Title: A Faceless Enemy 1/1
(follow up fic to Reflections of the Enemy)
Author: Mandi
Characters: Bosco/Faith/Miller
Summary: Bosco deals with some issues.
Disclaimer: They are not mine.
AN1: And here's the sequel that and I wish it did the first part more justice, but oh well.
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For once. I wanted you to choose me. In the end, you couldn't do that.
His words lay like a heavy burden on his own heart every time he thought of her.
The memories never able to fade away.
Not when it came to her.
Every heart beat.
Every breath.
He had lived for her.
And she had lived for someone else.
The pain of the years past haunted him every time he closed his eyes. Every time her face appeared in his mind, her eyes shining, her lips, her touch, everything leaving him burning for more.
Burning for her.
An unquenchable desire that made his chest ache. Made the air too thin to breathe.
You had my heart...and now you're nothing to me.
If nothing was his devotion. If nothing was his tenderness. If nothing was his heart and soul. If nothing was his inability to live without her then he would not have been lying to her that night. But he fooled himself, fooled her.
She was his ideal.
She had her flaws. Like him, she fought and lived with her demons. But there was no one else in his eyes as close to perfection as she.
And like sand, if held on too tight, she slipped through his fingers once again.
She was an unattainable possession, an unreachable goal. Always there within his grasp, but never able to give a comfortable hold on.
It was a never ending battle.
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And it was beginning to take its toll.
It's gone. Just like you wanted. Have a nice life.
Her message on his answering machine caused a weight so heavy he fell to his knees in front of the phone. He played it back several times. Each time straining to hear the emotion in her voice, but finding none. Did she not care that she killed her own child? His child? Did she not feel any remorse? Shame?
That fact angered him. Shook him to his core. The same emotions building up inside just like that night two months ago.
He had always thought that he would be able to control his temper when he saw them together. But there he was that night. Standing next to his car. Watching them walk by, smiles on both their faces. It was like someone took hold of his heart and squeezed. Never in his life had he felt jealousy so strong. Everything was a blur after that. He would have kept hitting if Sully had not showed up to pull him off.
He met her eyes that night. Watched the internal war she was waging. But when she turned and followed after her fiancee. He felt as if his entire world was crumbling down around him. She had left him. And her leaving him was just something he could not go through. Not again.
So he raised his chin high, took what little respect for himself he had left, and walked away once and for all. Leaving her in tears he wished he had never seen her shed because her pain was something he could never stand to witness. Now his last link to her was gone. In a matter of weeks she had made the decision for both of them. And now he was left to dwell in his grief.
Of losing her.
And their baby.
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With each passing day the job got harder and harder to do. Before ever seeing her again, he was fine. He was able to pick up the pieces of his broken life and move on without her. But this time around, he did not have much left in him. The fight was gone. The need to move on did not hold much interest for him anymore.
He did not want to move on. He did not want to wake up in the morning anymore and pretend that he could go on another day. He was stuck between worlds. Doomed either way. Without her he was lost, drifting in the nothingness of his empty soul. With her he was risking everything, laying it all on the line to have her once again not reciprocate his feelings.
The call came through the radio from the next precinct over. Two Detectives were ambushed, gun downed, one in critical condition. He would not have paid much attention to the news if it had been from any other precinct. But that was Faith's precinct. And the announcement stopped him dead in his tracks. For a moment he could hear his heart beating painfully in his chest. He asked around, desperately wanting some answers. Needing to know if it had been her.
She was there, Bosco. It was her and her partner.
The words left the desk sergeant's lips and Bosco's chest quickly tightened. He did not bother waiting for his partner, he grabbed his things and was out the door. The entire way to Mercy, over and over in his mind, he played out the scene. For all he knew, Faith could have been dead.
And the reality of it, made him grip the steering wheel til his knuckles turned white. Made beads of sweat trickle from his hair line. Made his breathing grow shallow, quick breaths that left his lungs burning for air.
The emergency room was as busy as ever. Uniforms lined the walls. Swersky was there, talking in hushed voices to other top officials in a secluded corner. But he was oblivious to everything around him. His only thought was of her. He had tried stopping a few passing nurses, but they all did not know anything.
He turned a corner and had seen Miller. Sitting on a chair outside a room down the hall. His head was in his hands and blood still covered them. He took a hold of his chest as he looked at the older man. Another painful wave attacked his heart. It could not be true. It just could not. He walked slowly toward the Lieutenant. Each foot step growing more and more distant in his ears. When he reached Miller, he met the man's light blue eyes. Reflected in them was the same fear that his own soul was burdened with.
It was blatantly obvious he cared for her. The evidence was right there in Miller's eyes, but Bosco refused to believe that there was anyone that cared for Faith the way he did. No one could begin to understand or compare to the depth of emotion he felt for his long time partner and friend.
