Disclaimer: you should know it by now.
Author's note: Thank you to everyone who has given me feedback, I can't even begin to express how much it means to me! This chapter might be a little hard to read, Donna is very cold but Josh starts to redeem himself. This chapter deals with the plane ride back to DC, I hope I get the mood across. This chapter I've had in my head for a while.
Also, I would like to say, tonight in the shower I came up with the perfect ending to this epic tale. Keep with it, troops, things will get better!
Then Everything Changed.
Chapter 24
This morning I have throbbing headache. I got up and ponder if I should shower here or wait the next few hours and shower at home. Matt's in the shower now, I'll just wait.
The morning is hauntingly quiet, empty and lonely. This is the first morning I've woke up without Donna beside me, in two weeks. I once started sleeping with her; I had hoped I would never be without her. Now I am beginning to feel like I will never be with her again. My fear are confirmed when I see the flower in the trash. I look inside to see if she got my note; it seems to be missing from the lifeless fragrant plants.
Maybe the hotel staff took it away? Who am I kidding? It's Donna.
I push the elevator button. The hateful one opens its doors. I replay the entire night in my head, like I've been doing all night, all morning. Zero sleep. What was I thinking, flowers? I need to buy her diamonds.
Ronna is waiting in the lobby. Same spot I saw Matt in last night. Neither Ned nor Bram will look at me. Ronna hands me a letter. Mr. Lyman. Shit. I don't need to read it. I know who it is from, hells I even know what it says. Ronna presents letters to Will, Leo and Matt. The congressman is having a little trouble reading Donna's distinct handwriting. He looks to me to translate.
I forgot how perfectly crafted her language can be, and it reaffirms my decision not to read my letter.
"She resigns. She sees no reason to stay." Of course she put it nicer.
I guess I am not a reason to stay.
We drive in silence. Abba is playing in the CD player. "Knowing Me Knowing You" is ringing in my ears:
Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
There is nothing we can do
Knowing me, knowing you (ah-haa)
We just have to face it, this time we're through
(this time we're through, this time we're through
This time we're through, we're really through)
Breaking up is never easy, I know but I have to go
(I have to go this time
I have to go, this time I know)
Knowing me, knowing you
It's the best I can do
I really hate Abba.
But I listen to it as a form of penances.
I listen to the messages, I turned my cel phone off last night.
Two from Toby.
Three from CJ.
One from Sam. Shit
One from my mother.
One from the restaurant; they are charging my credit card $50 for breaking the reservation. That one stings. I was going to tell her I love her. It feels like a lifetime ago.
Donna and Jackson are already on the plane. We each sit alone in a row.
It is six in the morning, the sun hasn't even risen yet and everyone is wearing sunglasses.
Leo is the first to approach. "Donna, you can't quit."
She doesn't even look up from her New York Times. "Leo, after everything I have done for you in the past six months, everything I have lost and given up. Do you think YOU are the one to convince me to keep my job? You screwed over Josh. I should have known it would only be a matter of time before you screw over me."
Leo retreats back to his seat. She defended me. She must still care. Right? I have a chance. She is two rows back, blond hair tied tight in a bun, she looks like a librarian. I shouldn't tell her that.
I stand up and start my descent. Jackson stands up too, eyeing every step I make.
"Donna." Can you hear the pain and sorrow in my voice? Can you tell I just need to talk to her? Five minutes, you can pick when. I can't lose you, we can work this out. Donna I love you.
"Mr. Lyman." Mr. Lyman, she has never called me that to my face. Ice and fear converge and combine into bile which is making its ascent into my mouth. "You make your opinions of me painfully clear last night. I wish never to speak to you again."
I am not sure how but I make my way to my seat. The world looks a little darker, even with the sun rising in the distance.
The captain announces five minutes until take off.
Matt makes a final attempt.
"Ms. Moss," Good start, "if I could have a moment of your time."
"Yes Congressmen. Did Helen call yet?" Her tone is softer, she understands his pain and her compassion is winning.
"Yes, thank you. I wanted to ask you to reconsider you resignation, for forty eight hours, sleep on it, take some time off and think and if you still feel this way I will aspect your offer."
"I can not do that sir. I refuse to work with people who think so little of me."
"I am willing to make staffing changes. I will fire Josh and Will." HUH? I can see firing Will, but me?
I got you here. No I really didn't .
He doesn't need me.
My career was the one thing I was clear on, and good at. But the congressman is constantly showing me how untrue that is.
He can win the White House without me.
"No, sir." Huh? "You will not be able to win the White House without them. Both Mr. Lyman" the bile returns "and Mr. Bailey" he stirs in his seat. "are highly educated, they have degrees from Ivy League schools. They are geniuses at what they do, there is just a handful of people who are on par with them. I didn't even finish college. I am simply not smart enough."
Oh Donna. It's not true. Her voice rings with shame and self hatred, my God, she believes it true.
"I don't want to be president if it means winning like this."
"You are a good man, who had one moment of weakness. Your mistakes are the only thing in this world that is yours and yours alone. Own them, learn from them, and never repeat them." He stands still letting the words soak in. "Sir, it has been an honor and a privilege to work for you."
"No, Ms. Moss the honor and privilege has been all mine." He returns to his seat.
We start to taxi. Her voice fills the cabin. "Sir,"
"Yes, Ms. Moss." He sounds so hopeful.
"The President will not be introducing you today, it will be Toby Zeiger."
"You bitch" Will spits. I am on my feet, no talks to Donna like that. Jackson pulls his gun.
"Mr. Bailey that is an odd remark coming from you. You assume I sold you out. Funny, since you sold out President Bartlet out two years ago to be the Vice President's lap dog. I would expect nothing less for a person of your quality." I sit back down; she doesn't care what I have to say.
Jackson puts his gun away.
Matt responds,"Thank you, Ms. Moss I really don't think I can handle speaking with the President today."
We are in the air. Will pulls out his letter and starts to read it. He spends the rest of the 45 minute flight looking out the window.
When we land, ABBA follows us.
I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play
I ask the driver to turn off the music.
Ronna, Bram and Ned present Matt with letters as well.
Two week notices.
Matt is too weak to even argue but thanks them for staying the two weeks until replacement can be found. He is so damn gracious about this.
We drop Donna off at the White House. It looms in the background, someplace I used to consider my home is now a source of uncertainly. She walks in the main corridor and never looks back.
The last thing I see is the back of her head, my heart breaks thinking it might be the last time I ever see her again.