Surviving Stephanie Chapter 36
Disclaimer: Janet made up the plot, the characters, the universe. I'm just rearranging them for the fun of it.
Note: Thanks everyone for reading this! This is another chapter of not much happening. Really it is. Nothing happens. But I'll ask a question: What do you think she's going to do?
Nathan'sRaven: I'm jealous! I haven't had time to go pick up a copy of 11 yet, so no guarantees of what happens being similar to whatever happens in there. But now I'm dying of curiousity to find out what you're talking about... "Steph/Morelli nonsense" is a good term for it.
000000000000000000000000000000000
I was a martini, being shaken by a very hunky bartender and being poured out into a glass of ice for James Bond… It was a nice dream right up until my bruised side smacked into the ice cube. I woke up with in a fog of pain.
Alas, no martini and no James. Instead I was lying in the back of a van, sliding and rolling around like a sack of potatoes. Apparently this was the new lunar module, and we were navigating the craters…
My hands and mouth were secured with masking tape. Masking tape. Of all the stupid things. And they didn't even have the decency to ship me to a third world country.
I glared up at the world flashing by outside. It was almost dark, the setting sun was glinting through the back window and dazzling my eyes. We were heading through a pretty woody area, too. The looming shapes of trees were whipping by, their shadows casting the interior of the van in eerie shifting patterns of light and dark.
Woods. Forest. We were heading for the cabin. Abruzzi's cabin. And there was no Valerie to dump out. No unexpected savior to crash through the wall. There was a cavalry, but that was no good. Ranger and Joe couldn't possibly know where the hell we were going. Why hadn't I told someone? I could have told Mom it was a dream. She'd have believed me… But no, here I was, alone, bound and gagged and at the mercy of Reptilicus and the evil Henchmen of Abysmal. I struggled against the tape holding my wrists and against the scream rising uselessly in my throat.
'Stop,' came the whisper from the small remaining bit of sanity in my head. 'Stop, stop, stop. You can't panic now. You can panic later. Panic now and you will be dead.'
Urgh. The urge to scream went away. I hated it when I was right. Okay, I don't want to die so let's find a way past that. I looked around for inspiration.
The handle of the back window gleamed in the fading light. If I could get that back door open and get out, the jump might kill me. The impact might kill me. A MAC truck following us might kill me.
Abruzzi however would definitely kill me and he'd make sure it took a really, really long time. Screw it. Die trying or die not trying. Might as well cause someone some stress on my way out. Glory over length of days.
I could hear Reptilicus and someone else talking up in the front. Probably debating the details of my imminent demise. I gritted my teeth and let myself roll to the back, landing against the door with a painful thud.
"She awake yet?" someone asked.
"Don't matter. We're almost there."
That's what you think, bastardo.
No one was guarding the back seat to keep an eye on me. How convenient. Thank you, Janet.I grabbed hold of the latch without sitting up. No one yelled a warning. I twisted it slowly one way.
Nada.
I fought the panic off and twisted it the other way, still going slowly to hopefully avoid any loud noises. Not that you'd be able to tell anyway- the van was loud and clunky. Sounded like it was on its last wheel.
There was a click and the door was loose. I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding in, releasing it with a mental thank you to the universe. Now for the real problem: gamble on them slowing down for a curve before they got to the cabin or just taking my chances…
I'd been holding the door closed but the driver picked that exact moment to drive over a pot hole the size of Kentucky, throwing me a couple inches into the air and wrenching the door out of my hand.
It flew open and banged against the side.
"FUCK!" someone bellowed. "Stop!"
There was a squealing of brakes and I didn't wait around for anything else. I grabbed the edge of the frame and launched myself out of the vehicle. This time I at least landed on my relatively un-bruised side, but skidded across the asphalt like a street hockey puck.
That was definitely going to leave a mark.
Fortunately the adrenaline had kicked in and the pain sensors were in the ignore box for the moment. I struggled to my feet in time to see the van coming to a screeching halt. I dove into the woods without looking back. Probably it was pointless. Probably they were going to catch me and filet me, but by gods they were going to work for it.
Reptile and the other one were shouting curses and threats behind me. Ahead of me there was nothing but rapidly darkening forest. If I could just last until sundown…. They'd never find me in the dark…
The forest we were in was old growth, the trees were huge and majestic. If I died here at least it wouldn't be in some skanky alleyway. There wasn't much comfort in that, but some. It wouldn't make the dying hurt less, though.
I scrambled through the undergrowth and cursed the bastard who had through up masking tape. It was so hard to run with my hands and arms useless. The movies never let you in on that, never clued you into how unbalanced it was. Unnatural. One little thing like having my hands tied up and my whole body was off kilter…
They were following me. I couldn't see them, but I could hear them yelling and thrashing around. I was trying to be quiet, picking paths of less resistance, trying not to break too many branches or leave a clear trail. Another thing they don't ever explain… Like how hard it is to be stealthy with leaves, twigs, and gods knew what else crunching underfoot.
