Drunken Tears 10?
Spike regaled Xander of his own lifetime. He told stories of unrequited love and how Drusilla saved him. After several moments, Xander and Spike heaved a collective sigh of relief. There was a hunger between them that hung as heavily between them as the simple question that was asked. "So I ask again, why?"
That one word, like so many others hung in the air between them so long that they nearly forgot who said it. Why what? Why feel so broken? Why love so deeply? Why didn't you give up? Why'd you come so near to doing just that? Simply – why? So, in the silent, pain-filled room, Spike watched, waiting for a reply.
"Nothing else for me was there?"
"What the bloody? Nothing else for you? What about Red, or Bit, or the Watcher? You know how ripped up they've been? Red risked her friendship with Buffy for you pet, for both of us." Silence. More words left unspoken. Spike watched Xander's chest rise and fall of his own doing this time. Xander watched Spike watching him.
"I'm not worth their tears." Xander turned away from Spike. Spike broke his gaze from the well muscled chest and climbed into bed. His hand hovered hesitantly above Xander's back. Ever so slowly, he lowered his hand to soothe Xander's silent shaking tears.
"You're worth more than that, pet." Gentle circles rubbed over Xander's back. The sterility of the room could not hide the vile scents that permeated both the room itself and Xander. As the aroma hit his nostrils, Xander felt the incredible pressure of the ill smells of death and sickness covered faintly by bleach. He wanted to be ill. Even more, he wanted to get away. He was desperate to claw away from Death's icy grip but the despair in him clung like a vice on his soul.
"What about you?" he choked out. "You mentioned the others but what about yourself?"
"Xander, pet. You – " Spike paused trying to find the right words. "You're more than just the whelp you know. You're the reason I stick around this hellhole. Can't explain it really. Just know that when I found you like that luv, I just – I broke."
"Why?" Xander prodded, hoping that maybe the words he could not express would escape freely from the snarky vampire. They might possibly be harsh or dripping with an embittered sarcasm but Spike would speak honestly. Xander closed his eyes briefly and sighed once more. His throat was on fire. As if by instinct, Spike knew what he needed, so he smiled as Spike brought a glass of cool water to his lips.
"I just don't know. I. You're honest Xander, and strong. You're not like the others. I, I need you. It's all I know."
"You, you need me?" Xander stared blankly for a moment. "I'm sorry." The silence broke with an echoing confession. Honest pain was replaced by sweet relief. Spike wasn't angry or hurt by Xander, only terrified at what he might lose. Xander stared into those perfect blue orbs trying to understand what he'd seen flicker behind them. While he hadn't waxed eloquently, Spike had placed more honesty into those few words than Xander had ever heard fall from his lips before. IDon't think. Don't think. Xander fully turned towards Spike now. Angry red streak down his cheeks flared against his paler than usual flesh. Xander's lower lip quivered as he moved methodically slow to close the gap between them. Spike froze, afraid that any movements would scare him off. Inch by inch the brunette slowly moved against the blonde pressing his lips to Spike's, testing something he'd never thought of before. Xander had wanted Spike before everything that had happened but he would never have opened himself to this opportunity before. Really, wasn't this why he'd left Anya? Just as Xander was about to move in further, Spike pulled away reluctantly and against both men's desires.
"Sorry about that pet. I was just worried is all." Spike's lips may have left Xander's but his hand remained in constant contact with his body. Xander swallowed hard. Each attempt to speak was painful still so Xander just stared with those chocolate eyes to express his passion without having words to do so.
Xander's hand reached up hesitantly at first, but then grew in courage as he wrapped his fingers in Spike's hair pulling him back down for a second searing kiss. The kiss was an explosion of tastes for both men. Spike's flavor was that of cigarettes and whiskey and that coppery sweet twang of blood while Xander's was a soft mixture of sweet honey and cottony flavors that could only be his own natural taste. Soft moans and sighs escaped their bodies as they explored this new territory.
The door opened silently before them, both oblivious to its intrusion in their moment. Angel caught the end of the impassioned kiss and entered fully in time to witness a soft, sweet kiss. The union seemed fitting though to be blessed as it were by the Sire they both secretly admired and trusted more than life. Angel could sense the bond between them and yet there was still no claim. Angel leaned back against the now closed door to give his family the privacy this moment deserved. In that moment at least, Sire, Childe and Mate were united as one.