I know this has been a while in coming but it took me way longer to write
it than I expected. Also, the next part might also take a while; I have
stupid final year study stuff. But you never know when I might go for a
distraction from college. I like distraction.
Thanks for all the feedback; it's like chocolate, my brain food.yummy.
4. Yes and No
(The Christmas Ball)
"Buffy, you look great." Faith told me as we surveyed each other's dresses.
"So do you." I told her, though she shook her head, ever disbelieving of her beauty. Not that I wasn't, she just had a harder time accepting compliments.
"We're going to be late." She said, though there was little evidence in her voice that she cared.
"I don't care, maybe if I wait long enough Riley will piss off home." Faith grinned at me. "I know, it's unlikely, he'd probably stand there until judgement day if he thought he'd get anywhere with me." At least, that's been my experience.
"Come on B, it won't be so bad. We'll get there, you'll let him down after a couple of drinks and then you can have some fun."
"Yeah, just so long as he doesn't have so many drinks that he doesn't remember."
"Right, you'll have to watch that, get it over quickly before he has too much to drink." She smiled supportively and we made our way downstairs.
As it happened, luck was not in attendance with me at the ball and my plan to dump Riley after a drink or two had not gone to plan, as I had wanted. And lets face it as Faith and Willow and everyone else seemed to want it to. It was amazing to me how one guy who had seemed so harmless and sweet had turned into the most annoying and pathetic cling-on imaginable. At least everyone else thought so too and I didn't feel guilty about dumping him again, or lets say, trying to get rid of him. It really wasn't my fault he had chosen to believe we were an item again.
We had all met up at the ball, since Faith was nice enough not to leave me to get picked up by Riley so I could spend as little time as possible with him. Unfortunately, she couldn't help me when we got there and he took me off away from Faith and her date Danny. He purposely separated me from my sister and her date just so he could talk about some boring Iowa town or something. I wasn't really listening having switched off after the words Iowa and farm passed his lips. He looked so taken with himself and his chosen topic of conversation and for some reason I chose not to interrupt him. Well actually it was because standing there pretending to listen to him was easier than telling him to leave me alone, forever.
What was worse was everyone else seemed to be having such a great time. Faith sure was, I could just see her out of the corner of my eye dancing and smiling. She must really like that guy. Or it just felt like everyone else was having fun since I was having such a sucky time. Everyone else was dancing or talking and drinking, well I was drinking too but it was just so I didn't go completely crazy listening to Riley.
I was so glad when Faith came to take me away on the pretence of going to the bathroom. Riley looked so disappointed he couldn't come with us.
"You haven't done it yet?" Faith practically shouted, scaring the other woman in the bathroom so much she didn't even wait to dry her hands. We giggled and I realised just how stupid I was being. It wasn't difficult really, and it was only Riley.
"No, but I'll do it right before we have dinner." I told her as we re- emerged into the ballroom.
"Hey Buffy, you want to dance?" Riley asked not waiting for an answer and taking my hand. For some unknown reason I didn't stop him. The dance floor was as good a place as any.
"Riley," He moved his head to show he had heard me. At least that was something.
"I don't think we should."
"What?" He interrupted. I looked at him, annoyed. He was making this as difficult as possible. I tried again.
"Riley, I don't want to see you."
"Oh Buffy look everyone's going in to eat. Come on." He pulled my hand and I went with him, conveniently ignoring what I had said. This was taking way too long considering it had never been a serious thing.
As he pulled me along, unaware of my pissy mood I bumped into a two guys in tuxes obviously on their own way to the banquet hall.
"Oh, I'm so sorry." I said quickly before Riley walked further and I tried not to collide with anyone else while I tried to catch their eyes to smile my apology. I didn't get to as I moved forward again suddenly but my last glance behind me at them left me with a strange jolt of recognition. Now the fact that I was recognising someone wasn't what was weird, I knew some of the people that Faith worked with and some lawyers and police psychologists but it wasn't any of them that I thought I'd seen.
I thought I'd seen Angel.
I suddenly stopped walking pulling my hand away from Riley's, and wondered why I hadn't done that before while I looked around the still milling crowd. I couldn't see him and it occurred to me that I'd probably just imagined it was he, just wishful thinking. How much would I love being here with him? The question didn't need an answer; they never did when it concerned Angel. They were no-brainers.
"Buffy." Riley said, almost whining. I had never wanted to do anything less than I did right now when I faced at least an hour of eating while sitting with Riley. I felt unsurprisingly the least hungry I had ever felt despite the glorious array of food on offer. At least I had Faith to provide some relief since we were sat together.
She gave me a look when we sat down that said 'why haven't you told him to get lost yet?' and I gave her one back that told her I had tried. She also seemed to get that I wanted to talk to her but I obviously couldn't start talking about Angel when Riley was sat right next to me, it would just make things harder.
