I've never had a boyfriend.
Yep. That's what I tell everyone when I first meet them. I never had a boyfriend, much less a husband.
Why? I don't understand! I'm beautiful, smart, sexy, and I can kill four men and two bangaas without anyone noticing. Maybe it was the last part that scared everyone away...
Remember the old school dances? Boys would blush and stammer "W-Will you d-d-dance with me?" And the girls would blush and say "Well, sure!" And it would be that one dance, one spark in the world, that started up a whole relationship... And two miserable, lonely broken hearts in the end.
But I missed everything. I was never handed a bouqet of roses on Valentine's Day. I was never kissed, and the only ones that loved me were my parents, which is not the sort of love a 15-year-old viera going through puberty looks for.
Back then, I didn't think I cared about love. I didn't care, didn't mind... Or at least I thought so.
But by the time I gained the reputation of a fierce fighter and a killer... It was too late.
What happened was that this one Blue Mage's kid stuck frogs in my desk, in middle school. I was a Sniper child then, which was pretty amazing considering that I was only fourteen. I was experimenting with a grappling technique that the bangaa down the street taught me, and a Concentrate. Now, I'm not scared of frogs. I'm not scared of bugs, slugs, things that crawl, things that fly, etc. But I was really, really angry...
So boom!
I had the Blue Mage's son pinned down on the teacher's desk and was slamming his head against the corner, yelling "Apologize! Or eat Death Scythe!"
And then the principal of the School Board came in.
Yep. So, I was suspended... I probably would have been expelled if it wasn't for the fact that they knew what kind of viera I would grow into someday. A Star Assassin, the mistress of her trade... Out for revenge. Not necessarily pleasant.
I was not raised in a very good environment. Mommy and Daddy died so long ago... And my big sister Moonfall is all that was left. She doesn't let me call her Moonfall anymore. Says it's an old fashioned name. I have to call her Maddie.
She supports both of us in the only way she can. Although she's never here are evening and night, she is always there for me. When my sister wasn't there, I was left with... Nothing in my heart. I did my homework mechanically. Nothing bought me out of my soullessness until Maddie came home. Once, in a sudden rage of loneliness, I walked by the park by moonlight. The school bully was waiting for me. When I was teetering on the verge of unconsciousness, somehow... It had something to do with Carbuncle. A glowing lizard scampered out of the bushes and turned into a chocobo. No one but me noticed.
A few minutes later, Maddie came sprinting from her job, hasty enough to accidently throw on a Defender client's cloak instead. She was followed by a Fighter, and my pointed and yelled.
The next thing I knew, Maddie cast a Curaga on me... And the Fighter was beating up the bully. But Maddie wore only the cloak. And everyone saw her profession.
So when word got out, I was the laughingstock and the scapegoat of the whole school- because my big sister worked in Lower Cyril as... You don't want to know.
They called Maddie a dirty little slut. It would have been better if they had called her one straight in my face, rather than whispering about it in the halls and suddenly smiling sweetly as I walked by. They forgot I was a viera and I could hear them...
And I got in so much trouble... Picking fights with the kids that gossiped about us.
One day, after a near-suspension, Moonfall, er, Maddie sat me down at our home. Maddie was... Er... Naturally talented for her job.
"I know that you're very upset about what's been going on at school,"she had said to me. And what she said next changed my life.
"But sometimes you really just gotta do what you've gotta do to make your way in this world. I... I'm a Summoner... Before Mom and Dad died... But no clan wants a baby sister... And so now, I just have to do what I have to do. You're going to be a Star Assassin someday. So, until that day comes, you gotta duck and dodge and hit until that day comes. No matter what, we'll get through. Always remember that light at the end of the tunnel and aim for it. You'll never miss."
I held onto those words even until now...
But one day... I don't know there was shouting, there was Ifrit and Shiva all of a sudden... The whole village attacked us. There was no way for anyone to hold them off. They thought that we were going corrupt the children.
I lay next to Maddie. I knew that we were dying. I just knew. And Maddie had enough life left for one last Summon...
She looked at me, her eyes smiled because the rest of her face was too torn away too.
Phoenix appeared. Maddie whispered something in an Ancient Tongue and pointed to me. Phoenix nodded. The next thing I knew, I was flying away...
I never went back to the village. It held too many memories... Too many nightmares... But the last thing I saw was Maddie flying next to me... She had wings too... Wings that formed because she had to say goodbye...
I wandered Ivalice as an Assassin from there on, killing whoever I was supposed to and... Occassionally taking after Maddie. Sometimes I would drink myself silly. I was on the brink of suicide. But my sister's words to me and her love for me kept me going, going until I found Raider...
He was a Templar. And he was my first boyfriend. He dragged my out of the Fire Club once he saw what an Assassin I was and put me in his clan.
They were my Maddies from then on. I told them everything, from my history to Carbuncle's favorite cookie recipe... To Maddie. I thrived in their love, and became the best Assassin history had ever known! I developed a reputation as a merciless killer too. And I was. As long as I was with my Maddies, I didn't care who I killed. I was bathed in golden light.
Where are they now?
Well... One day, we had a Jagd battle... The Palace pursued us. Raider had refused. He had refused to join the Royal Force, and when the very Queen called him a selfish bastard reluctant to serve the land and goodwill, he spat in her face and called her a miserly whore hiding behind all her guards and Judges and the such. Jadg Helje. I'll never forget that day.
Raider died in my armsl coughing up blood. His last words to me were... "You were my Maddie too..."
Huh? I'm not crying! Swear! I'm not crying! I just have watery eyes today... Er... Woke up and Godeye's potion fell on top of me. Huh? So what if he was in the other end of the hall!
I'll never forgot Raider or the clan. There were a few that decided to move away, since Raider was dead... But a few remained by my side and elected my leader to move out to avenge Raider.
We carried out our duties. We murdered everyone related to that troop that killed him... Finally, there was only one left. After an unsuccessful search, we began to return to the Jadg...
A Paladin and an Assassin followed up into our base.
I remember yelling, "Eat Ultima Masher!" and the viera yelled,
"Do you think we came unprepared?"
They whipped us. But we lived, after several days in the hospital and several weeks for me. The others were let go, but me...
I was their leader, the head murderer. And I was sentenced here.
Do I feel bad about murdering all of those innocents as well as soldiers just following orders?
They killed Raider. They killed me. Why should I feel bad?
I still miss Raider. And the Clan.
They were my Maddies.