Surviving Stephanie Chapter 28
Note: Janet is probably putting a hit out on me… And Tank doesn't like Scrabble. He likes Trivial Pursuit. Not much happens in this chapter. No Morelli butts were kicked in the writing of this particular chapter. ;) For a link to my Plum website and the unedited version of the last chapter, check my bio.
Disclaimer: This doesn't really belong to me. Except the alterations to the plot, and Alyssa.
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I woke up slowly, easing back into reality one neuron at a time. I sighed in contentment, feeling a smile creep onto my face as I snuggled back against the firm chest. Ranger was practically wrapped around me. It was a good way to wake up. No, scratch that, good didn't cover it. This was heavenly.
Too bad I had to get up. I sighed, feeling disappointed at the prospect. But I really had to. I needed to figure out how and why my dad had gotten here. I needed to figure out what to do about Abruzzi. I should call Val or Jack and see what they'd been up to. I should talk to Ellen/Helen who had apparently become my stepmother somehow. I should call Mac and apologize for not making it to the dojo yesterday…
I got as far as moving my leg when pain started shooting through me. I felt like I'd taken a fall off my quarter horse mid-gallop, only to be trampled by a stampeding herd of Texas longhorns. And thanks to last night's sextracurriculars I was sore EVERYWHERE. There really might be something to be said for smaller guys.
I tried to move again, and gave up with a whimper.
"Shh, Babe," Ranger's voice was husky. "Last night catching up with you?"
"Yeah."
"Stay still. Tank got your scripts filled last night." Then he was gone. I sighed, unhappy at the sudden aloneness. I also stayed still. Another reason I hated car wrecks. Ranger came back with a glass of water and couple pills. I glared at him.
"How come you're all mobile?"
"I wasn't the one whose side got knocked in." He smiled a little. "And I'm tougher." I stuck my tongue out at him, which only got me a bigger smile. He set the pills and water on the bedside table and helped me sit up. I needed about all the help I could get.
As I sat up, though, the covers fell away, revealing that I was still naked. Ranger was wearing a robe but I was pretty sure he was still au naturale underneath it, too. I don't have a problem with nudity under normal circumstances, as a side effect of being raised by a mom with New Age ideas, probably, but looking down at myself I had to grimace. My arms were dotted with cuts from the glass, and the left side of my ribcage was a solid bruise from where I must have hit the console or something. There were a ring of bruises around my left arm that stood out way too much as I took the pills from Ranger. I hoped maybe my legs didn't have too much wrong with them.
"Thanks, Higs," I said before I downed the pills and most of the water.
"God, Babe," Ranger shook his head. "Why didn't you say something? I didn't-"
"Hey, trust me, nothing was hurting last night. And if you dare say you wish we hadn't I'm going to knock your head off."
"Never. Wouldn't change a thing." He smiled. Smart boy. "We should probably get you something to eat."
"Right. Does that involve movement?"
"I'll have Ella send something up."
"Thanks…" I stopped and caught his eye. "For everything, Ranger. I don't know how I'm going to repay you for all this."
Ranger shook his head, his dark hair gleaming in the sunlight. "Don't, Babe. There's no price, not between us. Not now, not ever." Coming from a possible merc, gun-runner, and Wall Street tycoon, that is a very big thing. But so help me, Janet, if he said anything about going back to Morelli I'd kill him. Super Special Forces skills be damned, hell hath no fury like Alyssa pissed.
"You aren't going to send me back to Morelli now are you?"
Ranger stared at me.
"Well, it's a valid question. You keep telling me he's a good guy and he loves me and all that jazz. And you don't do relationships, etc."
His eyes flicked to the bruises on my arm. "I'm not going to tell you to go back to him." He smiled a little, his expression getting a little wolf-y on the edges. "I could make you forget all about him, but I won't. I'm going to be a nice guy and—"
"Has it ever occurred to you, Ranger, that maybe I don't want the nice guy? If I wanted the nice guy I'd be picking out rings with Morelli today and agonizing over china patterns. Maybe what I want is the not-so-nice guy. Maybe someone like you."
Oh my god. I was sitting here in Ranger's bed, naked, bruised, and drugged, talking about serious relationship issues. What the hell is wrong with me? I demand Thorazine, damn it. Xanax. Paxil. Something…
"Babe," Ranger moved closer, brushing his hand along my cheek. "I told you. My life doesn't lend itself to relationships."
