Disclaimer; they aren't mine, you know this.

Author's note: In this chapter a hopped up and depressed Will sings. His songs are "Mr. Brightside" by the Killers. "Everything thing to Everyone" by Everclear and "Fortunate Son" by CCR. Donna's views of the music does not reflect mine, I just thought it would be kind of funny to have Will singing all these songs adding one more thing Donna has to deal with. The songs have another function, which we will learn about in the other chapter.

This is all Donna's point of view. The tone is a little different.

I'm here for twenty minutes before a doctor is able to fill me in on the extent of the injuries, these are just first estimates of course.

Will had 50 percent of the bones in his right hand crushed. He will need extensive reconstructive surgery, but this hospital will not be able to do it for another week. However, he can get it done at John Hopkins in two days. He should be released today. He will be on heavy pain meds and his hand will need to be placed in a temporary cast.

Toby wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. He suffered a massive head wound and has a concussion but his heart attack was nothing more then a heart episode which the doctor assures me isn't a big deal. Whatever, CJ will be glad to here it.

Matt had a complex fracture which I expected, on left humerus. He has his fair share of cuts and bruises but after surgery he will be sent home today.

Leo had another heart attack; again the doctor assures me it isn't a big deal. He only needs a bypass, but there is some concern about damage from his last heart attack, he will be held for observation.

Josh is the one that scares the hell out of me. He received a massive wound to his waist, barely missing all of his major and vital organs. He will be in surgery to stitch him back up. The doctor said, a half a centimeter to the left and he would be dead. His guardian angel has a sick sense of humor and a love for near misses. He too will be here for observations over night.

I call Josh's mom to give her the update.

"Donna, honey is everything OK?" I fill her in. "Do you need me to come up? We can set up a schedule like we did last time?"

"I am not sure, we'll see." She hears the hesitation in my voice. I don't know how involved I will be this time. I can only live minute to minute.

"Was he a jackass to you?"

"What?" How did she know?

"He looked like he had been throwing up before the stage exploded. My son only throws up when he feels extremely guilty or if he is hung over. Either way explains why you weren't there."

"Everything is fine Mrs. Lyman." I feel horrible lying to her.

"Joan, dear."

"Everything is fine, Joan." Sure, make me tell the lie again.

"I'll give your mother a call and let her know the situation."

"My mother?"

"Oh yeah, we have been talking since your little incident in Gaza." I am all to horrified by this comment to process it just now. Cindy wheels Will into a recovery room, his off tone singing fills the air.

"Gotta gotta be down, Because I want it all, It started out with a kiss. How did it end up like this? It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss." Lovely choice of words Will.

"Joan I have to go, yeah if you could tell my mom I will call her later that would be wonderful."

"Sure thing sweetie. Donna, if he was an asshole you shouldn't forgive him just because of this."

"I won't." Way to be a supportive mom.

Will repeats the same lines over and over again, clearly the painkillers are working. His choice of music sounds like it was picked by a twelve year old girl. Nothing becomes more evident when he starts to sing Everclear:

"You put yourself in stupid places,

Yes I think you know it's true,

Situations where it's easy to look down on you.

I think you like to be the victim,

I think you like to be in pain,

I think you make yourself the victim almost every single day.

You do what you do, you say what you say,

You always try to be everything to everyone.

You know all the right people, you play all the right games,

you always try to be everything to everyone.

Yeah you do it again, you always do it again.

You say they taught you how to read and write,

Yeah they taught you how to count.

I say they taught you how to buy and sell your own body by the pound.

I think you like to be their simple toy,

I think you love to play the clown,

I think you are blind to the fact that the hand you hold is the hand that holds you down."

God he has got to get over this self-loathing thing, if not I think I might kill him.

I walk into his room, slowly; his off key singing isn't helping my massive headache or helping me to ignore the sharp pain in my side.

"How you doing?" I ask with a smile.

"I don't want surgery." He starts to pout.

"Yeah, it sucks I know, but you will be fine."

" I guess. How is everyone else?"

"They should be coming out of soon, I expect them to be trickling down one by one. Toby should be next. He has a concussion and a head wound. The rest are still in surgery."

"Oh. So I am the only lucky one."

"Will, you ok?"

"Fine. Did you call Ellise?"

"Yeah she is in the Alps somewhere. She should be here tomorrow morning."

"That's nice." He goes back to singing, more Everclear. Note to self; don't borrow his I-pod.

A few agents stand outside of his room. The extra ones have started to arrive. I use the new ones to get the injured ones medical attention.

Toby is the next one to come out. At this point he ran out of self loathing alterative rock songs and starts sing ABBA, perhaps as another form of punishment.

"Why won't he shut up? He's been singing "Dancing Queen" ten minutes. I am tired and I want to go to sleep."

