AN: Sorry about the delay. Once again, RL has reared its ugly head and my life is insane. Hope this is worth the wait!

Chapter Thirteen

"Someone will need to speak to whoever conducted the extensive search of the base because he's obviously unaware of the definition of extensive." I led the way down to the gate room and marched up to the base of the gate. "Samantha Carter, just what the hell are you doing up there?"

"Thor can't reach."

I was supposed to be mad, but her perfectly logical argument only made me laugh. "How did you get up there?"

"I climbed."

I'd never really given much thought to scaling the gate, but on closer inspection, I realized there were enough braces and equipment to provide a fairly sturdy ladder. Still, the fact that Carter had managed it in the dark without getting herself killed was impressive. I wasn't about to tell her that. "Can you climb down?"

She looked over, coming dangerously close to losing her precarious balance, and studied the gate for a several seconds. Then she shook her head. "It's too high."

"Of course it is." I turned to the general. "Sir, can we get a ladder in here?"

"Are the firemen going to come?" Carter was very excited at the prospect. Maybe because she hadn't yet burned her house down. Or maybe she knew she'd fare better charming terrestrial firemen than she had with the Asgard.

"No, Sam, I'm going to get you myself." I expected disappointment.

But then, Carter's never been predictable. "Yay!"

It didn't take long for me to climb up the ladder and retrieve her. She wasn't even mad that she had to be removed from her hiding place. She hugged me like always and let me navigate our way back down the ladder without doing anything to distract me.

General Hammond surprised me with his words. "I want her off this base, Colonel. There's no telling how much trouble she'll cause."

"Sir?" There were so many things I wanted to ask - like where I was supposed to take her and what I was supposed to do with her and how we were going to fix her.

"As soon as we've decided the next step, I'll call you and she'll be welcomed back. For now, take her home, Colonel."

"Yes, sir." I knew he wasn't going to accept any arguments, especially none that included me keeping an eye on her. It was fine with me because I didn't have any valid arguments anyway. She was certainly a handful and it was only through a stroke of luck that she'd survived her childhood long enough the first time to channel her energy into something like studying and being a genius. I smiled at Carter, who'd silently transitioned back to snugly-mode rather than hell-raising. "Ready to go home?" Carter nodded and I could see how excited she was. She was probably imagining toys and fun kid stuff.

Unfortunately, I didn't have any fun stuff at my house. I knew better than to take Carter to someplace like a toy store - a toy store would be fraught with peril and I wasn't about to deal with a screaming, crying Carter begging for stuff. I took her to the grocery store instead, limiting the options. The options were more limited than I thought and I could only hope that a couple of matchbox cars, a sheriff's set, and some Play-Doh would keep the ridiculously intelligent child occupied until the general could find some help. Being at the store also gave me the opportunity to buy something respectable for her to eat since I didn't think she'd want the three week old Taco Bell leftovers in my fridge.

I tried asking her what she liked to eat, but she just shrugged. I started walking her up and down the aisles, suggesting a million different things. Carter resolutely shook her head at all of them. When I began to get frustrated, she suggested cookies, a chocolate bar and strawberry ice cream. I realized I was going to have to take the decision out of her hands.

So the checkout lady looked at me funny when she rang up a couple of toys, a gallon of milk, and ten cans of chicken noodle soup. But before she could call child protective services, Carter leaned over and gave me a big kiss. Then she waved at the woman, who was by that point reduced to that stupid, charmed grin I'd grown familiar with since baby Carter had happened.

The drive to my place was uneventful. Carter giggled happily in the back, making vroom-vroom sounds and turning her make-believe steering wheel. I angled the rearview mirror to watch her. She caught me looking and waved. The next time she caught me looking, I winked at her. She giggled and then blew me a kiss.

I'd told her the rule was that she had to stay in the same room as me or I would send her back to Thor. She promised she wouldn't break my rules. I made Carter a bowl of soup while she played under my feet with her cars. I was actually surprised that nothing went awry - I didn't break my leg tripping over her and she didn't wind up with scalding hot soup poured over her head. She only ate about half the bowl, so I finished it off while she made an assortment of unidentifiable objects with her Play-Doh. We stayed in the kitchen because I could see the TV from there and I figured it would be the easiest room to clean up.

It was a little after 8:30 when I realized her eyes were drifting closed. It had taken a long time, but little Carter was tuckered out. I carried her to my room first, showing her where I would be when I went to sleep, so she wouldn't get scared. Then I took her to the spare room and set her down on the bed. I untied her shoes and pulled the covers back for her.

