This Soap Opera We Call Our Lives – Chapter 2: Pearls Burning in the Sun
Set to one of the ten or eleven different versions of Heaven, by DJ Sammy and Yanou
By Raiknii
( a.A. Year 2 Rain 89 )
Dear Sora,
You know, this is sort of sad. Here I am, moping because you don't love me and sulking since nobody really cares that I'm bleeding my heart out. I angst and angst, and then what do I do next? I write a letter to you, which will never be sent, since it's too embarrassing to be caught writing love letters in such a girly fashion. Frankly, the ideas that will probably end up in this letter will be along these lines:
"Sora, I love you.
Now I'm going to angst. Love, Riku."
I think that's all I ever do these days, Sora. Mope and angst and sulk.
My writing this letter is so… sad, but I have nothing to do, besides angst by myself, and I don't consider that a real activity. I guess I could go outside to hang around with you guys instead of sulking, but… It's devastating enough knowing that Kairi is probably leaning against your shoulder right now, your arm around her. I don't need to see it – I'm suffering enough already.
I admit I want to be there, instead of Kairi. Girly, but my whole situation is girly. Honestly, sometimes it feels like I'm living in one of those reality shows Selphie always goes on about – an ugly, disliked girl falls in love with an unattainable guy who has a girlfriend, but – lo and behold – the unpopular, clumsy girl manages to catch the perfect, strong guy! Like, oh my god.
Yeah, my analogies are horrid. But it is true. I'm the dumb, klutzy, left-out one and Sora's the savior of the worlds. Complete with a model girlfriend, of course. The only difference – I'm never going to actually be able to "catch" Sora. After all, Kairi's like… perfect!
At least this isn't one of those "makeover" shows…? Actually, next thing you know, I'll be getting plastic surgery and taking hormones to grow breasts. That would be scary, but would you like that, Sora? If I were born a girl, would I be sitting next to you now?
…See? The angst is going full throttle.
You know something else that sounds sort of like my situation? There was this one documentary Selphie made me watch once, about this girl who thought she was too fat and not worthy, so she starved herself or something… I think she had something they called anorexia.
Now, I think I know how she felt – she wasn't good enough, not skinny enough, not this enough, not that enough… I sort of feel like that, only I don't have weight issues. I just have issues altogether. Love issues, I guess one could call them.
I sound like such a girl. Then again, isn't mooning over a guy this way girly anyway? That's something to muse on. What's more girly – mooning over someone who never would think of you in a romantic way or actually comparing your situation of reality shows and documentaries? Hm. That's a very good question.
Actually, this whole letter is sad. I mean, I've only been back for three weeks or so, and I'm already reduced to writing letters to you. I always knew you and Kairi would get together, so why does it hurt so much?
…Oh, nobody even cares why it hurts! Why am I even asking a piece of paper? No one will ever read this, nor would they care if they did.
In fact, no one cares about me at all. At least, they don't act like they care. They've all been sitting together on the beach all week, happily making decorations for the Star and Moon Festival. They didn't ask me to join them, but then again, even if they had asked me, I wouldn't have wanted to help. I don't want to draw and make things. Drawing used to be the joy of my life, but now… All the soul in my art seems to be gone. I can't even draw a proper circle now. Was it Kingdom Hearts, Ansem, or just the angst that stopped my art?
This letter feels like a diary of sorts. Note to self: That's yet another thing to add to my list of "Riku's girly habits".
Should I say, "Good night, dear diary"?
- Riku
"So, Kairi…" Sora drifts off, staring into the distance.
Kairi turns towards Sora and asks, "What is it, Sora?"
"It's our first anniversary today. It's a year since we first kissed… Remember? It was under the night sky, during the Star and Moon Festival…"
Kairi smiles at Sora, shaking her head. "And you just realized today is our anniversary now? Sora, I'm hurt you'd forget so easily!"
Sora indignantly replies, "Of course I didn't forget! I remembered our anniversary! How could I forget?"
"Prove it."
"I…" Sora pauses a little, musing, than tells Kairi, "I have a gift for you."