"But you can't. That's why he is singing."

Will starts in with "The Fortunate Son," which just leads to more groans from Toby.

"Some folks are born made to wave the flag

Ooh, they're red, white, and blue

And when the band plays "Hail to the Chief"

They point the cannon right at you

It ain't me, it ain't me

I ain't no senator's son"

"Damn it Will, it is you. You are the Fortunate Son. CCR could have named the song Will Bailey." Toby bellows across the hallway. It goes ignored by Will who keeps singing. "He is such an asshole."

"No he isn't."

"It was never your job to defend him. But don't worry, I got him good for you this morning."

A new horror washes over me.

"What do you mean? You didn't tell him why I left the White House did you? I mean you really aren't that dumb, right?"

"Define dumb?"

"OH MY GOD YOU DID!"

"Of course I did, why is it a bad thing?"

"Like they don't have enough to deal with, now they have to deal with that guilt? Don't you think there wasn't a day that went by that he didn't regret working for the Vice President. The only thing that made it easier was to think that all the ties he had at the White House was cut. Now to learn that everyone was worried about him that they sent a spy in to guide him along. How do you think that would make him feel?"

"Loved?"

"Like Hell. He probably feels more like a tool and a jackass together. The only thing worse would be if Josh found out too."

"Um, why is that bad?" Dear god. He looks so sheepish.

"Have you MET Josh Lyman? Do you know his EGO? It is so much easier for him to think that he is the good, all forgiving guy that takes back his wayward assistant then to think that she never betrayed or left him in the first place. I can't imagine how it could get any worse."

"Ok I need you to come up with a list of things that would be really bad for Josh to hear and I'll tell you if he knows."

"I am going to KILL you Toby.

1) To learn happen happened to me last night. I think he only saw Justin Hall kissing me. I don't think his mind could process anything else.

2) To hear that his friendship with you and CJ and everyone back at the White House is over.

3) Leo was had sex with his mother."

"Leo had sex with his mother?"

"No, but it would be very bad for him to hear." I mutter. Toby can't make eye contact with me anymore.

"How bad would it be if he heard the other two things?"

"Well, he just went into surgery thinking that he just lost everything in his whole world. It certainly doesn't give him much of a reason to push on. Why should he keep fighting if there isn't anything waiting for him at the end of the battle?"

He thinks he lost everything. He isn't strong enough to make it through the surgery. He could die thinking is alone. The hollow cavern that has been holding all my emotions in the last twenty four hours is being filled with despair unlike anything I have ever known.

This time, I really lost him.

"Jackson, remember we were supposed to come up with a signal if I wanted you to kill someone? Here's the signal, I am going to point to them and say shoot them." Jackson who is always two feet away from me, smiles. I point to Toby. "SHOOT HIM!"

"I really don't think that is a good idea Ms. Moss."

"Then what good are you!" I don't know what is worse having to deal with the emotional and physical ramifications of the bomb or dealing with everything else that just happened.

"Donna I can fix this."

"How, because you are so emotionally available? No, Toby you really can't fix this." Anger and silences fills any empty place in the room. "Are you really done with him? It is really over between you two?"

He doesn't answer. Unbelievable. "I've seen the footage seven times, thanks to CNN. Josh saved your life. He pulled you away from some shrapnel and landed on a jagged pole. You are the reason he got hurt in the first place." Screw sparing anyone feelings today.

"He called you a whore Donna."

"I don't see how one has to do with the other."

"It doesn't, not really. But you can't keep making excuses for him."

"Yeah, but today isn't the day to stop."

The thing that really bothers me about this is now I can't deal with my own issues until Josh and Will's are dealt with.

I storm off to deal with a broken Will.

Clearly he has overhead everything Toby and I said. He can't look up at me. He looks so pitiful, broken and alone. I sit on the side of his bed.

"Hi."

"Donna, you look awful."

"Gee thanks, Will, you look sexy yourself."

"Are you sure you aren't hurt?"

"It hasn't been a good day, my best friends almost died today, or maybe you didn't here." Silence. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" He starts to play with his temporary cast, the way a child plays with their fingers when they are getting in trouble.

"Do you believe in a vindictive god?"

"Yes." Time to be honest and help the healing occur.

"Am I being punished?"

"Yes."

"Do you hate me?"

"No."

"I hate myself."

"I can tell by your crappy music."

"Does Toby hate me?"

"I don't think so, but I will tell you a secret about Toby. He loves the Muppets."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Are you going to forgive me?"

"Sure, but not right away. You need to feel bad for a while. If I were to forgive you right now, you would feel even worse. So I will let you wallow for a while and when you really want to talk we will."

"Donna I have one last question. If I broke my arm, why did the hospital steal my pants?"

"I. Don't. Know."

"That's weird, right?"

"Yeah."