"You did WHAT?"
Both Howl and my roommate, Tanya, cringe away from my volume and tone of voice.
"Please recall, both of you, that I only met this other side to Howl's personality once, and that was TWO FUCKING DAYS AGO! And he landed in OUR FUCKING KITCHEN! And he was a TOTAL FUCKING BASTARD! And now you've gone and deduced by way of a spell that he's my TRUE FUCKING LOVE!"
Howl and Tanya are cowering in a corner away from my 'super stage voice,' as Tanya calls it. I hear a neighbor yelling from the next apartment over to shut the hell up, and I see Shadow sitting against the door with his hands over his ears.
"Well, there is such a thing as love at first sight," Howl (begin sarcasm) cleverly (end sarcasm) remarks, after seeing my eyes go dreamy and hearing me say "God, though, he's got a fucking nice ass..."
I feel the need to go and punch his smartass lights out. I don't give in. HA! I'm getting better at self control.
Tanya pushes a cup of coffee into my hands. I take slow sips and the caffeine spreads through my body. Tanya sends triumphant glances to Howl, as if to say, "she's finally coming around."
I guess I am. I was a true believer in true love at first sight until it actually happens to me. Even though Shadow was a bastard at first, I'd discovered from two days living with him (and a talk with Howl) that he isn't really. Inside, he is nice and kind and everything, but he felt that he had to have this mask of shitheadedness on to survive. Hot damn, I picked an awesome guy to fall in love with.
And that spell is reliable, as I'd heard from my supposed true love, Shadow.
"Aha! Now go out with him!" Tanya commands.
"Fine." Tanya looks disappointed at my unenthusiastic agreement. "I've decided that I probably will love him. I might even now love him. I just need to go out with him a few times...get kissed a few times...make out in a movie theater a few times...all that shit. Okay. But I'm arranging the date."
"Yes!" exclaim both of those lovebirds, giving each other a high five.
Howl whistles 'Mary had a Little Lamb,' and Shadow comes bursting in.
I suddenly feel shy. I look down at my feet, and notice that I have a new burn on my good old leather shoes.
I feel an arm around my shoulders. I look up, and there is Shadow, closer to me than, I must admit, I've ever been to a guy in my real life (I sure have been that close, and closer, to guys in plays. I'm an actress).
Abruptly, I pull Shadow into a tremendous hug. He returns it, and I can see a smile on his face.
"It's really annoying that those two are playing matchmaker, but I guess this time it worked," Shadow whispers in my ear.
"How do you know? They had to do a spell for me," I whisper back, startled.
"I know when my true love comes. It's part of being a wizard."
"Oh."
An alarm rings. It's the one on my cell phone. The one that tells me when I'm late for my rehearsal. I'm an actress, actually a lead role in The Music Man.
"Oh no," I say, and leap around gathering up everything I need. I rush out of the door, then lean back in to say "love ya'll" and to wink at Shadow. My director excuses my tardiness this once, as I look so happy. Thank you Shadow, as you are the reason I'm so happy.
Anyway, I come home after a great rehearsal. I'm met at the door by a fiercely blushing Shadow.
"Let's go somewhere other than the apartment," he mutters, and pulls me out the door.
"Why?" I demand, though letting myself be pulled.
"Howl and Tanya are using the apartment," Shadow says, and then blushes even harder.
"Oh...so they're finally hav–" Shadow puts his hand over my mouth, stopping me from saying 'the word' out loud.
"Shadow, you are so (A) naive, (B) innocent, and (C) silly. Why shouldn't theyhaving sex?" Shadow's hand goes over my mouth again, but too late. He doesn't blush any harder because it's not possible.
"Let's go to dinner," Shadow suggests, blushes finally cooling–a bit. "I don't really know you. I mean, I don't know your favorite food."
"Well, think me weird, but my favorite food is canned–okay, we turn here–soup. What's yours?"
"Ice cream, definitely. Is this the restaurant?"
