Chapter 1: Jean's Journal

I can't stop thinking about him. I can't get him out of my head, out of my system. He's on my mind all the time. He's all I ever think about. I can't believe I've known him this long, we've been going to the same school for four years and I'm only just realizing now how bad of a crush I have on him. I love, no, I don't know if I can say that I love him, but I love everything about him. His hair, his eyes, his face, his body! I' getting hot just thinking about him. Every time I think about him I feel myself blush and I get butterflies in my stomach. God… He's so wonderful…

I have it so bad for him that I cut his pictures, freshman sophomore, and junior, out of my yearbooks and put them in my wallet so I can look at him anytime I want, in private of course, because if anyone around school found out… We won't go there. My (few) friends whom I sit with at lunch know all about my crush. We sit on one side of the cafeteria and he sits on the other. I sometimes turn my head to stare at him because he's just so… Gorgeous, and adorable, and beautiful. I love his lips. I would do anything to have a chance to kiss his lips. He has those wonderfully full lips and a make-you-weak-in-the-knees smile.

Sometimes he'll catch me staring at him and I'll get a look like "why the hell are you always staring at me?". I can't help it. Whenever I see him it makes my heart achebecause I know I can't have him. But I have caught him staring at me and I'll just stare right back, at least it lets him know I exist. He's actually a lot more popular than I am, at least that's what I pick up from watching him with his friends. He seems so relaxed in the popular crowd, when I would be nervous as hell. I don't do well in the popularity circle, just not my thing. I see his as responsible, gentle, kind, and caring, but likes to party. Goes out on the weekends to party or hang out with his friends every night and talk trash about nothing. I like that actually. It cracks me up when people curse out loud at random.

I have such a bad crush on him that I followed him around just to be near him. I know his schedule by heart. I'm not a stalker, and I'm not obsessed, but I have the worst crush on him. I've come so close to telling him so many times, but I just cant. I'm afraid of what he would say, how he would feel, or what he would do. I've had dreams of being wrapped up in his arms safe and sound…

We have three classes together, English, Math, and Gym. I sit behind him in English, in front of him in Math, and we're on the same team in Gym. We're playing volleyball right now, and I love to watch him, he's so athletic and perfectly built, but that's also because he works out every day. Every time I make a good play he'll look at me and say, "now there's a team player". It makes me feel so good to hear that coming out of his mouth. In English class I'll purposely stay behind so I can walk behind him and stare at him, even if it isjust the back of his head. In Math I get up quick so I can walk in front of him so he'll notice me, but I doubt it ever works. I think he knows he's gorgeous, but he doesn't go around and flaunt it, and I know that he's shy when a girl compliments him on how he looks.

I really, honestly, truly just want him to know so badly how I feel. It's February all ready of our senior year, and I've been crushing on him hard for the past two months, ever since I found out he was single, but I've felt this way about him for a lot longer than that. I remember when we first met, I knew at once that we had something special but it was going to take time to grow and make its way forth into our lives. Well its come into mine and it's driving me crazy! Oh m God, I'm crying and I hurt so bad! I want to tell him so bad!

WHY ME!

I bet you're wondering who this is, but I dare not say his name in here. I've written out a code. Here is his name. HX6G87. I will never say his name, lest someone should find this, for I do not hide it in my room.

Oh God I want him…

A/N: REVIEW PLEASE!

P.S. I dare you to try and crack my code. Prize to the one who can do it! I mean it, a real prize! But don't get too excited. Bye for now! And by crack I mean figure out how I came up with the code, I'm sure you all know who it is. You have to come up with how I coded each letter of his name.