Surviving Stephanie Chapter 6

Note: For Joanne. And don't worry oh fans of chocolate chip cookie dough goodness. Your scene too shall arrive. Somewhere in all this mess, lol. Oh, also: the timeline will probably be a little screwy and Chelsea just realized that somehow Morelli went from being all let's-get-married to no-us in between books, but we're leaving him in the number 7 frame of mind anyway because... um, it's more fun that way. Besides, if Steph told him she didn't want to marry him, he'd probably want to marry her again anyway.

Disclaimer: Janet owns the Plum Universe and the characters in it. And if she wants Alyssa, I'm sure we can work out a custody agreement. We would also like to note that Alyssa is very drunk in this scene and we are therefore not responsible for her actions.

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I had a plan. A devious, evil, drunkenly brilliant plan. I just needed...

"Hey Ranger, could we stop somewhere? That last round of mind probes is making me feel weird..."

Ranger shot me a look. I just bit my lip and looked pathetic. It wasn't too hard- Vulcan mind probes really never did set well on my stomach. It's what I get for downing so many last Halloween. Then again, maybe Stephanie just didn't like them... I just played it up a little. .

"Babe," he sighed.

"Bite me," I sulked. I could almost feel his eyes slide away from the road to look at me.

"What did you drink tonight?" He sounded concerned. I thought about that. Most of the night was a happy dancing, sweating, laughing blur. I settled on a shrug.

"Not much really. I think I had a cosmopolitan and a martini..." He nodded vaguely, apparently satisfied. I smirked. Yeah right, would I be representing my school if I turned in after that little? Right.

" Then we got some Vodka shots, and something with rum in it... and then some Amaretto sours... oh, and a couple orgasms. The bartender said they were his specialty," I laughed at that. "Such a guy. Then the Vulcan Mind Probes. Have you ever had those? Freaking horrible, lethal, poisonous. I think I only did maybe two." I could almost hear him raise his eyebrow as the list continued. At least he didn't seem that pissed anymore.

Right. He was too, he was putting me off my guard. Waiting for a show of weakness before he pounced and ripped me to shreds. Well, hopefully he'd just rip the clothes to shreds. That would be nice...

Apparently I did look a little ill, because we pulled off at a 7-Eleven. Were those things everywhere here? Freaks.

"Thanks!"

"No running, Babe. I will stun you." Ranger turned to give me a full menacing mercenary look, which under the weird light of the neon storefront was actually pretty evil looking. I rolled my eyes.

"Ranger, I can't walk, and you think I can run?" I struggled with the door and ended up taking a headlong dive out of the truck. I landed hard, catching myself partly with the heel of my hand, while the rest of my weight landed on my unfortunate hip.

I yelped more from surprise than actual pain as the pavement bit into my skin. I was pretty sure that last round of vodka shots had killed off my pain sensors. I scrambled to my feet, but it took me a second to get my balance, then another for the world to quit moving around. I risked a glance back into the truck and winced as I saw the driver's face. Ranger looked like he couldn't decide whether to laugh or shoot me. I stuck my tongue out at him, turned and staggered on into the store.

Inside I waved to the clerk before I hit the bathroom. I splashed some water on my cheeks, checked my looks. Not bad for a night of dancing, and especially not bad for the fluorescent lighting I was under. I only looked half-dead as opposed to the full-corpse look I was expecting.

I reapplied my lip gloss and gave the girl in the mirror a saucy grin. I was happy, buzzing, and bloody brilliant. Also unbelievably thirsty. Reassured of my own self-worth I stepped out of the ladies room and snagged a bottled water on my way to the counter. I paid for it and was guzzling it down even before I got out the door.

I clambered back into the truck and we were off again. I took more measured sips of the water, my thoughts spinning dizzily in my head. I glanced at the Cuban Sex God driving. Oh my Lord, could he get any hotter right now? My alcohol-aided hormones sure didn't think so. Not that they were thinking of much besides him naked, sweaty, tossing me down on a really soft bed... or the seats, whichever were handy...

