes lightning up, but there was something else there, something I didn't understand.

He looked apprehensive, like he had something to say but didn't know how to say it. Instead he came to me and I jumped on him throwing my arms around him determined never, ever, to let him go. Seeing him now brought it back to me, the reason he was here, the concern behind his eyes. Hunter tightened his arms around me, pulling me closer.

" I thought I would never do this again," he laughed pulling back a little. He leaned down and I went up on tiptoe to welcome him. He was home, here, with me. For now. But now was all that mattered.

Sky was over visiting Raven, she had Raven had gotten back together and broken up so many times I had lost count, but still they were together now and for what it is worth to both of them they seemed happy.

Hunter was staying with sky in an apartment; Sky rented it when she cam to visit and she said that Hunter could while he was in America. Sky was out now though and it was the only Hunter and I in the apartment. Hunter had been drinking tea by the gallons since he had gotten back. It was hard not to laugh. He looked like he had been deprived.

" They hadn't got any way to heat up water there, it was a pretty basic apartment- though basic might be pushing it a little," he said by way of explanation.

I laughed unable to see Hunter unable to drink tea, he loved it as much as I loved diet coke " Poor you" I said still laughing slightly.

" It is not funny. I was deprived," He said laughing too. I snorted, and then coughed and Hunter laughed harder.

" I really do sympathise you know" I said trying to pull of a straight face. Hunter leant forward and took a handful of hair running his fingers through it almost thoughtfully.

He smiled and the sight of it, such a simply thing really, made me smile too " Hunter?" I asked turned towards him.

"Hmmm" he said distractedly still looking at me with an odd look, in his eyes heavy with feeling.

"How long have you got?" I asked taking his hand slowly in both of mine.

Hunter sighed, clearly unhappy "About two weeks, da's going to do another speaking date and he wants me there. Were still recruiting"

I sighed too, how much longer would this go on? " Hunter…. " I didn't really know what to say, how to say it.

" What's wrong?" he asked frowning, he moved slightly so that is bodies touched and stared at me hard.

"Me" I said angrily, thought not at him, at me, at what I was, and what I wasn't.

Hunter came forward touching the side of my face, bringing I close his " Don't ever say that. You're my Muirn Beatha Dans and I love you ore than anything. Nothing could make me stop loving you, you don't have to be angry with yourself, this isn't your fault," he said

I looked away " It always is my fault. I cant do anything right Hunter" I said despairing and it was true, so true.

" You don't know how wrong you are Morgan" he said quietly, he took his hands away " You can't help who you are, I love you as you are, I wouldn't ever want you to change. We gotten through worse than this, and we will get through his too." He said folding me into his arms.

" I hope so," I said but it was muffled. I did hope so, but hope, sometimes, could be so fickle.

Alyce had said that we should come over when Hunter got back from Sweden; she wanted to hear all about his adventures. That, and just what he had done to ourselves before he had left. Alyce new something had happened, that something had changed –about both of us. No other witch had guessed it, or even caught on to the fact something was up. But, I guess, I couldn't get anything past her.

She had been dropping hints, trying to get information- however subtly and I really had wanted to confide in her, to tell her about the spell, about the growing complexity of it, of what it was doing to both Hunter and I. I was glad, about the bond, it was so hard to talk to Hunter these days, let alone see him and with the bond in place I could feel him near me almost always. But, it wasn't the same, I liked that I could feel his aura with mine, it made the hole inside me dissipate, but I needed to see him too, to hold him, have him hold me, to tell me it would be alright.

Hunter, for the most part, seemed very happy now that he was here with me. He would smile at the oddest moments at some hidden secret and although he didn't know it, when he looked at me, almost shyly- secretly, I would look back, look for look.

The effects of the spell were okay really, what I expected of a spell like that, but it was intense stuff with it, and Hunter, although he seemed okay with it, seemed sometimes worried at what it could do to us if tested.

It had something to do with the intensity of the visions/dreams we were having, though whether or not it was because of the bond we were having them or that they were just a contributory factor neither Hunter or myself new. We would have to ask Alyce.

So, we did tell her, about the bond, and surprisingly she wasn't at all thrown back or shocked by what we had done, in fact if I hadn't known any better I would have said she was pleased.

She had had the bond in place to, but when her husband had died the bond had died with him. It rarely did die with the other partner, but sometimes it did, maybe this was the place I would find my information about the bond – and of course the dreams/visions.

"It's a powerful bond you know, I hope you considered it well. You must know then that it unites the two half's of the whole and it can only be done my soul mates or Muirn Beatha Dans, yes?" she said looked from one to the other. Hunter nodded and looked over to me. I looked back and nodded to Alyce. She smiled " Its good that you did, to be honest I had been expecting it, you two are the most closely connected I have ever seen, even without the bond you were, I knew it, from the beginning." She said taking a sip form her mug of cinnamon tea.

I looked down at my lap self-consciously but Hunter smiled holding my hand entwining our fingers, Alyce looked at our joined hands "That will pass you know" Hunter and I looked down at our joined hands then back at Alyce.

She nodded once to our hands " The need to feel close physically, you'll find other ways, in time" Hunter and I looked at one another again, smiling then looking away.

"What does that mean?" I asked holding hunters hand tighter but Hunter was frowning, he got it apparently, but me, I didn't.

Alyce smiled " It means that in a while, when your fully connected-"

"Wait, you mean- were not full connected now?" I asked shocked, but it seemed to me that we were.

