At Any Moment
A Harry Potter Fanfiction
By Jewel
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and its characters were created by JK Rowling and are copyrighted to their rightful owners. There is no copyright infringement intended by this fanfic.
Rated PG. Very minor spoiler for OotP.
A/N: This was written from a steam of consciousness, so if it doesn't make sense, please bear with me. An explanatory note follows at the end.
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At Any Moment (1/1)
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At any given moment in a day, he's thinking about her. He can so easily conjure up her image in his head. After all, it's permanently imprinted on his mind.
He can see her long, dark hair, unchanged from their days at school when it would fly behind her as she zoomed past him, holding the quaffle. Her beautiful face contorted into a sneer as she surveyed him on the Quidditch field, or in a class room.
Her glare as he smirks at her in the Ministry. She trying to do her job, him trying to annoy her as much as possible without ever coming within a meter of her.
He can hear her voice, clear like a crystal bell. She can lower it, make you lean in close to hear her. Or raise it in an ear splitting shriek. He can recall her laughter, soft and melodic. Never directed at him, though. Always at someone else. Her friends, her lovers... Anyone else worthy.
He doesn't think there are any spells in the entire world that would rid him of her. His obsession, his curse - his one true love.
He's never had her, and never will, yet still she's ruined him for all other women. How could any other woman ever hope to measure up to her? He knows it's not right, and that there's probably something mentally wrong with him. Maybe the vanishing cupboard did addle his wits. But it doesn't change the fact that he's somehow managed to build a shrine for her in his heart and place her on a pedestal.
And it's exactly where she belongs. High above him, and out of his reach. God forbid he should ever touch her with his blood stained hands. Touch her with hands that have cast unspeakable, unforgivable curses. Hear her laughter directed at him with the same ears that have heard screams of torture.
If someone were to unmask him - find the spy within the Ministry, he would die. As a traitor, or as a failed agent. What does it really matter? At any moment he could be summoned to do his lord's bidding. More likely than not it would involve a gamble with his life.
If he wanted, if he were selfish, if he didn't truly love her, he could so easily have her. Because sometimes when she stares back at him, it's not angry. And sometimes she's smiling, not sneering.
But he knows the only thing he could ever give her in return is grief. It's probably for the best that he can never have her. He knows, in the deepest pits of his black heart, that he could only ruin her. Bring her heartache, and probably death.
These are difficult, dangerous times. And when it's all over, he'll be dead. He knows, it's hard not to, that he won't survive the war. Won't live for his trial. For his kiss by the dementors. If her name were to ever be linked with his, after the war was over she, too, would be tried as a traitor.
He could never stand that, even if he were dead and beyond the human coil.
The best he could do was keep away from her. Worship her from afar, but never hope to get too close.
At any given moment he could see her because any given moment might be his last. And if he wanted one thing from this wretched world, it was to die under her gaze.
-END-
Author's Note:
- For clarification, this was written from Montague's point of view, and his "true love" is Angelina Johnson. This is set after the two have graduated from Hogwarts. Montague has indeed taken the mark and is a servant of Voldemort. Angelina's involvement in the Order is a non-issue because it really isn't that important to the idea of this drabble. Montague is Voldemort's spy within the Ministry. There will NOT be a sequel or any kind of companion 'fic to this unless my muse decides to really turn rabid. With that all said, I hope you enjoyed it and will review and let me know if it made sense to you.
Jewel
07.02.2005