Wow, thanks for the encouraging reviews!
Well, last chapter we saw our pharaoh begin of streak of bad luck…and it just gets better and better (mwuhahaha!)!

I'm very sorry I haven't updated in a while but I was having a huge writers' block with this story! I can write the beginning chapter easily, I know how the story's going to end…but the middle…uh, no clue. Weird, I know.

Disclaimer: Nope. Don't own.
Oh, just as a forewarning when I wrote this I was in a very sarcastic mood. But then again I think my writing style always has some sarcasm…anyways, you were warned. Enjoy :D

There are moments in life where one feels that the whole world is against you.

Pharaoh Atem was having one of those moments.

Like they had a meeting while you were sleeping on the best ways to publicly humiliate him while making sure that every thing and being (or other) would be put against him. Before today Yami had been an avid believer of 'forging your own destiny' holy faith; the belief where everything happens for a reason and though it may seem really unlucky it's all just a coincidence.

Coincidence his a-

Now as we can see, the pharaoh had changed his hailed, beloved holy belief into something less err holy. Well, to be frank this almighty belief was now CRAP. Um, literally.

"Holy crap!" Yami muttered to himself angrily. (You see?) Where the hell had that garbage can come from! One would think it was some horrible twist of fate!

The timing had been perfect. It was right before the garbage truck came. Cruelly ironic. Yami could tell that the garbage men were struggling not to point and laugh as they took the empty garbage can. He could hear peals of laughter ringing as they drove away. This was not Yami's day. And the fun just didn't end there.

Yami was covered from head to toe in an indistinguishable substance that could be classified as 'dangerous chemicals' by the FBI and by coincidental chance smelled like hell. The lovely tri spikes that graced Yami's exotic head where a golden crown once adorned it…was now replaced by a rotting, most lovely, banana peel.

All hail the almighty banana Pharaoh!

"My leather pants are ruined!" Yami wailed as he wiped his eyes of the toxic goo and looked at his now café mush-covered (with only Ra-knows-what gunk limited edition, just for you, you lucky pharaoh!) expensive leather pants. Ra, he didn't even want to THINK about what was going on with his heavy, bedraggled, ruined hair. He might just cry. But he was strong. He was a pharaoh. A sex god. A symbol of manliness. Pharaohs/sex gods/symbols did NOT cry.

Okay, so maybe he sniffled. So sue him.

Well, until he heard a noise that sounded a lot like…giggling. Yami snapped his head up at the speed of light as his eyes dried up faster than you can say "Sahara desert" as he remembered himself: he was in PUBLIC. And not just any public, this public consisted of very pretty girls especially the one who was trying her hardest to muffle her giggle. Unsuccessfully. And guess what? It was the same beautiful girl who'd tweaked his bangs. And was incredibly, almost ethereally beautiful. And was laughing her ass off.

"Are you (giggle) alright (giggle) Yami?" the prettiest girl asked of him while her azure eyes had tears in them. Tears, you might ask, well not to worry it means she cared. Until Yami realized they were tears of laughter.
The world is a very cruel place.

TT "Do I look alright?" Yami growled as he flicked off a rotten apple core off his once-white sleeve. He winced as he attempted to pry out what seemed like someone's Italian meatball, sauce infested, spaghetti along with, oh joy, sprinkles. And that's not all folks! Yami's hair was also extremely sticky from the master of substances, Coca Cola.

"Here, let me get that," she murmured suddenly (without giggling) as she held her breath and pried a handful of sticky noodles from a sticky slumped tri-colored spike.

Yami was utterly baffled. Women just did NOT stick their pristine hands into icky gooey hair.

"Err what did you just do?" Yami asked the girl. She blinked up at him cutely through her sky blue eyes with an expression of 'DUH.' written all over it as she glanced at him in surprise.

"I took the sticky spaghetti out of your hair, silly!" she said her cheerful voice ringing through the air happily. She wiped her sauce-covered hands on the nearby brick wall and then returned to a still bewildered pharaoh.