When we were finished I refused to move away from Faith and I was grateful he finally conceded to staying put. It wasn't the first time that I'd thought Riley was a little scared of Faith and I wished I had the courage to just tell him to go jump already!
I was still looking around for Angel but I was beginning to believe I'd just imagined him. It was the more likely of the two explanations since I wished so vehemently that he was with me rather than Riley the doof.
It seemed that Riley wasn't too impressed with my non-committal answers to his questions and whatever he'd been saying, it seemed he was suddenly aware that he wasn't the centre of my attention while I took no trouble to hide the fact that I was looking around the place for a certain tall dark handsome soul mate. Okay exaggerating yes but not about how Riley was trying to get my attention again. It was making me so mad at him that I didn't think about it when he said my name in that whiney manner he had.
"Buffy."
And responded the only way anyone would if they were in the same position.
"What!" I shouted at him, not caring about the large number of people that immediately looked in our direction.
He looked predictably hurt and I couldn't have cared less. I really couldn't. I stared at him; positive that the petulant look I was giving him was just like when I'd fought with Mom when I was a teenager. Faith was looking quite pleased that she was going to witness the next scene where I was going to dump him.
"Buffy, did I do something to upset you?" He asked concerned that he had. I really wanted to laugh but thought I'd do that after.
"Riley." I started and then decided to go for it. "Yes, you have upset me, in a way." I told him, and the numerous persons that were now listening. I'm sure we were like a formal clad soap opera. His face was priceless, he seemed eager to know what it was and how he could make it up. He was so not the subtlest person on the planet.
But before I could get the words, 'Riley I want you to leave me alone from now on like you should have done since I broke up with you five and a half years ago.' He did something that I don't think anyone was expecting.
He knelt down on one knee.
Was he doing what I was afraid he was doing?
Oh my life, he was! He was half kneeling on the floor in front of me, with everyone around us watching with great interest. It was just like a soap. And out came the box out of his pocket. I didn't know whether it was funny or infuriating. I was mad at him, I wanted him out of my life and his solution to whatever he had thought was the problem between us was to propose.
Oh yes, you see, there he's opening the box and there's the ring and he's offering it up to you with this very pleased look on his face like you've said yes already and he was the cat that got the cream or something. Oh shit. How the heck was I going to deal with this?
"Buffy." He said, hardly able to contain himself.
"Riley." I said in a very warning tone of voice that was meant to get his attention. It did, though barely. The smile slipped a little from his face, though not completely.
"Buffy." He was going to try and say it. I had to stop him before this got out of hand. I knew that it was very possible that the next time I saw Riley he would think we were engaged if I didn't deal with it now.
"Riley." I hissed at him, feeling both cross and sick at the same time. How had this happened? I was meant to have told him a long time ago, that's how. He seemed to be listening now. "This is not the time." Ever, I said to myself.
"Of course it's the time it's the perfect time. Buffy."
"Don't say it." I told him. I caught Faith's eye and only a little humour remained in evidence, she was no doubt thinking the same as me.
Of course, Riley took absolutely no notice of me, or the icy glace he was now receiving, and ploughed on.
"Will you marry me?" I heard several women sigh, having no grasp of the true situation. I was sure if they did they would have understood my next actions. That was unless they happened to be corn-fed Iowa girls who might actually like Riley. I said might!
I was still very angry with him, he really was exasperating, completely hopeless. And then I took a step back, figuratively speaking and saw just how funny the situation had become. It was almost comical, no wonder I'd thought we looked like some soap cast dressed in formal wear.
Here was my pathetic very ex-boyfriend who thinks we're still together who is currently proposing while I'm about to tell him where to go and we're at a formal Christmas Ball surrounded by hundreds of people, many of whom seem to be watching in rapt silence, or almost silence since they were twittering between themselves while watching us. And I almost couldn't contain the laughter. It was so difficult to stifle it but I managed somehow and when I looked at Faith I could tell she was also trying not to laugh, taking her cue from me. I was certain if I'd been in hysterics she would have been as well.
"Riley, I'm sorry but I can't marry you. I don't know how you can ask me that." I told him simply, while I maintained a somewhat sympathetic expression. He looked confused and hurt.
"I don't understand. Why can't you marry me?" He sounded genuinely confused and it took all my will power to stay cool.
Before I could answer though I thought I'd try to get rid of most of our audience, I had never liked talking in public and this was almost as bad. I held my hand up and turned to the nosy individuals who were still watching us.
"I'm sorry but this is none of your business so could you please go away." And thankfully they did having remembered that they were actually at a Christmas Ball and not watching a soap opera on TV. They started to move back to their dancing or networking or whatever.
