Disclaimer: No, nope, neigh, non, not mine! Belong to Joss. I'm just
borrowing.
Author's Notes: My first AU fic. No monsters or demons in sight!
Summary: Buffy and Angel meet once and fall in love. Will fate bring them
back together?
Feedback: Oh yes please! I am open to suggestions and criticism as
sometimes I get a block and can't write which explains my many unfinished
fics and could explain infrequent future updates though I hope not. Lets
see how I go.
Fate takes a Hand
"Flight 389 to Los Angeles is now boarding at gate 7, will all passengers please ensure they have all of their personal belongings with them." I heard the announcement and felt a horrible sense of dread come over me. How was this supposed to go again? Oh yeah, I've got to get on a plane, which I hate doing, to go and visit my dying mother, oh yeah, easy. Well, I don't know for certain that my mom is dying, only that she is very sick. Or should we say sicker than she had been. Her cancer had been in remission for two years but now.it was only yesterday that my twin sister Faith had called in a nearly hysterical state about how mom had collapsed and was in hospital, again. The thing was, Faith was never hysterical, she was laid back, too much so at times but I'd rarely heard her, seen her like that. That was what was worrying, and that is why I am getting on a plane to go home three months before I finish my degree in psychology at NYU. The professors I'd been able to talk to had been understanding and hadn't put any pressure on me regarding my dissertation. Which was good, it was nearly finished anyway, that wasn't really the problem, I didn't know if I'd be able to come back if I get home and mom is as sick as it sounded like she was.
The ticket was handed back to me and I made my way down the gangway. Finding my seat was easy as there weren't too many people in first class. I recollected with little amusement my conversation with the guy at the ticket desk.
"I don't want first class though, I don't need first class; I just need a normal seat."
"I'm very sorry miss but first class are the only seats available on our next flight to Los Angeles, if you would like a later flight."
"No! That'll have to do I guess." I'd told him a little sharply; after all I needed to get home as soon as possible.
I closed my eyes and wished for the plane to get going already. It's not as though I'm scared of flying, I don't particularly enjoy it but when I'm worried about one thing it makes me tense about everything. I felt a slight shift in the seat next to me as someone sat down. Please don't let it be a stinky talkative old guy. All I want is to try to relax as much as possible and I'm hardly going to be able to do that when some old fat guy is trying to chat me up.
I suppose that presupposition was why I got the shock of my life when I opened my eyes to look at the new comer, to be greeted by the most gorgeous chocolate brown eyes I'd ever seen. I adjusted my eyes to take a look at the rest of this person. He was without a doubt the most gorgeous guy on the planet, or I thought so anyway. He was smiling at me and if I hadn't been so worried about mom my heart would have been doing flip-flops.
"Hi." Say something back before he thinks you're really weird.
"Hi." I replied, feeling totally stupid. But then at least I'd said something.
"Don't like flying huh?" He asked good-naturedly. He seemed genuinely concerned and it was endearing. He did have the greatest smile.
"Well, not today." I told him smiling despite my reasons for being on the flight in the first place.
"Do you live in New York?" He asked, obviously interested in carrying on a conversation. Looking at him it was somehow impossible to not trust him. Whether it was his smile or something else about him, it instantly removed any reluctance I might have had about talking to him.
"I'm at NYU, my home's in LA."
"Really? What are you studying?"
"Psychology, I'm nearly finished actually, thank god. It'll be such a relief."
"I know what you mean, I felt the same way when I graduated."
"What do you do?" It was difficult to resist talking to him. In fact it was difficult to control the immediate attraction I'd felt on seeing him. He cringed in a cute way before replying, so I tried to convince him to tell me. "Come on it can't be that bad."
"Well, I only do that because most people don't like us." I nodded my head in realisation.
"You're a lawyer." He nodded. "Well I don't think it's that bad, my sister wants to be one, I'm not sure why though."
"How old is she?"
"She's sixteen, I expect she'll change her mind before she goes to college anyway. Teenagers are like that."
"Yes, I dimly recall." He said smiling. He can't have been more than thirty; he was definitely older than me. "So do you just have one sister?" He asked, for a second I wondered just why he was so interested but decided to not care. He was cute, very attractive and if he was interested in hearing about a load of boring stuff to do with my family that was fine by me.
"No, there's Dawn, the one who's sixteen and I have a twin sister, Faith."
"Really?" He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "I really wouldn't have thought there could be anyone just as beautiful as you are." He commented. He seemed unaware that he'd said something so flattering as I blushed slightly at his knockout smile. Well maybe he was acting unaware, I mused, but maybe he just didn't want me to feel uncomfortable. He thought I was beautiful!
