Disclaimer: Same as before
Author's notes: I wanted something to trigger a freak for Josh, something to make him explode over all the stress, but wanted it to be something kind of mundane. Enjoy!
Then Everything Changed
Chapter 16- The Attack of the Ex's
I punch Josh in the arm. I can't believe he said that, out loud!
"What the hell was that?"
"Sorry, but he posed a threat."
"Colin poses no threat. Your idiotic thought processes poses the biggest threat to this relationship."
"Sorry." Damn him and his dimples. He leads me into my office. Josh put flowers on my desk, so it looks great! He is already forgiven.
My very own office for a campaign that matters. Its funny the stupid things that make you feel like you've grown up. The first time I felt like that was when Josh handed me his id badge eight years ago. Now as we stand in the doorway of an office the hotel provides for large events I feel more mature and ready for my new life ahead of me. Of course the fact that Josh is kissing my neck helps matters
"You were amazing in there."
I blush. Complements from Josh are a rare thing when it comes to my job performance.
"Yeah I guess."
"You're going to have a good day today." I love his dimples, they make fire shoot up my back and my stomach all flittery, which by the way, I know isn't a word.
Colin is going to be following them around for the rest of the day and I feel the need to remind Josh to be good, which he assures me he will be, which means I know he won't.
The rest of the day I dread my meeting with Amy and try to distract myself with the speech I have to write or the many phone calls I take. It's around 11:00 when the boys come barreling into my office. Mini versions of Matt, covered in some form of stickiness. Helen introduces us.
"Boys, this is Ms. Donna."
"Hi" They say in unison. I love little kid voices, innocent and tricky. Matt and Josh won't be back for another two hours or so, they have a meeting some unions besides the teachers. It should be enough time. I can't have Josh walking in on the end of this movie.
I can't imagine what it is like for these kids, their world is changing so fast and they have no control over anything. Kids like to own things, feel more adult.
"I have a very important job and I need some help. Do you think you could help me?"
"Maybe."
"I am writing a speech for your mom and it's my very first speech and I am a little scared about it." I point to the chair and ask them to sit down. "Well I need something to make the speech great, you know. I need a really cool and meaningful line to hook everything together. I need someone to do research." The boys seem interested but skeptical. "So I have this movie about a fish." Their eyes light up. "Seems this fish lost his son and he needs to find…."
"NEMO!" They yell.
"Right, I need a line from the movie that makes people feel good about themselves. But I don't have time to watch the movie, do you think you could do it and find a really cool line for me?"
"Yeah, Ms. Donna we can do that." I hand them the DVD and the run off. Helen mouths 'thank you' to me and I again am left with my dread.
Five minutes before Amy gets here I call Jackson into my office. She, by the way, is nearly a half an hour late.
"Hey Jackson did you eat lunch yet?"
"Not yet, but I will after Ms. Gardener leaves."
"Yes about that, do you think we could come up with some signal? You know if I feel threatened or something and you can, um kill her?"
"Ms. Moss I am allowed to take a bullet for you, I can shoot some one for you, but I can't kill your boyfriend's ex- girlfriend for you."
"Then you're useless to me." He laughs and stands outside the door. I should question him about calling Josh my boyfriend, but it seems a moot point.
When Amy comes in I pretend to be on the phone, actually I just repeat the conversation I had with Will ten minutes before. I point to the chair, you know, implying she's an idiot and doesn't know where to sit. When I finish with my face phone call I turn my attentions to her.
God she's a bitch. Smarmy. Her hair is perfect, her face has that smirk, that "I've been where you haven't. He was mine first. I am better then you in every possible way." Or it could just be her face.
"Nice office you have here." Die
"Yeah, they try to set me up someplace nice everywhere we go." I lie, but she doesn't know that.
"There is a lot of security here." Hmm.
"Compare to what?" Something's not right here. I can't place it.
"Um, compared to the beginning of the campaign. You know I worked here."
"Yeah, Josh said he fired you." SCORE!
"Hmm. You must be so excited to be back, under his wing and shadow." I wonder how many objects I can kill you with in this room.
"Well, he doesn't have an office. So what can I do for you?" I can staple your eye lids to your face. It won't kill you but it would hurt a lot.
"I think you need to focus on more women's issues in the campaign." I could repeatedly beat you with my laptop.
"Most of our platform corresponds with woman's issues is there anything you want to focus on?" I could use the phone cord to choke you.
"National Security." My God, are you the dumbest person alive or do just think I am?
"I think National Security is a national issue not just a woman's issue. Surely you have something more then just that." I raise my eyebrow. Of course she does.