"Right." I said ready to get to the point. I turned back to Riley and his confusion.
"Riley, I can't marry you because we aren't together, we haven't been together for a very long time." I gave him a slight smile hoping he would try to understand. He looked confused and it wasn't the first occasion I'd wondered how the heck he'd got into college.
He was shaking his head.
"We haven't been together? Of course we have, we've been together for six years, exactly six years."
Oh shit. That was my reaction to his response. It sounded like he honestly thought we'd been together all this time. Was he temporarily deaf on certain occasions when he was hearing things he didn't want to hear? For example when I broke up with him that time. He was obviously devoid of any common sense as well since he ignored the too numerous to mention times when it was very evident I didn't want him around. Also, I wondered if he had ever thought it was strange that we hadn't kissed for five years, or, for that matter, had sex at all. He must really think I'm a virgin who's waiting for my wedding night. Boy, was he way off. He was so way beyond clueless about so many things it was sad.
I took a deep breath.
"Riley, I need to you listen, and listen good, you are not going to ignore me this time or go conveniently deaf or stupid because you will understand me." He nodded slowly when he saw I was serious.
"I broke up with you more than five years ago and though you may have been hanging around me since then it does not mean I wanted you to be there." He seemed to be shaking his head.
"You were upset about your mother." He stated as if it explained everything.
"No. I mean of course I was upset after mom died but it wasn't the reason I dumped you." He didn't look like he liked the word dumped. "I was going to do it when I was still at college but then she got sick, if I'd have known you weren't going to take me seriously I would have done it when I first thought of it."
He didn't look very pleased now. His expression was getting increasingly dark as the seconds ticked by. Another minute went by without either one of us saying anything.
"You aren't joking are you?" He asked looking mad now. He was finally getting it.
"No. I'm not. This is how it is. How it should have been."
"You led me on." He said glowering at us as Faith moved to my side to support me.
"I did no such thing. You chose to ignore I didn't want you around. I don't want to blame you but it is not my fault. All I can be held responsible for is not telling you until you understood. I didn't want to hurt you. I assumed you would get the hints, apparently they weren't obvious enough."
As I said this last bit he grabbed my arm, he looked very angry now.
"Get off me." I told him and he actually noticed the warning that now edged my voice. I pulled away from him regaining both my personal space and a brand new determination to finish this.
"Buffy, I'm sorry, um, are you sure there's no way." We both glared at him and he backed away looking pathetic again.
"I don't want to see you again." I told him.
And though I could see he was coming over all angry again, he turned and walked out without another word.
Faith and I only had to look at each other and we collapsed into a giggly hug.
"Thank god for that." Faith said before I could.
Looking around a second later it was strange to imagine the scene had just taken place. Only a few people seemed to be aware it had happened at all, I'm sure that wasn't true. It would probably provide gossip fodder for them for the next few months.
I wondered whether it was worth staying any longer. I wasn't sure there was anything I could do to redeem the evening in my memory and I predicted that it would always be tainted with the whole, Riley finally getting a clue situation.
"You want to get a drink before we go?" Faith asked me almost reading my mind.
"Yeah, come on, lets see if I can't try to forget what just happened."
We had several more drinks at the bar and then at a similar looking one down the street. It could have been similar looking, I had, had some drinks. We had some fun before we headed home, leaving Faith's date at the ball. I think she liked him but she was all for not showing too much enthusiasm.
Of course, it had seemed like fun through the drink-induced haze but facing the reality of the situation in the morning was not. Note to self, when drinking I suppose we should remember we're relatively small people and it only takes a few drinks before we're totally wasted, instead of being mindless and fancy free of any rational thought and ending up with huge hangovers.
I spent the day, or what was left of it when we managed to crawl our way out of our beds, nursing a terrible headache that got upgraded to migraine as I thought about Angel. It was a very good thing that he hadn't been at the ball because I wouldn't have wanted him to witness that scene with Riley and me. Then there were way too many fantasy's going around my head that included Angel saving me from Riley in various ways. Okay I've got to snap out of it. Something Faith told me when she saw my expression and knew it was all about Angel, again. At least I had another day to recover before I had to go into work and deal with other people's problems.
Meanwhile a not so different situation was going on in a different part of town where Angel was nursing a similar hangover after an overindulgence of alcohol the night before. Doyle who, in his usual manner had also drunk more than he should have done hadn't helped. It wouldn't have been such a bad problem if he hadn't been over thinking as his per usual.
The ball hadn't started well, he'd been having a boring time, it wasn't unexpected since he hadn't had a date to go with and his only company had been Doyle. This would probably not have been so bad if Doyle hadn't insisted on trying to chat up women on both his and Angel's behalf. For one thing, Angel knew that if he'd wanted to chat up some women he would have done a much better job than his part Irish friend. But then, that was Doyle; it was impossible to stop him. He didn't let Cordelia's rejection get to him like Angel let the ever-illusive Buffy do.