"Well we're not identical, it's strange but we're like polar opposites. She's got dark hair and eyes and we're nothing-alike personality wise, except that we can both be very determined about stuff. Saying all that we love each other. Some twins hate the sight of one another but it's not like that with Faith and me. We're like best friends. I think Dawn sometimes feels a bit left out, or she did when we were younger. I guess Faith and I just have a twin connection that Dawn missed out on. I don't think she minds so much now anyway. I think it would have bothered her more if Faith and I were identical twins." Taking a second to look at him and his reaction or what I expected to be more like boredom, it was a bit surprising to see him gazing at me with an almost dreamlike expression on his face. I must have made him fall asleep! Whoops! "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go on and on like that." He seemed to suddenly realise I was looking at him and went slightly red. Was he embarrassed? Why was he though?
"Oh no, you weren't, I'm interested. Sorry for staring though." He said the last bit a little quieter than the first bit and at first I wasn't sure what he'd said. He was staring at me! He wasn't asleep; he was actually looking at me. It was difficult to know what to say so smiling at him a little was all that I could think of at the time. He seemed to relax again after that. His embarrassment must have made him uncomfortable but the conversation carried on, as before, there was no weirdness or hesitation. I know it sounds weird but it was almost as if we'd known each other forever.
"So, do you have brothers or sisters?"
"I have a sister, Katherine, Kat. She's probably about your age, she's twenty-one."
"Hey, good guess, I am twenty-one. Are you guys close?"
"We used to be, I don't get to see her as much as I used to. I travel a lot to meet clients and she's a nurse so she works what she likes to refer to as unsocial hours."
"That's a pity, I mean with me being at college in NY it's hard to stay close to my family but we still are. You should see the phone bills from me and my sisters calling each other." He laughed along with me before the smile faded a little from his face.
"I really should make the effort though, to see her." I nodded and smiled at him trying not to get distracted by thinking how good it would feel to kiss him. What is wrong with me? I don't know this guy, except; it felt like I did know him.
"Are you close to your parents?" His expression immediately clouded over and I knew that there was something I was missing; regarding his parents, but I also knew it wasn't really any of my business so I gave him an easy out as to my question. "I'm sorry, it's not really my business." I tried to imagine trying not to talk to him for the rest of the long flight but a moment later found I didn't need to think about that. He took my hand in his and I turned to see him looking into my eyes like he could see beyond them.
"No, I, I don't know why I feel like I can tell you but I can and I want to." I smiled back at him as he continued to hold my hand and I tried to ignore the strange tingly sensations that were running up my arm from his touch. I didn't want him to let go and he didn't. "My, our parents were killed in a car accident three years ago." I couldn't contain my involuntary gasp and I tried to imagine how it must have felt. Actually no I didn't want to know. There were too many chances that I was about to lose my mother and find out so I didn't want to think about it.
"I'm so sorry." I gave his hand a little reassuring squeeze and he continued.
"Kat was only eighteen, she was starting training as a nurse and put all of herself in her job. I think after the accident she wanted more than ever to help people. I was doing well at my law firm and I hadn't lived at home for a long time but after it happened I couldn't seem to let Kat out of my sight, or I didn't want to. I didn't want to lose her too. I moved back home because she was still living there and I think I drove her crazy. The big brother protectiveness really got to her after a while. We were very close really, it's just since we moved out and sold the house that we've grown apart. That was over a year ago."
"I'm so sorry, I really can't imagine. You sound like you want to see more of your sister and if you don't mind being told by me, you should do. She's obviously very important to you and you wouldn't want to lose the family you have left." He looked at me before replying.
"You're right, I let myself get caught up in my work and I shouldn't have done that. I'll make time for my family like you do for yours. I.."
"You what?" I asked after a second more of silence, that was except for the whir of the airplane.
"I don't know; it's like I know you but I don't. Thanks I needed a good kick up the butt." I laughed out loud and nodded my head. He was funny. He was funny and cute and gorgeous. Stop it! You hardly know him you silly girl, though like he'd just said, it felt like we'd known each other forever. Come on who believes in that sort of thing anyway? YOU DO! Okay, stupid annoyingly insightful subconscious, fine I do but it's all a little stupid to be musing over anyway. He's probably involved and hello, did you forget or something? Forget a certain boyfriend by the name of Riley Finn? Urggg yes I forgot. What was the reason you went out with him in the first place? Hard to remember isn't it? Shut up! You know I was already planning how to break up with him, the nice way. But then Faith called and now I'll have to leave it until who knows when. Oh why couldn't I have had the guts to do it when I'd first thought to a couple of weeks ago? You knew it wasn't working, you were absorbed in your work and he, well he just got annoying, got in the way, seemed suddenly all pathetic and needy and you so didn't need that. You still don't. You are such a coward Buffy Summers. I know I should have dealt with it there and then. Oh well I'll have to do it when I go back. If I go back.
