Insaneiac: Yes, this is a Rob/Star one shot. Get the hell over it. This, of course, is a challenge against friend/rival Alexnandru Van Gordon, to be judged of course. Peace. This story follows just after the events of Haunted, and as far as the Titans know, Slade is still dead.
Here are the freaking rules. Alexnandru Van Gordon chose a topic for me, and I for him. We had to write a one shot based on the topic handed to us. Alex, being the tricky little… gave me the task of writing a Robin/Starfire one shot. We each had two hours to write, and then we sent them off to the judges. The winner…well you don't need to worry about that bit, do you?
Summary: After the brutal act of coming to terms with his own fears, Robin finds something in a fellow Titan he never saw, or could see, before.
Disclaimer: I do not own Robin, or Starfire, or Titan's for that matter.
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Title:Hold Me
The prior night was something that Robin had strove to great length to try and forget. He tried to deny it ever happening, he tried to bury it beneath other things, and he even tried to focus on the injuries he had sustained from his fight. His fight with nothing more than dust, and a horrid image of a relentlessly brutal and evil mad man. In a desperate move, Robin even tried to cause himself pain, just to wipe it away from his memory.
And nothing could cast it away. Nothing, not even his mask, could hide the fear he had suffered from the past day. His best efforts to still maintain the reliable, fearless leader were failing miserably. Despite everything Robin tried, nothing could remove the horrid feeling from the pit of his stomach.
Robin was scared. He was afraid, no matter what he told himself, or anyone else. He was afraid of a dead man, who had still managed to play games in his head from beyond the grave. He was afraid of the darkness that surrounded him, afraid that it might take a tangible form and try and finish the job that the shadows started.
More than anything, he feared himself. He feared what his friends had been saying behind his back, and he feared what he heard from his own mind. He tried to deny that too, but only resulted in more accusations…more truthful accusations. In more ways than he could truly grasp, he and Slade were similar.
'"Slade did not trust you, and you do not trust us"' Starfire's words from so long ago, still rang so clearly. Every day he heard those words, and every time he heard them he shuddered. She had never been so honest, so blatant, and so utterly right in her life, and he knew it. Yet in one part she remained wrong.
He didn't trust himself.
That was when Robin heard a knock at his door, something that tore him temporarily from his fears, and back to reality. He moved towards the door to open it, when his mind ran with another fear. He was scared who it was behind that door. He was scared that it may be Slade, real this time, waiting for him. He was afraid that it might be one of his friends, worried for him.
To put it flatly, he was scared of opening that door.
"Come…come in." Robin stuttered. Injured as he was, he was still sitting at his desk, staring at the same pictures every night, the odd one added in as he progressed. His own personal shrine to the man whose soul purpose was in corrupting Robin soul, and dragging him to the darker side of the world. Fitting how ironic it truly was, when someone bothered to get to the bottom of it all.
The door opened, and Starfire slowly walked in. She been with Robin the most that night, and she watched him degrade from a dedicated leader to a maddened vigilante. He did it whenever Slade was the focal point of something, be it a crime or a conversation. He fought so totally against people when they accused him of being like Slade, but in truth he was turning into him more and more everyday.
"Robin, should you not be sleeping now?" She opened, as Robin slowly sat up.
"I can't… I need too…" Robin replied, desperate to look competent. He let his head hang slowly, as he felt the words truly sink in. If anything, it was not what she said, but the sound of her words that truly affected him. Just like usual, her voice conveyed the meaning her words could not.
She was concerned, worried, and depressed, just like any good friend would be. But deeper in her voice, her warm and comforting voice, there was something else. It was the same thing he heard when he had donned the alias of Red X, and it was something he heard when she came back from her journey in time.
It was something he could not place, no matter how hard he tried. It was almost like trying to understand Robin.
"Robin, is there something wrong?" She said again, he voice once again filling the room, the same way it did every time he heard it. Beast Boy could be screaming, Raven meditating, or Cyborg gloating, but when Starfire spoke, he could always hear it.
"I…" He couldn't even put a sentence together. Here was a boy who would fight a madman much more powerful than himself, and much more cunning, and he couldn't even put together a proper sentence to the one girl that affected him with every word she spoke. Her soft tone, her innocent voice, her hidden determination, her warming enunciation, it always found it's way to Robin's ears, no matter what else there was.
"Robin?"
"I'm scared…" Robin choked, looking down at the paper. Here he was, confessing his deepest, darkest secret to the one person he could not ignore.
"What are you scared of? Is there a spider or a creepy insect in your room?" Starfire replied, her innocent ignorance entering with the grace of a ballroom dancer. No matter how odd her choice of words or her interpretations of other's words were, they always came in with an odd elegance.
"No… I'm just scared Star…" Robin replied. He had to focus to keep the tears from coming. He had to work with his entire mind to keep them from coming.
"Robin…?"