"Ok, Sam, time for bed."

Carter put her hands on her hips, cocked her head to the side and giggled. "Jack, I can't go to sleep in my clothes!" She said it with such attitude, like I'd broken some super important universal law or something, but I just laughed. I'd forgotten to retrieve the rest of the clothes Walter had provided, but I figured she could make do with a t-shirt, considering she'd been wearing a t-shirt half the time she'd been with me.

"Ok, be right back." I ducked around the corner and into my room, grabbing the first clean shirt I could find. When I returned, Carter was kneeling at the side of the bed, hands clasped and head bowed. I listened with a smile as she asked God to bless Mommy and Daddy and Jack and Uncle G and Danny and Teak and Janet and Thor and everyone else she forgot and even Mark too. Then she sweetly asked that he forgive her for making Thor mad cause she hadn't meant to ruin his ship and suggested that Thor wouldn't be mad anymore if God replaced it with a better ship.

I waited until she was finished. "Ok, kiddo, here you go." I held out the t-shirt, forgetting that I was dealing with a three-year-old.

She held her arms above her head and scrunched her eyes closed, waiting for me to pull her shirt off. I shook my head and complied, angry at the fates. That was so much not what I had in mind when I imagined undressing Carter. Once she was undressed, I slipped my t-shirt on her. Even as an adult, Carter's skinny, so her t-shirt hadn't been nearly so big. My t-shirt puddled on the ground at her feet and slipped off one shoulder and halfway down the arm. Carter lifted her arm up to set it right and it promptly slipped off the other shoulder. I shrugged at her and she giggled. I lifted her up and put her in the bed, stooping down to tuck her in.

"Jack?"

"Yes, Sam?"

"I didn't brush my teeth."

And I hadn't had the sense to buy her a toothbrush. So I lifted her up and took her to the bathroom. I gave her my toothbrush and was about to squeeze the toothpaste onto it when she pulled it away.

"My toothbrush is purple."

I squeezed my eyes closed and reminded myself that being tired made all the difference between Carter being cute and Carter being a brat. "You didn't bring your toothbrush, so you'll have to use mine, ok?"

Carter thought about it for a minute and I was well-aware that she was looking for a flaw in my logic. Finally she shrugged. "Ok." I started with the toothpaste again and she pulled the toothbrush away again. "I can do it myself!"

I gave her the tube, took a deep breath and counted to ten while Carter worked. She was too little to squeeze the toothpaste with one hand and so had an elaborate set up trying to wedge the toothbrush over the sink with the cup and the bar of soap so she could squeeze the tube with both hands. She managed to get toothpaste everywhere but on the brush. I finally took matters into my own hands, dipped the brush in one of the large puddles of toothpaste and handed it to her. She wasn't happy, but she took it anyway. She opened her mouth and started brushing her teeth.

For all of two seconds. Then she started screaming. Apparently, my minty-fresh toothpaste did not taste like her bubble-gum toothpaste. You would have thought I was trying to kill her for how loud she screamed. After she spat about a hundred times, I carried her still whining self back to the spare bedroom.

I turned off the light and pulled the door halfway closed. "Good night, Sam."

"Jack?"

I took a deep breath. "Yes?"

"Leave the light on, please."

I flipped the light back on. "Better?" She nodded and snuggled down into the blankets. "Night, Sam."

"Jack?"

"Yes?"

"Can you check the closet for monsters?"

It was such a preposterous thing for someone as fearless as Carter to ask that I smiled as I made a big show of opening the closet and verifying the lack of monsters. I even checked under the bed before she had a chance to ask. "Better?" She nodded once again and I headed for the door.

"Jack?"

I tried to keep annoyance out of my voice because I didn't want to upset her - that would only serve to lengthen the ritual. "Yes?"

"I didn't get a good night kiss and I can't sleep without a good night kiss."

I dutifully walked over and kissed her forehead. "Good night, Sam."

"Jack?"

"Yes?" I kept reminding myself of how much fun I could have torturing Carter about her behavior when she grew up.

"Don't forget to leave the door open."

I pushed it wide open. "Good night, Samantha."

"Jack?"

"What!" I felt guilty for snapping at her, especially when I saw the way she recoiled into the covers.

"Good night, Jack."

The anger faded instantly and I smiled at her. "Night, baby."

"Jack?"

"Good night, Sam." I turned away and started walking, swearing I wasn't going to listen to anymore of her stall tactics.

"I love you."

I stopped dead in my tracks. A smile spread across my face as I whispered into the air. "I love you too, Carter."