Sandoval
As a boy I used to love to look up at the stars. I'd sit up on my roof gawking at them all night long. They seemed so majestic, so mysterious. So high. Even as an adult I used to love to just look at them and wonder about what was up there. Dee Dee used to complain that I spent more time outside than in the house. I find it ironic that when I finally got the chance to be among the stars, to see what I'd been dreaming about, I no longer cared. Like so many other things my CVI had robbed the beauty of the stars from me. I think the Taelons stopped looking at the stars in wonder a long time before they ever reached Earth. They became so confident in their spirituality and intellectual superiority that they no longer looked at the stars in wonder but with cold calculation. They didn't marvel at the grandness of it all certain that they knew what was what. The universe was made up of protons and electrons and that was that. They no longer needed to look out and wonder. They knew everything they needed to. So that leaves me wondering…why did they build an astrometric observatory into the Mothership? The records show that no Taelon ever set foot in it. In fact only repair crews ever did before I made it my sanctuary.
With the Atavus creating their own little nests on the Mothership and How'lyn getting more and more irrational as time went by I desperately needed some place for myself. My rooms were not safe I needed a place to be alone. When I started my search I never expected to find this place. At the most I was hoping for an abandoned lab but when I found the observatory I knew that this was it. My old love for the stars decided it for me. I managed to drag a chair from the volunteer's quarters to it. I had to since the place was absolutely barren.
I've been sitting here gazing out at the stars for nearly an hour. I've been doing it more and more lately. Stargazing. Trying to recapture my innocence maybe. I imagine the Atavui don't look at the stars either. It's a shame they're so beautiful. I felt something wet trickling down my neck. Wiping it away I didn't bother to look at my hand. I knew what I would find if I did.
I thought of my latest escapade. Sending Cair'an down to spy was a stopgap measure and I knew it. I doubt she will have much luck as a spy. She may look human but she acts like a robot. Sometimes I thought I'd see emotion in her eyes when she looked at me, something akin to sorrow, but it must have been my imagination Atavui don't feel anything other than greed. No, her real job was to show the others that How'lyn was taking steps to remedy the Renee problem. She is a token for How'lyn to hold up. But I can see it coming How'lyn is going to lose control. Everyday more and more of his power slips through his fingers and he knows it. Still I don't think How'lyn realizes exactly how much danger he's in. I know Tau'erds's type and I think that within four months time he'll be the one in charge. How'lyn most likely will be dead. Tau'erds isn't the type to leave his enemy alive. Cair'an will probably join him not too much later for the same reason. I knowof what she did to him and I know he was humiliated by the incident. And me? I don't know what will happen to me. Tau'erds has an even poorer opinion of humans than How'lyn. I can't see him keeping me or any human around as a subordinate. I guess it really doesn't matter anyway. My days are numbered one way or another.
I don't know really why I bother. Disobeying and having How'lyn kill me would be quicker and less suspenseful, though probably no less painful. Maybe it is the sense of familiarity? Not wanting to let go til the end? I don't know why I keep doing it. I sell more and more of my soul everyday to extend my life for a few additional days. Betraying humanity just to stay alive. I know if How'lyn killed me it would take some time before he could find a competent human servant. Enough for Tau'erds to take control surly, I'd at least have the satisfaction of taking my "master" down with me. However my stomach turns at the thought of Tau'erds free to do as he pleases with humanity. Right now his desires are being kept in check by How'lyn and with him gone I shudder to think what Tau'erds will do. Consequently I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. One thing I do know is that until the day I die I will curse the automatic systems that brought the Atavui aboard. The damn things sensed residual Taelon energy and before I could shut it off they were in the landing bay. From there I had to bluff to save my skin. If I'd known then what I know now I would have just blown up the ship.
Another of my fixations as both a boy and an adult was sci-fi fantasy. I loved reading about aliens and advanced human civilizations. Another one of the universes jokes I guess. Sitting here in the belly of an alien space ship I can't help but recall something one of those fictional characters said. He was in a position much like mine. He was sitting in the dark and crying. He said, "My shoes are too tight. But it doesn't matter because I have forgotten how to dance." I'm trapped here and even if I could escape where would I go? I have forgotten how to live. He was talking about love. That applies to me as well, but then living and loving go hand in hand don't they? I have nothing left. That raises the question of why I bother again and I find I still don't have the answer. All I know is I keep surviving while all else dies around me. 'Not for much longer though.' This time I let the wetness trickle down my neck.
Skrill Queen
My name is Margsath nevertheless I have not been called that name in what seems nearly an eternity. The Taelons thought of me as nothing more or less than the Skrill Queen and referred to me as such even though they knew I must have a real name. In all my years as a captive they never asked. Never cared. Now that I am free still no one speaks my given name, they have another for me, Mother. The first time I heard that word I thought my hearts would stop. I have given birth to thousands of children yet here in this strange world was the first time I ever heard it uttered. Before my children were taken as soon as they were delivered and immediately damaged in the Taelons "engineering". My poor children were retarded before they ever had a chance. After that all they would ever speak were baby sounds. Still I tried to comfort them from the distance making soothing noises in return all the while my hearts breaking.