If I go back. Without warning the horrible truth of why I was on this flight suddenly came back to me multiplied by ten. How was it that I forgot? Oh yeah that gorgeous hunk of lawyer sat next to me. Unfortunately, remembering that only made me feel instantly guilty about forgetting to be worried about mom, even if it had only been about.an hour? Had we really been talking for that long? His voice brought me back to the plane with a disturbing jolt.
"Are you okay?"
"Huh?" Was all I could muster through the noisy chaotic emotions in my head.
"Are you okay? Would you like a drink or something, you've gone really pale." It briefly registered that he sounded concerned about me again but the smile that wanted to break through to him was seized by worry and came out probably more like a painful grimace. I think he must have asked for some water because the next thing I knew was that he'd handed me a glass of beautifully cold crystal clear water and after having a small sip I felt a little better. A little less like I was going to be motion sick, though emotion sick was more of an accurate description. "Are you sick?" He asked, again his voice edged with concern. I shook my head unsure of how to answer but knowing I would tell him. Somehow. I needed to tell someone and he seemed like that right someone. He'd shared with me hadn't he well now it was my turn however much I didn't want it to be. I supposed that talking about it only made it more real and I was still trying to pretend it wasn't real at all. Though the very fact of my presence on this aircraft belied my supposed denial.
"No, not really. I.it's difficult." He gave me a look that told me he was there and that he was listening. Somehow it gave me the strength to go on, even though my voice refused to not sound shaky. "The reason I'm going home, like three months before I finish at NYU is because.because my mom is sick, again, and we think, I don't know. We're not sure if she's going to make it this time." I let a couple of tears run down my face before wiping it with my sleeve. "I'm sorry," I glanced at him sideways, "How embarrassing am I? I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything." He immediately took my hand.
"I'm not uncomfortable, why would I be? And you shouldn't be embarrassed, it's your mom for goodness sake, you're entitled to be worried and scared and upset. And you shouldn't ever feel the need to bottle things up. It's always better to be honest about our feelings, though it doesn't happen much does it?" I managed a weak smile.
"No, it doesn't." After a little while, during which time I was feeling a bit better he turned to look at me. He must have thought I looked better.
"The color's come back into your cheeks." I nodded numbly at him, knowing I really hadn't talked to him properly yet. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me quietly a minute later. I nodded.
"I need to." He nodded in understanding. "Mom first got sick about two years ago. She was diagnosed with a brain tumour and everything seemed to fall apart. Dawn was only thirteen and I guess she just didn't understand as well as we could, not that that was a lot but you know. Dad left when Dawn was four so mom is all she's known and she just couldn't cope. Her grades fell, she hung around with the wrong crowd and got in a load of trouble. Faith and I had to look after her but we couldn't bring ourselves to discipline her. We couldn't help seeing our baby sister and that she was in pain and we couldn't seem to help."
"What about you?"
"Me? Well, it was hard, horrible to see mom like that, for all of us. Faith and I would go through phases. Sometimes we would talk to each other and other times we wouldn't talk at all. Mom had an operation and chemo and after too many miserable months she went into remission and came home. Things got better, as better as they could, nearly back to normal. Dawn seemed better as well, she had mom back, we all did, but there was something that stayed with us, we all had fear now. Fear that we could lose her and though things weren't visibly changed, we had fear in all of us. I transferred to NYU after that. Mom's illness was too fresh for me to stay in LA so I left, mature huh? Faith couldn't leave she was still training to be a cop and Dawn had school. We needed our space though and now we're closer than ever, all three of us. I just hope that things could be different this time. I suppose that Dawn thought she couldn't talk to us because we were in our own world and she wasn't a part of it. I hope she knows that's not true now." I paused reflecting on my last words. "I just, I want to go home, that's why I'm on this plane but, I know it sounds horrible but I'm terrified of going back, of seeing her like that again I'm terrified of seeing my mom." I looked up and though I knew I should feel embarrassed about crying in front of a complete stranger, I didn't. It's an odd feeling to be totally comfortable with someone I hardly knew while it also felt like I'd known him for ages. He reached up and gently wiped my cheek and took my hand. "Sorry." The perfunctory apology slipped out despite not being embarrassed in front of him.
"Don't be. Is it okay if I tell you what I think?" He really sounded like he was sincere and since he'd lost his parents I supposed that he knew how I felt. I guessed that was why I told him about mom.
