However wonderful Legolas' company might have been, it could only distract the pangs of mourning for so long. It was morning, long before the sun had risen. I lay restless in my lover's arms. Despite many fruitless attempts at relaxing my mind, I couldn't find peace. It surprised me that Legolas was so deep in sleep. Elvish sleep, as I had discovered, was light and easily broken. Tonight he was far gone.

It wasn't that he forgot, I reminded myself as I slipped from our tangled limbs and donned one of his cloaks over my rumpled clothes to shield me from the cool air. He had been quiet all day, speaking only when necessary and drawing me close, never allowing me to leave his side. I had a feeling it wasn't only to reassure him that I was still there; he didn't want me alone at such a time. No doubt he would be distraught when he woke up to find only an empty bed.

I didn't even think to leave a note; he'd know the reasons behind my departure and hopefully he'll grant my wish for solitude. I slipped through the door without a glance back at what I'd left behind. Making my way down the hall, I ran a hand over my face and sighed, drawing the cloak closer around me. My feet took a direction of their own, but I soon discovered where they were heading.

The darkness was blinding. My vision was literally gone when I stopped at the open doorway leading to the courtyard. I could feel the humidity, so familiar…

Eyes flashed though my mind's eye causing my breath to hitch and my heart rate to quicken. Pain erupted in my abdomen, and I clutched it, turned away and blinking the moisture gathering in my eyes. I continued walking aimlessly, and slowly the throbbing subsided.

The darkness could only be compared to two things in my life.

I ran a hand over my salty face, wiping the perspiration and tears away, telling myself not for the first time not to dwell on the past.

I grabbed the nearest lantern, clutching it tightly in my hand. Just in case.

Swallowing hard, I stood in the doorway of the prison cell. I should have smiled knowing Legolas confessed his love here, but the pain I caused him smothered all joy and held my heart in a vice grip. I fell to my knees. The bond we created tied my emotions to his own, but I knew he only allowed me to feel a fraction of what he felt, and that was enough to make my knees weak. In addition, my new-found immortality strengthened my emotions. How do Elves cope?

I rested my forehead against the cool stone wall, not caring how soot-covered it might be. Fine script met my eye. Black. I traced the dates and events, much more of it making sense since my adventures with her and her friends.

Red. I wondered if she found her…Kaldier was it? I wondered how she would fit in with civilization. Despite the loving attention of Legolas, I felt as an outsider among Elves. It was amusing to fool them everyday, but I couldn't forget their treatment towards me, couldn't find the heart to forgive them of the pain they caused us.

Green was off pirating the ocean. Would she ever settle down? Find her Jack Sparrow? I still couldn't tell if she and George hit it off or if the relationship was based on something different completely. I knew she was happy on the sea and as long as she was there she would be free.

If only I could ever be that free.

Black.

Why did I feel such compassion toward someone who was so…distant to me? Why should I care what happened to her?

I slammed my fist into the wall too hard.

Damn it! Why do I feel like this?

My tears spilled. The emotion of her passing and the day causing too much for me to handle. I clutched at the wall as sobs shook me. My head, my wound, my whole body hurt.

Would I ever seek closure?

I wasn't surprised that I didn't hear or sense the company that joined me. Someone knelt behind me and familiar arms encircled me, his forehead resting between my shoulder blades. I didn't acknowledge his presence. I couldn't. I should have known that he wouldn't let me be.

"Why do you pull yourself away from me, melamin?" he whispered. "Why do you not share your burden?"

His voice was broken, soft and pleading. I knew he hated to see me in such a state, felt too helpless.

I cried harder. I was weak at that moment and he knew it. He would break down my barriers to the heart of my pain. But I was stubborn.

"Aluhin…"

"You have your burdens and I have mine."

He was silent for a moment. "Why? Why can't we understand each other fully?"

"I cannot ask that of you!"

The silence was deafening, and I wondered if he had finally resigned from our ongoing argument. However, his voice when he spoke was so foreign and weak I knew that I had hurt him this time.

"I thought," he started, but stopped when his voice cracked. "I thought you knew." He stopped again and I could feel a wet spot growing on my back. "You can ask anything of me."

I gasped as a wave of pain hit me. It felt as though my heart was being ripped in two. I felt and extreme loneliness, betrayal, and no longer had the will to fight against it any long. I couldn't cry, couldn't breathe. My nails dug into the wall and my mouth opened in a silent scream. I felt hot...burning hot. Perspiration bubbled on my skin. My head felt light, but heavy. I was going to die.