"I'm scared of him! I'm scared of you! I'm scared of everything!" Robin growled, throwing papers off his desk, and tearing clippings from the wall. "No matter what I try to do, I can't make that fear go away! I'm so damned afraid of him, and I can't even admit it!" Robin yelled, throwing a nearby lamp into the wall behind Starfire. He spun to her, his mask eyes peering through the darkness.
And his eyes could see hers. Even without the glow of her battle ready eyes, he could see them. Every time he saw them, it was if they were peering into his soul, as if they were trying to convince him that everything would be alright. That even in the darkest of days, the most hopeless situations, everything would be okay.
"I am terrified of all things Star. I'm frightened of the darkness that surrounds me. I try and fight it, and every time I do, I slip a little more." Robin muttered, hanging his head. The tears could flow now; there was no light to show them. As far as he was concerned, his tears would remain hidden.
And yet, he felt them stop when a pair of hands wrapped around him, and held him. Not like her usual death grips that she unleashed when she was happy, but something much deeper. In one instance, his fear and his guilt had been washed away, as she felt her embrace him.
Much like his mother once had when he was young. For the first time in months, Robin felt like nothing was there, like Slade didn't exist. He felt like he could take the world, and never lose. His fear became confidence, his guilt became comfort. He didn't want to deny anything anymore; he wanted to let the world know it. He wanted to stand atop the highest mountain around, and scream it at the top of his lungs for the world to hear.
And all because the one woman that never gave up on him had brought him into her warm, loving embrace. He never wanted to leave; he never wanted it to end. All he wanted was for the world to be put on pause, so he could stand in that room, in the middle of the darkness, in her arms.
"Robin, you are the strongest person I have ever known, stronger even than Galfore. I do not want to see you afraid Robin, when I have come to live off your courage."
Never in his life had he heard words so pure. "I'm not courageous Starfire; I'm just an idiot who can't ask for help. I'm fighting an enemy that surrounds me completely, and instead of going for help, I fight like a fool."
"Robin, you are not a fool." Her voice rang, full of strength. "You are a warrior, fighting a never ending battle against the hardest of enemies. It can not be easy for you to do it alone, but you feel you must. You want to protect us, to protect me, from the shadows around you." She cooed softly, whispering into his ear. "I just want to help you stay yourself Robin."
In the darkness, Robin could not see a tear slip down her cheek. In the darkness, she could not see the tears that slid down his face. Robin slowly pulled his head back, raising his hands to his mask, and peeling it off. He let it drop to floor, with not a care to it. He opened his eyes, and stared into Starfire's. He let his own arms wrap around her, as he felt the tears take hold.
"Starfire…"
"You have beautiful eyes Robin." She replied, as soft as she had ever been. For a minute, Robin froze. Of all the lines he had expected to hear, that was not one of them. Within a heartbeat, a wave of powerful emotions washed over Robin, and he felt his head fall onto her warm shoulder, as his tears flowed freely.
"I'm so scared of everything Starfire. I have no one I can run to, no one I can cry to."
"But Robin, you have always had me. I was always here for you."
Slowly Starfire raised one hand, and let it rest on the back of his head, rubbing it gently. She had no idea what his life had been like, no clue as to the hell and the horrors he had been forced through, and led through. She couldn't even begin to conceive the slightest ideas of the life he had lived, yet she still was there for him. She was there for him, and he couldn't even see it.
"Hold me…" Robin squealed weakly, his soul yearning for only one thing. He wanted to be loved by someone. He wanted to be by someone who would hold him, and help him through the hardest of times. He wanted someone who would hold his hand, and help him through the hells and the horrors of his life to come, and more than anything, he wanted someone who cared.
Starfire didn't reply. She didn't need to. Robin had given himself completely to her embrace, to her loving and secure warmth. Her soft smile couldn't be seen in the night, but she still smiled. She wanted nothing more than to help her friend, to give him the comfort and the hope she had so long relied on him to provide. She wanted to be the one that would storm in through the very gates of hell, and pull him from the claws that would force him into their ranks
More than anything, she wanted to protect him. Protect him from the things he could not fight alone, from the demons he had surrounding him and inside him. She may not be able to beat them, but she would stand with him until the very end, fighting with every fiber of her being.
However, more than any other thing she had ever wanted to do for Robin, she wanted to protect the one man that strove to protect her from every demon, monster, and menace that reared it's ugly head.
"I love you Starfire…" Robin whispered, as he stood there in her arms. The silent whisper of the night soon became the loudest sound in the room, as the two stood in complete night, wrapped in each others arms. There was no darkness to try and take Robin; there was no fear to keep him isolated. There was only warmth, comfort, and protection in the dark room.
In his arms, Robin held the one voice he had always heard, the one pair of eyes he could always see, the one true warmth he always longed for. For a brief period of time, after a night of horrible consequence and unbelievable struggle, Robin had found his sanctuary of hope, and a new strength in his never ending battle against a never ceasing foe.
And he would never have to fight it again.
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Insaneiac: I did it… I actually wrote a full out Robin/Starfire One shot. Now to see if it is any good at all. And for people wondering if I did, yes. I did get the inspiration to write this from a song. Figure it out and good going.