A rush of heat shot through me. Fuck. I didn't need this now. I had a plan. I couldn't get distracted from the...Imagining what it would feel like to have his hands all over me... seeing him fully naked like I had had imagined so many times... I slumped backward against the seats, my eyes drifting close as the terrifyingly powerful fantasy swept through my body, setting off one of those frustrating body-encompassing aches. You know the ones.

"I need to get laid!" I whimpered, barely even realizing I'd said anything until it was too late. Oh god. Did I really just say that? No I didn't. I didn't. I didn't...

Ranger let out a long breath.

I did.

"Babe?" his tone was half disbelieving. I sighed. Well, the secret was out...

"Yeah?"

Silence.

"Oh come on, you've never had a night like that?" I sniffed. Then again, no, not with his looks. Not likely. "Sorry. But it's true. Do you have any idea what massive amounts of rum and vodka can do to a girl?"

"But you're going to share," he said, obviously amused.

"How did you survive even a month at college without knowing the rum trick?" I sighed. "Never mind, don't answer it. You were probably a model citizen."

Ranger let out a very un-sex-godly snort. Hm, question answered. "What about Morelli?" he asked, kind of out of the blue if you asked me.

"What? Oh, yeah, him..." Uh-oh. How am I explaining this one? No details, I decided. "We broke up. You know, like always."

"Thought you were getting married."

Okay, something is off here. One of these things is not like the other. One of these things just doesn't belong... Ranger is driving. Ranger is speaking. Ow, it made me dizzy... I took a drink of water.

"Um. No. He didn't give me a ring. I didn't want a ring. There was a general lack of ringlyness. One ring to rule them all, and in the darkness bind them. Ick. Never mind. I hate rings. Stupid things, all binding and stuff. Like marriage.... and I am not a damned dessert, either." I turned to Ranger, a full body turn so i was sitting sideways in the seat. "Am I wrong? Am I a dessert?" He glanced over at me with a full-out wolf grin. Oh yeah. I was dessert. I might even be the main course. I giggled.

"Okay, fine. I'm dessert. But that's the problem, don't you see?" Ranger's eyes were back on the road, but I decided the way his shoulders were set were a nonverbal sort of 'no, please explain.' "If I'm just a dessert to him, then is he marrying me because he wants me to be more, or is he looking to keep a stash of midnight snacks? I don't want to be a snack!" I huffed, sitting back and crossing my arms defensively over my chest.

Ranger actually flicked a glance at me. His lips quirked in a hint of a smile. "Only you, Steph."

"What? Only me what?" Grrr. "Enough with two syllable sentences!"

"That was three." He was annoyingly amused.

"Three, two, five," I waved my hand impatiently. "Numbers. Enough with them." This brought a smile.

We were stopped. I frowned. Stopped where? Wow, was it just me or was I getting more drunk? Damned Vulcan mind probes, hitting me almost fifteen minutes later...

"Come on, Babe," Ranger said, appearing at my door. How'd he do that? Wasn't he just driving and...

"This isn't a hospital. I don't see any ana- anbellish.. ambulances."

"No. I think it better wait until tomorrow," he said, taking my arm and guiding me down from the truck. He even managed to keep me on my feet when I landed. Impressive, Obi-Wan... mmm, Ewan McGregor... naked...

"I'm really drunk," I giggled. Ranger gave me a look that announced this should have been blindingly obvious. I giggled again. He was cute, too. Wonder if he had a lightsaber...

"Lightsaber?" he questioned as he began guiding me toward the building. Oops.

"Yeah, like in Star Wars. Cause you'd make a really good Obi-Wan."

He muttered something in Spanish. I wasn't sure exactly what, but I caught a couple words...

"Why you what?" I frowned. "You have to go slower, it's hard to think past the vodka. It keeps sounding Russian."

"Didn't know you spoke Spanish, Babe," Ranger said, arching an eyebrow. Merde.

"Un poco," I said, illustrating the amount by squeezing my thumb and forefinger together. This brought back fun memories of late-night discussions in the dorms and another fit of giggles. They died off as we stepped into the elevator.

This brought on a fit of something entirely different. A fit of elevator sex thoughts. Oh, the possibilities... I glanced consideringly at Ranger.

