(author: it's sort of sailor moon repeating history, or something. sort of like an 'if rini didn't suck ass' parody. and no sign of the inner senshi anywhere! hooray!)
Saving Japan in Too Much Pink - - - Chapter One.
"Tenou-kun, is something the matter?" Kaioh prodded his classmate. Tenou seemed to snap out of deep thought.
"Hey, Michiru," He said to Kaioh, "Have you seen a girl in pink recently?"
"What? Do you mean Tsukino-san?" Kaioh sat down in the desk in front of Tenou's. He rested his chin in his hand. Tenou made a face.
"No! I'm not talking about her! In fact--" He violently snapped his head from side to side, looking for the girl. "Hey... Where is the pink-haired idiot today?" Kaioh looked thoughtfully out of the classroom window.
" 'Out Sick.' I suppose she'll tell us."
Tsukino Chibiusa kicked an old beer can. It bounced off a trash can and tumbled into some bushes.
"This is stupid." She told a violet coloured cat with a golden crescent moon on its forehead. The cat sighed and rolled its eyes.
"It's not 'stupid', ojo-sama! It's very important. You've got to-- Hey! Where are you going!" The cat bounded after Chibiusa.
"I'm going to go home and then I'm going to go to bed and when I wake up there better not be any damn talking cats calling me ojo-sama. Good-bye, Diana-san!" She broke into a run, and looked back long enough to stick out her tongue and pull a face at the fuming cat.
"Why couldn't she be an idiot, like her mother?" Diana licked her paw.
Chibiusa slammed her bedroom door shut and slumped against it trying to catch her breath. This is what too many exams do to you. She thought. Talking cats...talking cats! I'm going crazy! She went to her dressing table and leaned into the mirror, pulling apart her ebony hair. The centimeter nearest the scalp was a sickly sugary pink. She frowned and hurriedly scrabbled through draws looking for hair colouring packets. The search came up dry. "Damn it!" She dropped face first onto her bed.
Recently she'd been dying her hair a nice, normal colour. Partly because of the pink, but mostly because boys, a Tenou Haruka in particular, didn't like girls who could kick their asses with hardly any effort, and Chibiusa used to have to do that quite a lot, on account of the name-calling. No one in her family had this bold pink hair. It didn't make sense. No one ever mentioned it, which made it even worse. And the icing on the cake was that her dreams seemed to encourage the pink-ness. She always dreamed her hair was long, unnaturally long, and styled in two ponytails with pointed buns at the start. Like today... she thought with a ping of panic. She was always walking through an ancient Greek-style temple, the earth in the background as if it were a moon. And when she reached the end there was a man. He was so white he practically glowed. He always had his back to her and always said "Save me, maiden. Please save me." It was the most annoying thing about Chibiusa's life.
She rolled over, hugging her pillow to her chest. Her sight wandered casually to her side and she blinked. There, staring right back at her was Diana. Chibusa jumped up and threw her pillow at the cat.
"What the hell are you doing in my room!" She screamed at the pillow. Diana emerged, and settled herself on top of it.
"I told you! I am here to guide you." The crescent moon on Diana's forehead shone for a moment, as if it had caught a light.
"Princesses and castles on the moon! Get lost!" Chibiusa fell back into her dressing table chair.
"But it's true!" Diana pounced and landed on Chibiusa's lap. "You transformed! You saved that boy! Although I must say it was a bit un-ladylike the way you slugged the monster, but I haven't had enough time to exp--" Diana's tactless sentence was broken as Chibiusa smacked her and sent her crashing into the wall.
"Hey! That's cruelty to animals!"
"I don't think any school in its right mind would issue a pink uniform." Kaioh took a long gulp from his coffee can as they walked along the street.
"But I swear to you! That's what she was wearing!" Tenou raved.
"Alright, alright! I believe that part, but a monster? With claws and tentacles? Sounds a bit fishy to me..."
"Octopi aren't fish, damn it! Michiru! I would not lie to you!" Tenou pushed the shorter boy against the convenient wall. The coffee can fell. They kissed.
"What the hell are you doing on my door step?" Chibiusa demanded flatly. Her two classmates jumped to attention: Kaioh blushing furiously and Tenou glowering.
"We just came to give you this." He thrust a rather hefty file of paper into Chibiusa's arms. Kaioh looked down with great interest at the purple fuzz ball rubbing against his shin.
"Try going to class next time!" Tenou said before he stomped off.
"Um, please excuse us!" Kaioh bowed before he hurried after Tenou. "Haruka-kun! slow down!"
Chibiusa said nothing as she went inside and set the homework down on the coffee table in the living room. She began to leaf through the worksheets, at the same time trying to ignore the pleading stare from Diana. After a minute she sighed dramatically.
"What now?"
"That green haired boy!" Diana spat excitedly.
"Huh? Kaioh-kun? What about him?"
"I got a feeling from him."
"What the hell d--" There was a crash that sounded like it came from the kitchen. "Oka-san!" Chibiusa rushed to her mother's aid.
"Are you all..." She had to stop and stare at the thing standing in front of the fridge. "...right?" The thing was female, Chibiusa assumed. Her skin was grey and she wore two saucers as a sort of bra. Napkins, the expensive-looking cloth kind, were her skirt. Her arms and legs were made from cutlery. On her forehead there was a crescent moon, like Diana's, except it was reversed and black.