Okay, I had a choice here. I could go Stephanie's route and give in. I could punch him for being a stupid thick-headed male. I could let him work things out for himself… God, no, I'd be waiting for Janet knew how long on that one. Book 17 anyone? Okay. So, because Ranger is a male, let's try spelling it out for him. Grab the Bunsen burners and storm the bridge.
"I know. But… I want you to think about something?" I waited for his barely-there nod before I continued. "You know I'd do anything you ask of me, right? I believe in you, I trust you, and, yeah, I love you." His eyes widened and I shook my head. "Don't get excited, this isn't exactly coming with a ring attached if you get me." Hah, Mac isn't the only one that can steal lines around here... "You, for your part, have always helped me, gone out of your way for me, and you've been there. Ranger, I hate to break this to you, but we've sort of had a relationship for a while now. And your lifestyle has not screwed it up."
He stared at me, his eyes assessing. I could almost see rows and columns going up and down. Porsche here, morning run there. Ramos case over here…
"What do you want, Babe?"
I grinned. Too easy."A new pair of Sketchers and world peace."
Ranger smiled. "I meant from me?"
"What do I want from you?" Oh, rats. I thought about it for a second. "I want… a hug, and a cup of hot chocolate."
"I'm being serious, Babe."
"So am I. I want a hug and a cup of hot chocolate." Ranger looked skeptical.
"No pushing for a more traditional relationship? You don't want to see the Batcave?" Wow, he does know Stephanie...
I laughed. "Traditional is boring. And you still are not tricking me that easily. You said the Batcave is forever. I'm not going anywhere near the Batcave until I have an undying desire to wear a cape and have a nifty utility belt." Ranger picked up the bottle from the table and scanned the label. "What are you doing?"
"Checking for side effects. You're acting drunk."
"No, when I'm drunk I'm trying to jump you. Not that I blame myself. In fact I may have to start jumping you when sober…"
"Babe," Ranger chuckled, and looked at me, his eyes warm and… eep, I was getting warm fuzzy vibes off Batman. Stop it. "Behave until you're off the meds."
I sighed. "I see you're a man of principles. I better be going while you still have them…"
"You aren't going anywhere," he said seriously. "You are staying here. I'll have Ella check up on you."
I considered arguing with this. It would have been the Stephanie thing to do. Unfortunately, I couldn't move and when the pain meds kicked in I was still going to be unable to move but less willing to care about it. This was no condition to go up against Eddie Abruzzi in. I'd be dead in no time. On the other hand I could stay here, get waited on, maybe even do the Stephanie thing of snooping through Ranger's stuff to a minor degree or try to get Ella to talk.
Gee, such a tough decision. "Fine," I gave a long-suffering sigh. "I guess it beats a safe house."
An annoying ringing interrupted anything he might have said, and Ranger disappeared, cell phone in hand. I laid back against the pillows and stared up at the ceiling. I didn't feel so sore now, just stiff. I think the pain-sensors were slowly being isolated and beaten into submission by the medication…
"Here Babe," Ranger said, just as a black something landed on my head, obscuring my vision. I pulled it off and looked at it. A black t-shirt. And a set of black boxers. The Boxers. Holy hat tricks, Batman… "Don't want you to shock Ella."
Who was I to refuse?
Ranger helped me stand up and kept a hold of my arm while the world did a little jig. Whether it was the pills or dehydration, I was pretty woozy. Woozy. Who comes up with these words? We can have strange scrabble-cheating words like woozy but no tenses concerning the temporary possession of a body. Or maybe not so temporary anymore…
Oh. My. God. I just had sex in someone else's body. I swayed and found myself leaning against Ranger. On second thought, look who I got to have sex with. Tell me any other fangirl worth her salt wouldn't steal a body or two to get in bed with that?
I giggled to myself as Ranger stood me back up."Maybe you don't need to be standing up."
"Hey, I'm good. Just taking a moment to recalibrate. See? All better now." I took a couple steps away and looked back at him. "Go on, go get some food or I'll be forced to eat… you." I winked and slipped into the bathroom. Time to get my shower on.
Oh yeah, I loved pain pills. Pain pills were fun.
Once I was fully showered I put on the T-shirt and boxers and wandered out in search of his Batness. I found him in the breakfast/dining room area thing. I wasn't sure what to call it. My brain was beginning to disregard unnecessary words. But it had retained the word 'bagel.' There was a plate of them, all toasty and warm. And fruit. I looked at the strawberries and thought seriously of finding Ella and confessing my undying love. Then I saw the mug of yummy hot chocolate sitting by one of the plates. I think I squealed.