"You're drunk, Steph," he said, as though readingthe thoughts. I narrowed my eyes at him. Great. Maybe frat boys aren't so bad after all. At least I always knew I could get a piece. Okay, not one that I wanted, and they generally have no idea what they're doing, but...

Bet Ranger would know what he was doing and then some. My eyes raked up his body, so very close and yet so far... the firm column of his throat, the delicious line of his jaw, the earring... the earring. I fixated on it. Oooh, bright shiny diamonds...

I reached out and touched it, smiling. "It looks good on you," I told him. My fingers barely brushed his skin before his hand caught my wrist tightly. Hmm, I wonder if that meant...

"Behave."

"That's boring. I'm tired of boring. Let's do fun," I suggested, bringing my other hand up to brush the side of his ear, lightly tracing the edge, on down his throat. His skin was smooth, almost soft but in that masculine sort of way. I wondered if he used lotion, and if he'd let me help him put it on.

"Stephanie..." his tone was warning. Probably meaning 'stay back' but the Vulcan mind probes said 'go on' and as sexy as his voice was, the Vulcans were more convincing. I took a step closer, until I was almost touching him. I could literally feel his body heat. I bet he had a hell of an aura. Definitely powerful, probably even red or yellow...

"Yes Ranger?" I whispered, tilting my head back to look up at him. He still had control of my right wrist, but my left was still rubbing across his shoulder, down his chest... Mmm, yummy. I'd never gone much for muscled guys, but I was beginning to think he could change my mind.

I didn't follow what happened next as his Super Special Forces reflexes kicked in and somehow in a blur of motion, we were out of the elevator and I was pinned against a wall, his face dangerously, kissably close to mine.

"You're playing with fire," he growled. And then he kissed me. His mouth pressed against mine and I immediately surrendered, letting his tongue sweep into my mouth. I distantly registered his weight crushing me into the wall, letting me know I wasn't the only one turned on. My whole body was warm, aching, tightening. Sweet krispy kreams, If a kiss is just a kiss... My arms had wrapped themselves around his neck and I arched into his solid, real, breathing, living body, moaning. His hands crept under my top, sliding along my overheated skin as he bit gently down on my lip, and that was it. I was done for, literally. My hands gripped his shoulders and I broke the kiss, gasping for air.

Ranger looked down at me, his eyes full of something, but hell if I could read it. He was so much easier as a set of words. I just stared at up him, blinking. I think I'd been stupefied. Okay, more than stupefied.

"Wow," I finally managed. Wow indeed. I didn't know kisses could freaking do that- rum or no rum. I had definitely just... wow. Wait until the girls found out. We had so been kissing the wrong guys. Screw the frat boys. I'm ruined for frat boys and if this was a dream, screw waking up. It wasn't worth it. This made much better... Reality.

I'm not Stephanie. This is her life, her private life I'm screwing with. The facts hit me like a sledgehammer as I stared up into his dark eyes. I should have been shoving him away, but I wasn't sure I could fully stand on my own yet. For his part, Ranger was still regarding me with that oddly warm but confused look. A moment more passed in dazed silence before we fully separated. At least I wasn't the only one affected, although since the front of his pants weren't wet I guessed I'd been the one most... thoroughly hit.

"Come on," he said at last, his voice still rough. "You're going to bed." He opened the door I hadn't noticed before and ushered me through... the lights turned on and I bit back a scream.

"Um, Ranger," I said, staring around in a mixture of confusion and distant rising fear. "Ranger this isn't S- this isn't my apartment..."

Come to think of it that hadn't been my elevator or my hallway, either. Or my parking garage...

He had the nerve to laugh. "No, it isn't."

"Is this a safe house?" I glanced around, the answer already forming in my mind. Upscale decor, plush carpet, ultra modern lines and very masculine colors... I think I'd read this description before.

He shook his head, still smirking. "Just an apartment I use when I'm working late at the office."

I stared at him, my eyes wide. Janet is going to kill me, I realized. Any second now I'm gong to be swooped down on and wiped from the pages of life... The bolt of cosmic lightning hit me with a sucker punch to the stomach. Ugh.

