The Halloween party was over. She and a few others were the last to leave. It was still a lovely night despite the cold, and she headed to one of the more secluded parts of the castle for a moment to herself. The calm before the storm when war would become a terrible reality. The hallways were dark, and she was tired from the party. Her costume was a great success. She had come as a member of the Weasley family. Her hair now straight and a frightening shade of red. Her eyes were blue, and her freckles overly pronounced. Ginny was thrilled to finally have a sister. It was a great way to end what might be her last Halloween at Hogwarts.
Hermione turned down a passage to head back to her room when she heard crying. No, it was more. Weeping. A man was weeping as if his heart were breaking. The sound echoed down the deserted corridor and filled her with such sadness and compassion. Whoever it was needed help. Hermione hesitated. This wasn't just a homesick school boy. The depth of the emotion and the pitch of the voice. She knew It must be a grown man.
Hermione began to list of all the male adults in the school. Dumbledore? Filch? Flitwick? No. Hagrid? She'd heard him cry before but this sound was nothing like it. Slughorn? She could imagine him crying, but he'd want an audience. Snape? Snape never showed any emotion, good or bad. The tone of the deep voice that moaned was beyond anyone else's abilities. It must be him. Hermione was frightened. What could cause that statue of granite to have such raw emotion? She knew what he would say if he caught her witnessing this moment of real feeling. She'd have detention until cats ruled the world.
Then, echoing down the corridor was a lonely cry of despair. "Lily! I'm sorry. Pleeease." Hermione knew it was Snape. But who was Lily and why did he beg for her forgiveness? It was none of her business and she turned to go. "Lily, please!" The sound was pitiful coming from anyone, but from Snape it was like spotting a polka-dot unicorn. The man she knew was cold and cruel and selfish. How could he be in such agony? Why was he in the corridor leading to Gryffindor tower? The sound of weeping intensified. Hermione sighed and knew she had to try to help him.
She cautiously crept down the hallway. If he started firing curses she wanted to be able to duck quickly. "Professor? Professor Snape are you down here?" There was no answer, only the heartbreaking sound of a soul in torment.
There he was on the steps of a staircase clutching a mostly empty bottle of firewhiskey to his chest. His face such a mass of tears and pain that it was hard to look at. This wasn't the stoic potions professor. He was someone real and human, like she'd never imagined before. Her brain told her to run, but her heart bled for this man. He was being crushed by a ghost that would never grant him absolution. She knew he had no one. He was cordial with the other professors, but he had no real friends here. Dumbledore had known him since he was a boy, but she never saw any tenderness between them. She began to think of her own experience when Ron had been snogging Lavender Brown. She had sat on a stair step just like this one, but she had Harry to comfort her. Snape had no one.
He sniffled and began to whimper. She couldn't stand there and watch his pain. Come on Hermione, where's your Gryffindor courage. She stepped out of the shadows and came toward him. "Professor? Professor Snape. Please don't be angry. I want to help you." She stood before him, but he didn't seem to see her. In for a penny, in for a pound. Hermione knelt down and gently placed her hand on his knee. "Professor Snape?" At last he looked up at her through very tired and bloodshot eyes. He reeked of alcohol. This obviously wasn't his first bottle and he looked like he hadn't slept in days. "Please let me help you sir."
Snapes eyes grew wide, if out of focus, and he became even more pale than he was. "Lily?" His shaking hand gently touched her cheek. "Lily!" He was quick as a snake for someone so out of it. Hermione heard the sound of glass breaking as the bottle was flung away and he grabbed her in a ferocious hug. Her face pressed so firmly to his chest she could hardly breathe let alone speak. "Lily, my Lily. My precious Lily. Don't leave me." His incredible deep voice speaking so tenderly left Hermione flushed with emotion. He must have loved this woman very much to feel such pain at her loss, and joy at her return. No one had ever loved her that way and a pang of jealousy ran through Hermione. His love was so intense, so passionate, so devoted. It would have been any woman's honor to inspire feelings like that. Yet he had said 'don't leave me.' How could that woman have thrown away such love? How could she have broken his heart so terribly? Is this why he was the cold and distant adult that he was?
Warmth spread through her. She wanted such love and acceptance more than anything. Her one hope for it in Ron, was obviously never going to happen. She whimpered at the memory of how the boy had snogged that bitch in front of everyone, without so much as a second thought for her. But here before her was a man. A man as much in need of love and affection as she was. Hermione didn't know why she did it. It wasn't right, in fact it was very wrong, but she couldn't help herself. She needed to comfort him and take his comfort in return. She pulled back from him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders pulling him close. "It's okay Severus. Everything is going to be okay." Her hand cradled the back of his head as he wrapped himself around her waist. She held him tight to her, rocking him. His weeping intensified for a moment and then he grew quiet, finding peace at last. "I never told you Lily. I thought you knew. I thought you understood. I should have told you." He pressed his head to her chest. "I love you Lily."