Sora takes out a little box, which is wrapped horribly. Raising an eyebrow at Sora's bad wrapping job, Kairi carefully pulls the paper off and opens the box. Inside the velvet jewelry case, there rests a glittering specimen of fine jewelry – a shimmering strand of pearls, which glow in the sun's light.
Kairi takes the necklace out, holding it up to the sun's light and admiring the way the sun makes the pearls glow. She breathlessly exclaims, "Oh, Sora… It's beautiful!"
"It's nothing, Kairi. You deserve all the jewelry in the world."
"You're far too kind, Sora…"
"You're the kind one."
"We're never going to get anywhere arguing like this, Sora!" Kairi laughs.
Sora thinks for a moment, then smiles, "How about we agree we're both equally kind?"
"That works." Kairi smiles back.
To break the silence, Sora reflects, "You know, Kairi, so much was happened since we got together. It's been only a year, but it feels like a lifetime."
"Yeah… Everybody's changed so much. Selphie's gotten insightful; Wakka's gotten a crush…" Kairi sighs.
"Hard to imagine what Wakka used to be like now. He used to be so scared of girls! Now look at him!"
"You mean how Mr. I-think-girls-have-cooties has turned into Mr. Really-perverted-who-stares-at-all-the-girls?"
Sora sweatdrops, "I wouldn't put it that way, but your way works, too."
"You admit it's true."
"Yeah, I guess," Sora shrugs, "but isn't it sort of mean to make fun of Wakka that way? He's our friend, so I don't really want to be mean to him, you know?"
"Then he shouldn't be a pervert – I wouldn't call him a pervert if he weren't one. Come on; let's go check the decorations for the Festival."
"Right, Kairi! After you!"
Sora and Kairi stand up, brush the sand off their clothes, and walk toward the dock, where Selphie, Tidus, and Wakka are sitting, chatting with each other about various topics of interest, like blitzball and fashion, while simultaneously working on decorations for the Festival that will take place that night.
The abandoned beach soon fills with the calls of seagulls.
What is heaven, truly? Where is it? What is it like?
Heaven is a horrible place. Or so Riku thinks.
The Star and Moon Festival is beautiful – a heaven for the eyes. Strands of glittering silver tinsel and perfect murals of night skies (still not as magnificent as the real thing) are everywhere. And of course, the moon shines overhead. Some years it doesn't, but this year you can see it. It hangs in the black sky, a perfect shining white.
Heaven is beautiful; there can be nothing more lovely. Even everyone and everything that passes under heaven's divine lights become beautiful.
Yes, the Festival is truly beautiful this year. Then again, every year it is spectacular, so what's the difference? Every year the Festival stuns with its loveliness.
When Riku was little, he saw the beauty with wide little eyes, next to Sora.
They would stand together and gawk at the magnificence around them. Again together, they would fidget in the little suits their parents said were "cute" and insisted on making them wear. The perfectly groomed little children in suits were part of the perfection. After all, they were cute, adorable, lovely – perfect. Beautiful.
Together, Riku and Sora would stroll around and obtain food from the people giving out stuff. During the Festival, they had all sorts of games for the little kids and plentiful amounts of yummy food, mostly candies. All the little kids would scramble about, playing tag and squealing over the candy. Like all the other kids, Riku and Sora would giggle and chase each other around.
Together. They played, ate, chased, and laughed together.
When Riku was a few years older, he was part of the Festival, along with Sora.
They had started to help prepare for the Festival, along with all the other kids their age. Sora's moon decorations were stunning. To put it in Selphie's words:
"Is that supposed to be a moon or dog poop?"
That one phrase sums up Sora's artistic talent. Thankfully for the eyes of the people at the Festival, Riku was better at arts and crafts.
At the Festival, Sora and Riku had beamed proudly and triumphantly at each other. They had grown up! Finally, they were allowed to help with the sparkly paint and pretty streamers!
It was a brilliant day. Riku and Sora had finally grown up enough to help the "big kids" with the decorations. They had grown up, together – with each other.