"Well, I have more but I would like to talk to someone a little more higher up then you."
Bitch.
"Well, You were the one to schedule the meeting with me, so I am afraid all you get is little old me." Can you kill someone with whiteout?
"Well, there is the marriage incentive, I want them gone. You know Josh and I talk about marriage incentives. You know, Donna, benefits of being married."
The horror of that statement takes a few seconds to sink in. They talked about getting married. This was a consideration for him. He wanted Amy as his wife. Breathe. Focus on breathing. Focus on your enemy.
"Amy, I am very busy today. Why don't you just cut to the chase? This isn't about Marriage incentives, it is about child care. How much money do you want for working mothers to be reimbursed for child care?"
"Fifteen million." What? That can't be right. No. Oh God no! She wouldn't. I jot down a note while she rants about the money. "I know its lot but the future of America is worth it." You bitch. You did. You sold us out. My phone rings.
"Donna, you have to get down here now!" Will bellows.
"Excuse, Amy I have to go. Stay here."
I have the feeling I am leaving the frying pan of power struggles into a fire of , well nothing could have prepared me for what I saw.
Josh is standing in the middle of the room and Finding Nemo is paused on the TV, screaming. Everyone, the Santos clan, children included, Will, Ronna, Bram and Colin are looking to me for answers.
"DOOOONNNNNAAAA!" He's still screaming until he sees me at the door. "When did they start making snuff films for kids?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Nemo's dead!" This shouldn't be happening. I timed it. Josh shouldn't have been watching the movie or emotionally invested in it. They got back early. Shit!
"No, he's not."
"Marlin thinks he's dead!" I look at Matt for some sort of an explanation.
"Sorry, they were at the end, but I like the part with the turtles." He shrugs. Josh is a lot to handle if you don't understand all of his emotional baggage. He's even more to handle when you do.
"Josh everything is going to be fine." Helen speaks up hoping to be the voice of reason.
"Donna. I need to hear it from you."
"Josh, It's not going to be fine. Marlin thinks Nemo is dead and he is going to ditch Dory." He needs honesty and a blow by blow description.
"But why? Dory is his friend, she could help him." In his voice I hear all the hurt over the past few months. Each time I think we over come it, something reminds both of us about the pain, anger and frustration. Each time these happens I hate Leo and the President for a spilt second.
"Because its too hard on him. He needs to be alone and sometimes that means hurting someone your close too." We make eye contact, unsure if we are still talking about the movie. He needs to know what he's in for, I feel like I am explaining this to child.
"Nemo is only faking his death to get flushed down the toilet. He makes his way into the ocean and finds Dory and the two of them go looking for Marlin. Then they get caught up in the fishing net. Free the fish. The net lands of Nemo and they make their way back to the reef. It all ends very happy."
The youngest of the Santos clan pipes in, "You forgot the scary part; Bruce."
"Right, Bruce the shark comes back at the end."
"I'll hold your hand Mr. Josh." Josh breaks my gaze to smile down at the child.
"Thanks. Donna come here and watch the rest of the movie with me." Josh pushes Will off of the couch. Clearly I am to take my place next to Josh while poor Will is forced to sit the couch arm with his laptop in tow. We exchanged "I am sorry" and "that's ok" glances.
Josh focuses all of his attention on to the TV screen. The youngest Santos is on Josh's other side ready to protect him from the evil toothy smile of Bruce the shark.
This movie isn't a metaphor for our lives, or at least that is what I want to believe.
I want reach out to Josh. I want to hold him and tell him everything will be ok. I want to. But I can't.
We haven't talked about our relationship going public and I can't afford to take that risk. Instead I rub my pinky against his. A small barely noticeable act which goes unseen by all the eyes in the room, mostly because the movie has sucked everyone's attention.
It is important to note when you are around someone long enough, or work in the White House, for any amount of time you become as master of the wordless conversations. Josh and I had our first wordless conversation when I came back from the Attack of Dr. Freeride, part 2. He said "there's work on the desk." But his eyes said, "thank you. I missed you." Mine said. "I missed you too." While working at the White House nearly every conversion that dealt with our feelings were never spoken; simply glances into each other's eyes. For eight years that's how we communicated, and habits are sometimes very hard to break.
My eyes: "Are you ok?"
His eyes: "Better that you're here." He blinks (that means a new thought) His eyes shift to Colin who is messing with his camera. "I think he took a picture. God I feel like such an ass."
"She can't remember Nemo's name?" Josh breaks the silence. Little Santos explains.