"Yeah, I don't mind."
"I can tell that you love your mother and your sisters very much and I think it's just that you're afraid of losing her and that's perfectly normal, just don't let your fears get in the way of spending time with her and enjoying your time together, whatever happens. I know that death isn't different if it's sudden or sort of expected, the end result is the same and it's devastating. You just have to try and concentrate on your mother and the time you have with her now, however long it is, you never know what will happen. I know that you think that you won't be able to cope if anyone you're close to dies and believe me, it's horribly difficult but you'll deal, you have to and you'll get through it okay." I smiled a little, knowing that he was probably right; I just didn't want to face the possibility. But I would, when I got to LA. In the mean time I decided that since I had met what seemed like the greatest most gorgeous bloke on the planet that I would take advantage, figuratively speaking, though I certainly thought about other ways advantage could be taken. So we talked, and we didn't stop. I felt like I really knew most of everything about him, this included his girlfriend, damn, and the fact that he couldn't stand her anymore, yay! Sounded very similar to my problem with Riley, which he listened to as well. We talked so long and involved that we were oblivious to the time. Well, you know what they say about time flying.
It was strange to look down and discover that we were still holding hands. It had felt, natural, simple, right. As if the other were in fact an extension of ourselves. It was almost painful when we had to get up and he dropped his hold of my hand.
"So, can I see you?" He asked as he got both our bags from the above compartment, and despite the fact that we both had significant others. Even though they weren't ones we were looking to keep. And then an idea surfaced in my head and I smiled.
"Why don't we leave it to fate?" He looked at me.
"You believe in that sort of thing?" He obviously didn't. I shrugged,
"I don't know, I didn't use to, it just came to me. Besides this way we'll know if, something's."
"Meant to happen?" He finished for me and I nodded, smiling. "Okay, but." He handed me my bag that I took, waiting for him to continue. We both sat back down as he was getting in the way of some impatient people who wanted to get off the plane quickly. I for one wasn't jumping for joy at the prospect of what I would face when I got off the plane, but I would deal, like he'd told me.
"But?"
"But, I don't even know your name, if I just had your name. I don't know it might make it a little easier leaving it up to fate. Even if we both know that this isn't the time.for us." There was no arguing with that. I held out my hand,
"Hi, my name's Buffy." He gently took my hand within his own. I couldn't help thinking that that was where it belonged. I smiled, as did he.
"I'm Angel." I smiled at him quizzically before a nod from him assured me that that was his name. Buffy and Angel.
They fit together all right, though I didn't say it out loud. Before I could think he pulled me forward and my lips met his in a soft chaste kiss that sent shivers down my spine. I wondered vaguely how a more passionate kiss would affect me. It was over relatively quickly but for some reason I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from his. Those deep pools of chocolate brown, I'd have probably gotten (willingly) lost in them if a woman hadn't cleared her throat to talk to us. I think it was one of the hostesses.
"Sir, Miss, could you please leave the plane now?" I reluctantly looked at her and both of us realised that all the other passengers had got off the plane. When Angel looked back at me he grinned.
"Whoops."
"Yeah." I replied somewhat sheepishly.
"I guess that's our cue to leave." He got up and once again picked up his carry on bag. I did the same but after getting out into the aisle found I couldn't go any further. The worry and everything else had suddenly come back to me in full force and when Angel turned round to see why I wasn't moving it was very hard not to burst into tears right there. I knew I couldn't though; I had to be strong, for my sisters if not for myself.
"Buffy?" His voice was full of concern and I found it hard to believe I'd only met him hours ago. He placed his hand under my chin and lifted it so our eyes connected again. "It'll be okay." He said very gently. I really wanted to believe him but something told me everything was about to change.
"What if its not?" I asked, afraid of the answer.
"Then you and your sisters will still be okay. It will be hard and painful and heart breaking but you will be okay. I know. And I know you." I smiled in spite of my fears; he did know me, even after only a few hours. "You'll deal and you'll help your sisters. You're a good person Buffy and this will not break you. You hear me?" I nodded and for a brief second he let his hand caress my cheek. A cough from behind us said the hostess was back and we finally got off the plane. As we walked to the door he let go of my hand, which I hadn't even realised he'd been holding again and put it on my shoulder. As I saw my sisters I put my hand on top of his and turned my head to look at him before he smiled reassuringly and walked off in the opposite direction.
When I was hugging Faith and Dawn I saw that he'd waited a little longer and was standing a little way off. It gave the opportunity to gather some more strength for what was or was not going to happen. Closing my eyes I worded a silent thank you in his direction and when I opened them again he was gone. My sisters and me went to collect my bags and Faith began to tell me about mom.
