I crossed the car park like a man crossing a line that was never meant to be crossed. The line between safety and danger.
The door to the supermarket slid open automatically like an automatic shotgun reloading to claim another victim. The sign above the door said Tesco but it may as well have said 'HELL'.
As I entered I was greeted by the scent of fresh bread like the smell of petroleum greets the pyromaniac. A sign told me 'Buy One Get One Free'- the trap had been set and I was not about to fall for it.
I put just one loaf into my basket. They weren't going to get me that easily.
I ticked the first item off my list like an assassin ticking his victims name off the death warrant.
My mission was not over, not by a long shot. I still had to get milk and a can of baked beans.
And old woman rushed past me with a heavily laden trolley like a lion rushes past the gazelle before making the kill.
My hand pushed inside my jacket and touched the handle of my gun lightly like a blind man touching his guide dog for reassurance. If I had to use this, it was always there.
The old woman noted me staring at her; she knew something like a cow seems to know something, although they never tell you what it is.
She hurried away like a criminal running from the scene of a crime. I tailed her at a safe distance as she disappeared down the frozen meat aisle.
I stopped at the end of the aisle, looking from left to right like the Green Cross Code Man had tried to brainwash me into doing on so many occasions.
There was no sign of the old woman she had eluded me like a cat eluding the field of vision of the mouse until it was ready to pounce.
I looked ahead of me; I was in the dairy produce section. Rows of milk and cheese stared back at me on the shelves, mocking me like only milk and cheese can.
How did she know?
Whoever this woman worked for must have somehow gained knowledge of what was on my shopping list. I suddenly realised that I was in serious danger like a pig realising that it has arrived at the slaughterhouse.
It was time to think fast like Steven Hawking at an anti-wheelchair convention.
Getting milk now would be too obvious. That's what they wanted me to do.
I picked up a carton of grapefruit juice.
Sure, my cereal would taste funny with this poured over it but at least I wasn't playing into their hands.
It was time to get out. I knew this like a frog knows its time to get out of the pond once its tadpole children start to eat their own parents.
There was no time for beans.
I cautiously crept to the checkout, always on the lookout like the sole survivor of the holocaust in search of any signs of civilisation.
My two items scrolled along the conveyor belt like ducks ready for the shoot. The cashier ran them across the barcode scanner. It beeped as if my shopping were an audible expletive on daytime television.
"You do know the bread is buy-one-get-one-free don't you?" said the checkout girl with that innocent smile that alligators have just before they eat you.
"I WON'T FALL FOR YOUR LIES!" I screamed and threw a ten dollar bill in her face before running out with my items as she fell back stunned for a moment like a terrorist blinded by a flash bomb.
I ran into a nearby alleyway and sank to the floor panting and sobbing like a condemned man making the last walk towards the electric chair.
I cursed my actions. I had let my nerves get to me and I had broken.
I had blown the whole operation.
It was time to go home it wouldn't be long before they released the hounds.
It looks like I'll be having toast for dinner.