I look at my children now and my hearts are overfilled with joy. They are so precious and they have grown so fast. How I wish they could have seen our world, how long has it been since I was taken from there? I cannot begin to imagine the amount of time that has passed. My life for so long had consisted of the same routine year after year. After so many days of the same thing they blurred together. Then I lost track altogether. I gave up hope of ever escaping the cage that the Taelons had placed me in. I watched child after child's inner light become muffled or go out and every time part of me died as well. Never mind. I shook off the overwhelming memories of despair that once threatened to drive me insane. It does not matter my children my children will never see the world from which we came. They will never see the glorious red sky of our world or feel the warmth of our glorious springs. That is the way of the universe, to be unfair. I would never see my world again if it even still existed and neither would my children. But here we had a life outside of a prison and an extraordinary life at that. A life where we could live and love and not be afraid. A life I never imagined ever being able to live again. Nevertheless I was, here in this place where the man left us. He set us free the lonely man.
He was no more than a child himself so lost and lonely. I could feel his heartache through our bond. I know the children felt it too even though they were not yet born. From him I learned what was truly transpiring on the other side of the glass. I learned of the Taelons plans to perpetrate the same heinous crimes on the people of this world as on mine and I learn the most important thing of all, English. Just as the human learned our tongue I learned his. I knew if we were to survive on this world than we must be able to make ourselves understood and knowing the language of the species around us would rise us above the title of 'creature'. I do not want to have my children treated as pets or lab experiments. The Taelons had not cared that we were sentient and capable of understanding their language when they took us from our world but I hoped that the humans would not subject us to the same living death.
I watch my children as they play and learn and I cannot help but feel a sense of apprehension. Through my tie to the boy Liam I can tell that something has changed. Even though we were bonded for only mere moments the connection between bonded is never broken once established. On my world this bonding developed so that family members could communicate over the distances of our world. It is a bond that was never undertaken lightly for it could never be broken. It grows fainter when disconnected from each other but the link is always there a constant signal to the other that their partner is alive and well. I do not believe that he knew this when he bonded with me but I knew. He probably does not know how to open up to the feelings he may be receiving from me. That does not matter. He is my life- partner. I feel what he feels and I know he has come to an impasse. He needs me and I cannot let him down. I owe him too much. I owe him everything. So I prepare. I teach my children all the old ways, the ways of things before the Taelons, and the new ways, the ways of the humans, and pray that we will be ready.
As a boy I used to love to look up at the stars. I'd sit up on my roof gawking at them all night long. They seemed so majestic, so mysterious. So high. Even as an adult I used to love to just look at them and wonder about what was up there. Dee Dee used to complain that I spent more time outside than in the house. I find it ironic that when I finally got the chance to be among the stars, to see what I'd been dreaming about, I no longer cared. Like so many other things my CVI had robbed the beauty of the stars from me. I think the Taelons stopped looking at the stars in wonder a long time before they ever reached Earth. They became so confident in their spirituality and intellectual superiority that they no longer looked at the stars in wonder but with cold calculation. They didn't marvel at the grandness of it all certain that they knew what was what. The universe was made up of protons and electrons and that was that. They no longer needed to look out and wonder. They knew everything they needed to. So that leaves me wondering…why did they build an astrometric observatory into the Mothership? The records show that no Taelon ever set foot in it. In fact only repair crews ever did before I made it my sanctuary.
With the Atavus creating their own little nests on the Mothership and How'lyn getting more and more irrational as time went by I desperately needed some place for myself. My rooms were not safe I needed a place to be alone. When I started my search I never expected to find this place. At the most I was hoping for an abandoned lab but when I found the observatory I knew that this was it. My old love for the stars decided it for me. I managed to drag a chair from the volunteer's quarters to it. I had to since the place was absolutely barren.
I've been sitting here gazing out at the stars for nearly an hour. I've been doing it more and more lately. Stargazing. Trying to recapture my innocence maybe. I imagine the Atavui don't look at the stars either. It's a shame they're so beautiful. I felt something wet trickling down my neck. Wiping it away I didn't bother to look at my hand. I knew what I would find if I did.
I thought of my latest escapade. Sending Cair'an down to spy was a stopgap measure and I knew it. I doubt she will have much luck as a spy. She may look human but she acts like a robot. Sometimes I thought I'd see emotion in her eyes when she looked at me, something akin to sorrow, but it must have been my imagination Atavui don't feel anything other than greed. No, her real job was to show the others that How'lyn was taking steps to remedy the Renee problem. She is a token for How'lyn to hold up. But I can see it coming How'lyn is going to lose control. Everyday more and more of his power slips through his fingers and he knows it. Still I don't think How'lyn realizes exactly how much danger he's in. I know Tau'erds's type and I think that within four months time he'll be the one in charge. How'lyn most likely will be dead. Tau'erds isn't the type to leave his enemy alive. Cair'an will probably join him not too much later for the same reason. I knowof what she did to him and I know he was humiliated by the incident. And me? I don't know what will happen to me. Tau'erds has an even poorer opinion of humans than How'lyn. I can't see him keeping me or any human around as a subordinate. I guess it really doesn't matter anyway. My days are numbered one way or another.