Tbc...
Okay guys, I'd love some feedback before I post the next part. Pretty please?
-Becca.
Fate takes a Hand
"Flight 389 to Los Angeles is now boarding at gate 7, will all passengers please ensure they have all of their personal belongings with them." I heard the announcement and felt a horrible sense of dread come over me. How was this supposed to go again? Oh yeah, I've got to get on a plane, which I hate doing, to go and visit my dying mother, oh yeah, easy. Well, I don't know for certain that my mom is dying, only that she is very sick. Or should we say sicker than she had been. Her cancer had been in remission for two years but now.it was only yesterday that my twin sister Faith had called in a nearly hysterical state about how mom had collapsed and was in hospital, again. The thing was, Faith was never hysterical, she was laid back, too much so at times but I'd rarely heard her, seen her like that. That was what was worrying, and that is why I am getting on a plane to go home three months before I finish my degree in psychology at NYU. The professors I'd been able to talk to had been understanding and hadn't put any pressure on me regarding my dissertation. Which was good, it was nearly finished anyway, that wasn't really the problem, I didn't know if I'd be able to come back if I get home and mom is as sick as it sounded like she was.
The ticket was handed back to me and I made my way down the gangway. Finding my seat was easy as there weren't too many people in first class. I recollected with little amusement my conversation with the guy at the ticket desk.
"I don't want first class though, I don't need first class; I just need a normal seat."
"I'm very sorry miss but first class are the only seats available on our next flight to Los Angeles, if you would like a later flight."
"No! That'll have to do I guess." I'd told him a little sharply; after all I needed to get home as soon as possible.
I closed my eyes and wished for the plane to get going already. It's not as though I'm scared of flying, I don't particularly enjoy it but when I'm worried about one thing it makes me tense about everything. I felt a slight shift in the seat next to me as someone sat down. Please don't let it be a stinky talkative old guy. All I want is to try to relax as much as possible and I'm hardly going to be able to do that when some old fat guy is trying to chat me up.
I suppose that presupposition was why I got the shock of my life when I opened my eyes to look at the new comer, to be greeted by the most gorgeous chocolate brown eyes I'd ever seen. I adjusted my eyes to take a look at the rest of this person. He was without a doubt the most gorgeous guy on the planet, or I thought so anyway. He was smiling at me and if I hadn't been so worried about mom my heart would have been doing flip-flops.
"Hi." Say something back before he thinks you're really weird.
"Hi." I replied, feeling totally stupid. But then at least I'd said something.
"Don't like flying huh?" He asked good-naturedly. He seemed genuinely concerned and it was endearing. He did have the greatest smile.
"Well, not today." I told him smiling despite my reasons for being on the flight in the first place.
"Do you live in New York?" He asked, obviously interested in carrying on a conversation. Looking at him it was somehow impossible to not trust him. Whether it was his smile or something else about him, it instantly removed any reluctance I might have had about talking to him.
"I'm at NYU, my home's in LA."
"Really? What are you studying?"
"Psychology, I'm nearly finished actually, thank god. It'll be such a relief."
"I know what you mean, I felt the same way when I graduated."
"What do you do?" It was difficult to resist talking to him. In fact it was difficult to control the immediate attraction I'd felt on seeing him. He cringed in a cute way before replying, so I tried to convince him to tell me. "Come on it can't be that bad."
"Well, I only do that because most people don't like us." I nodded my head in realisation.
"You're a lawyer." He nodded. "Well I don't think it's that bad, my sister wants to be one, I'm not sure why though."
"How old is she?"
"She's sixteen, I expect she'll change her mind before she goes to college anyway. Teenagers are like that."
"Yes, I dimly recall." He said smiling. He can't have been more than thirty; he was definitely older than me. "So do you just have one sister?" He asked, for a second I wondered just why he was so interested but decided to not care. He was cute, very attractive and if he was interested in hearing about a load of boring stuff to do with my family that was fine by me.
"No, there's Dawn, the one who's sixteen and I have a twin sister, Faith."
"Really?" He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "I really wouldn't have thought there could be anyone just as beautiful as you are." He commented. He seemed unaware that he'd said something so flattering as I blushed slightly at his knockout smile. Well maybe he was acting unaware, I mused, but maybe he just didn't want me to feel uncomfortable. He thought I was beautiful!