"Ranger, I changed my mind."
"About what?"
"I want more from you than a hug and hot chocolate. I want your housekeeper," I laughed, and paused by him to give his shoulders a quick squeeze. "Thanks for being such a sweetheart."
Ranger choked on his tea and coughed to cover it. I just smiled sweetly and snagged a bagel. It was coated with cream cheese by the time I sat down. "Babe," Ranger sighed. "A week ago the thought of sex with me was enough to make you run screaming. Now I'm a 'sweetheart'?"
"That was then?" I suggested, sighing happily as I bit into the bagel. Ranger shook his head, sipping his tea thoughtfully. I watched him carefully, just waiting for him to stick out the pinky finger. Come on, do the pinky thing… Dance, puppet…
"What's changed?"
"Me," I answered honestly, unable to hide the smile as I clarified. "I'm me now. You're still you. But me now isn't quite as scared of you as me then. And I don't think me then was scared of you exactly, more like what you represented or the feelings you caused or something philosophical like that."
Ranger set down the tea and buttered a muffin. It was almost better than seeing the pinky thing. "Most women want a lot more than a hug and chocolate," he said. Ah, testing the waters…
"Why?"
"Don't you want a family? A marriage? The whole thing."
"Again I ask, why?" I stared at him. Anyone who knew me knew my views on marriage were cynical to say the least, and my views on kids only marginally less so.
Ranger took a deep breath. "What about what I want from you?"
"I figure you'll let me know when you figure it out. And if you want nothing, that's cool, but you have my friendship of course. If you want more, be specific. And use small words. I'm easily confused."
"No, babe," Ranger smiled, "You're easily distracted. Not so easily confused."
"Speaking of which, you never did answer me about Def Cons."
"Tonight, I promise."
"Hm. Are you taking over any small countries today? Or just small amounts of corporate raiding?"
"Neither. Getting intel and dealing with Abruzzi." I bit my lip and put down the unfinished bagel. Suddenly I wasn't so hungry anymore. I picked up my hot chocolate and concentrated on it.
"You shouldn't be," I said to Ranger, keeping my eyes on the chocolate. "It is my problem."
A movement to my left caught my attention. I turned to find myself looking into a pair of dark chocolate eyes that caught and held me. "That makes it my problem, Babe. The wreck last night just made it official."
He kissed me gently, and I gave up trying to think, just wrapped my arms around his neck and responded, allowing his tongue to enter my mouth, engaging in that ancient pass-time of tongue hockey. Unfortunately Ranger pulled away. He rested his forehead against mine and cupped my face in his hands. "You're going to make me late."
"That wouldn't be good. Superheroes can't be late."
Ranger headed into the shower and I curled up on the couch, intending to find something worth watching on TV. I woke up as someone deposited me back in the bed and pulled the duvet over me.
"Ranger?" I asked, trying to get my eyes to focus. A mocha-colored hand brushed the side of my face.
"Right here." His lips touched my cheek. "Get some rest. Ella and Tank will check in on you. I'll be back tonight."
"Don't get shot," I whispered as I drifted back into my dreams.
Something was ringing. Ugh. Damn you Alexander Graham Bell. I moaned and lifted my head off the pillow, blinking to get my eyes convinced to look at the same thing at the same time. I had the nasty feeling they were both trying to wander out of my head.
After a second or two they gave up and resigned themselves to staying put, so I put out and hand and grabbed the cell phone off the nightstand. Funny, I didn't remember leaving it there. Maybe Ranger put it there. Or Ella. Or the house elves. Batman should have house elves. The ringing had stopped and the call had kicked over to voicemail. I sighed and wondered whether I was twenty or thirty and whether either age was too young for my body to just fall apart.
I still felt like I'd been stampeded on. Except now maybe it was just regular cows instead of longhorns. Maybe Jersey's. Jersey cows. Giggle. Funny. Ow. Ribs. Where'd the pills go? I looked at the nightstand. There was a note there, along with the pills, a glass of water, and some cookies. That's it. I did believe in marriage. I believed in marrying Ella. Or the house elves. Whichever.
I took two of the pills, probably looking like a junkie in desperate need of a fix, and set about attempting to unlock the secrets of the universe. Well, okay, just getting into the voice mailbox. But as groggy as I was it might as well have been the secrets of the universe. It took me a couple times, and I was pretty sure I'd dialed Tanzania at least once, but I did it. I was almost instantly sorry I had. Vinnie was on there. He was unhappy. Then, I guessed that was Vinnie's normal state of affairs. It can't be easy loving a duck.
