I suppose you know me. I'm a Black Mage. My mommy told me I was a nu mou, but everyone else says I'm a maniac. I don't think I'm a maniac, just that I'm a misfit, I guess.

You want to know why I'm here?

And everything started at once! It all started when I was eight, at the fair.

Well, there was a baker, a real scary guy if you ask me. The baker was probably some mumbo clanner hired at the nick of time. I mean, what kind of baker can't tell baking powder from baking soda? I mixed the two bottles up. It was hilarious. Anyways, he was making little cookies in cool shapes in exchange for a few gil.

I asked him to make me a chocobo, and he did, and I ran away! I ran away before the dumb bunny even looked up! Ha. So that was my first count, I guess. That was probably where I learned to eat and run, always order something small, eat, pretend you just saw an old friend, needed to go to the restrooms, stuff like that. Never be seen again.

But unfortunately, Mommy caught me and made me say "Sorry" to the dumb bunny. They spent a long time talking about "Apologies, Sorry," and "I'll make sure he bothers no one again."

So Mommy dragged me kicking and screaming out of the fair. I yelled all right, yelled and hollared as loud as a little brat could! "No! I don't want to go! Put me down! PUT ME DOWN!"

In the end, she tipped this one scary Defender bangaa to toss me over his shoulder like a sack of flour and march back home. I kicked hard, I punched hard as hell! And I never saw that Defender again.

I was grounded. I was grounded. Well, Daddy thought that locking me up in my room was a smart thing to do, to make me learn my lesson. It wasn't. Here's what happened...

I was playing with a candle, heating up the wax with little Fires and molding it. It was fun. I made a chocobo, a hat, a rod, a cookie, and the Defender.

"Ha!" I said. "Ha! I can make everything I want in this room! I don't need the stinking cookie!" I declared. But it was a hot day, and I was stuck in the middle of the room at noon. Hey! That kinda rhymes! Anyways, Fires naturally don't make wax hot. And I wanted an icee. So I thought. The icee couldn't be warm. Then it'd be a meltee. So I thought and I thought, and I used a Blizzaga on it! Oh! It was hilarious! The whole wax shattered in a bijillion pieces! HAHAHA!

Ah-hem. So anyways, that was when I learned to be reckless with my magic.

When walking to school, I would do random stuff that grown-ups would never allow me to do, like blow up a few fences, oh, they were small fences anyways. Mrs. Swallowtail wouldn't care. But I got in trouble for blowing up THE CLASSROOM! Oh, that was hilar-ious! I can't stop laughing today. So everyone says "What the chocobos is that?" And the desks blew up!

Of course they found out it was me.

So you see, I'm always getting caught. But the habit stuck on even after Mommy and Daddy died, so I ran off to make my fortune.

Fortune! I'm kidding, the most a clanless Black Mage could make in those rural parts was a few gil an hour doing little stuff everywhere. Like a just-heat-and-serve lunch. No, a just-call-and-command clanner. Barely enough to feed me! But then, I traveled to the different parts. No one would reconize me from one place to the other. So I learned the eat-and-run tactics of Guerilla-lunch-warfare. I never stole big stuff, only little things anyways. And sometimes, I was so bored, BAM! A tree blew up.

So this continued on until on day, I was just strolling along Nubswood with a bunch of friends, when poof! Blondie shows up and his Soldier whips the wits out of me.

So here I am.

Huh? Why not in a Prison? Oh, this is a prison all right. See the collar around me neck? Yes, it's pretty. Me? No! It's girly! I don't wear girly stuff- Ack! My hat doesn't count! So anyways, I'm here. With all the other Wanted nutcases. And there aren't even any girls, well, there's Rayne, but a couple of Last Breaths and I learned to leave her alone. Anyways, I think I'm stuck here.