I don't know really why I bother. Disobeying and having How'lyn kill me would be quicker and less suspenseful, though probably no less painful. Maybe it is the sense of familiarity? Not wanting to let go til the end? I don't know why I keep doing it. I sell more and more of my soul everyday to extend my life for a few additional days. Betraying humanity just to stay alive. I know if How'lyn killed me it would take some time before he could find a competent human servant. Enough for Tau'erds to take control surly, I'd at least have the satisfaction of taking my "master" down with me. However my stomach turns at the thought of Tau'erds free to do as he pleases with humanity. Right now his desires are being kept in check by How'lyn and with him gone I shudder to think what Tau'erds will do. Consequently I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. One thing I do know is that until the day I die I will curse the automatic systems that brought the Atavui aboard. The damn things sensed residual Taelon energy and before I could shut it off they were in the landing bay. From there I had to bluff to save my skin. If I'd known then what I know now I would have just blown up the ship.
Another of my fixations as both a boy and an adult was sci-fi fantasy. I loved reading about aliens and advanced human civilizations. Another one of the universes jokes I guess. Sitting here in the belly of an alien space ship I can't help but recall something one of those fictional characters said. He was in a position much like mine. He was sitting in the dark and crying. He said, "My shoes are too tight. But it doesn't matter because I have forgotten how to dance." I'm trapped here and even if I could escape where would I go? I have forgotten how to live. He was talking about love. That applies to me as well, but then living and loving go hand in hand don't they? I have nothing left. That raises the question of why I bother again and I find I still don't have the answer. All I know is I keep surviving while all else dies around me. 'Not for much longer though.' This time I let the wetness trickle down my neck.
Skrill Queen
My name is Margsath nevertheless I have not been called that name in what seems nearly an eternity. The Taelons thought of me as nothing more or less than the Skrill Queen and referred to me as such even though they knew I must have a real name. In all my years as a captive they never asked. Never cared. Now that I am free still no one speaks my given name, they have another for me, Mother. The first time I heard that word I thought my hearts would stop. I have given birth to thousands of children yet here in this strange world was the first time I ever heard it uttered. Before my children were taken as soon as they were delivered and immediately damaged in the Taelons "engineering". My poor children were retarded before they ever had a chance. After that all they would ever speak were baby sounds. Still I tried to comfort them from the distance making soothing noises in return all the while my hearts breaking.
I look at my children now and my hearts are overfilled with joy. They are so precious and they have grown so fast. How I wish they could have seen our world, how long has it been since I was taken from there? I cannot begin to imagine the amount of time that has passed. My life for so long had consisted of the same routine year after year. After so many days of the same thing they blurred together. Then I lost track altogether. I gave up hope of ever escaping the cage that the Taelons had placed me in. I watched child after child's inner light become muffled or go out and every time part of me died as well. Never mind. I shook off the overwhelming memories of despair that once threatened to drive me insane. It does not matter my children my children will never see the world from which we came. They will never see the glorious red sky of our world or feel the warmth of our glorious springs. That is the way of the universe, to be unfair. I would never see my world again if it even still existed and neither would my children. But here we had a life outside of a prison and an extraordinary life at that. A life where we could live and love and not be afraid. A life I never imagined ever being able to live again. Nevertheless I was, here in this place where the man left us. He set us free the lonely man.
He was no more than a child himself so lost and lonely. I could feel his heartache through our bond. I know the children felt it too even though they were not yet born. From him I learned what was truly transpiring on the other side of the glass. I learned of the Taelons plans to perpetrate the same heinous crimes on the people of this world as on mine and I learn the most important thing of all, English. Just as the human learned our tongue I learned his. I knew if we were to survive on this world than we must be able to make ourselves understood and knowing the language of the species around us would rise us above the title of 'creature'. I do not want to have my children treated as pets or lab experiments. The Taelons had not cared that we were sentient and capable of understanding their language when they took us from our world but I hoped that the humans would not subject us to the same living death.
I watch my children as they play and learn and I cannot help but feel a sense of apprehension. Through my tie to the boy Liam I can tell that something has changed. Even though we were bonded for only mere moments the connection between bonded is never broken once established. On my world this bonding developed so that family members could communicate over the distances of our world. It is a bond that was never undertaken lightly for it could never be broken. It grows fainter when disconnected from each other but the link is always there a constant signal to the other that their partner is alive and well. I do not believe that he knew this when he bonded with me but I knew. He probably does not know how to open up to the feelings he may be receiving from me. That does not matter. He is my life- partner. I feel what he feels and I know he has come to an impasse. He needs me and I cannot let him down. I owe him too much. I owe him everything. So I prepare. I teach my children all the old ways, the ways of things before the Taelons, and the new ways, the ways of the humans, and pray that we will be ready.