"But your hands are still sticky from getting the gunk out," Yami pointed out in a small, polite voice. 'He sounds so adorable!' the girl thought secretly to herself before chiding herself. 'Stop it, you can't fall for him again…not after you spent so much time forgetting everything about him… '

"No worries. I can live with sticky hands but you seem very downtrodden on the whole," the girl broke off for a moment to collect herself as she saw the banana peel still remained kingly on his head. She transformed the halfway giggle into a gasp as she saw the irked look go across his face. "err garbage incident." She finished.

Yami smiled at her effort to stop laughing, but nonetheless let a sexy smirk cover his emotions as he winked lustily at the girl. She looked stunning despite her plain outfit of a modestly cut white shirt with a dark blue schoolgirl skirt.

"I look dashing, don't I?" Yami asked teasingly as he locked his intense crimson eyes onto azure. And then the whole effect was ruined by the banana peel slipping onto his noble nose.

She mustn't laugh, she mustn't laugh…The girl puffed her cheeks as she fought the inevitable giggle. "Mmmmmmff,"

"What is it my pretty muse?" Yami asked once more with his eyes twinkling in mirth (ignoring the girl's blowfish impersonation). Some of the sticky noodles that had evaded the girl's hands now came tumbling down.

SMACK.

Yami just got noodle slapped with lovely red/Coke dribbling down the side of his cheeks. The noodles surprisingly looked like a wig gone wrong for Barbie. The girl's cheeks reached maximum puffed level.

The good girl had always been taught that laughing at people was rude, impolite, mean…ah to hell with it, the girl thought, as she looked at the mop of "hair".

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" she howled in hysterical laughter as she let out the breath from her blowfish cheeks therefore spraying Yami with droplets of spit.

Lovely. Yami wiped the spit/sauce/Coke off his face with a resounding wet gooey smack as the foreign substance hit the pavement.

"Oh I'm sorry," she said in between breaths as she blushed pink. "It's just that those noodles hehehehe! Are just so funny! And I remember how serious you used to be during your duels! Ha!" she chortled her eyes sparkling. Ignoring her hysterical laughter at him (not with him mind you) Yami's curiosity was peaked at her last comment.

"How can you know how serious I was during my duels? You weren't there," Yami pointed out with as much dignity as a man covered in garbage could. Which wasn't much let me tell you.

Suddenly the laughter died.

"You don't remember me at all pharaoh?" she asked piteously with an expression that looked saddened and above all hurt. Errrr…was she one of his past "acquaintances"?

"Ummm…hmmmm there's only a certain number of people who know that I'm a pharaoh," Yami muttered to himself before remembering that it was a sexy nickname he let some of his "acquaintances" call him. Damn. Well, that sure narrowed it down to basically the whole female population of Domino.

"Here," the girl said softly fishing out a card from her skirt pocket. In bold it read Dance Classes for the Youth with a little ballerina below. Hmmm, this DID ring a bell. But the bell was ringing too far off in Yami's wee mind.

"I'm very sorry miss, but I just don't remember," Yami said forlornly as he gave up. "Dancing does ring a bell though…hmmmm," he muttered far off into space in the same way great thinkers do when they're about discover something that will change the world forever.

"Tutus. Are. Pink." He murmured intelligently as if the ink ballerina would give him a clue.

Ding ding ding! We have a Nobel Prize Winner for stupidity!

The woman blinked at him; he couldn't be that stupid could he? Why, he was a great pharaoh in his day who'd sacrificed himself for the good of his people! Pharaohs were smart.

Yami's stomach rumbled, "Oh, and butter smells good."

.-;;; Then again Pharaoh Yami is one of those exceptions.

The girlpractically ranoff with a very quickgoodbythinking how much people could change over time. Hmph, he was just a stupid pharaoh after all (a/n: it's a small world after all…JK! Don't kill me!) With his abnormal pointy hair that looked like it could be counted as a lethal weapons in airplane security check, and his great height (um, not)…he was nothing special. Then she remembered his undying loyalty and bravery. Then she remembered that deep sexy voice he always held and whenever he said her name in it, her heart did a little flip flop. And then his exotic crimson eyes, sigh, smoldering with passion. And then something extraordinary happened. Her heart did something it hadn't done in a long, long time: it fluttered. Damn.