"Well we're not identical, it's strange but we're like polar opposites. She's got dark hair and eyes and we're nothing-alike personality wise, except that we can both be very determined about stuff. Saying all that we love each other. Some twins hate the sight of one another but it's not like that with Faith and me. We're like best friends. I think Dawn sometimes feels a bit left out, or she did when we were younger. I guess Faith and I just have a twin connection that Dawn missed out on. I don't think she minds so much now anyway. I think it would have bothered her more if Faith and I were identical twins." Taking a second to look at him and his reaction or what I expected to be more like boredom, it was a bit surprising to see him gazing at me with an almost dreamlike expression on his face. I must have made him fall asleep! Whoops! "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go on and on like that." He seemed to suddenly realise I was looking at him and went slightly red. Was he embarrassed? Why was he though?
"Oh no, you weren't, I'm interested. Sorry for staring though." He said the last bit a little quieter than the first bit and at first I wasn't sure what he'd said. He was staring at me! He wasn't asleep; he was actually looking at me. It was difficult to know what to say so smiling at him a little was all that I could think of at the time. He seemed to relax again after that. His embarrassment must have made him uncomfortable but the conversation carried on, as before, there was no weirdness or hesitation. I know it sounds weird but it was almost as if we'd known each other forever.
"So, do you have brothers or sisters?"
"I have a sister, Katherine, Kat. She's probably about your age, she's twenty-one."
"Hey, good guess, I am twenty-one. Are you guys close?"
"We used to be, I don't get to see her as much as I used to. I travel a lot to meet clients and she's a nurse so she works what she likes to refer to as unsocial hours."
"That's a pity, I mean with me being at college in NY it's hard to stay close to my family but we still are. You should see the phone bills from me and my sisters calling each other." He laughed along with me before the smile faded a little from his face.
"I really should make the effort though, to see her." I nodded and smiled at him trying not to get distracted by thinking how good it would feel to kiss him. What is wrong with me? I don't know this guy, except; it felt like I did know him.
"Are you close to your parents?" His expression immediately clouded over and I knew that there was something I was missing; regarding his parents, but I also knew it wasn't really any of my business so I gave him an easy out as to my question. "I'm sorry, it's not really my business." I tried to imagine trying not to talk to him for the rest of the long flight but a moment later found I didn't need to think about that. He took my hand in his and I turned to see him looking into my eyes like he could see beyond them.
"No, I, I don't know why I feel like I can tell you but I can and I want to." I smiled back at him as he continued to hold my hand and I tried to ignore the strange tingly sensations that were running up my arm from his touch. I didn't want him to let go and he didn't. "My, our parents were killed in a car accident three years ago." I couldn't contain my involuntary gasp and I tried to imagine how it must have felt. Actually no I didn't want to know. There were too many chances that I was about to lose my mother and find out so I didn't want to think about it.
"I'm so sorry." I gave his hand a little reassuring squeeze and he continued.
"Kat was only eighteen, she was starting training as a nurse and put all of herself in her job. I think after the accident she wanted more than ever to help people. I was doing well at my law firm and I hadn't lived at home for a long time but after it happened I couldn't seem to let Kat out of my sight, or I didn't want to. I didn't want to lose her too. I moved back home because she was still living there and I think I drove her crazy. The big brother protectiveness really got to her after a while. We were very close really, it's just since we moved out and sold the house that we've grown apart. That was over a year ago."
"I'm so sorry, I really can't imagine. You sound like you want to see more of your sister and if you don't mind being told by me, you should do. She's obviously very important to you and you wouldn't want to lose the family you have left." He looked at me before replying.
"You're right, I let myself get caught up in my work and I shouldn't have done that. I'll make time for my family like you do for yours. I.."
"You what?" I asked after a second more of silence, that was except for the whir of the airplane.
"I don't know; it's like I know you but I don't. Thanks I needed a good kick up the butt." I laughed out loud and nodded my head. He was funny. He was funny and cute and gorgeous. Stop it! You hardly know him you silly girl, though like he'd just said, it felt like we'd known each other forever. Come on who believes in that sort of thing anyway? YOU DO! Okay, stupid annoyingly insightful subconscious, fine I do but it's all a little stupid to be musing over anyway. He's probably involved and hello, did you forget or something? Forget a certain boyfriend by the name of Riley Finn? Urggg yes I forgot. What was the reason you went out with him in the first place? Hard to remember isn't it? Shut up! You know I was already planning how to break up with him, the nice way. But then Faith called and now I'll have to leave it until who knows when. Oh why couldn't I have had the guts to do it when I'd first thought to a couple of weeks ago? You knew it wasn't working, you were absorbed in your work and he, well he just got annoying, got in the way, seemed suddenly all pathetic and needy and you so didn't need that. You still don't. You are such a coward Buffy Summers. I know I should have dealt with it there and then. Oh well I'll have to do it when I go back. If I go back.