"Ranger? Where's the bathroom?" I asked, wrapping an arm around my stomach like it might help keep the contents inside.

"Down the hall, to your left."

I was off like a shot, making it in the nick of time. I was barely aware of his presence until he was holding my hair back, putting it into a ponytail. After the main event was finally done with, he pressed a glass into my hand. I took a sip and rinsed, then promptly collapsed into a fetal position on th floor.

"You should know your limits," Ranger told me. I cracked my eyes open to give him a glare I did know my limits! I just didn't know Stephanie's. Ugh. The effect was lost as I scrambled up to re-worship the porcelain god.

"Feel better?" I nodded, and he helped peel me off the floor. "Take a shower and I'll get something for you to wear."

He closed the door behind him and I stared at it blankly for a second, then at the shower. Back at the door. I was nervous. I couldn't shower here. This was the shower of legend. The shower of Batman. The shower of Bulgari... ok, well, there wasn't any Bulgari here at the moment. Maybe it wouldn't be so... yeah. It didn't count if there wasn't Bulgari involved.

I sucked up my wits and stripped. The hardest part was getting the leather hair tie out of my hair, but I managed. Then I stood naked at the outside of the shower, watching the water run for a full minute. It was like entering hallowed ground, you couldn't just jump in. This was The Shower. It had seen Ranger naked.

Oh god, Ranger had been here. Naked. My hormones shouted for joy. If you could bottle that guy's sex appeal, there wouldn't be man alive who couldn't get laid. I stepped into the shower and promptly lost all train of thought. I took my time standing under the water trying to cleanse myself of the sexy thoughts. I couldn't do it. I wasn't Stephanie. It would be wrong.

Instead I enjoyed the shower and almost passed out when I opened the bottle of shower gel. Fuck me, it was Bulgari. Janet was going to kill me after all. Oh well, might as well enjoy yourself if you're going to die for it...

Sometime later I toweled off with one of the huge guy-sized towels and almost screamed when I saw the black t-shirt sitting on the counter. I really hoped that the shower had been fogged over.

Dressed in the borrowed black threads, I padded out in search of the host. I found him in the living room, watching basketball, stretched out in black sweats and a black wife beater. Again with the freaky weirdness. Ranger watching basketball? In casual clothes? One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't compute... He turned and gave me an appreciative once over.

"Do you mind if I borrow a comb?" I asked, deciding to ignore the weird factor.

"Second shelf in the bathroom cabinet." Right. I shook my head, trying to clear away the scene I had just seen, and went back to the bathroom. I'm drunk. I'm hallucinating. See this is proof this whole thing isn't real. Ranger doesn't do this. Comb in hand I traipsed back out to make sure I had seen what I had seen.

Yep. Still watching basketball, complete with sweats. I could handle being switched to a new body, hurled across time and space, chased by a stupid psycho drunk guy, rolled through food, even being expected to be someone I wasn't. But Ranger does Everyday Guy? Even if it's a sort of Dangerous Everyday Guy? Nope, too much. Information overload.

"You do have a gun somewhere in reach, right?" I asked as I sat down on the other side of the couch. He just looked at me and gave a faint nod. I let out a sigh of relief. "Thank god. I was worried you'd like, had a twin I didn't know about." He looked amused again.

"I told you there was only one of me."

"That's a good thing. I don't think womankind could handle two of you." He chuckled at that and took the comb away from me.

"Turn around. You're too drunk to handle a comb."

"Thanks," I laughed. He was right, I'd been uselessly fighting the same tangle since I started. He took all of maybe five minutes. And it didn't hurt once. Maybe not so Everyday Guy after all. Plus it put me into an almost comatose state. I curled up against the arm of the couch and was out before my head even touched the cushion.

The next thing I was aware of was the darkness of the room, and the soft blanket covering me. Hm, wonder when that happened? I stretched and snuggled back down into the couch. Don't care. Tomorrow: Hair appointment to chop off hair, clever scheme to avoid being committed, and find Evelyn's best friend so Abruzzi can get the hell away from me.