The agony withdrew and left me completely, making my own emotions seem folly. I knew what it was that had just plagued me. Legolas. I now understood. Legolas felt me withdrawing from him and thought it was because his love was unreturned. The tears in my eyes gathered and I sucked in a breath, breathing hard in attempt to accommodate his presence within me.

I didn't fight as he turned me to face him. He lovingly wiped the dirt away from my skin with his thumb.

I looked into his eyes as I settled down and saw nothing but love and sadness, even though the gleaming tears.

"I cannot help you if you do not let me."

I stared at his perfect face, his hair mused from sleep. He seemed to glow in the lantern light.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?"

He pulled me to him and I buried my face in his shoulder. "I cannot do this," I sobbed, my voice muffled in his tunic. "I can't…it's too much."

I felt his hand rubbing my back in a soothing manner. "I know. It's alright." I flinched as I bumped my hand against his arm.

No doubt the perspective Elf saw this and turned his attention to the source. His face softened and he looked at the blood soaked hand with sadness and compassion. He said nothing, but wiped the blood around the wound to inspect the damage.

"Why—I mean…"

"Just relax, melamin. Just let go."

I took a shaky breath and did as I was told. For a moment I was at peace, but only a heartbeat later a force crashed into me. Pain. Confusion. Death—all around me. The dreams of my death flashed before my eyes. The nightmare's of Legolas leaving me. The warg. His father. I felt exposed.

It was as though I was being read like a book. Everything that had passed over the years coming back to me, things that I didn't need to deal with now, atop of everything else on my shoulders.

Instinctively, I shelled back up again. My mind spun and my vision was hazy. I found myself clutching Legolas and sobbing heavily. His chest puffed against me and I could feel his heavy breathing.

Oh Valar. What had I done?

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was doing. I—"

His hand grasped my shoulders and pulled me just enough away to look me in the eye. "You're not going to suffer this alone. Aluhin," he said forcefully, his fingers caressing my shoulders. His eyes softened and he added quietly. "No one should ever grieve alone."

I sniffed, "But you—"

"Why did you not tell me of your nightmares?" he asked softly, "You never woke me."

I pulled my hand away and stood, turning away from him. "You weren't always there," I snapped. "You wouldn't understand. You don't know what it's like to have the one you love die over and over and over again, being afraid to close your eyes every night in fear of what you might see."

As soon as I spoke I knew I had said the wrong thing. I heard him stand, and I turned to look at him. "No, of course not. I wouldn't understand. I've never had someone I love die. I didn't have to watch my mother…" he stopped and gritted his teeth in anger, his eyes blazing. I, however stood silent, never having heard of him speak of his mother before. "I didn't have to stand by while my beloved was mortally wounded by my own father and have her stolen from my arms. No, you're right," he spat, "I wouldn't understand!"

I stared at him, dumbstruck. "Legolas…"

"I wouldn't expect you to know what I do and do not know. You don't even bother to know me. You pull away, go about your own business in your own time, expecting me to sit and wait. I'm through waiting for you!"

"It's not like you share you you're feelings either. You're so closed up, how am I supposed to know what you felt after my death? How am I supposed to know if I was causing your death? How—" I took a breath, my jaw muscles contracting as my anger rose. "For all I know you were driven by lust the short time we were together. I was a fling. All I could think on the journey home was finding you with another elleth, happily married and completely forgetting about me. You—"

"You see me as that shallow? Just making my way from woman to woman to please myself?"

"Don't you understand? I don't know you. Every time we were together all we did was talk about me. Never once did you tell me anything about yourself. You could have been married, betrothed for all I knew. How—"

I stopped abruptly when I felt his hand on my arm. I quickly brushed it away.

"Damn it, get away from me!"

I threw open the door and started down the hall. His hand grasped my arm.

"Don't you dare run away from me again." His words brought me to a stop. It hadn't even occurred to me to leave, only to go to the lake—away from him—to stop myself from doing, or saying, more that I would regret.

He sighed, dropping my arm and running his hand over his face. "It's going to be a long day. Let's go back to bed and discuss this in the morning."

I turned to face him. "You can't ignore this forever."

"Aluhin—"

"Go to bed. I'm going out."

I made sure to slam the gate behind me.