If I go back. Without warning the horrible truth of why I was on this flight suddenly came back to me multiplied by ten. How was it that I forgot? Oh yeah that gorgeous hunk of lawyer sat next to me. Unfortunately, remembering that only made me feel instantly guilty about forgetting to be worried about mom, even if it had only been about.an hour? Had we really been talking for that long? His voice brought me back to the plane with a disturbing jolt.
"Are you okay?"
"Huh?" Was all I could muster through the noisy chaotic emotions in my head.
"Are you okay? Would you like a drink or something, you've gone really pale." It briefly registered that he sounded concerned about me again but the smile that wanted to break through to him was seized by worry and came out probably more like a painful grimace. I think he must have asked for some water because the next thing I knew was that he'd handed me a glass of beautifully cold crystal clear water and after having a small sip I felt a little better. A little less like I was going to be motion sick, though emotion sick was more of an accurate description. "Are you sick?" He asked, again his voice edged with concern. I shook my head unsure of how to answer but knowing I would tell him. Somehow. I needed to tell someone and he seemed like that right someone. He'd shared with me hadn't he well now it was my turn however much I didn't want it to be. I supposed that talking about it only made it more real and I was still trying to pretend it wasn't real at all. Though the very fact of my presence on this aircraft belied my supposed denial.
"No, not really. I.it's difficult." He gave me a look that told me he was there and that he was listening. Somehow it gave me the strength to go on, even though my voice refused to not sound shaky. "The reason I'm going home, like three months before I finish at NYU is because.because my mom is sick, again, and we think, I don't know. We're not sure if she's going to make it this time." I let a couple of tears run down my face before wiping it with my sleeve. "I'm sorry," I glanced at him sideways, "How embarrassing am I? I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable or anything." He immediately took my hand.
"I'm not uncomfortable, why would I be? And you shouldn't be embarrassed, it's your mom for goodness sake, you're entitled to be worried and scared and upset. And you shouldn't ever feel the need to bottle things up. It's always better to be honest about our feelings, though it doesn't happen much does it?" I managed a weak smile.
"No, it doesn't." After a little while, during which time I was feeling a bit better he turned to look at me. He must have thought I looked better.
"The color's come back into your cheeks." I nodded numbly at him, knowing I really hadn't talked to him properly yet. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked me quietly a minute later. I nodded.
"I need to." He nodded in understanding. "Mom first got sick about two years ago. She was diagnosed with a brain tumour and everything seemed to fall apart. Dawn was only thirteen and I guess she just didn't understand as well as we could, not that that was a lot but you know. Dad left when Dawn was four so mom is all she's known and she just couldn't cope. Her grades fell, she hung around with the wrong crowd and got in a load of trouble. Faith and I had to look after her but we couldn't bring ourselves to discipline her. We couldn't help seeing our baby sister and that she was in pain and we couldn't seem to help."
"What about you?"
"Me? Well, it was hard, horrible to see mom like that, for all of us. Faith and I would go through phases. Sometimes we would talk to each other and other times we wouldn't talk at all. Mom had an operation and chemo and after too many miserable months she went into remission and came home. Things got better, as better as they could, nearly back to normal. Dawn seemed better as well, she had mom back, we all did, but there was something that stayed with us, we all had fear now. Fear that we could lose her and though things weren't visibly changed, we had fear in all of us. I transferred to NYU after that. Mom's illness was too fresh for me to stay in LA so I left, mature huh? Faith couldn't leave she was still training to be a cop and Dawn had school. We needed our space though and now we're closer than ever, all three of us. I just hope that things could be different this time. I suppose that Dawn thought she couldn't talk to us because we were in our own world and she wasn't a part of it. I hope she knows that's not true now." I paused reflecting on my last words. "I just, I want to go home, that's why I'm on this plane but, I know it sounds horrible but I'm terrified of going back, of seeing her like that again I'm terrified of seeing my mom." I looked up and though I knew I should feel embarrassed about crying in front of a complete stranger, I didn't. It's an odd feeling to be totally comfortable with someone I hardly knew while it also felt like I'd known him for ages. He reached up and gently wiped my cheek and took my hand. "Sorry." The perfunctory apology slipped out despite not being embarrassed in front of him.
"Don't be. Is it okay if I tell you what I think?" He really sounded like he was sincere and since he'd lost his parents I supposed that he knew how I felt. I guessed that was why I told him about mom.
"Yeah, I don't mind."
