3. Look Harder and You Might See
It was all very well talking about looking for him, but as it turned out, talking about it was much easier than the actual action of looking. It was three months after my decision to look for Angel and I hadn't turned up diddly squat. I had used all the means I could think of to search for him. Faith was saying that I wasn't trying hard enough but there wasn't much more I could do with the first name Angel other than search on the Internet and look for lawyers that practised in LA and, a last ditch attempt, in phone directories but even then some first names weren't even present. I was beginning to think that Angel was a nickname or that he hadn't given me his real name at all. I was convinced that the latter of those was wrong, call me a romantic but I was sure I'd felt chemistry and that he had felt it too, so that was why I didn't believe that he would have lied. But, maybe Angel was a nickname, I mean, how many guys get called Angel, past or present, even Faith acknowledged that there must be very few.
"Morning." Faith greeted me at 11:30am one Friday in early December.
"Only just." I said, not looking up from the file I was going over.
"Yeah, speaking of the time, why aren't you at work?" She asked while toasting some bread that would inevitably end up burnt.
"I have the day off remember? I haven't got any appointments so I thought since we're going out tonight that I'd have a day at home." I told her, still not looking up.
"Yeah, looks like you're having the day off." Faith said sarcastically, her back to the toaster, the telltales smoke issuing forth.
"Huh hum," I told her nodding my head at the incinerated bread.
"Oh shit." She said before getting rid of it and putting some new bread in and watching it this time.
"Predictable as always." I muttered; Faith shot me a nasty look.
"You looking forward to the Christmas ball tonight?" Faith asked a little later. I looked up this time, and didn't reply. "No?" I sighed.
"I was looking forward to it until last week." I told her, not leaving the edge out of my voice.
"You make it sound like it was my fault or something. Fact is Riley invited himself along, I didn't do it."
"No, but you had more to do with his coming than I did. I wasn't even going to mention it; it wasn't his business was it? But then you had to open your big mouth and say something, who knows for what reason and he went and misunderstood, he thought I was too shy to ask him and that you were doing it for him."
"You should be blaming Riley then, not me."
"I am blaming him, I'm just blaming you too." I told her before trying to concentrate on the file I had been reading.
"I think it's time you took drastic measures sister."
"What do you suggest? I once thought we could move but we did that once already and he found us, even though I didn't tell him."
"Yeah, that was a bit mean of you."
"You just said, drastic measures." She laughed at me, not an altogether rare occurrence.
"I know, but we can't move this time. I think that maybe if you 'broke up' with him in a public place he can't get all, angry and stuff." She said, using air inverted commas for 'broke up'.
"You think? I don't know I just wish it wasn't necessary to do it at all."
"It wouldn't be if he wasn't so dumb." Faith pointed out, well obviously.
Well, his dumbness aside, I still had to separate myself from him finally and properly this time. I had this horrible feeling that if I didn't do it now I'd never be able to get rid of him. It seemed a somewhat familiar situation.
I had been looking forward to Faith's Christmas ball; I'd got my dress a couple of weeks ago. I'd fallen in love with it immediately and I was glad I wasn't going to be hanging on some guys arm all evening. I had been going with Faith and we were going to have a girl's night out but then this cop in a different precinct had asked her and then she'd practically invited Riley to come with me. Well, I reasoned, I broke up with him once hadn't I? It was just galling to have to do it again, when; at least as far as I was concerned, I wasn't even dating him and hadn't been for over five and a half years. I just knew it was going to hang over my head all evening and spoil what would have otherwise been a good night out. Oh well, maybe I could break up with him at the entrance and dump him there.
Then I could spend the rest of the evening having some fun while working out better ways to find Angel.
Meanwhile, in a large building across town, a tall dark brooding lawyer sat staring out of the window of his luxury office. His companion, a fellow lawyer entered and seeing his colleague's reverie, knew he had to say something.
"Hey man, cheer up, it's not the end of the world." Angel said nothing to this, instead pretending that he had heard nothing. Doyle tried again. "Maybe you could try looking in another place, maybe she doesn't live in LA anymore." Angel shook his head, this time acknowledging Doyle's presence.
"No, she's here."
"I don't see how you can know that."