Hermione had tears trailing down her cheeks. She was caught up in the torrent of emotions swirling around her. The deep baritone of his lonely voice telling her he loved her was almost more than she could bear. A feeling she'd never experienced before filled her heart. Not the shy desire she had known for Ron, no. This is what real love must be. The love of two adults who find a piece of themselves in someone else. Who find comfort in companionship and a mutual need to be together. To find acceptance and support despite all the things that can go wrong in life. "I love you too Severus."
He suddenly stopped their rocking and kissed her passionately, almost brutally. He stood and pulled her up with him and apparated. Hermione found herself in his bedchamber and she clutched him forcefully to regain her footing. When the dizziness was gone, she looked up at him. He traced her face with his fingers and carded them in her hair. "I've needed you for so long Lily." His kisses covered her face until he found her lips again. Bruising and demanding, his hands were everywhere. He was a man possessed. All he would allow her to say were a few squeaks and yelps before his tongue pushed between her lips. The sound of tearing fabric as he tore her blouse in two. Hermione was in a panic. This was way too much. She'd only wanted to bring him some comfort a maybe steal a little for herself. In this alcohol induced hallucination she was Lily, and he was going to have her. She began to struggle with him and push him away. "Wait! Please, wait!"
"No Lily", Snape held her arms tightly as he pleaded with her. "I've waited long enough. I've waited an eternity for you. Waited for you to leave Potter and say you loved me. Waited for this moment when you would be in my arms. If I wait anymore, you may be gone again!"
The sound of his whispered spell and they were both naked. Hermione clutched at chest trying to cover herself. He picked her up and laid her on the bed, instantly covering her body with his own.
A part of his brain was screaming something was very wrong. Perhaps it was the look of terror on her face or some portion of him that knew Lily was dead and this couldn't be happening. He tucked his nose in her red hair and breathed deeply, sighing, refusing to listen. "I won't hurt you Lily. I promise. Please. Please be with me." Snape began a campaign of kisses down her body. Her neck and arms, he venerated her breasts, kissing and suckling, leaving little love bites. Keeping her in breathless ecstasy. Hermione was conflicted. This was wrong. He was going to take her virginity. He had no right. She should push him off now and run. But the little trickles of pleasure and the lightning that lit her eyes as he gently bit her nipple. Her body wouldn't allow for any kind of objection from her brain. She had never felt this wonderful, this cherished, this loved. He inched his way further down while his hands kneaded both breasts. His open mouthed kisses on her belly and hips as she struggled to breathe and calm her racing heart. Now his nose was in her womanhood and his tongue began to dance over her, lapping and sucking. "You're so wet for me my darling. You taste of sunlight and happiness." The wonderous feelings made Hermione's eyes roll back into her head and she jerked her hips up to meet his lips. Her hands had migrated to his head on their own and she grabbed his tresses tightly when her orgasm washed over her. "Yes Lily, come for me my darling. I will make it good for us, you'll see." He rose on his knees and plunged fully into her shaking body. Hermione cried out in pain. He stilled himself. "Shhhh now. Don't cry my love. I'll never leave you. I'll never let you go. Shhhh." He petted her hair and put sweet kisses on her eye lids. "You're mine now. All mine. We'll run from this place and have a home of our own. I will worship at your feet. Give you anything you desire. We will build a life and have a family just as I always dreamed. We will grow old together and watch our grandchildren play in the sun. It will be so good Lily. You won't regret it, I promise."
He began to move in her. A slow, tender, steady rhythm. Hermione was overwhelmed and simply gave herself to his experience to know what to do. She acted strictly on instinct, as he moved faster. She began to thrust herself against him as her passions rose. All she knew was the feeling of him inside her and the tension that was gaining ground in her belly. Snape filled her utterly and completely. His every touch a banquet of sensation. His every word saturated her mind with lust. He leaned down to suckle her nipple as he thrust and she plummeted over the edge again. This time she could feel him pulsing his own release as he moaned and spilled his seed inside her. His face like an angel as he laid upon her, gently kissing her swollen lips, his hands framing her face. After a while he sighed and rolled off of her onto the bed. He was asleep in seconds.
To say Hermione was confused wouldn't even come close. Tears ran down her cheeks. It was she, now, that was in agony. She'd just made love to her potion's professor, or rather, he had just made love to her. Her first time, and it was perfect. But it wasn't fair. He hadn't been with her, he had been with Lily. Hermione wept at the understanding that the most powerful, beautiful experience she'd ever had, didn't belong to her. It belonged to Lily.
His loud breathing next to her made her want to cuddle into him and sleep peacefully here. To wake him in an hour and let him take her again, but she knew better. He would awaken sober and realize what he had done. He would blame himself and despise her for her deception. Now she knew she had been given this night and no more. Even if she got the courage to come to him again, he would reject her. She couldn't bear the thought of his hurtful words in her ears after the bliss they had just shared. She had to go, now, before he woke up. She would have to live her life alone, never having the kind of love he gave her tonight. At least, not until the war was over. If they survived, one day she would come to him and thank him for this precious memory, and perhaps, live the beautiful future he'd described, together.
The End