No one.
He shook his head and turned away from the seated man. Looking into the room. Seeing the thin white curtain that kept him from the person on the other side. He sucked in a deep breath and entered the room. He let his fingers touch the white curtain. Tracing the delicate material lightly as he pulled it back. Holding his breath, he looked down at the person before him. Tubes sticking out of her. Bandages covering the side of her face. A machine keeping her breathing.
A gasp escaped his lips as he clutched the side of the bed. The white sheets bunching up between his calloused hands. He shut his eyes tight.
Relieved.
It was not her.
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Boz...
Her voice had brought him back. Like no one else's ever could. Pulling him back no matter how far gone he was. He turned, his eyes falling on her still form in the doorway. A single bandage covered her brow where a bullet had grazed her.
Without thinking, he had taken her into his arms. One hand resting firmly on her back. The other tangled in her hair. His breath lay hot on her neck where he had buried his face there. His eyes shut tightly. Her hands remained on his waist, still too stunned to do anything else. They stayed. Locked in that position. Neither wanting to let go, but then he opened his eyes. Saw that Miller had left and the thought of the other man caused him to quickly pull away.
They had stood awkwardly for a moment before she started to briefly explain what had happened. As she told her story, he was unable to take his eyes off of her. And like so many times before, in the 16 years they had known each other.
Life seemed to have stopped. Fading away until there existed only the two of them. In his universe, she was the center and when she spoke, her words carried such an intoxicating aspect to them, he could do nothing else but listen to the sound of her voice.
Three centimeters. That was all it would have taken. Three centimeters to the left and she would have not been there with him. She went down trying to get to her partner.
It was that night all over again, Bosco. It was you in my arms...all over again.
He knew the images still haunted her. Like hers still haunted him so he nodded his understanding. But dared not near her again. Being so close was dangerous. Admitting the truth was too hard. Too painful.
I just came to see if you were okay.
She nodded mostly to herself as he brushed pass her. Walking away again. Miller was probably still there. He could offer the comfort that Bosco could not bring himself to give. Though, it ached to part from her, he knew it was for the best.
For who?
He still had yet to figure out.
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It had not taken her more than a day to show up at his apartment after their brief encounter at the hospital. Reluctantly, he had let her in. He hated his weakness. He hated being weak when it came to her. Not being able to just turn his back. Once and for all to walk away. He hated his inability to think with anything other than his heart when it came to her. For a man who for the whole of his life had always let anger control him.
When it came to her. His anger would fade away as quickly as the sunlight after sunset. She could infuriate him like no one ever could, but he also knew that no one had a more calming presence than she did. One touch of her skin to his and he was lost again. Drowning in her essence. But could they really go back? After everything that now lay so heavily between them?
He sat her down, told her he was not going to change his mind. She had nodded, taking in his words. But not letting it settle in. Because as much as he fought it, denied them. She would not. As much as he wanted to give up, throw it all away. She never would. He had brought up the abortion. Letting his head sink so low, he thought he would never be able to fight gravity again. She had taken his hands then.
I couldn't do it. This is all I had left of you. I would never destroy it...like I have us.
Her words had lifted a heavy weight from his shoulders as he gazed back at her. His fingers tenderly tracing her features. He knew then and there. They were doomed. With or without each other. But it really did not matter to him anymore. He wanted to take the risk. To take that chance again because for him.
She was still worth it.
Worth a thousand deaths.
Worth a thousand painful memories.
She held him together. Kept him from his insanity and he could never turn his back. Trying more times than he can remember should have taught him that, but it was the thought of losing her again that finally made him realize. The thought itself was. Unthinkable.
No matter how much things change, Faith. I begin...and end...with you.
She smiled at him then. A smile that melted away all his apprehensions of their future. Yes, he forgave her. Yes, he wanted her in his life. Yes, he wanted to be a good father to their child. Yes, they would love each other. And yes, they would argue til the ends of the Earth and back, but he smiled at the thought. It was always love and hate between them. Hate it or love it. The need was always there.
Til their dying day, they would be in each other's blood.
From here to there.
The in between is what he looked forward to the most.
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He traced soft circles down her arm as he watched her sleep.
He breathed in her scent and let his eyes wonder her face again. He burned her face into his memory long ago.
He finally understood what she was trying to tell him that night he tried to leave her.
She may have wanted them both. But it was not Miller whom she needed.
It was not much of a choice because when it came to Bosco, there just was not anyone else.
They were in sync. They lived and breathed together and being apart was something neither of them dared to experience again.
So what do they do?
Move on and suppress the faceless enemy that always threatened to destroy them.
The only thing that could break them apart. Mistrust.
And he swore to himself he would never let their own worst enemies surface again.
It was a guarantee. It was a promise.
And he would die before ever breaking it.