Great, time to call weasel boss back…
"Where the hell are you?" demanded Vinnie. "Get your ass out and find Bender! Geez, one stupid wreck and you—"
"Vinnie?"
"Yeah?"
"You got a problem with it, talk to Ranger. I'm where I'm at under his orders."
Silence. Then, "You working for Ranger? No, you're working for me and-"
"Actually, I'm working for both of you. And anyway, Bender's sick. He's probably going to be dead soon. Easy pickings for you, if you're that concerned about it. And you have insurance for this crap anyway. Now excuse me, I just took enough pain meds to knock down a buffalo and you're interfering with my beauty sleep. Good luck, and love ya, Cous." Disconnect.
I punched the buttons until it said the phone was on vibrate only. Buttons and numbers buttons and numbers. Too many of them. I need simpler things. Like a voice activated phone that just does what I tell it… The world should be like that. Just do what I say, and it will all work out… It wouldn't be an easy job being the center of the universe, but someone should do it.
The next time I woke up I got the feeling there was something very large in the room with me. Who's afraid of the big bad wolf? I am!
"Steph? Wake up," came a growly bear voice.
"Tank?" I asked, struggling into a sitting position.
"How ya feeling?" He asked, walking further into the room. He was holding a plate with a sandwich of some sort. It looked like a kiddie plate next to him. I wondered if they made china that would be proportionate to him. Must make dinner parties a pain…
"I'm better. I'll be doing gymnastics by tomorrow."
Tank smiled and set the plate down on my lap. "You need to eat. Boss just called- he's gonna be back in a while. Seems your missing kid might turn up at the airport."
"Thank you. This looks great," I said inspecting the sandwich. "Turkey?" He nodded and I relaxed. I had learned the hard way to ask what anything is before you eat it. It might turn out to be rattle snake. Or monkey. Depending on who was serving it.
Reassured of its semi-normal domestically tasteful origins, I dug in. Turkey, cheese, mustard. I didn't even want to guess how it was known not to put mayo on it. This house elf gig rocked. "Sit down, T. You're making me nervous," I said between mouthfuls.
Tank sat on the end of the bed and looked like he couldn't decide whether to relax or be awkward.
"Have you been here all day?"
"Nah. Just checking in on you while Ella's on her breaks."
"Has Ella been here all day?"
Tank grinned. "Nah. Just every hour or so."
"What time is it?"
"About fourteen hundred."
I blinked. Huh? Military… okay, that meant… um.. numbers… too many… does not compute. System failure… "Civilian, Tank. Think civilian."
"Two in the afternoon," he chuckled. He did that on purpose. Grrr.
"Sorry you got stuck babysitting me," I said, after I finished off the last of the food.
"Better than going out and getting shot at."
"I hate getting shot at," I said, smiling. I remembered that line.
"Me too. Now come on, you need to get dressed."
I looked around. "I um, don't have any clothes now… they were there… but they went away…" Okay, maybe house elves weren't all grand.
Tank was laughing. It was a deep rich sound that made me smile. I love people who laugh like that. "Ella was threatening to burn them. Said it looked like you'd been through a war zone."
"Really?" I tilted my head, trying to think back. "I was thinking it looked more like a double homicide." The jeans had been ripped, and the shirt had some blood stains, but no powder burns or shrapnel holes.
Tank disappeared for a moment, but returned with a familiar duffle bag in tow. Except now it was stuffed with clothing. Okay, I admit, I was instantly dying with curiosity. Who picked it out? What had they picked out? It was like shopping only better.
"Ranger sent me over this morning," Tank offered as I began pawing through the bag. Gotta love ESP.
"Thank you, Tank…" I trailed off, in mild shock at what was in the bag. Just normal t-shirts, some cargo jeans, a couple tank tops, and basic underwear. Comfy stuff in soft materials. I grinned and wished I was more limber. I could have jumped up and hugged him. "You deserve a ginormous hug. I'll have to give you a rain check till it doesn't hurt to breathe though. Hugging being a contact sport and all."
Tank smiled. "I'll hold you to it. You gonna need any help? Ella should be back pretty soon."
"No. I'll be out in a sec," I said, waving him out. For a guy that big he could move really quick.
I pulled on a pair of baggy jeans and a soft white tank top that was layered with a pink midriff shirt. Thanks to the bruising and a couple minor scratches I wasn't letting a bra anywhere near me for a while. The layering would help disguise any nipping out or so I hoped. I finished by tugging on the tennis shoes I'd been wearing which Ella had left by the closet… closet…
The Bat Closet. I was sliding the door back before I could tell myself not to. Oooh, stuff! Bat Stuff. Much with the black. A few shades of gray. A couple white shirts… lots and lots of black.