"At least tell me your name, miss!" Yami cried out after her, hoping he hadn't offended her. This wasn't his style at all; girls were supposed to come to HIM, not vice versa. But for some reason he had rampant rabid butterflies flapping around his stomach. Yami was desperate.

The girl stopped, her gleaming hair giving a small swoosh as inertia took its toll. If Yami's hands weren't so disgusting at the moment he would've longed to run his fingers down its silky surface.

"Do you really want to know my name Pharaoh Atem?" she asked softly her back facing him. Nonetheless with her calm, solemnity it seemed as though she had shouted it.

"Please, I prefer Yami," Yami said and if Yami could see her he would've seen the girl grinning thinking 'That old pharaoh…still noble. Still stupid. Still hot. And still keeping that nickname after all the trouble we went for his real one…Ah well, I prefer Yami too'.

"And I would be delighted to know the name of such a beautiful girl," Yami murmured. And the pharaoh was still arrogant. The girl paused for a moment, and gave a small smile as she reached a decision.

He had been her first love after all. He deserved to know her name.

"It's Tea," she said simply, not turning around.

There was a sharp gasp as realization struck, "TEA! As in Tea GARDNER?!" Yami shouted surprised, dazed, confused, embarrassed, delighted all combined into one muddled emotion.

But as Yami turned to look at the spot where Tea was wanting to ask her so many things, wanting to touch her make sure she was real and not a memory…

He realized she was long gone.

Just great. The girl he'd thought about for years had once again slipped from his grasp.

Ah, but wait something was on the ground! Yami hurried over there ignoring the squish squelch sound his gooey, smelly boots made as he made his way over to the odd folded object on a sea of gray sidewalk. Yami picked it up and realized it was a worn picture that had been folded many timesover a long time. Yami opened the creased picture opened and immediately knew it belonged to Tea. Yami remembered that day very clearly; it had been the day Tea was leaving for a famous dance institution in New York, and they threw a party at the Turtle Game shop as a goodbye party. It would've been normal if it had been the picture of Yugi and Tea, Ryou, an invisible moody Bakura, and Tea, Joey and Tea, Serenity and Tea, Mai and Tea, Mokuba and Tea, even Duke or Tristan with Tea or anyone else for that matter wouldn't have made Yami gasp and stumble backwards in utter shock. For although Tea had had all of those pictures taken, this photo was not a picture of Yugi and Tea, Mai and Tea, or any of the "gang". It was the last pairing Yami ever expected to see.

Becauseit was a picture of Yami and Tea.

And it was a very odd one at that. In a very unYamilike rare display of affection Yami, wanting to be different and stand out, had spontaneously wrapped his arms around Tea's neck and pressed his cheek against hers as a smirking Joey took the picture. Both were smiling coquettishly and sweetly back at a real Yami as they were entwined around each other. Oddly, a surprised Tea hadn't objected at all.

Out of all the pictures that had been taken that day she had been carrying this one in her pocket. Why? Yami didn't know, but he would find out. At least now, he had an excuse to stalk–err he meant track–her down. He'd have to return the picture. He tucked the picture as he glanced at Tea's business card. Nothing important except…

Well, lookie here...On the very bottom was a telephone number. Now whose could it be? Bugs Bunny? Seto Kaiba? He had no clue.

"I slay myself," Yami chuckled at his own corny joke. Well, Tea had escaped once, but she certainly wouldn't again. Not without a fight. He'd track/stalk her to the ends of Earth if he had to. He wouldn't stop in his search! He'd work relentlessly-

Beep Beep Beep!

Aw, man. It was his planner. He had an appointment right now. So much for relentless searching.

Yami was in such a hurry that he didn't have time to change.
Whoever the client was would have to be tolerable, considerate, and above all sympathetic to a fellow man that was having a bad day.

And thus we all know then that Yami was royally screwed.

However, there seemed to be other persons who had an "appointment" with Dr. Love. And all was definitely not well. Becuase they brought choloroform. For as Yami was walking down the street he felt two neon red gloved hands grab him as he was forced to inhale the nasty chemicals.

His world went black.

