Hey! I had so many new reviews, and they were all so fabulous! People love my story, yay! Ya know, I just realized that I did the last chapter in first person. I didn't intend to do that, but hey, it works. People liked it, and it wasn't really that difficult, which is weird cause before I was never really adept at writing in first person. Well, I think I've babbled enough to keep you in sufficient suspension, so I'll get on with the story now.

Chapter 15: I must admit

I must admit…when I got on the train, I was nervous about what Ginny was going to say. Really nervous. I mean, telling her and walking away was one thing, but actually talking to her about it, for like, a prolonged time…that was a whole different thing. And that's why, after stashing my trunk, I went to the bathrooms. And stayed there. Sure, I probably caused some girls to walk a bit further, but really, do I care? No. I caught a ride with a couple of Ravenclaws, and we had a nice, intellectual conversation. The kind I couldn't have with Ron and Harry. Ginny is smart, but she'd rather be doing something else. I sat with Parvati and Lavender upon the pretense that we never seemed to talk anymore since I'm not sharing the dorm with them anymore. I almost made it to my room when Ginny fell into step beside me. When she walked with me all the way to my dorm, I had no choice but to invite her in. It appeared she wanted to talk about this little matter now. When we walked in, Draco was on the couch, reading. He didn't say a word. So I spoke.

"Draco."

"I'm reading, mudblood, go away. And don't call me by my first name, you don't have the right."

"You're just going to take that, Hermione?"

"Ginny, it's okay. I haven't told him."

She did that silent 'oh' thing, and went back to looking back and forth between Draco and me.

"Draco, she knows. I told her."

He stared at me. Totally cold, and there was only a flicker of anger in his eyes before he was completely closed off. That's the difference between us, with Draco, I can still see unintentional flashes of emotion, and with me, that never happens anymore. But I've been doing it longer than him, so it doesn't really matter.

"I know you're angry, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier, but I was sorta trying to ignore it. I needed to tell her."

"You told her. (he seemed amazed) When?"

"Right before I met you at the café."

"You had the entire break to tell me…"

"I know. I should have, and I'm sorry."

"Whatever." He made to leave. I couldn't let him. I couldn't let him pretend with me. I stepped in front of him, blocking his path to his bedroom.

"Draco, please. Don't act like you're fine, I know you're angry, and I don't blame you. I would be angry too, so don't pretend you're not." He glared mutinously at me for a moment, then softened his gaze. He cast a look at Ginny.

"We'll talk about this later. I'm not that upset. I've got something to tell you too."

This time I let him walk into his room. Then I sat down, and stared at nothing in front of me. I didn't know what to say to her. What could I say?

"I'm not mad at you. You would think I would be, since you've been lying to me all these years, but I'm not. I think I'm finally beginning to understand you Hermione. I'm glad you're finally letting me in."

"Well, it was hard, but now that you're here, I'm glad I took the risk."

Right then Ginny looked as if she was going to say something, but then she stopped herself.

"So…okay I just have to ask. How? I mean, it's you and Malfoy. Malfoy!"

"I know, so bizarre. I never even thought it was going to happen. But it did, and now we're…having fun."

"Yeah, you do seem happier."

"I laugh all the time with him. He's hilarious, much funnier than Ron. And we both love sarcasm."

"But you're not sarcastic."

"Well…not around you guys. It doesn't fit with the rest of 'me'. You have no idea how many times a day I bite my tongue."

"Yeah…"

There was silence. I hate silence.

"Do you have any more questions? Cause I really have no idea what to say."

"Well…how long have you liked him?"

"For years. Ever since I came to Hogwarts."

"And the only person you've ever told is me?"

"Yeah."

"Wow. How long have you been…together?"

"Since New Year's Eve. You remember, I was so happy you asked if I got laid?"

"Oh, yeah." We both started laughing.

"Well, we've been together ever since. He got me my star necklace and ring."

"But you said you're parents got you those."

"Well, I had to tell you somebody gave them to me. And this way, no one would question the colors of the gems."

"Yeah, that does make sense. What else are you lying about?"

"I don't really like the term lying. It's more of…Pretending."

"How'd you figure?"

"Well it's my defense mechanism. I mean, it's just natural to me now. I don't trust people, and I'll do anything to protect myself. That's not lying."

"Well, you've got to admit, it is…at least in some sense."

"Okay, yes, in some sense it is, but it's different because I do it protect myself against people, not to hurt them or cover up anything."

"Alright, I'll let it go. For now anyway."

"Right. It's all right if you don't get it Ginny. You don't have to. Draco does, and that's enough for me."

"But I want to understand, Hermione. Why are you like this? Why do you have to have this "defense mechanism"?"

"Because… Something happened a long time ago, before I came to Hogwarts. Back then, I would do anything for Beth. She was life. If she wanted water, I got it for her. When she was sick, I always made soup and crackers and stuff for her. I did whatever she told me to do, but she never loved me the way I loved her. All I wanted was for her to love me. And she couldn't. You have no idea how much that hurt me, Ginny. And just before I came to Hogwarts, I realized that I was my own person. I could do what I wanted to do. Beth could get her own water. And once I stopped caring, I didn't get hurt. Once I stopped letting her in, I stopped getting hurt. She doesn't hurt me and neither does anyone else."

"Hermione…I don't know what to say. I would never do that. I would never hurt you like that."