"Mr. Josh, that's what makes it funny." I love these kids.
My eyes: "Its ok, I'll take care of it." I blink "There is something else."
"You're watching a movie, Donna. I didn't think I would be blown off for a kids movie." I hate Amy. She's standing in the doorway like a queen surveying her land.
"You were supposed to stay in the room. I'll be with you when I'm done here."
"I'll wait here, if you don't mind."
"Whatever."
My eyes go back to their conversation: "I hate her."
His eyes and a smile say, "I know."
My eyes. "I think she betrayed us."
His eyes. "What?"
"Mr. Josh, you might want to hold my hand now. Bruce is coming up." The littlest Santos grabs Josh's hand.
My eyes. "She's low." I make a V with my fingers on my lap.
"Why thank you very much for protecting me. You're right he was scary." Josh is so good with these kids. I bet he would make a good dad. AH! Focus Donna Focus.
His eyes: "You think she is supporting Vinick?"
I nod. The credits start in the movie. "So guys did you come up with a quote for me?"
The two mini Santos' go to conference. They remerge confident. "We have, 'just keep swimming'"
"No, they can't use that one." Will shouts from the armrest.
"Why not!" Clearly, Will would make a lousy father.
"I was going to use it for MY speech." Awe he's playing around.
"Well, Will, MY researches have picked their quote maybe they could help you with your speech too." The kids start to beam with pride and the thought of providing something else to help their Mom and Dad. Sure we are all playing to these kids, but hey did you see how cute they were.
"How about, 'I wish I could speak whale.'?"
"We'll see." There is joy in the jungle for now. Josh is calm sort of. The children feel important. I have my quote. All is well.
"Why are you using Disney quotes for a speech?" Damn you, Amy.
"We are going to a Hollywood Fund raiser and Donna thought it would be a good idea to use a line from a movie." Thank you, Helen.
"Who is reading the speech?"
"I am." Helen is becoming defense. So am I, but the words have yet to come from my mouth. Both Josh and Will make eye contact. They're having a conversation too.
I could stop this at any time. I simple word would do. But instead, I allow Amy to dig her grave. It's going to be fun to watch. I'll take any insults she throws at me, because I see the chain reaction about to occur. I could stop it, but I don't.
"So you are letting the potential First Lady quote a children's movie?" she says a "children's movie" like it is Mien Kopf or something. "Don't you think that is a little trite? You've already stripped her on any power she could potential possess. And to have her children pick out the line, that is simply pandering and pathetic." Oh Boy. This is when chaos enters in the room. Ronna and Bram grab the boys so they won't witness the parental backlash.
"Hey guys, lets go down to the arcade in the hotel. Sounds fun right." They are gone.
"Will, could you bring Amy back to my office? While you are there if you could look at my speech and make notes that would be great."
Will jumps up and grabs Amy by the arm. "Why does she even have an office, she's just an assistant." BITCH!
A visually pissed off Will retaliates, "let me assist you there." That's my boy!
Josh jumps from the couch and leads Matt and his wife into their bedroom. Leaving me alone with Colin.
"She's lovely." He smirks.
"You have no idea." Though the closed doors I can still hear the screams. Matt is offended that she could attack his wife and children. Offended by the way is the nicest possible word I could use for the situation.
"I guess you want to see the pictures."
"Yeah." I hardly know this man. I've seen him naked. We've talked but being near him doesn't feel… right.
"I didn't take any pictures of Josh's Nemo freak out if that is what you were worried about."
"A little."
"Donna if there was way one in the room who was going to understand why he was freaking out… it would be me." Suddenly I remember why I slept with him in the first place.
We hear Santos scream. "Damn it! Josh if you are ever that hard up for sex I'll pay for the hooker myself with a personal check before I let you get back together with her!"
I look at the camera screen to see Josh and I having our eye conversation. Our fingers are intertwined. To the untrained eye we look like we are in love, but well, um. We look good together. I don't know how long I was staring at the picture until Josh goes running out of the room on a warpath for Amy.
"Sorry." I cry out.
"Don't worry about it."
I turn my attentions back to the screen. "It needs to be deleted."
Colin shakes his head. "No, it's a gift for letting me spend the day with you." He goes through his bag and pulls out a manila envelope. "This is for you too. They're pictures from Gaza. It's the real reason I took the assignment; I didn't want to just mail them to you. Look at them, don't look at them, do with you want with them the negative are in there as well."
I don't know what do say or do. Too many emotions are filling me up at once. I certainly don't want to relive this event over again. I thank him and we continue to go through the pictures.