"I can tell that you love your mother and your sisters very much and I think it's just that you're afraid of losing her and that's perfectly normal, just don't let your fears get in the way of spending time with her and enjoying your time together, whatever happens. I know that death isn't different if it's sudden or sort of expected, the end result is the same and it's devastating. You just have to try and concentrate on your mother and the time you have with her now, however long it is, you never know what will happen. I know that you think that you won't be able to cope if anyone you're close to dies and believe me, it's horribly difficult but you'll deal, you have to and you'll get through it okay." I smiled a little, knowing that he was probably right; I just didn't want to face the possibility. But I would, when I got to LA. In the mean time I decided that since I had met what seemed like the greatest most gorgeous bloke on the planet that I would take advantage, figuratively speaking, though I certainly thought about other ways advantage could be taken. So we talked, and we didn't stop. I felt like I really knew most of everything about him, this included his girlfriend, damn, and the fact that he couldn't stand her anymore, yay! Sounded very similar to my problem with Riley, which he listened to as well. We talked so long and involved that we were oblivious to the time. Well, you know what they say about time flying.
It was strange to look down and discover that we were still holding hands. It had felt, natural, simple, right. As if the other were in fact an extension of ourselves. It was almost painful when we had to get up and he dropped his hold of my hand.
"So, can I see you?" He asked as he got both our bags from the above compartment, and despite the fact that we both had significant others. Even though they weren't ones we were looking to keep. And then an idea surfaced in my head and I smiled.
"Why don't we leave it to fate?" He looked at me.
"You believe in that sort of thing?" He obviously didn't. I shrugged,
"I don't know, I didn't use to, it just came to me. Besides this way we'll know if, something's."
"Meant to happen?" He finished for me and I nodded, smiling. "Okay, but." He handed me my bag that I took, waiting for him to continue. We both sat back down as he was getting in the way of some impatient people who wanted to get off the plane quickly. I for one wasn't jumping for joy at the prospect of what I would face when I got off the plane, but I would deal, like he'd told me.
"But?"
"But, I don't even know your name, if I just had your name. I don't know it might make it a little easier leaving it up to fate. Even if we both know that this isn't the time.for us." There was no arguing with that. I held out my hand,
"Hi, my name's Buffy." He gently took my hand within his own. I couldn't help thinking that that was where it belonged. I smiled, as did he.
"I'm Angel." I smiled at him quizzically before a nod from him assured me that that was his name. Buffy and Angel.
They fit together all right, though I didn't say it out loud. Before I could think he pulled me forward and my lips met his in a soft chaste kiss that sent shivers down my spine. I wondered vaguely how a more passionate kiss would affect me. It was over relatively quickly but for some reason I couldn't seem to tear my eyes away from his. Those deep pools of chocolate brown, I'd have probably gotten (willingly) lost in them if a woman hadn't cleared her throat to talk to us. I think it was one of the hostesses.
"Sir, Miss, could you please leave the plane now?" I reluctantly looked at her and both of us realised that all the other passengers had got off the plane. When Angel looked back at me he grinned.
"Whoops."
"Yeah." I replied somewhat sheepishly.
"I guess that's our cue to leave." He got up and once again picked up his carry on bag. I did the same but after getting out into the aisle found I couldn't go any further. The worry and everything else had suddenly come back to me in full force and when Angel turned round to see why I wasn't moving it was very hard not to burst into tears right there. I knew I couldn't though; I had to be strong, for my sisters if not for myself.
"Buffy?" His voice was full of concern and I found it hard to believe I'd only met him hours ago. He placed his hand under my chin and lifted it so our eyes connected again. "It'll be okay." He said very gently. I really wanted to believe him but something told me everything was about to change.
"What if its not?" I asked, afraid of the answer.
"Then you and your sisters will still be okay. It will be hard and painful and heart breaking but you will be okay. I know. And I know you." I smiled in spite of my fears; he did know me, even after only a few hours. "You'll deal and you'll help your sisters. You're a good person Buffy and this will not break you. You hear me?" I nodded and for a brief second he let his hand caress my cheek. A cough from behind us said the hostess was back and we finally got off the plane. As we walked to the door he let go of my hand, which I hadn't even realised he'd been holding again and put it on my shoulder. As I saw my sisters I put my hand on top of his and turned my head to look at him before he smiled reassuringly and walked off in the opposite direction.
When I was hugging Faith and Dawn I saw that he'd waited a little longer and was standing a little way off. It gave the opportunity to gather some more strength for what was or was not going to happen. Closing my eyes I worded a silent thank you in his direction and when I opened them again he was gone. My sisters and me went to collect my bags and Faith began to tell me about mom.
Tbc...
Okay guys, I'd love some feedback before I post the next part. Pretty please?
-Becca.