I was going to have to see if Ranger knew how to get through woodsy places all slealthy-like. I was definitely in need of some serious stealth right now.
I ducked around a huge maple tree and tried to catch my breath. The mouth piece was going to have to come off. I sniffled, taking in as much air as I could and yanked it off in possibly the most awkward motion ever. Using one hand with the other hand tied onto it to pull something off one's mouth was not going to be graceful.
I held back the howl of anguish as the tape effectively exfoliated the top layer of skin from my lips and chin. I sniffled again.
I was pretty sure my nose was bleeding. That or I was having a Blair Witch Project moment. Thank god there weren't any cameras around.
I glanced down at my body and immediately wished I hadn't. My pants were ripped and bloody, sticking to my right leg in places. My arms were bleeding from a zillion cuts and scrapes that might have from the road or from the branches and brambles, or both.
I wiped the blood from my nose and took off again, stashing the tape in my pocket. I didn't want to leave them with any obvious signs of my passage. No more stops until the sun went down. I could hide in the dark. I could have hidden now but it didn't feel like a good idea. No, I would run until it was dark. They'd have to use flashlights then and they might even have to wait for morning.
I kept running mostly straight ahead, keeping what remained of the sun on my left. Once it got dark I was going to have to stop or I'd be lost. More lost, anyway. I had no idea where I was. If I lost track of direction I wouldn't even know where the road was. Not a happy thought, that.
The last rays of light finally slipped away, or I was so deep into the old growth that they were blocked, but either way I was operating at last in almost total darkness. The shouts and crashing of Reptilicus and his guy had faded, but I wasn't sure I was ready to take a chance. I did need to catch my breath and regroup. Still, they could have gone into stealth mode. Okay, right, somehow I didn't think they had a stealth mode, but I didn't want to underestimate them.
I leaned against a tree and fought the burning sensation in my lungs. I would have to start running with the guys or something. I really didn't have enough stamina. After a few labored breaths it started to get easier, and the knot in my air passageways seemed to relax. I was shaking, I realized belatedly, and my mouth tasted like blood. I knew I had a split lip and my nose had been bleeding. I probably looked like a murder victim. Which I would be if they caught me… Okay, think Alyssa. Think about the books.
All you have to do is survive until morning. Abruzzi will have shot himself by then. Er, well, he will have ceased to live anyway. It should be safe. Right. I only had to figure out a way to hide until morning.
I looked down at my aching and battered self. If I stopped moving tonight I might not be able to move in the morning. Hell, I was going to pay for the short break I'd taken just now. But I didn't have a choice. I had to bed down or I'd be fumbling around in the dark…
Did they have wolves around the East Coast? What about coyotes? Cougars?
Shit. Merde. Hell.
Okay, so there wasn't much I could do about that except to climb a tree… unless there was a cougar. Then I was screwed. But if I could climb a tree I'd probably have a pretty decent hiding place and I'd be safe from wolves and coyotes.
Oh joy. I hadn't done any night-time tree climbing since I was ten. This ought to be entertaining. I looked around, struggling to make out the shape of any climbable trees. Well, they all looked pretty sturdy, since this was old growth forest… but I couldn't see any with branches low enough. Damn it.
Worry about that in a second. I needed to get my hands free or I couldn't do any tree climbing. I could try to get back to the stupid road. Right, and just pray each set of headlights wasn't Abruzzi's. Not to mention that the headlights might be some other equally blood-thirsty lunatic. No, the road could wait until morning. I raised my hands to my chin and started trying to find the edge of the tape. Come on, it had to be sticking up or something… just a little bit… stickiness… where was the sticky…
"Ow!" I whimpered as my hair caught on some part of it. "Found it," I added quietly. Breathing a sigh of relief I tracked the hair and bit the tiny little edge of tape. Holding it securely, I started pulling with my hands.
The process was slow going and a lot more tedious than I'd expected. My neck was hurting from the pulling. Probably I had whiplash from bouncing out of the van anyway. I thought I'd managed to tuck my chin down when I started to go out, but it was hard to remember. Mostly everything was a blur. But if I didn't get my hands undone I was going to be useless. You needed your hands free to fight and to climb. Plus I'd be able to run a little better.
I kept up. Yeesh, masking tape tasted like crap. It actually tasted worse than balloons. Or condoms. Or even glue. It was kind of a combination of all the ickiness of those things. Blech. You'd think with today's technology… Then again, there probably wasn't a huge market for flavored tape. I had to sit down after a while and I tried using my foot. Step down on the end of the tape, pull up with the hands…
Getting the tape unwrapped took a lot longer than I thought it would. Note to self, from now on, carry a Swiss Army knife. By the time my hands were free, I was panting again and the shaking was worse. I knew with terrible certainty that I no longer had the option of climbing anything. I just didn't have the strength.
