After the kiss, there were so many words still clinging to the air like old filthy laundry and the stench that it would carry, that finding where to begin was more difficult than sitting in the silence. Xander blinked several times. While Xander had discovered in the recent months that he could handle increasing amounts of silence, the lingering words still screamed in his head like an angry infant begging for attention. Even before he knew what was happening, Xander's cheeks glistened with newly shed tears. Uncertain what to say after such an amazing kiss, Xander cleared his throat to speak but the words didn't come. What could he say?
"I'm sorry." The words were choked out, hard, and heavy. Again, the same confession fell between them, but it meant so much. They encompassed a multitude of sins and forced Spike to stare, partly amazed, partly terrified. Spike couldn't quite tell if Xander regretted the kiss or if he felt taken advantage of but the look in Xander's eyes was assuring.
"Why you appologizin' to me pet? You hate me. Remember?" Spike's own actions belied his words as he sat on the bed beside Xander, his hands splayed across the expanse of the young man's chest.
"We both know that's not true." Xander looked up into those blue crystal balls that seemed to hold all the mysteries of the universe. Fighting the urge to kiss the lips that hung just inches below those eyes, Xander turned his head to look slightly over Spike's shoulder. He had been completely aware all along so he stated plainly, "That goes for you too Deadboy."
Spike turned to see his Sire standing aloof? Relaxed? Prepped for action? - Curiously at the door. Angel just watched, for who knows how long, trying to read the scene before him. Angel's indescribable expression surprised Spike. "Come on then Peaches, if yer gonna be watchin' you might as well make yerself part of the group aye?"
"Xander you're still weak. Don't you think…"
"That I should rest? Probably, but not gonna happen without the two of you to protect me." Xander began to laugh uncontrollably. The two most feared vampires are playing body guard for me, saviors and possibly more. And how cool is that? And a little scary, yeah, but some how I just don't care. This is so funny to me. Gods I wanna tell Wills. Xander's chest rumbled with the hearty laughter. Spike and Angel watched cautiously not sure if the situation had broken their boy. "I'm sorry guys it's just, here I am, the most anti-vampire person on the planet and I trust the two of you more than I do myself. If I don't laugh at it I'll cry at how depressing this could be for me."
"I understand pet. I think at least. We'll just keep watch over ya and then we'll go when you're all better, 'ow's that?" Spike said mournfully. Fingers pulled ever so slightly away from the tight, firm chest of a construction worker. Before they could move further though, fingers belonging to the same construction worker moved with more speed than the previously coma ridden Xander should have been capable of and grasped the slender fingers that bore chipped black polish. Fear that he might have actually driven them away forced Xander to action. He took a deep, heavy breath and tried again.
"You misunderstood me. I meant that who I used to be would find this all depressing. The last few days, weeks, how ever long, have changed me. Spike, Angel, stay?"