Disclaimer: they aren't mine.
Author's notes: I firmly believe that the only wayyou can get over something bad, is to have something worse happen. Stick with it, the romance and comdey I love to write will be returning soon. This chapter was going to end in the middle, after Donna's phone call with Toby, but I thought it was too cruel just to stop it there. This is told from Josh's POV, CJ's POV, Donna's POV, Vinick's POV and back to Donna's POV.
Donna what have I done to you. My god how have I hurt you.
"Thank you ladies and gentleman, it is an honor to be here today."
I hear Ave Maria in my head.
The ground briefly shakes.
I scrambled and grab Toby pulling him to the ground. Why am I the only one reacting? Am I? Fear its all over his face, that and blood.
Wet, my side is wet.
Together we reach for Matt, but I think he is already on the ground.
One though repeats in my head. Thank God Donna wasn't here.
My side hurts and I think I am stuck on something. Everything is so blurry.
I should have called my mother back this morning.
Hands grab me, pull me.
I try to look around, too much smoke to see.
Why am I so wet?
Am I walking?
Everything hurts, it's dull and sharp, too many sensations.
Something smells like burning.
I should have told her I love her.
Is everything getting dark?
Will, his hand shouldn't look like that.
Where is Matt going?
Where is Toby?
God I can't find Leo.
I have to tell her I am sorry.
Blood. Is it mine? I hate blood whose ever it is.
I can't see. Did someone cover my eyes?
No.
When will the music stop?
I should have married her after Rosslyn.
Where am I going?
Who is leading me?
My mouth tastes funny, salty. Bloody.
Am I in a car?
What is happening?
Am I saying any of this out loud?
I promised her I would never do this to her again. I lied. She is going to be so pissed off at me.
Did that just happen? This couldn't be right. Toby. Leo. Josh. Will. Santos. None of that could be right. Why won't the smoke clear? My blood freezes. No one moves.
Donna speaks, "I have to go." I hear to door open but I can't tear my eyes off the television screen.
"We are in a lock down everyone needs to stay where they are." Grunts. My brain starts to work again.
I admit never consider Donna to be a strong woman, what kind of woman hides her feelings for eight years? How can she sit back a watch the world pass her by?
My eyes focus. There is a Secret Service agent lies groaning on the floor and Donna hovering over him. A second agent comes in and slams her against the filing cabinet.
"I have to go." She repeats louder, stronger.
I watched her grew, and understood the strength it took not to leave, to sit back and watch another woman with her man. I understand the bitterness and anger, but that never stopped her.
"Lady, if you move I will put a bullet in you." The agent pulls his gun holding her tight. Neither Annabeth or Kate has moved.
Donna's strength was hard to see at first, it was stubble, but powerful. The day she left the White House to start some crazy journey to save lost soul, I saw the truth. Donna Moss is stronger then I am.
"Either way I am going to that hospital."
As their friend I rooted for them.
As press secretary they scared the hell out of me.
As Chief of Staff I can finally help them.
"She's Marilyn." My voice is heavy with fear. "You have orders to get Marilyn to DiMaggio."
"It is a lock down." Why is this man arguing with me?
"I am giving you the go ahead."
"You don't have that authority."
"I don't but I will call someone who does." It is a tough gambit, but I win.
Reality sets in, Donna gazes at me, "I don't have a car."
"Give me thirty seconds, you will have a police cruiser." I look at the agent, "You are going with her." He releases Donna from his hold and shakes his head. She seems unfazed by it.
She starts to bark orders, "Margaret! Get Helen Santos in the air. She is at their residences, you might have to use Secret Service channels to get through, and her phone lines will be busy. Then call Mallory. She's in New York, get her a plane or train ticket. I'll contact everyone else."
I through her my cell phone, the other women follow suit.
"I'll keep in touch CJ." The stage blew up less then one minute ago. The door slams and it wakes the others from their trance.
Kate barely whispers, "Will." My brain scream Toby.
After Rosslyn I swore I would never let something like this catch me off guard. Josh is in danger and I need to be there with him.
My side hurts, I am sure the filing cabinet handle will leave a nice bruise. No time to think about that now.
Charlie calls out my name from Josh's former office. He tosses me his cell phone. The sharp pain in my side hinders me from catching it, but my new agent does the job for me. He might be useful after all.
"Are you in contact with the agents at the scene?"
"Yes."
"Which hospital?"
"GW"
The cruiser is waiting for us, engine running. The agent jumps in the front, I set up camp in the back.