He awoke two hours later in brightly colored area. Clown School.

Clowns had kidnapped Pharaoh Yami.

Yami tried to escape but the evil clowns locked the doors and for the next five years Yami was forced into makeup, a red bulbous nose, and huge shoes as his name changed from Yami to Yogi the Bear (Clown 1: So what's your name? Yami: Yami. Clown1: Y...y..hmmm...Yogi! Perfect! Yami: O.O B-but!) Where he had to endure little 7 year olds tugging his realistic "wig" everyday while he looked out of prison hoping for some means of escape from his nightmare where he was called Yogi every friggin day
(Yami: it's Yami DAMMIT!
Clowns: Poor Yogi. He's looking a bit down. Let's sing a song. 'It's a small world after all...'
Yami: (hitting head repeatedly on glass door with red Rudolf nose) Please...someone...just...shoot me.

Meanwhile during the Yogi torture years Bakura took over the world, made Tea his slave, and Kaiba became the #1 duelist and locked himself up with his plushie BEWD, whom he referred to as his "precious".

This would be horrible if it were true, right?

Good. Happy Belated April Fool's! (sry couldn't resist!) Yes, I know it's stupid. But let me have my moment of stupidity.

Back to Yami being royally screwed.

Domino Park (5 minutes after the "garbage incident" and stupid joke)

"46, 47, 48," Yami muttered to himself as he counted each of the benches along the path. "Ah, 49! Bingo!"

Most passerbys were avoiding him like the plague as soon as they caught whiff of Eau de Garbage perfume. Most then left in quite a hurry shouting desperately to themselves as they crawled away, "Must…escape…Oh no! It got me! (gasp) Go without meeeeee! (collapse)" Yami chose to think in a utopia perspective and hope that there was a burning building nearby. Too bad this was real life.

A tall figure sat gracefully on bench 49 under a sakura tree which cast his face into a shadow. Yami's first impression of the tall man was that he was your typical computer geek. Lanky, malnutritioned, probably pasty-skinned from lack of sunlight. Loser. And the nerd was typing furiously into a high tech laptop with an intensity Yami knew few had when it came to non-female 'metal hunks of junk' as Joey quaintly put it.

Yami groaned; this was going to take a LOT of work.

Yami trudged his way over to the nerd (ignoring the fainted around him) as he noted that the man also wore a tacky white trenchcoat in sunny weather and did not seem to mind a bit that he was scaring his fellow park goers to death.

Example?

"Hey, whatcha doing cutie with a LAPTOP in a PARK?" asked a cheery high school girl who obviously was willing to look past the nerdiness and hope that the man would envy her friends with his awesome six-pack (hey, you could see it under the tight oxford shirt).

"Hnnn," the man grunted in an obvious rejection of the girl's rather large cleavage. Cleavage girl was not taking this ignorance so nicely.

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" she cried shrilly as she slammed the laptop's screen down. Big mistake. Suddenly, it seemed as if the world had gone still and hell had indeed frozen over because this man was PISSED.

"Look you whore," he started out politely with teeth clenched. Yami sweatdropped. "NEVER. EVER. TOUCH. MY. LAPTOP. AGAIN."

"And why not?" the dim-witted cleavage girl asked instead of apologizing profusely and praying for her soul to be forgiven. A cruel smirk was seen through the shadow cast over his face. It belonged to the devil's, of that Yami was sure as he shuddered. And it looked awfully familiar too…

"Why, you stupid girl? Because I am…" Kaiba leaned over and whispered something into the poor girl's ear. As much as Yami strained his ears, he couldn't hear what was being told but whatever it was, it was pretty bad. The girl turned stark white before stuttering, all confidence lost, "B-but y-you wouldn't dare-"

"I would. Bite me Britney."

She was gone in two seconds flat.

(O.O;;;) Yami was starting to think he might have to bring a gun (or his hairgel) for his own protection. Yami would have to proceed with caution…for this was no ordinary computer geek.

"Hello sir, I believe you called earlier today. Call me Dr. Love." Yami introduced himself with a pleasant smile. He offered his hand in the Western gesture of a handshake in the hopes of a bonding moment.