"I've come for your pure heart crystal!" She cackled. Chibiusa just stared. "Oka...?" Diana appeared on her shoulder.
"Ojo-sama! You've got to transform!"
Chibiusa frowned at the cat. She turned to leave. "I'm gonna go watch T.V."
"But you'll lose your mother if you don't transform!" Diana was spastic now. Chibiusa stopped. No one wants to lose their mother. That sort of talk always hits a noble nerve. She turned back around to face the monster with determination plastered over her face. She grabbed the heart-shaped locket that she'd been wearing around her neck and held it up.
"Silver Moon Crystal Power! Make Up!"
Chibiusa felt something changing. Her hair faded to its natural color, grew longer, and folded itself into two pointed buns. Big, puffy tails sprouted from them. Three tiny skirts frilled their way around her hips and a sailor collar appeared around her neck. Knee high boots and elbow long gloves ribboned into existence around her legs and arms. An angled headband grew around her forehead. It had the same kind of crescent moon at its point that Diana had. Symmetric hairclips flashed into place. The finishing touch was a bow that looked like wings on her chest. The locket settled on the knot.
Although the transformation took a while to describe, it took mere seconds to execute. The kitchen monster was slightly taken aback.
"What the!" She exclaimed, as anyone would if they had suddenly been presented with so much pink it should be illegal. Chibiusa blinked as a winged masked sparkled onto her face.
"Um, I am the champion of love and justice! I am Eternal Sailor Moon! And in the name of the moon, I shall punish you!" She posed. Diana was in the corner crying tears of gratitude. "Thank you, ojo-sama!"
The monster lunged for Eternal Sailor Moon, and our hero dodged out of the way.
"Knives chain! Go!" Sharp, quick and grammatically incorrect pain whipped around Eternal Sailor Moon. She screamed.
"Diana! Help me! Don't I have a weapon, too!"
Diana all but scoffed. "I was waiting to see if you were going to punch this one, too."
From her world of pain, Eternal Sailor Moon glared at the cat, who purred with satisfaction before getting back to business.
"It's your tiara! Throw it at the monster! That should purify it!"
My tiara? Eternal Sailor Moon groped her forehead. Oh. She pulled it and it came off easily. She bent her arm to her chest, the 'tiara' resting in the air above her hand, and called "Moon Tiara Boomerang!". The Tiara spun forth after a gentle flick of her wrist and cut the kitchen monster neatly in half. There was a high pitched scream until she faded and Chibiusa's mother collapsed onto the floor.
"She's O.K.!" Diana reported, after a couple of light scratches went across the unconscious woman's cheek.
Eternal Sailor Moon was now Chibiusa again, and Chibiusa was extremely out of breath. "Thank God..." She panted before she also collapsed.
Somewhere, in somewhere else's darkness, a young man sat.
"Are you trying to make me angry?" He daintily brushed stark white hair behind an ear.
"It's all a matter of trial and error, your majesty." a voice that was clearly female answered.
"Yeah! Life isn't straight forward you know..." a cocky, male voice said.
Someone sniggered.
"Shut up, Sapphire!" the white haired man snapped to his right side. "And for goodness sake will someone please turn the lights on!"
There was a click and a brief humming sound while the bulbs warmed up. The four either blinked or squinted while they waited for their eyes to adjust. Finally the woman spoke.
"Ruby and I will continue to work on the formula, Prince Diamond." She flicked her long, wavy green hair over her shoulder.
"Thank you, Emerald." The prince said to her chest. Emerald and Ruby (who wore ghastly green and red camouflaged trousers) bowed before they left the gloomy throne-room. After a couple of minutes, the blue haired boy that sat to the right of Diamond stood up and stretched.
"Is this really the most efficient way, ni-sama?" He asked as he sat back down. His brother gave him a cold glance.
"You've read the book, too, Sapphire; I'm not making this up." He chewed his thumb nail in thought. "To revive the kingdom, goodness should be harvested from those with pure hearts" he quoted in mumbles.
"You're asking a lot from Ruby and Emerald, though! I mean, what kind of science--"
"Shut up!" Prince Diamond screamed. "Go make yourself useful by not questioning me and assisting the others!"
Sapphire looked more solemn and hurt than usual. He stood up again and bowed. "Yes, your majesty."
When he had almost closed the door behind him, Diamond called "Thank you, Prince Sapphire!" and he laughed. Sapphire glowered. This always happens. His thoughts grumbled as he walked down a hallway. You give a brat some power and they go insane. Even if the Dark Moon Kingdom is resurrected, who will live there? Only the four of us are here and he thinks he'll be king just 'cause he woke up first! He entered the room that Ruby and Emerald were using as a laboratory. They looked up briefly in his presence.
"Let's see those progress reports, then."
(author: oh! they're so evil. but will chibiusa string together a sailor scout army in time to thwart these dark moon nitwits? and i don't think you'll be seeing ruby's harem in this fic, thank you so much perhaps i'll throw the three '-eye' villains in.! you can probably guess there'll be a resurrection of black lady soon, too. gosh, i DO miss watching sailor moon!)