Okay, so that was out. Where did it leave me? It left me a bloody sitting duck for any large predators, including the ones hunting me. Not good odds. Screw that, I'd better get moving. It was harder to hit a moving target, right? Even one that was moving blind?
There was a full moon out, I could catch occasional glimpses of it through the leaves. The moonlight did strange things to the world, leeching the color until it was all a web a shadows and silver. Even blood didn't look so bad by moonlight; it was just dark shadows against my skin. It made it a little more difficult to panic.
It was a starry night in an ancient forest, under a full moon. The cool serenity seeped through me and I took a moment to savor the beauty of the scene. That was the problem with adventures, you saw some of the most beautiful places imaginable but you never had time to appreciate them. Well I could definitely appreciate it. It was a beautiful fairytale spot to be running from monsters in.
It would be nice if there was a cottage up ahead with some helpful dwarves or something…
I struggled to my feet and turned right. I'd run right from the road, run mostly straight, turned right again so a third right should take me back to the road. Maybe. Sort of. In the general vicinity of the road anyway.
"Come on, feet," I sighed and started walking. My muscles screamed in protest at every step of the way. They demanded rest and a soft bed. My stomach demanded food. My hair demanded a hot oil treatment. My skin wanted aloe. My nails wanted to see a professional manicurist. My mind wanted a holiday to Outer Mongolia. Maybe even Shangri-la. It however said it might settle for a month on a beach with a gorgeous cabana boy named Javier.
Dirty Dancing Havana Nights. Oh yeah. I was going to rent it and cuddle up with a chenille throw, candles, incense, and a mug of hot chocolate. Then I was going to watch Dirty Dancing the original and Clueless and Kangaroo Jack and any other bright happy fluffy things that caught my eye. Maybe the entire first season of Buffy…
My foot connected with a root I hadn't seen and I fell face-first into a pile of leaves.
I sighed into the leaves and stayed still for a moment. If I had just twisted my ankle, that was it. I was just going to stay right here and die… Hey, what was that?
There was light. Real light. Yellow, man-made light… and someone was yelling. I pulled my head up out of the leaves and looked straight ahead. Several yards away there was a hedge. The light was shining through it.
I froze and listened to the world around me. I didn't hear anything. The sound of crickets, and a few other animal in the woods noises, but no crunchings and munchings of humans. That was a positive.
I pulled myself up a little bit more and elbow walked myself forward. I could have gotten up and walked. I would have looked much less ridiculous if I had, but it seemed like this was more stealthy. Probably there was some impressive commando name for elbow-walking, but I didn't care about impressing anyone. I wanted to peer through the hedge and see what I could see. That's what you did on adventures.
So I slithered my little self to the hedge, feeling proud because I hadn't actually made that much noise doing it. There wasn't very heavy leaf fall here, I'd mainly been slithering over grass. I tried not to think about the fact I'd probably just given myself ringworm by dragging my cut up arms and legs across the ground. Ringworm beat a bullet any day.
Once I was at my goal I pushed apart a few branches and stuck my head through. I was right by the ground so it wasn't very likely that anybody watching would notice unless I put my head all the way through to the other side.
I was looking down a small hill to the side of a cottage. A nice clean affair, like the moderately-rich people tended to build as hunting cabins sometimes out around home. There were a couple vehicles in the driveway, one of which was an ugly, ancient, familiar van. And the guys getting out of the van were definitely not dwarves. They were way too reptilian for dwarves.
The yelling inside the house continued but I couldn't make out any words. Someone was just plain pissed and I was pretty sure I knew exactly who it was and why. I felt my stomach clench and I had an urge to throw up.
I quickly pulled myself backward, out of the hedge, and sat up. My heart was pounding like I'd just run a mile. I was playing Valerie's part. Janet Evanovich, you are cruel and evil and I hate you.
Okay, now, if I'm playing Valerie I should go down, grab the van, and hightail it back to Trenton. Except that I didn't know which way that was. But if I stayed here they might decide to fan out from the cabin and then they'd almost certainly find me…
And I didn't know when or even if help might come. Ranger was good, but did he know about the cabin? Fuck, why hadn't I said something? It could have just been a little mention. An eency weency little question about a rumor that Abruzzi had a cabin he used sometimes… No, no I had to do this on my own. Hide the fact you've gone mad, worry about relationship issues, avoid the case…. Well, fuck a duck. This sucked. However, acknowledging the sorry state of affairs wasn't going to change them.
I looked back at the hedge and ran my list of options through my head again. Go back into the forest, go take the van, go follow the road from a safe distance, or sit here and cower. I sighed heavily and put my head down, gathering my strength before I forced myself into a semi-standing position. God I was sore.
I was going to be living on pain pills for weeks. If I lived through the next twenty-four hours… I stopped that thought where it was. I didn't have time to worry about that now. I could worry about dying if it happened.
I turned and started walking, keeping my head down and my thoughts blank.