"Ginny, look. That's exactly my point. You can say that, and I can pretend like I believe you, but deep down, I won't. I don't know for sure! I can't know for sure! People are untrustworthy, that's just it! If I know there's always a chance, then if it ever does happen – for any reason – it won't hurt, as it would have if I had believed you. Do you understand? Can you understand?"

Ginny was quiet. Just looking at me. Then she got up, and I was afraid she was going to leave. But then she came and sat down next to me. And after another minute of just looking at me, she hugged me. When she pulled away, her eyes were red, like she'd been blinking back tears. I know because I've had that look so many times before.

"Hermione…It's okay. You're my friend, and I'll gain your complete trust, even if I end up dying before you believe me. I'm here for you. I trust you completely, and I feel so honored to know you, because you're such a strong person. Even if you do have your problems, you're my friend, and I'll help you through it…if you let me."

Well, gosh! She just has to go and say stuff like that, and I know I've got that red eye look now too. I'll try harder. It's a promise. And now I hug her, trying my hardest not to cry. I hate tear streaks. They make you look sad and fragile. Like you need help. Well, I don't want their help. Ginny's help will be enough for me. When we pull away from each other, I force a laugh, and end up sniffling. Before I start crying though, I suggest we go up to the bathroom and wash our faces. Cold water works the best.

I must admit…I was surprised Draco forgave me so easily. I know he did, cause he wrote me a note instead of saying it. And the truth is always harder to say in person. We both know that. It's been a week since me and Ginny talked now. Sometimes after Draco and I argue in the hall with Harry and Ron next to me, I can see her, looking back and forth between us. I'm sure she thinks we're both totally psycho. She knows two out of three of my deepest, darkest secrets. She hasn't seen my darker side yet. I have been more sarcastic around her whenever we're alone. And she loves it. Thinks I'm just hilarious. And because Ron has still not apologized, we hang out in my common room. Draco's had an easier time of adjusting to it than I have. I think it's just because I've been pretending longer than he has. But I'm getting better. I have to admit that I was surprised Ginny wanted to talk to me too. About something deeply important and very secret, she said. So I'm dying to know what she's talking about. I'm not nosey, just curious. And that's a great quality. And now I'm sitting in my summer jammies under my robe at eleven o'clock, waiting for Ginny to show up. She's a Prefect, so if she does get caught, she can talk her way out. Ah, there she is now. I rush to the door because I'm so anxious. She comes in, we sit for a minute, and I get out some food because whenever I'm up later than usual I eat a snack. And that's when she starts the conversation.

"So…ya know how you like Draco for years and years and didn't tell anyone?"

"Yeah?" I'm totally confused now. I though she had something important to tell me. Oh! What if she likes someone! Yay, I love stuff like this!

"Well…I can relate a little."

"Who?"

"It's difficult. I mean, I know everyone thinks I still like Harry and that Dean asked me out again, but I really like this guy. But I'm not supposed to, which is why I wanted to talk to you about it. I never would have told you before, but you're dating Draco now…"

"It's a Slytherin, isn't it?" I'm so excited.

"Yes." She sounds so miserable. I don't see why. Draco was the worst Slytherin there was, and he was just pretending.

"Well, who is it?"

"You have to promise you won't laugh."

"Okay, okay, I promise I won't laugh. Why would I?"

"Because, well I don't know, but still. This is a big thing for me."

"Ginny it's fine."

"It's Blaise."

"Zambini? Blaise Zambini?"

"Yes." Miserable yet again. I really don't understand why.

"OH! You guys would be perfect together. Gosh, if you had children, they'd have the bluest eyes ever."

"Hermione!"

"Okay, I'm sorry. But seriously, I don't know why you were so nervous about telling me."

"Because, we're just so different. He always seems so quiet. And he reads a lot. I think he's pretty smart, and there are probably so many thoughts he has that he doesn't share with anybody…..I want to hear those thoughts, Hermione."

"Wow, you really like him."

"Yeah. I think we'd be perfect for each other. I could really love him…like you and Draco."

Well now I'm blushing.

"You think he loves me? Really?"

"Of course. It's so obvious."

"I love him too, Ginny. But I don't want to say it first, ya know?"

"Yeah."

"Oh! Well anyway, we're talking about you. (gasp) I just got the most brilliant idea ever. We can talk to Draco."

"Okay…" Ginny looks lost. I guess I'll have to explain.

"And Draco can do some recon work for us. Find out if Blaise likes you too."

"Really? Do you think he would?"

"Of course. I have my ways. (wink) Just…give me week, okay? By then I'm sure Draco will have something good. And I'll watch Blaise."

"How will that help?"

"Ginny, Ginny, Ginny. You learn to be really perceptive when you Pretend all the time."

"Oh…I see. Well, that's all I really wanted to talk about."

"Okay. You better get back to bed, and hurry. The professors are about 15 minutes from starting their next rounds."

She gave me a quick hug, and ran out of the room, whispering her thanks. YAY! I'm so happy for Ginny. I'm sure Blaise will like her too. I mean, how could he not? I skip up to Draco's room, and creep in. Silently getting on to his bed, I contemplated yelling into his ear, but decided to kiss him awake instead.

Well? Yeah, I know, it took me forever. At least I feel like it took me forever to update. Sorry about that. Oh, and you get to find out how well Hermione's method to waking up Draco works in the next installment. Oh, and I'm listening to Maroon 5 right now. Just thought you'd like to know.

Dizzy