First equipment check:
CJ's blackberry: Battery life: three bars- Contact with the White house
My blackberry: Battery life: two bars- All in coming calls
Annebeth's cell: Battery life four bars - contact with family
Kate's cell: Battery life: four bars- Contact with campaign
Charlie's cell: Battery life: one bar, useless.- phone book.
Now make contact.
Josh's cell. Ring Ring Voice mail
Will's cell Ring voice mail
Toby's cell Ring Ring "Hello"
"Toby, its Donna."
"Donna!"
"Talk to me, what are the injuries." Stay calm, not let him here the quiver in your voice.
"The blood, it everywhere." Ok I figured on blood, "My head is bleeding, it is stinging my eyes."
"Who else is with you?" I hear Josh cry my name, even if it is weakly.
"Josh and Will. Will's hand is all messed up and he can't stop throwing up. Josh…"
"What happened to Josh!"
"Donna the blood, it everywhere." My hand instinctively holds my head. Hold it together Donna, if you start to cry now, you might not stop.
I here Josh muffled calls, "phone now." The phone changes hands. "Donna." His voice is so weak and shallow. "I.."
"I know Josh." No matter what he wanted to say, I know what it was. I can only pray he understands the importance. "Are you hurt?"
"There is so much blood. I hate blood."
"How bad is it, compared to last time?" It isn't fair, no one should have a point of reference for something like this.
"I don't remember the pain." His voice becomes hoarse and he empty.
"What do you remember?" Stay with me Josh, keep talking.
"The fear."
"Is it the same?"
"Different. Not death, but loss." His voice softer with every word. "Donna I know too"
Silence. "Josh?"
"JOSH!" Toby screams. Dial tone. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.
At least he is still alive. Life, that's what is important, everything else we can work on.
What's next?
Call Ronna: "Ronna, its Donna."
"Oh my god what do we do?"
"First have Ned or Bram do a complete staff check. We need everyone accounted for, people who went with them to the event, all support staff. We need to know that everyone is ok and have them contact their families. When you get that done, meet me at the hospital. Leave either Ned or Bram at the headquarters'. NO PRESS, do you understand no press."
"Donna, are they ok?"
"I don't know, according to Toby there is a lot of blood. I am assuming that Leo and Matt are in the other van."
"Helen?"
"I gave instructions to get her into the air and here as ASAP. I will call the White House to confirm." The strictness of my voice shocks me a little bit, when did I turn into all business. "Ronna, everything is going to be fine." Is it a lie if you don't know if it is true?
"Donna, I'm scared."
"So am I, that's why I need you at the hospital. Get there as fast as you can."
Click.
The car races through the streets of DC. The siren blares in my ears. Things seem so familiar, I know what building that is, but my brain can't process it.
Josh.
Focus, you have work to do. Call the White House.
"Margaret where is Helen? What about Mallory what is their status?"
"Helen Santos has been picked up from her house and will be driven to an air strip where our plane will be picking her up. Mallory has a train ticket waiting for her. Donna how are they?"
"Bleeding is all I know. Has the White House issued a statement yet?"
"Not yet, we need more information. CJ is talking to Dr. Bartlet and the President right now. Donna, are you ok?"
"Fine for now. I'll keep you guys in the loop. Can you get Vinick's number?"
"Sure, but why?"
"I need to speak to him."
My donut is hanging out of my mouth.
I've been watching Matt Santos very closely over the last few weeks, there is a new energy there that was missing a month ago. Staff changes I think. He's been a worthy candidate and so far has fought clean. Somehow I don't think Josh Lyman or Will Bailey have a lot to do with it. He looked awful walking up to the podium. He clearly didn't sleep last night. "Ladies and Gentlemen it is an honor to be here today."
Behind the smoke and confusion after the camera settled down and the picture refocus, I saw him being carried away. Someone tried to kill him.
Are they ok?
Is anyone hurt?
What should I do?
My staff sits in silence, no one eyes are pulled from the television. CNN is already commenting, saying it was a terrorist attack. The film is being replayed. This is when the donut started hanging out of my mouth.
How can they do that? Declared a terrorist attack, replay the footage. What gives them the right? Has the families even been notified or is it safe to assume that their family was watching CNN and that was their notification.
We watch it being replayed for the fifth time. No one in my office speaks and when the phone rings it jars us out of our collective comas.
"Senator Vinick?"
"Yes."
"This is Donna Moss I work for the Santos Campaign."
"Are they alright?"
"I am not sure I am on the way to the hospital right now. Sir, I am calling to find out if you know what to do with your staff."
"What?"
"Did anyone tell you what do with your staff if something like this happens?"
"You guys have a handbook for this stuff?"
"No, but in about ten minutes when the shock wears off, collectively they will begin to panic."