Alyce shook her head softy " No, your only at the beginning of this bond, it will change you, a lot probably, it is a most joyous thing, but can be hard to, hard to deal with, but it is worth it, in the end. I cant tell you what you want to know, the bond is different for all soul mates, in time, you will come to know just what having a bond like that means" she whispered, she seemed so far away though, thinking, no doubt, about her own lost bond.

"What it means?" I repeated slowly but Hunter nodded again; he understood.

Alyce have me a gentle smile, then nodded, she looked over to Hunter " Hunter- did you know that enforcing the bond when you're so young would enhance it?" It seemed she knew, though I cant think how, that Hunter had been the one that had told me about the spell to bond us together.

Startled Hunter looked over to her, he glanced quickly at me " No. No I didn't know, until now anyway. I mean, Morgan and I went through some of the effects it would have but we never even thought about something like this happening" he said still, holding my hand, we hadn't dropped hands since he had come back.

" I didn't think you did. I didn't either. Always read the find print- at least that's what I learned," she said laughing, Hunter and I laughed too, what had we gotten ourselves into?

After visiting Alyce we went back to the apartment Hunter was sharing with sky, what Alyce had told us weighed heavily on both our minds. Hunter and I were still holding hands; I just didn't want to let him go.

I let his hand go then, and it felt like I was being ripped apart from him, I had never felt anything so painful before, and that included when Ciaran had tried to suck my magick away in New York.

Hunter looked at me and I looked at him, he looked as rumpled as I felt. He looked at me then closed him eyes and I did mine. It was so easy to go into Hunter's thoughts now; it had been attainable with a lot of concentration when the bond hasn't been in place. Now, all I had to do was close my eyes and think of him. I could feel the weight of his essence press against my own and I opened myself to him.

Hunter was scared; he didn't know what was happening. His mind told me that he loved me, with no tricks or reservations, his heart told me the same. My heart told Hunter that I loved him too. Hunter's essence danced with mine, a beautiful music started and I felt both of us give in to it. Hunter seemed aglow somehow, happy, I had never seen him so happy and I knew, without doubt, that this feeling, we both shared. Hunter felt how I felt, heard what I heard, saw what I saw. In his eyes I saw me, ordinary to anyone else, a goddess to him. The incandescent one he called me, that was odd because that was what Ciaran had called my mother, and what Maeve's mother had called her since she was little.

Hunter opened the door to his heart to me and I opened mine to him. I saw so much love there, barely contained passion and longing and I felt this like it was my own. We felt that passion together like it was a storm over us. We smiled together, we knew now without doubt, that this was were we belonged.

"Do you regret the decision we made about doing the bond?" Hunter asked. I put my arm across his chest and shook my head,

"No" I whispered, Hunter was lying on his back and I was lying beside him but turned into him, one of Hunter's arms securely about my shoulders, running through my hair. He took hold of my hand across his chest and brought it to his mouth kissing the palm.

"Not even a little?" he asked looking down at me. I shook my head again, I was certain it had been right.

"It felt right to me, did it feel right to you?" I asked looking up, he smiled and nodded then rested his head next to mine.

From the bed I could just make out the sky, it was purplish, sundown was close. Hunter ran his fingers down my arm gently.

"Its your birthday soon" Hunter said, he sounded surprised, as if the thought had only just occurred to him, but I knew better.

I nodded, he was talking about it already " Yeah, end of November, well sort of, the 23rd. Goddess I'm going to be eighteen," I said thinking about it. One year older.

I just thought of something "Hunter, when's your birthday?" I asked, realising that he had been eighteen when I had met him then suddenly he was nineteen, he never did tell me when it was.

Hunter smiled at me " December, the 16th" I sat up.

"That means you turned nineteen around the same time we got together" I said outraged, he hadn't said anything about his birthday at all.

I settled back down "Fine. That just means you get two presents this year Hunter Niall" I said and he laughed,

"Lets get your eighteenth over with. You'll be an adult then, you'll have no excuses" he said and I laughed with him.

" Well at least I'll still be a teenager, you'll be twenty. You really will be an adult," I said watching his face; it appears the thought had only occurred to him.

Hunter shrugged "I don't care about that. I already feel about forty Morgan," he said laughing harder as I leaned over to slap him.

Authors note:

Well boys and girls that is it for me – for another month. (Only kidding), I will update long before that.

To my devoted reviewers – haven't said it enough- I love you!

Jackie: Hello new reviewer! Nice to hear from a new voice. I'm glad you liked the story, thanks for the kind words.

Ravena Storm: Yeah, I know I have required a new fan. Thanks for the support; I know you've read another of my stories. I'm glad you like this one; i've put a lot of effort into it. I got the whole story about the bond/connection from my husband. He hasn't read the story though but I think he wants to. God knows what he'll think. I hope you like the new chapter- sorry for the long wait.

Wiccan-gal: Where do I get my ideas? An author never lets out her secrets… So since I'm not really an author I'll tell you  I got the idea of the connection that Morgan now has with Hunter from my own relationship with my husband. I know it sounds corny but I did. I'm Wiccan myself – but let me tell you there is no spell that will do that but hey! The cants/rants whatever I get from spell books, but mostly from my own BOS, things that i've done. The story line for the fan fiction? God knows. It just comes to me. I don't really plan out what's going to happen next I just sit at the computer and let it come. No I'm not Cate Tiernan, most unfortunately, I'm just me. Thanks for the review.

aUtHiStIc: Hello again. Yeah very long, this ones longer! Enjoy!

JadeMoon: Heya. Sorry about the update. I'm bad, I know.

Enjoy it!