The man didn't take it.

"You're late," he said condescendingly, not bothering to say hello. The tall man ignored the hand, and Yami slowly lowered it, feeling a sense of dread coming on. "And you smell." The man commented in a gruff voice. Yami sniffed himself. Okay, so maybe he smelled just a wee bit smelly but that was NO reason for that contemptuous, familiar smirk that Yami longed to wipe off that pale face.

"Yeah, well I got caught up in traffic," Yami lied, just wanting to get this over with. He was liking his new client less and less.

"Liar. You were talking to your geek squad cheerleader." The man retorted as he wouldn't even have the courtesy of looking Yami in the eyes as he continued typing. Yami was incredulous.

"Tea! But how could you-"

"Tracking device." The man answered simply. Yami noted that he was indeed a man of few words. Yami's eyebrows rose up to his bangs: who the hell had a tracking device? How the hell had he counted all 49 benches?

Yami dearly hoped he was joking.

"I don't joke," the man said as if reading his mind. Yami was starting believe he could.

"Well, let's get started then shall we? As you know I'm Dr. Love-"

"That's a stupid name." Yami fought the urge to growl. Just focus on his money.

TT "AHEM. As I was saying I am Dr. Love and I will help you get the girl of your dreams," Yami said in his rehearsed monologue to new clients. This was usually greeted with a smile or a "Oh, thank you Dr. Love for saving my life! How could I ever repay you!" while kissing his shoes. Or maybe that was in his nice alternate universe dreams where Yami ruled the world and he had droves of blondes as his slaves...A nice dream, no? (Yugilike Conscience: HENTAI.) But this certainly was a nightmare.

Or something like that. Because a shocked Yami heard what no man had heard before. He heard the great pompous geek STUTTER.

"Girl of my dreams? She is not- I'm not- I can't be- She's just so-so DIFFERENT than the others. She's the only girl who hasn't worshipped the sight of me," he stuttered more to himself than to Yami. Oh Ra, Yami thought with a heavy sigh, he had a conceited airhead as his client. He was doomed.

"Ever worshipped you? What are you, a god? I doubt it, sir. Sir, if we're going to begin we need to look at your attitude-" Yami admonished.

"I am no God, I am just a human." He said quietly, almost desperately, Yami noted. But then he caught Dr. Love staring curiously at him. And then a smirk befell his face, and any trace of vulnerability was lost to that cold demeanor. Yami gave a small gulp.

"You really haven't realized who I am have you, Yami Motou, supposed identical long lost brother to Yugi Motou, my greatest rival?" the man asked idly polishing his perfect nails lazily. Yami's eyes bulged at the (lying) information very few knew and this man had just so casually stated.

"A stalker," Yami blurted out, not liking the familiararrogant tone in the man's voice. If he could just place his finger on it…But alas, if only Yami knew then he would've not have had the man sign the legally binding contract he'd brought. The contract that once signed bound Dr. Love and his client together until the mission of love was either completed or had absolutely no hope of being done so. Love was guaranteed after all, and Dr. Love had yet to fail. Dr. Love even started thinking that his day was looking up; maybe the world wasn't against him. Maybe just maybe there was hope.

Then he read what the signature read.

And then Yami decided that the world was officially against him. Hope, tch, what a surreal concept. He could hear the man's cruel laughter ring the still air as it echoed in his head, and Yami had the same reaction he had to most Disney songs. 'Please...Make...It...STOP.' But it wouldn't.

The world was against him. Yami was DOOMED.

Or destined to go insane. Or both. Preferably both.

Because in big, bold practiced handwriting as if ink could mock him read clearly: Seto Kaiba.

First off, sorry for the lame joke, but April Fool's is only once a year so I had to do something! Anyways, although I'm a bit disappointed in the conversation between Yami and Kaiba, trust me, next chapter it WILL get better.
Let's just say that Yami does some rather unorthodox methods to get Kaiba and his love (just take a wild guess) together...(Kaiba: They're ILLEGAL, you dimwit!)

Oh, if you like the idea of Yami or Bakura doing odd jobs that will make them go insane please read my other story Help Wanted.

Please review!
-Starlet36