"Why?"
"Because they would have realized that it could have been them. You could have been a target and they could have been hurt too. The danger of working at the White House will become all too real. It was different when it happened to President Bartlet, his job wasn't up for grabs."
Why does she care about me? Isn't there other things she should be doing? But everything she says is true. There is a sinking horror in my stomach. It could have been us. My staff will start to panic, they are my family and I need to protect them.
"What do I do?"
"Get a head count of everyone. Have all staff contact their families. Call yours. Reassure them. I will not tell you how to run your campaign, if you want to talk to the press or if you want to keep you events for the day, it is up to you. I'll keep calling you over the course of the day to keep you up to date. I will guarantee, you will know before I tell anything to the press." There is a terror in her voice; she seems to be walking now. "Where are they? Why aren't they here?" Did she get to the hospital before them?
I hear someone say, "They got caught at a red light."
Noise explodes. "Senator, they are here now, I have to go. I'll call you later."
I don't know why I am calling Vinick, but it seems like something I should do. I didn't want to call Josh's mom, or Andi or Elise until I got some news. I needed facts before I talked to them. That makes sense, right? I don't want to give them false information. No information would be better. Right? What the hell am I saying to Vinick. He must think I am a nut.
What the hell is taking so long? Just slow down the car, I'll jump out.
The hospital is cold, empty and lacking all the chaos I would be expecting. Are we in the right place? Did they move them to another location?
"Where are they?" I scream at my agent. Not once have I looked at him. Even when he had me pinned, I don't think I really saw him. All my mind saw was Josh. I should have told him I love him. Nothing he said last night matters now.
"They got caught at a red light."
I don't understand how did I get here so fast? The Police cruiser had its light and siren on.
There are nurses and doctors staring at me, but they are getting ready for the madness to ensue. My agent pulls me away as I hear the screeching tires of the van. Am I still talking to Vinick? Did I just tell him I didn't care what he did today?
"Senator, they are here now, I have to go. I'll call you later."
Leo is the first to come in. He is one of the greatest men I have ever known, to see him so pale, and weak. Was he always this weak and small?
I hear the doctors shout of cardiac arrest. He is wheeled away just as fast as he arrives.
"Leo, your daughter is on the way." I shout in a vain attempt for him to hear. He makes a small groan. Did he understand?
Matt is next to arrive. He has a jacket covering his arm and there seems to be something jettison out of his arm. His bone? Complex factor, no big deal. Blood is caked in his hair and sticking to his face.
Toby said there was a lot of blood, what cut them?
I run to Matt's side and follow along with him as the doctors rush him along.
"Donna."
"Helen is on her way. I'll call the boys camp. Do you want them to know?"
"No." He is nearly swallowed by the door to the emergency room when I hear. "Thank you."
More agents fill the hallway. They all look rough, and none of them will receive medical attention until someone points it out.
The second van pulls in. Josh's van.
Jackson is the first to enter the hospital shouting commends. I want to call out his name, but I don't, he sees me first.
"Ms. Moss you should NOT be here." He looks to the other agent for an explanation.
"Jackson I have to stay." No one is making me leave, not after all I went though to get here.
"You don't understand, no one knew you weren't going to be at the event today."
What is he saying, was I the target? I can't think about this right now.
Doctors rush out to the van. My whole world stops. Josh gets rolled in. White, his skin is white, not pale but the absence of all color. It could be from the pain, or all the blood, he can't really handle the blood. His eyes are closed. The frantic screams of the doctors make my heart stop.
"Get him into the OR now!" I can't control my body, I instinctively end up by Josh's side.
He is a shell of who he was two days ago. His face is twisted in pain, his lips are pursed. Maroon is spreading across his shirt like slow moving oil. Blood has pooled up around his belt. Did he look this bad when he got shot? I don't remember this much blood.
"Josh." I call out to him, following the gurney.
No response. "Josh?" His eyes open. They seem unfocused.
"Donna?" I can't place it, something is wrong.
"Josh I am here." He looks at me, a terror and calm fills his face.
"Donna?" Uncertainty weighs his voice down, I gaze into his eyes. His eyes. I can't read them. I don't know how he feels or what his is thinking. They are empty, hallow, they and they are reflecting into his soul.
He's not strong enough for this fight. Not this time. He is swallowed into the caverns of the hospital. I stare at him as he disappears. There is so much for me to say, but what words can display every emotion I need.
"Josh, I know."
My knees stop working; my legs can't support my weight. Before I fall to the floor, two arms, support my arms, and hold me up.
"Jackson, don't make me leave."
"Alright Ms. Moss, but I am calling in more agents."