Max Payne: Simile Overload
The Male sign on the door glared at me like a celestial joker laughing to himself in secret as I walked into a pit of man eating cats.
I kicked open the door and walked in. A row of dirty white washbasins grinned at me like the teeth of a crocodile, looking at me like I was about to be its next meal.
I walked down the row of dark toilet cubicles. Each door said 'Engaged'. It was like being at a party full of ugly but enchanting women that all turned out to be inaccessible. I considered kicking down the doors and killing the occupants with my sawn off shotgun. No, I was desperate but not that desperate.
I would just have to wait
Eventually, I heard a click as one of the signs on a cubicle door turned from engaged to vacant. The door opened slowly and I readied myself for a fight like a pair of tight trousers readies itself for a fight with its overweight owner.
I held my breath then let out a sigh of relief as an elderly gentleman with a face like a bowl of rancid rice pudding stepped out of the toilet. He was no threat to me, like a lampshade which happened to not be a threat to me also.
I pushed past him like a person pushing past two elephants on a tube train. I walked into the cubicle he had recently exited and I looked into the toilet bowl like a child peering at a corpse in a coffin, my eyes full of wonder and horror.
The old man had forgot to flush and now a beige floater was bobbing on the surface like the bloated corpse of a dead dog.
I tried not to breathe through my nose as I sat down on the grubby toilet like an Elvis fan horse pretending to be dead.
I let out a sigh of relief as the meal I had 8 hours ago finally passed through my system, the undigested peanuts scratched at my poo-bum like a long nailed member or the Village People.
I wiped away the brown evidence, blotting it out in the flushing water like I had blotted out so many of my enemies in the past. That would teach it.
I walked away from the roaring cubicle, leaving a stench like a barrel of old milk. Like a free man just released from jail, I strolled out of the men's toilets. I had not had the opportunity for a gunfight yet, I would have to wait and see what the rest of the day had in store for me.
I looked across the sinister black tarmac car par towards the ominous supermarket. It seemed to be calling me like a farmer calling his lambs to the slaughter. "Maxxxxxxx.... MAXXXX.. Max.." It called me to my certain doom. The shopping list in my front pocket was like a death warrant with my name on it instead of 'fresh bread'.
This was my next destination, I could only pray that the lives of the innocent civilians be saved. I had a feeling that my prayers would not be heard.
The Male sign on the door glared at me like a celestial joker laughing to himself in secret as I walked into a pit of man eating cats.
I kicked open the door and walked in. A row of dirty white washbasins grinned at me like the teeth of a crocodile, looking at me like I was about to be its next meal.
I walked down the row of dark toilet cubicles. Each door said 'Engaged'. It was like being at a party full of ugly but enchanting women that all turned out to be inaccessible. I considered kicking down the doors and killing the occupants with my sawn off shotgun. No, I was desperate but not that desperate.
I would just have to wait
Eventually, I heard a click as one of the signs on a cubicle door turned from engaged to vacant. The door opened slowly and I readied myself for a fight like a pair of tight trousers readies itself for a fight with its overweight owner.
I held my breath then let out a sigh of relief as an elderly gentleman with a face like a bowl of rancid rice pudding stepped out of the toilet. He was no threat to me, like a lampshade which happened to not be a threat to me also.
I pushed past him like a person pushing past two elephants on a tube train. I walked into the cubicle he had recently exited and I looked into the toilet bowl like a child peering at a corpse in a coffin, my eyes full of wonder and horror.
The old man had forgot to flush and now a beige floater was bobbing on the surface like the bloated corpse of a dead dog.
I tried not to breathe through my nose as I sat down on the grubby toilet like an Elvis fan horse pretending to be dead.
I let out a sigh of relief as the meal I had 8 hours ago finally passed through my system, the undigested peanuts scratched at my poo-bum like a long nailed member or the Village People.
I wiped away the brown evidence, blotting it out in the flushing water like I had blotted out so many of my enemies in the past. That would teach it.
I walked away from the roaring cubicle, leaving a stench like a barrel of old milk. Like a free man just released from jail, I strolled out of the men's toilets. I had not had the opportunity for a gunfight yet, I would have to wait and see what the rest of the day had in store for me.
I looked across the sinister black tarmac car par towards the ominous supermarket. It seemed to be calling me like a farmer calling his lambs to the slaughter. "Maxxxxxxx.... MAXXXX.. Max.." It called me to my certain doom. The shopping list in my front pocket was like a death warrant with my name on it instead of 'fresh bread'.
This was my next destination, I could only pray that the lives of the innocent civilians be saved. I had a feeling that my prayers would not be heard.