Title: And What?
Rating: PG
Pairing: Glorfindel/Erestor
Warnings: AU, drabble, Erestor's POV
Disclaimer: Not mine, don't claim them to be mine, they belong to Mr. Tolkien. I'll give them back later, I promise.
Summary: Erestor thinks back to his bad dream, and calms his nerves with Glorfindel's take on things.
I had a dream last night. Not so much a dream as a nightmare, I guess. But it was one of those dreams where you wake from it with a start and realize your hair is soaked badly and you're covered in your own sweat. My hands were still shaking as I reached up to brush the wet strands from my face. And I couldn't help but glance over at the sleeping elf next to me.
Glorfindel was fast asleep. My sudden movement hadn't disturbed him and I was glad of that. He looked peaceful there, curled up snug and warm, the blanket tracing the outline of his body and his hair falling perfectly around his face. I listened to his even breathing for a few moments before curling up next to him. I couldn't help but lay across him, my head on his back and my arm draped across his body. Still, he didn't stir.
And my thoughts went back to that dream. It was so… unreal is the only word I can think to explain it. But it felt so real, it felt like it was happening, and even several minutes later I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.
The world had stopped. Not time, per say, but the entire world. It just stopped turning. Things fell through the air, trees uprooted, everything. I watched elves fall off the planet. Just fall completely off into nothing, as if we had all been stashed on top of a marble and run out of room. I couldn't hear anything, and there was too much to look at.
Suddenly, I realized I was holding on to something. It was strange, because I couldn't see myself, it was all happening from my point of view, so all I could see of myself was my hands. They were stretched out before me and I was gripping something, it appeared to be the ground. I looked below me and realized I was dangling off the side, nothingness all around me. I was afraid of falling like the other elves I watched go past in various degrees of panic. So I started to struggle to keep my grip and I started trying to pull myself back up.
My view shifted again towards my hands, only now I saw boots, too. They were brown riding boots. I followed the polished leather upwards to the strong thighs attached, and quickly my gaze shifted to the face it all belonged to. There was Glorfindel, standing above me, seemingly unaffected by all that was going on, not losing his grip, not falling, not even looking somewhat concerned. He was dressed in some of his finest clothes, his golden hair waving in the breeze created by everything passing us as they fell off the planet. He was looking down at me, just watching me struggle to keep my grip.
He squatted down to get closer to me, but just starred at me for a long moment. I could feel the panic in myself, and the wonder as to why my beloved would not grab me and pull me up to stand next to him in safety.
Instead, he looked into my eyes, deeply, and I saw nothing there. Nothing at all. He placed his hand over my left hand, holding it from struggling for its grip. He kept his eyes locked on me as he finally spoke.
"Erestor, I do not love you anymore." It is all he said.
I tried to speak, but could not bring in enough air to do so. I just looked up at him, and suddenly felt so empty. I watched as he turned from me and walked away, out of my line of vision, and I finally managed to cry out his name. "Glorfindel!" I cried in panic. But he did not return.
Nothing was falling anymore. No elves were whizzing past me, no trees were toppling over the edge. There was no sound, no breeze, no air. I was alone. So terribly alone.
I cried to him once more, his final words passing through my mind. No response.
And I… I let go. I felt nothing. I was falling straight into nothing. And the longer I spent falling and looking at my own hands, now holding on to only the blackness around me, the lonelier I felt.
Just remembering the sensations from the dream made my body stir even in a waking state. I didn't even realize, but I'd dug my fingernails into Glorfindel's stomach as I thought back. Tears flowed down my cheeks in steady streams. I felt him move, a groan escaping his lips as his hand grasped mine, removing my fingernails from his soft flesh.
I sat up and tried to wipe away the tears before he finished turning over to look at me, focusing his eyes from sleep.
"My love, what is wrong?"
"Nothing, Glory, go back to sleep."
He sat up and touched my cheek. I looked into his eyes and what I saw there was not what I had seen in the eyes of the elf in my dream. So I smiled.
"I am fine, Glory, really. It was just a bad dream."
"Tell me about it?"
"I would rather not. I would like to forget about it."
"Are you sure you are alright?"
"Yes."
He smiled at me sympathetically before lying back down. I kept looking at him, and he at me. Finally, I snuggled back down into him and he rested an arm around me.
"Glory?"
"Yes, love?"
"Am I what you really want?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know. Am I what you had imagined I was when we first met?"
"No. You are more. Erestor, I know you better now."
"Yes, but am I as good as you hoped? Or are you disappointed with me?"
"Disappointed? Erestor! I am never disappointed with you." I felt him stroke my hair softly as he continued. "In my eyes you are perfect. Beautiful, intelligent, and everything I am not good enough for."
I shifted to look into his eyes again. "Not good enough for?"
"I think you are too good for me, love. But I am glad you do not leave me behind."
"If I was falling, would you catch me?"
He looked at me, a puzzled look in his eye. "No. Of course not."
"You would not catch me?"
"No. Because I would never let you fall in the first place."
I smiled and settled in to his warm body. Eventually, he stopped stroking my hair, and I could feel from his breathing that he had drifted off to sleep again. I closed my eyes again, too.
One day the world may stop turning. And at that time Glorfindel may choose to let me fall or to hold me tight. But until then, I am in his arms. And there nothing to worry about.