Am I sensing a theme? My list of evil things, sadly departed with the 'tubbied CR-V surfaced in my mind. Oh yeah, I still had to do that one…
Of course I could now scratch off number one- I'd learned how to shoot. And I'd accomplished number nine last night. A few times over. Which left me needing to find a computer and internet access sometime soon…
Contemplating the lovely mischief yet to be wreaked, I paused long enough to snitch one of the many black hoodies hanging up. It was chilly out from under that duvet. I paused one moment to consider my actions. I probably shouldn't… but I was a girl and it's a known fact that girls have the right to commandeer a guy's hoodies whenever they need them. Besides, the only other person with a possible hoodie would be Tank. I was swimming in Ranger's shirts, Tank's would drown me. And surely Ranger wouldn't want me drowning in pools of fabric.
I wandered out to find Tank relaxing on the sofa, idly flipping channels on the gigantic plasma TV. I hadn't noticed, but there was definitely a surround-sound system in place.
Geez, boys and their toys. He can be a superhero, a badass, whatever, but he'll still go nuts over gadgets. Of course Dad was the same- only his gadgets tended to be new horse training or rodeo or farm gadgets. I've heard someday they really do grow up. So far my bet was it happened somewhere around age 75.
I curled up on the big comfy chair and watched Tank and the TV with equal interest while I constructed my mental tangent. He seemed to take up most of the sofa.
It was a really big sofa.
"Have you and Ranger ever discussed Smurfs?"
Tank turned to stare at me, remote and television forgotten. "Smurfs?"
"Last night, when I asked you about why there's only one girl Smurf you said almost the same thing Ranger did." Tank smiled and had the grace to look a little chagrined before he shook his head and fixed me with a very curious look.
"What happened to you?"
"Huh?" I blinked, having totally lost the thread on that one.
"You used to be too nervous around me to say two words. Hell, you barely said more to Ranger."
"That was then?" I suggested, remembering it had sort of worked on Ranger. I hoped.
"So what's so different about now?" Tank's eyes were boring into me. Hey, Janet, I thought he was supposed to just be muscle!
"Um, I realized that I could at any moment be killed by a demented Teletubby or that malicious little Napoleon wannabe. And then it would suck if I'd just been too scared to get to know people. Because I'd be dead and I'd never know and that's a very depressing thought." I frowned just thinking about it. "And anyway, I just don't have the energy to get scared of y'all. But if you want I can cower and look all wide-eyed."
"No thanks," Tank smirked. "I get enough cowering and wide-eyed looks at work."
"Maybe if you quit throwing people through windows?"
"But I like throwing people through windows. It's what I'm good at." He smiled evilly. I just laughed at him, although an uncomfortable almost-pain in my ribcage stopped the giggles pretty quickly.
"Aw, that can't be all you're good at. What about Scrabble?"
Tank gave me a Look.
"Okay, how about just throwing people through tables? Maybe tossing around a few chairs?"
"And how exactly is that less scary than windows?" he asked.
"No broken glass noise. It's all about that noise and seeing the sparkly glass bits. It's a very powerful visual."
"Really? And I thought it was because of the body hitting the ground."
"Nah. Check it out in the movies. The body hitting is just anticlimactic. It's always that broken glass noise that gets people."
I ignored the surreal quality of the next few minutes as I debated the pros and cons of throwing people through windows with Tank, a guy who could crush me like a bug. By the time Ranger walked in we were shaking hands on a deal.
"Hey, Boss," Tank said, standing up.
"Hi, Ranger!"
"Tank." Ranger turned to me. "Babe, you aren't making any bets with him are you?"
"Nope. We're going to go see the next big action movie that comes out. I say it's the shattering noise that scares people, but he says it's the body hitting the ground."
Ranger gave us both a blank look. I wondered if I really wanted to know what was going on in that gorgeous head of his. He looked at Tank and shook his head. "Don't give her any more ideas." I frowned, deciding a change of subject was in order.
"So, when did you guys talk about Smurfs?"
"You have a Smurf fixation," Tank sighed.
"I do not. You both gave the same answer. I want to know."
"No time, Babe. We have to head for the airport. Got a lead on Evelyn and Dotty."
I sighed. Fine, be that way. I could wait. I'm patient. Sort of.