The evening had, if possible, heightened his obsession with finding her. On the way to have their meal at the ball a small blonde woman who was being pulled by her much larger boyfriend had nearly mowed down Doyle and they had almost knocked Angel down as well. From the expression Doyle had caught she hadn't looked very happy about it and had immediately begun to apologise to them only to be pulled further along and to disappear from view.
It wasn't that in itself that triggered the massive Buffy brood it was the fact that Doyle had told him that he'd glimpsed her for a second standing stock-still and staring in their direction saying something Doyle had sworn was 'Angel'. And then she was gone.
When he'd told Angel about this it he had looked around like a man possessed but the number of people still moving around had obstructed his view and any chance of seeing her. He was convinced it had been Buffy, or at least, he had been, he'd then realised how stupid it had been to think it had been her. It was so unlikely.
It was a while before he stopped looking around for her and the more likely explanation, that she wasn't there, won over. Though there was a niggling thought that wouldn't go away that told him she could have been here and that there were was a family connection or something. He didn't think that it was her parents, especially since he wasn't sure what had happened with her mom, insert depressing reflection here, but then it hit him. He remembered something about her sister being a cop. That would make her presence at the ball much more likely.
And it was then that Doyle had returned to the bar nearly breathless as if he'd meant to run.
"Angel man, I think she's here." Angel had looked at him questioningly for a second but he didn't need any more persuasion that Doyle had meant Buffy. He'd got up quickly but Doyle told him to slow down.
"I've got to see her, how do you know it's her?"
"I know because the guy she's with said 'Buffy'" That stopped Angel in his tracks.
"The guy she was with?"
"Yeah. This is the thing man, this guy, he looked like he was.proposing." He left the word hanging.
"Proposing?" The word almost tore through him as he said it. Why hadn't he prepared himself for this? Prepared for the possibility that she was already with someone, a possibility that was completely believable considering her beauty and the fact that she was, well Buffy. He knew he should have thought about it and he had but it was a thought he had been glad to discard. It had been much more inspiring to fantasise about sweeping Buffy off her feet without so much as a millisecond of concern about her status in reality.
He had stood there for another minute before he decided he had to see if it was really her, whatever the circumstance, he had to know.
"I need to see her." And they began walking towards the ballroom itself.
"There was quite a crowd when I left, quite the regular spectacle it was." All the reply he'd got was a bit of a grunt, evidently unappreciative of Doyle's comments.
A minute later they got to the spot Doyle claimed to have seen her.
"Well, where is she?" Angel had asked exasperated.
"She was here man." Doyle had been so sure, especially with his belief that there wasn't another person called Buffy, at least in LA. He asked someone standing nearby. "Did you see a small blonde here a minute ago, she was with her boyfriend, and he was kneeling down?" Fortunately this girl was very pleased to share what she'd seen.
"Oh yes, we saw everything, I mean, the girl told us to mind our own business but we still saw it all."
"And?" Angel had asked, the girl didn't look too pleased but went on anyway, obviously open to any excuse for a gossip.
"Well, her boyfriend proposed, it was so romantic, and he was yummy, anyway, she told him no. She refused him, it was very sad. I mean I didn't hear everything."
"She said no?" Angel interrupted her, clinging to a little hope.
"Yes, she said no." She had continued, annoyed again. "Like I was saying, I didn't hear everything but the guy got really mad and then he left." She told Doyle, ignoring Angel completely.
"Where did the girl go?" Doyle asked on Angel's behalf.
"Oh, she and this other girl left like, after the guy did, after they were done laughing. I didn't see where."
"Thanks. Is there anything else you remember?" Doyle asked flashing his best smile at her. She seemed to think for a second.
"Yeah, she had a really weird name, Buffy I think." She said batting her eyes at Doyle.
Angel had gone into deep introspective mode when he knew it had been Buffy.
"Okay man, do you want to leave now, since she's gone?" He asked back from his conversation with the gossip.
"Yeah okay, what took you so long anyway?"
"She gave me her number."
"Lucky you." He said sarcastically.
"You found her then?"
Yeah, he'd finally found her, only to have got there a minute too late to actually see her. The headache wasn't getting any better. But it didn't matter; he finally had something to go on. He knew she'd been at the ball and presumed she'd been there with her sister, Faith, who was a cop. It wasn't a huge leap. So he knew her sisters name and could search the LAPD for a cop named Faith. That idea alone made it possible for him to wait another day until he was at work so he could make the call.
He was still clinging to the hope he'd been given knowing that Buffy had said no to her boyfriends proposal. He had no idea why she had said no or what was going on there but the important thing was, she'd said no. The rest was details. He hoped.