"I just know." He paused, thinking again. "Maybe, maybe she isn't called Buffy, maybe it's not her name after all. But then I'm sure she wouldn't have lied to me. What do you think Doyle?"
"I don't think she would tell you her name was Buffy if it wasn't, you just couldn't make up that name man."
"I guess not." There was a knock at the door. "Come in." Angel's secretary came in and deposited several files on his desk. Doyle was grinning like a Cheshire cat while she seemed to be making an effort to pretend he wasn't there.
"Mr O'Connor, you have one more appointment, this afternoon, an interview with a Mr Asher about the new case and then you are free for the rest of the day."
"Thanks Cordelia."
"Have a good time at that Christmas ball tonight sir." She told him before closing the door behind her. Angel was puzzled for a second before he remembered.
"The LAPD Christmas ball, I forgot about it." He said, wishing that he hadn't been volunteered to represent his firm.
"Yeah." Doyle said, though not listening but staring at the door wishing he could see through it.
"Weren't you going to ask Cordelia to that ball?" Angel asked smiling. Doyle just scowled at him. "Fine, sorry I asked." Angel said, knowing that if he said anymore Doyle would go off in a huff and drink too much at the ball. Well, he'd probably do that anyway.
"If I got Cordelia to go with me you'd be by yourself so I thought it wasn't really fair."
"Right." Angel said, laughing at him. Doyle was nothing if not entertaining.
"Maybe I'm just not looking in the right place." Angel said suddenly, later when they met to go to the ball.
"Huh?" Doyle asked, though unnecessarily. "Oh, man can't you stop thinking about her for one night? You might meet someone tonight, you never know."
"I doubt it."
"Well if you have that kind of attitude you definitely won't."
"Yes well I don't want anybody but her."
"Like I don't know that. You're hopeless." He told him shaking his head while straightening his tie.
"Maybe I'm just not looking hard enough." Angel said to Doyle, who wasn't listening anymore, or it could have been just to himself, having chosen to not hear Doyle's last comments. That's it, he told himself, and as they entered the hotel where the ball was being held, Angel's mind was elsewhere. He was fully prepared to have an evening full of thinking about Buffy and thinking about Buffy and thinking of better ways to find her.
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It was all very well talking about looking for him, but as it turned out, talking about it was much easier than the actual action of looking. It was three months after my decision to look for Angel and I hadn't turned up diddly squat. I had used all the means I could think of to search for him. Faith was saying that I wasn't trying hard enough but there wasn't much more I could do with the first name Angel other than search on the Internet and look for lawyers that practised in LA and, a last ditch attempt, in phone directories but even then some first names weren't even present. I was beginning to think that Angel was a nickname or that he hadn't given me his real name at all. I was convinced that the latter of those was wrong, call me a romantic but I was sure I'd felt chemistry and that he had felt it too, so that was why I didn't believe that he would have lied. But, maybe Angel was a nickname, I mean, how many guys get called Angel, past or present, even Faith acknowledged that there must be very few.
"Morning." Faith greeted me at 11:30am one Friday in early December.
"Only just." I said, not looking up from the file I was going over.
"Yeah, speaking of the time, why aren't you at work?" She asked while toasting some bread that would inevitably end up burnt.
"I have the day off remember? I haven't got any appointments so I thought since we're going out tonight that I'd have a day at home." I told her, still not looking up.
"Yeah, looks like you're having the day off." Faith said sarcastically, her back to the toaster, the telltales smoke issuing forth.
"Huh hum," I told her nodding my head at the incinerated bread.
"Oh shit." She said before getting rid of it and putting some new bread in and watching it this time.
"Predictable as always." I muttered; Faith shot me a nasty look.
"You looking forward to the Christmas ball tonight?" Faith asked a little later. I looked up this time, and didn't reply. "No?" I sighed.
"I was looking forward to it until last week." I told her, not leaving the edge out of my voice.
"You make it sound like it was my fault or something. Fact is Riley invited himself along, I didn't do it."
"No, but you had more to do with his coming than I did. I wasn't even going to mention it; it wasn't his business was it? But then you had to open your big mouth and say something, who knows for what reason and he went and misunderstood, he thought I was too shy to ask him and that you were doing it for him."
"You should be blaming Riley then, not me."
"I am blaming him, I'm just blaming you too." I told her before trying to concentrate on the file I had been reading.