Together. They drew, cut, pasted, and admired together.
The year Kairi arrived, it all changed. At first, it simply went from two best friends to three.
Sora and Riku had proudly shown Kairi all of the decorations they had made and happily explained what the Festival was about.
"See, the moon and the stars aren't appreciated normally. The sun gets all the joy, and smiles on all the happiness of the people below. The moon sees only a sleeping world, and the stars are overshadowed by the sun. Admit it, Kairi. You've never really thought about the moon and stars, have you? Well, today is a day to forget the sun and appreciate the moon and stars. I think the moon likes it when we do this, but some people think it's just pish-posh."
All three had shared the experience together, but the inclusion of Kairi was more a courtesy, because she was new, than real liking of the new girl.
Most important – Sora and Riku were still together. They explained, laughed, liked, and loved together.
Today, Riku sees it all alone. The beauty, the joy, the ecstasy is seen alone.
Heaven is beautiful, but it's a sad sort of beauty…
It's all a lie. What's so wonderful about heaven? When one person wants something, it has to be taken from another.
These days, Sora and Kairi wander around, arm in arm, eating treats and laughing. All during the previous week, they had painted murals and made decorations together. Sora had even improved at arts and crafts a little. It's now officially the apocalypse.
Horseman One: Sora getting better at art. (But he's still not very good yet.)
Everyone seemed a little off today. Riku was sulking because Sora and Kairi were blissfully walking around in each others' arms. When Tidus saw how upset Riku was over Sora and Kairi being so publicly together, he sulked, too. After Selphie saw how Riku and Tidus were all sulky, she became less hyper. And of course, since everyone else was all sulky and boring, Wakka was, too.
Horseman Two: Selphie not being hyper.
Nothing is perfect in heaven. Every shred of happiness the happy ones have was taken from a sad person. If one person has the love of another person, someone is suffering without that love.
Sora and Kairi were the only happy ones. They walked about, arm in arm, pointing and chatting about all the different decorations and who made them. Usually, everyone "ooh"-ed and "ahh"-ed over Riku's decorations, but this year… Riku didn't have the heart to draw and paint and craft.
Instead, Riku just stood there, letting big crystal eyes roam over the other people. Jealously at their happiness had set in already, burning in his soul.
Tidus stood still and watched Riku, or drifted about, thinking about Riku and his… "situation". Naturally, thinking about Riku's "situation" involved thinking about Sora and Kairi. And so, Tidus was watching the happy couple, fully conscious of Riku's gaze, which was turned in the same direction.
Tidus was only slightly less bitter than Riku. Hatred burned in his soul. Sora was making his Riku sad. With the help of Kairi, Sora was killing Riku's spirit! He couldn't hate Sora, since Riku loved him and so there must be something good about him, but he could hate Kairi. And so, smoldering embers were turned on Kairi, hating and hating…
Horseman Three: Tidus needs anger management. Rather, everyone needs it!
Selphie was trying to figure out why everyone was sulky. She turned from Riku to Tidus and back again. Then, she mused about it all a little. No answer came into her head. No light bulb lit up. Selphie went back to looking at people and thinking.
Wakka spent his time trying to get people to cheer up. The poor soul never saw what even Selphie did – they wanted to be left alone.
Horseman Four: Everybody is sulking. A time of happiness is turned to a time of agony, sprinkled with hatred, bitterness, and jealousy.
Why does it have to be this way? Why can't we all be happier? Suffering pervades, and we can do nothing to stop it.
God, why? Why must we be the ones to suffer?
Somewhere, the wheels of fate are turning. It is a matter of time – all suffering ends and goes to someone else.
Sometimes, suffering's change is as simple as a word, a little action.
Sometimes, the suffering takes longer to go away, and when it does go away, it leaves little barbs in your flesh to sting at you mercilessly…
A/N: I think the last scene is too complicated. Too many different parts to it. What do you guys think?
Send any and all constructive criticism! Even flaming is all right, as long as you have proper grammar and spelling.
Hopefully, the next chapter will be quicker. I think it will.