I'd love some feedback guys! Please?
Thanks for all the feedback; it's like chocolate, my brain food.yummy.
4. Yes and No
(The Christmas Ball)
"Buffy, you look great." Faith told me as we surveyed each other's dresses.
"So do you." I told her, though she shook her head, ever disbelieving of her beauty. Not that I wasn't, she just had a harder time accepting compliments.
"We're going to be late." She said, though there was little evidence in her voice that she cared.
"I don't care, maybe if I wait long enough Riley will piss off home." Faith grinned at me. "I know, it's unlikely, he'd probably stand there until judgement day if he thought he'd get anywhere with me." At least, that's been my experience.
"Come on B, it won't be so bad. We'll get there, you'll let him down after a couple of drinks and then you can have some fun."
"Yeah, just so long as he doesn't have so many drinks that he doesn't remember."
"Right, you'll have to watch that, get it over quickly before he has too much to drink." She smiled supportively and we made our way downstairs.
As it happened, luck was not in attendance with me at the ball and my plan to dump Riley after a drink or two had not gone to plan, as I had wanted. And lets face it as Faith and Willow and everyone else seemed to want it to. It was amazing to me how one guy who had seemed so harmless and sweet had turned into the most annoying and pathetic cling-on imaginable. At least everyone else thought so too and I didn't feel guilty about dumping him again, or lets say, trying to get rid of him. It really wasn't my fault he had chosen to believe we were an item again.
We had all met up at the ball, since Faith was nice enough not to leave me to get picked up by Riley so I could spend as little time as possible with him. Unfortunately, she couldn't help me when we got there and he took me off away from Faith and her date Danny. He purposely separated me from my sister and her date just so he could talk about some boring Iowa town or something. I wasn't really listening having switched off after the words Iowa and farm passed his lips. He looked so taken with himself and his chosen topic of conversation and for some reason I chose not to interrupt him. Well actually it was because standing there pretending to listen to him was easier than telling him to leave me alone, forever.
What was worse was everyone else seemed to be having such a great time. Faith sure was, I could just see her out of the corner of my eye dancing and smiling. She must really like that guy. Or it just felt like everyone else was having fun since I was having such a sucky time. Everyone else was dancing or talking and drinking, well I was drinking too but it was just so I didn't go completely crazy listening to Riley.
I was so glad when Faith came to take me away on the pretence of going to the bathroom. Riley looked so disappointed he couldn't come with us.
"You haven't done it yet?" Faith practically shouted, scaring the other woman in the bathroom so much she didn't even wait to dry her hands. We giggled and I realised just how stupid I was being. It wasn't difficult really, and it was only Riley.
"No, but I'll do it right before we have dinner." I told her as we re- emerged into the ballroom.
"Hey Buffy, you want to dance?" Riley asked not waiting for an answer and taking my hand. For some unknown reason I didn't stop him. The dance floor was as good a place as any.
"Riley," He moved his head to show he had heard me. At least that was something.
"I don't think we should."
"What?" He interrupted. I looked at him, annoyed. He was making this as difficult as possible. I tried again.
"Riley, I don't want to see you."
"Oh Buffy look everyone's going in to eat. Come on." He pulled my hand and I went with him, conveniently ignoring what I had said. This was taking way too long considering it had never been a serious thing.
As he pulled me along, unaware of my pissy mood I bumped into a two guys in tuxes obviously on their own way to the banquet hall.
"Oh, I'm so sorry." I said quickly before Riley walked further and I tried not to collide with anyone else while I tried to catch their eyes to smile my apology. I didn't get to as I moved forward again suddenly but my last glance behind me at them left me with a strange jolt of recognition. Now the fact that I was recognising someone wasn't what was weird, I knew some of the people that Faith worked with and some lawyers and police psychologists but it wasn't any of them that I thought I'd seen.
I thought I'd seen Angel.
I suddenly stopped walking pulling my hand away from Riley's, and wondered why I hadn't done that before while I looked around the still milling crowd. I couldn't see him and it occurred to me that I'd probably just imagined it was he, just wishful thinking. How much would I love being here with him? The question didn't need an answer; they never did when it concerned Angel. They were no-brainers.
"Buffy." Riley said, almost whining. I had never wanted to do anything less than I did right now when I faced at least an hour of eating while sitting with Riley. I felt unsurprisingly the least hungry I had ever felt despite the glorious array of food on offer. At least I had Faith to provide some relief since we were sat together.
She gave me a look when we sat down that said 'why haven't you told him to get lost yet?' and I gave her one back that told her I had tried. She also seemed to get that I wanted to talk to her but I obviously couldn't start talking about Angel when Riley was sat right next to me, it would just make things harder.
