PART VIII
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"Tribulation is treasure in the nature of it, but it is not current money in the use of it, except we get nearer and nearer our home,
Heaven, by it."
Mediation 17, Donne
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Harm hadn't known he had fallen asleep until a hand shook him awake a few hours earlier. He jerked his head up from where it had fallen on the bed and was greeted with the concerned face of the Admiral. Then it all came flooding back to him. He had thought it had been a dream and he would wake up, go to JAG, and be relieved to see that Mac was all right. No such luck.
"Harm, you should go home." The Admiral suggested softly.
"Sir, how did you find out? I meant to call . . ."
"She's my Chief of Staff, Harm. I was going to find out, no matter who told me. And you have enough on your mind, I'm glad you didn't deal with the task of calling me."
Harm nodded and glanced down at the fallen book on the bed and placed it on the table beside the bed. He then lifted his eyes to Mac's face and sighed. How had this all happened? And why?
"Harm, she'll be alright." The Admiral said.
"I know, sir." But he really didn't know.
"It's AJ here."
Harm nodded.
"Why don't you go home to get a little sleep? I'll stay here and call you if anything changes." AJ suggested.
Harm sighed. He knew the Admiral was giving a suggestion, but would make it an order if Harm didn't obey. And he didn't have any energy left to argue.
He stood and placed a warm hand on Mac's cheek, startled at how cold it was. He leaned down and kissed where his hand had been. "I'll be back in a little, Marine. I'll see you in the morning, when you are awake, when I can see you smiling again." Harm had to bite back a sob as he smoothed a hand across her forehead. He turned to AJ, "Promise to call me, if anything, anything at all, happens?"
AJ nodded. "Promise. And get some sleep."
Harm nodded. "Thank you, sir." With that he turned and left, preparing to head out into the night air, the snowflakes still falling in a steady rhythm.
§§§
"I see you struggling, and I know the anguish of your soul. I know it seems as if I've forgotten you, but your troubles are only temporary."
Psalm 22:24, 31:7, 2
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That night I was requested to the drawing room with Mr. Rabb and Mrs. Fairfax. A fire was blazing in the fireplace and I took a seat in the corner. Mr. Rabb was facing the fire and Mrs. Fairfax was knitting in the corner.
I saw there silently for a few minutes when Mr. Rabb spoke. "Pull your chair closer, Miss Mackenzie."
I pulled my chair a little closer and then stopped, hoping it would satisfy him. I did not want to get too close.
He turned his head towards me, the light of fire flickering in his eyes and on his broad forehead. "Come further! I will not bite."
I pulled my chair a few inches closer, relieved when he did not urge me any more. The heat from the fire was suffocating and I wished for a break from his presence.
"When did you come here?" Mr. Rabb asked, turning his head to stare once again at the fire.
"I posted in the paper about needing a job. Mrs. Fairfax contacted me about the position of a secretary."
He nodded. "Where were you before?"
"At Lowood School, sir. I was a student, then became a teacher."
He turned to me, this time seeming to keep his eyes fixed there for more than a second. "Ah, that explains your disposition."
I remained silent at this, unsure of how to interpret his statement.
"Have you had much skill with secretary's work?" He asked.
"A little."
"You fall over backwards with modesty! You have done wonders with the organization here."
"It is my job." I wished for nothing more than at that moment to escape to my room. Never before had the drawing room seemed so confining.
He asked me about my previous history and how I liked Thornfield Mansion. It was nearing nine o'clock when Mrs. Fairfax announced her departure. Mr. Rabb seemed either unmoved or relieved by her statement.
"I should retire, too, sir."
"So soon?" He asked, somewhat gruffly.
"It had been a long day."
"Very well." He bid me good night and I exited the room, feeling much less relieved from the escape than I had imagined.
§§§
Mr. Rabb was very preoccupied for the next few days with work and it wasn't until a week later that we got another chance to talk. During that time I worked harder than ever in maintaining the tedious organization system I had set up and performing any work Mrs. Fairfax directed to me.
I also found, during this time, that walks through the corridors of the extensive mansion proved salutary. The tapestries and portraits were an excellent source to pass the time. It wasn't until later that week, the day that I finally got a chance to discourse with Mr. Rabb, that an event occurred which unnerved me for some time.
I had just begun my trek up the hall and was preparing to head back down it, when the most demoniac, evil laugh I've ever heard echoed from a nearby chamber. I froze in my tracks and listened intently. I was about to think myself truly certifiable when the laugh resounded. I could not help but pale and inhaled a shallow, shaky breath. The sound reached my very marrow and it would no doubt echo in my mind throughout the day. I hurried down the hall before I could recall the sound again and was preparing to descend the stairs, unconsciously fleeing from the sound, when Mr. Rabb encountered me.
"Miss Mackenzie, you look pale. Has something disturbed you?"
"No sir." I silently cursed my shaky voice.
He gave me a skeptical look and was about to proceed in his interrogation when Mrs. Fairfax called me, requesting my help.
I eagerly descended, still frightened by the sound, unaware of a pair of eyes staring after me.
§§§
Harm had taken up residence by Mac's beside, alternately sleeping and reading Jane Eyre to her. It helped him get his mind off of everything and he found it as a great escape. He had only gone home to shower and change. It did all his sleeping by Mac's beside.
Everyone had tried to convince him to leave, but as usual, it just made Harm more stubborn. He wasn't going to leave until she woke up. If she woke up. He caught his mind as that thought flitted across it and changed it to when she woke up.
It had been three, long, torturous days since Mac had gotten in the car accident. Three long, torturous days since he had heard her musical laugh. Three long, torturous days since had had seen her smile. The smile that could like an entire city. He knew because it lit his heart like that.
Harm got up and walked to the window, placing his slightly shaking hands on the windowsill. As a few hurried snowflakes descended from the sky above Harm did something he hadn't done in years. He prayed.
§§§
It was after my encounter with the sound that I had a chance to talk with Mr. Rabb. I was taking a walk around the grounds, peering up at the house every so often, when I saw his figure approaching through a nearby path. He waved for me to stop and I greeted him at the gate.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Rabb."
He nodded in return with his somewhat gruff attitude. The attitude I had grown to accept and to admire.
The sun that day was obscured by the clouds, but a few rays peaked through the veil. They attempted to warm my face but I found the air still slightly chilly after the morning rain.
We talked for awhile, discussing his business and then strayed to less business-related topics. Presently, he asked me a question, which baffled me somewhat.
"Ms. Mackenzie . . . how do you like Thornfield Mansion?"
"Very much, sir. It is a beautiful mansion."
He nodded. "Typical response from you. Subtle and vague."
I didn't know how to perceive his statement so I remained silent.
"I do not like it. It's a blasted place. Look at those windows! They are clouded over with grime and shame. The walks are overridden with weeds and the roses are withering in the sun."
I glanced around only to find each statement proved false by contradicting evidence. The walks were clear and wide and the roses were blooming in the sun, as if declaring they would never die. I wondered what made him act this way and if I had not been so quiet in nature, I would have surely questioned his attitude.