"Yes. You pay."
"What? Why is it always me who pays?"
"Always? Honey, this is our first date."
"Well, I had an odd vision of the future...I saw me paying for nine out of every ten dates... Wow, I'm so good at seeing the future...I did this without actually seeinganything."
"Whatever. Cut the sarcasm, babe, we need to order," I say to Shadow as the waiter approaches. We order, eat our dinner, and walk out. We are good-naturedly bickering all the while we get to know each other. I find myself falling more in love with Howl each minute I see him.
We arrive at home. Shadow looks at me shyly. Then, he gives my a goodnight kiss, just a quick one. Hehe...at least at first. I deepen the kiss, and my hands on Shadow's cheeks can feel his blush.
When we separate, we make our way to our rooms.
That night, I have a dream. It goes like this:
I stand in the middle of a clearing, looking down. The dirt is stained reddish brown, and there is no grass. I slowly look up. I see a large pile of rocks in the distance. It is quite a large clearing. I run towards the pile of rocks. I see something moving. It is an old woman. She looks familiar. I realize that this is what I will look like when I am old. I accept this, in this dream. I look at the pile of reddish rocks. Now I seem to think that they aren't rocks. One of them rolls off of the pile, to my feet. I look down. It is a head. It has shoulder length black hair, matted by blood. The face, twisted by pain in death, is recognizable nonetheless. Shadow, my love, his head is there. He is dead. Two more heads roll down. One is Tanya's, one is Howl's. I cannot make a sound. I cannot cry. I cannot let my feelings out. They boil and boil inside of me. Another two heads roll down. My parents. Another two. Lisa and Carlos, my brother and sister. Another. Melanie, my childhood friend. Another two. My childhood crushes. The heads of all people I've known, liked or loved, come rolling down to me. There are bloody heads up to my knees. To my waist. To my chest. To my chin. To my eyes. Up and up pile the heads. I can't breathe. The weight of the heads presses down on me. I start to suffocate. A man stands over me with an axe, ready to chop off my head. The axe comes closer, closer. Against my neck. I start to blee
I wake up.
I feel around for my sheets. I seem to have kicked them off in the night. Suddenly, I remember the dream, and start crying. I think Shadow heard me, because he appears at my door, and comes in. I look up at him, and hold my arms out so he'll give me a hug. Shadow stops hesitating, sits on my bed, and embraces me.
"What's wrong, love?" Shadow asks gently.
"I had a terrible dream," I answer, between sobs. I tell him about it. It feels better just telling someone.
Shadow sits and thinks for a few seconds, with me crying on his chest. "Do you want me to stay until you fall asleep, love?" he asks. I nod gratefully. Shadow lies down and takes me in his arms. I curl up against him. I feel safe, enclosed by warm arms, listening to another's heartbeat, and with his hair brushing the back of my neck. I fall asleep.
In the morning, around seven o'clock, I wake up. I'm curled up against Shadow's chest, who's still asleep. I hear a squeal of frustration from Tanya.
"Oh my God! Where is Shadow?"
I smile and snuggle up to Shadow even more, knowing that Tanya and Howl will soon find us. Shadow wakes up, and looks down at my head.
"How did I..." he starts to say then trails off as he remembers. "Sorry, love. I guess I fell asleep when I was waiting for you to fall asleep. No more nightmares?" I smile and shake my head.
"Howl and Tanya will be delighted to see us in this position, damn 'em."
"Well, I love you and you love me, so there's nothing wrong, right?" I tell Shadow that I guess there's nothing wrong.
"Amy, have you seen Sha–" Tanya cuts herself off as she sees Shadow. Her mouth falls open. I grin at her, and she closes it with an audible snap.
"Shadow, there's something wrong with the magic," Howl says worriedly, poking his head in. Shadow closes his eyes for a long minute. I can tell that he's concentrating very hard on his magic. Suddenly, his eyes fly open.
"Oh no. Somthing is terribly wrong."