When we were finished I refused to move away from Faith and I was grateful he finally conceded to staying put. It wasn't the first time that I'd thought Riley was a little scared of Faith and I wished I had the courage to just tell him to go jump already!
I was still looking around for Angel but I was beginning to believe I'd just imagined him. It was the more likely of the two explanations since I wished so vehemently that he was with me rather than Riley the doof.
It seemed that Riley wasn't too impressed with my non-committal answers to his questions and whatever he'd been saying, it seemed he was suddenly aware that he wasn't the centre of my attention while I took no trouble to hide the fact that I was looking around the place for a certain tall dark handsome soul mate. Okay exaggerating yes but not about how Riley was trying to get my attention again. It was making me so mad at him that I didn't think about it when he said my name in that whiney manner he had.
"Buffy."
And responded the only way anyone would if they were in the same position.
"What!" I shouted at him, not caring about the large number of people that immediately looked in our direction.
He looked predictably hurt and I couldn't have cared less. I really couldn't. I stared at him; positive that the petulant look I was giving him was just like when I'd fought with Mom when I was a teenager. Faith was looking quite pleased that she was going to witness the next scene where I was going to dump him.
"Buffy, did I do something to upset you?" He asked concerned that he had. I really wanted to laugh but thought I'd do that after.
"Riley." I started and then decided to go for it. "Yes, you have upset me, in a way." I told him, and the numerous persons that were now listening. I'm sure we were like a formal clad soap opera. His face was priceless, he seemed eager to know what it was and how he could make it up. He was so not the subtlest person on the planet.
But before I could get the words, 'Riley I want you to leave me alone from now on like you should have done since I broke up with you five and a half years ago.' He did something that I don't think anyone was expecting.
He knelt down on one knee.
Was he doing what I was afraid he was doing?
Oh my life, he was! He was half kneeling on the floor in front of me, with everyone around us watching with great interest. It was just like a soap. And out came the box out of his pocket. I didn't know whether it was funny or infuriating. I was mad at him, I wanted him out of my life and his solution to whatever he had thought was the problem between us was to propose.
Oh yes, you see, there he's opening the box and there's the ring and he's offering it up to you with this very pleased look on his face like you've said yes already and he was the cat that got the cream or something. Oh shit. How the heck was I going to deal with this?
"Buffy." He said, hardly able to contain himself.
"Riley." I said in a very warning tone of voice that was meant to get his attention. It did, though barely. The smile slipped a little from his face, though not completely.
"Buffy." He was going to try and say it. I had to stop him before this got out of hand. I knew that it was very possible that the next time I saw Riley he would think we were engaged if I didn't deal with it now.
"Riley." I hissed at him, feeling both cross and sick at the same time. How had this happened? I was meant to have told him a long time ago, that's how. He seemed to be listening now. "This is not the time." Ever, I said to myself.
"Of course it's the time it's the perfect time. Buffy."
"Don't say it." I told him. I caught Faith's eye and only a little humour remained in evidence, she was no doubt thinking the same as me.
Of course, Riley took absolutely no notice of me, or the icy glace he was now receiving, and ploughed on.
"Will you marry me?" I heard several women sigh, having no grasp of the true situation. I was sure if they did they would have understood my next actions. That was unless they happened to be corn-fed Iowa girls who might actually like Riley. I said might!
I was still very angry with him, he really was exasperating, completely hopeless. And then I took a step back, figuratively speaking and saw just how funny the situation had become. It was almost comical, no wonder I'd thought we looked like some soap cast dressed in formal wear.
Here was my pathetic very ex-boyfriend who thinks we're still together who is currently proposing while I'm about to tell him where to go and we're at a formal Christmas Ball surrounded by hundreds of people, many of whom seem to be watching in rapt silence, or almost silence since they were twittering between themselves while watching us. And I almost couldn't contain the laughter. It was so difficult to stifle it but I managed somehow and when I looked at Faith I could tell she was also trying not to laugh, taking her cue from me. I was certain if I'd been in hysterics she would have been as well.
"Riley, I'm sorry but I can't marry you. I don't know how you can ask me that." I told him simply, while I maintained a somewhat sympathetic expression. He looked confused and hurt.
"I don't understand. Why can't you marry me?" He sounded genuinely confused and it took all my will power to stay cool.
Before I could answer though I thought I'd try to get rid of most of our audience, I had never liked talking in public and this was almost as bad. I held my hand up and turned to the nosy individuals who were still watching us.
"I'm sorry but this is none of your business so could you please go away." And thankfully they did having remembered that they were actually at a Christmas Ball and not watching a soap opera on TV. They started to move back to their dancing or networking or whatever.
"Right." I said ready to get to the point. I turned back to Riley and his confusion.