"I think it's time you took drastic measures sister."
"What do you suggest? I once thought we could move but we did that once already and he found us, even though I didn't tell him."
"Yeah, that was a bit mean of you."
"You just said, drastic measures." She laughed at me, not an altogether rare occurrence.
"I know, but we can't move this time. I think that maybe if you 'broke up' with him in a public place he can't get all, angry and stuff." She said, using air inverted commas for 'broke up'.
"You think? I don't know I just wish it wasn't necessary to do it at all."
"It wouldn't be if he wasn't so dumb." Faith pointed out, well obviously.
Well, his dumbness aside, I still had to separate myself from him finally and properly this time. I had this horrible feeling that if I didn't do it now I'd never be able to get rid of him. It seemed a somewhat familiar situation.
I had been looking forward to Faith's Christmas ball; I'd got my dress a couple of weeks ago. I'd fallen in love with it immediately and I was glad I wasn't going to be hanging on some guys arm all evening. I had been going with Faith and we were going to have a girl's night out but then this cop in a different precinct had asked her and then she'd practically invited Riley to come with me. Well, I reasoned, I broke up with him once hadn't I? It was just galling to have to do it again, when; at least as far as I was concerned, I wasn't even dating him and hadn't been for over five and a half years. I just knew it was going to hang over my head all evening and spoil what would have otherwise been a good night out. Oh well, maybe I could break up with him at the entrance and dump him there.
Then I could spend the rest of the evening having some fun while working out better ways to find Angel.
Meanwhile, in a large building across town, a tall dark brooding lawyer sat staring out of the window of his luxury office. His companion, a fellow lawyer entered and seeing his colleague's reverie, knew he had to say something.
"Hey man, cheer up, it's not the end of the world." Angel said nothing to this, instead pretending that he had heard nothing. Doyle tried again. "Maybe you could try looking in another place, maybe she doesn't live in LA anymore." Angel shook his head, this time acknowledging Doyle's presence.
"No, she's here."
"I don't see how you can know that."
"I just know." He paused, thinking again. "Maybe, maybe she isn't called Buffy, maybe it's not her name after all. But then I'm sure she wouldn't have lied to me. What do you think Doyle?"
"I don't think she would tell you her name was Buffy if it wasn't, you just couldn't make up that name man."
"I guess not." There was a knock at the door. "Come in." Angel's secretary came in and deposited several files on his desk. Doyle was grinning like a Cheshire cat while she seemed to be making an effort to pretend he wasn't there.
"Mr O'Connor, you have one more appointment, this afternoon, an interview with a Mr Asher about the new case and then you are free for the rest of the day."
"Thanks Cordelia."
"Have a good time at that Christmas ball tonight sir." She told him before closing the door behind her. Angel was puzzled for a second before he remembered.
"The LAPD Christmas ball, I forgot about it." He said, wishing that he hadn't been volunteered to represent his firm.
"Yeah." Doyle said, though not listening but staring at the door wishing he could see through it.
"Weren't you going to ask Cordelia to that ball?" Angel asked smiling. Doyle just scowled at him. "Fine, sorry I asked." Angel said, knowing that if he said anymore Doyle would go off in a huff and drink too much at the ball. Well, he'd probably do that anyway.
"If I got Cordelia to go with me you'd be by yourself so I thought it wasn't really fair."
"Right." Angel said, laughing at him. Doyle was nothing if not entertaining.
"Maybe I'm just not looking in the right place." Angel said suddenly, later when they met to go to the ball.
"Huh?" Doyle asked, though unnecessarily. "Oh, man can't you stop thinking about her for one night? You might meet someone tonight, you never know."
"I doubt it."
"Well if you have that kind of attitude you definitely won't."
"Yes well I don't want anybody but her."
"Like I don't know that. You're hopeless." He told him shaking his head while straightening his tie.
"Maybe I'm just not looking hard enough." Angel said to Doyle, who wasn't listening anymore, or it could have been just to himself, having chosen to not hear Doyle's last comments. That's it, he told himself, and as they entered the hotel where the ball was being held, Angel's mind was elsewhere. He was fully prepared to have an evening full of thinking about Buffy and thinking about Buffy and thinking of better ways to find her.
More as soon as I can! Feedback? Hehe!