"Riley, I can't marry you because we aren't together, we haven't been together for a very long time." I gave him a slight smile hoping he would try to understand. He looked confused and it wasn't the first occasion I'd wondered how the heck he'd got into college.
He was shaking his head.
"We haven't been together? Of course we have, we've been together for six years, exactly six years."
Oh shit. That was my reaction to his response. It sounded like he honestly thought we'd been together all this time. Was he temporarily deaf on certain occasions when he was hearing things he didn't want to hear? For example when I broke up with him that time. He was obviously devoid of any common sense as well since he ignored the too numerous to mention times when it was very evident I didn't want him around. Also, I wondered if he had ever thought it was strange that we hadn't kissed for five years, or, for that matter, had sex at all. He must really think I'm a virgin who's waiting for my wedding night. Boy, was he way off. He was so way beyond clueless about so many things it was sad.
I took a deep breath.
"Riley, I need to you listen, and listen good, you are not going to ignore me this time or go conveniently deaf or stupid because you will understand me." He nodded slowly when he saw I was serious.
"I broke up with you more than five years ago and though you may have been hanging around me since then it does not mean I wanted you to be there." He seemed to be shaking his head.
"You were upset about your mother." He stated as if it explained everything.
"No. I mean of course I was upset after mom died but it wasn't the reason I dumped you." He didn't look like he liked the word dumped. "I was going to do it when I was still at college but then she got sick, if I'd have known you weren't going to take me seriously I would have done it when I first thought of it."
He didn't look very pleased now. His expression was getting increasingly dark as the seconds ticked by. Another minute went by without either one of us saying anything.
"You aren't joking are you?" He asked looking mad now. He was finally getting it.
"No. I'm not. This is how it is. How it should have been."
"You led me on." He said glowering at us as Faith moved to my side to support me.
"I did no such thing. You chose to ignore I didn't want you around. I don't want to blame you but it is not my fault. All I can be held responsible for is not telling you until you understood. I didn't want to hurt you. I assumed you would get the hints, apparently they weren't obvious enough."
As I said this last bit he grabbed my arm, he looked very angry now.
"Get off me." I told him and he actually noticed the warning that now edged my voice. I pulled away from him regaining both my personal space and a brand new determination to finish this.
"Buffy, I'm sorry, um, are you sure there's no way." We both glared at him and he backed away looking pathetic again.
"I don't want to see you again." I told him.
And though I could see he was coming over all angry again, he turned and walked out without another word.
Faith and I only had to look at each other and we collapsed into a giggly hug.
"Thank god for that." Faith said before I could.
Looking around a second later it was strange to imagine the scene had just taken place. Only a few people seemed to be aware it had happened at all, I'm sure that wasn't true. It would probably provide gossip fodder for them for the next few months.
I wondered whether it was worth staying any longer. I wasn't sure there was anything I could do to redeem the evening in my memory and I predicted that it would always be tainted with the whole, Riley finally getting a clue situation.
"You want to get a drink before we go?" Faith asked me almost reading my mind.
"Yeah, come on, lets see if I can't try to forget what just happened."
We had several more drinks at the bar and then at a similar looking one down the street. It could have been similar looking, I had, had some drinks. We had some fun before we headed home, leaving Faith's date at the ball. I think she liked him but she was all for not showing too much enthusiasm.
Of course, it had seemed like fun through the drink-induced haze but facing the reality of the situation in the morning was not. Note to self, when drinking I suppose we should remember we're relatively small people and it only takes a few drinks before we're totally wasted, instead of being mindless and fancy free of any rational thought and ending up with huge hangovers.
I spent the day, or what was left of it when we managed to crawl our way out of our beds, nursing a terrible headache that got upgraded to migraine as I thought about Angel. It was a very good thing that he hadn't been at the ball because I wouldn't have wanted him to witness that scene with Riley and me. Then there were way too many fantasy's going around my head that included Angel saving me from Riley in various ways. Okay I've got to snap out of it. Something Faith told me when she saw my expression and knew it was all about Angel, again. At least I had another day to recover before I had to go into work and deal with other people's problems.
Meanwhile a not so different situation was going on in a different part of town where Angel was nursing a similar hangover after an overindulgence of alcohol the night before. Doyle who, in his usual manner had also drunk more than he should have done hadn't helped. It wouldn't have been such a bad problem if he hadn't been over thinking as his per usual.
The ball hadn't started well, he'd been having a boring time, it wasn't unexpected since he hadn't had a date to go with and his only company had been Doyle. This would probably not have been so bad if Doyle hadn't insisted on trying to chat up women on both his and Angel's behalf. For one thing, Angel knew that if he'd wanted to chat up some women he would have done a much better job than his part Irish friend. But then, that was Doyle; it was impossible to stop him. He didn't let Cordelia's rejection get to him like Angel let the ever-illusive Buffy do.
The evening had, if possible, heightened his obsession with finding her. On the way to have their meal at the ball a small blonde woman who was being pulled by her much larger boyfriend had nearly mowed down Doyle and they had almost knocked Angel down as well. From the expression Doyle had caught she hadn't looked very happy about it and had immediately begun to apologise to them only to be pulled further along and to disappear from view.
It wasn't that in itself that triggered the massive Buffy brood it was the fact that Doyle had told him that he'd glimpsed her for a second standing stock-still and staring in their direction saying something Doyle had sworn was 'Angel'. And then she was gone.
When he'd told Angel about this it he had looked around like a man possessed but the number of people still moving around had obstructed his view and any chance of seeing her. He was convinced it had been Buffy, or at least, he had been, he'd then realised how stupid it had been to think it had been her. It was so unlikely.
It was a while before he stopped looking around for her and the more likely explanation, that she wasn't there, won over. Though there was a niggling thought that wouldn't go away that told him she could have been here and that there were was a family connection or something. He didn't think that it was her parents, especially since he wasn't sure what had happened with her mom, insert depressing reflection here, but then it hit him. He remembered something about her sister being a cop. That would make her presence at the ball much more likely.
And it was then that Doyle had returned to the bar nearly breathless as if he'd meant to run.
"Angel man, I think she's here." Angel had looked at him questioningly for a second but he didn't need any more persuasion that Doyle had meant Buffy. He'd got up quickly but Doyle told him to slow down.
"I've got to see her, how do you know it's her?"
"I know because the guy she's with said 'Buffy'" That stopped Angel in his tracks.
"The guy she was with?"
"Yeah. This is the thing man, this guy, he looked like he was.proposing." He left the word hanging.
"Proposing?" The word almost tore through him as he said it. Why hadn't he prepared himself for this? Prepared for the possibility that she was already with someone, a possibility that was completely believable considering her beauty and the fact that she was, well Buffy. He knew he should have thought about it and he had but it was a thought he had been glad to discard. It had been much more inspiring to fantasise about sweeping Buffy off her feet without so much as a millisecond of concern about her status in reality.
He had stood there for another minute before he decided he had to see if it was really her, whatever the circumstance, he had to know.
"I need to see her." And they began walking towards the ballroom itself.
"There was quite a crowd when I left, quite the regular spectacle it was." All the reply he'd got was a bit of a grunt, evidently unappreciative of Doyle's comments.
A minute later they got to the spot Doyle claimed to have seen her.
"Well, where is she?" Angel had asked exasperated.
"She was here man." Doyle had been so sure, especially with his belief that there wasn't another person called Buffy, at least in LA. He asked someone standing nearby. "Did you see a small blonde here a minute ago, she was with her boyfriend, and he was kneeling down?" Fortunately this girl was very pleased to share what she'd seen.
"Oh yes, we saw everything, I mean, the girl told us to mind our own business but we still saw it all."
"And?" Angel had asked, the girl didn't look too pleased but went on anyway, obviously open to any excuse for a gossip.
"Well, her boyfriend proposed, it was so romantic, and he was yummy, anyway, she told him no. She refused him, it was very sad. I mean I didn't hear everything."
"She said no?" Angel interrupted her, clinging to a little hope.
"Yes, she said no." She had continued, annoyed again. "Like I was saying, I didn't hear everything but the guy got really mad and then he left." She told Doyle, ignoring Angel completely.
"Where did the girl go?" Doyle asked on Angel's behalf.
"Oh, she and this other girl left like, after the guy did, after they were done laughing. I didn't see where."
"Thanks. Is there anything else you remember?" Doyle asked flashing his best smile at her. She seemed to think for a second.
"Yeah, she had a really weird name, Buffy I think." She said batting her eyes at Doyle.
Angel had gone into deep introspective mode when he knew it had been Buffy.
"Okay man, do you want to leave now, since she's gone?" He asked back from his conversation with the gossip.
"Yeah okay, what took you so long anyway?"
"She gave me her number."
"Lucky you." He said sarcastically.
"You found her then?"
Yeah, he'd finally found her, only to have got there a minute too late to actually see her. The headache wasn't getting any better. But it didn't matter; he finally had something to go on. He knew she'd been at the ball and presumed she'd been there with her sister, Faith, who was a cop. It wasn't a huge leap. So he knew her sisters name and could search the LAPD for a cop named Faith. That idea alone made it possible for him to wait another day until he was at work so he could make the call.
He was still clinging to the hope he'd been given knowing that Buffy had said no to her boyfriends proposal. He had no idea why she had said no or what was going on there but the important thing was, she'd said no. The rest was details. He hoped.
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