Liam
"Liam. Liam." I felt something shaking my shoulder.
"Goo. Awayy." I mumbled swatting at the annoying sound. It seemed to work and after a few moments I sunk back into the comforting darkness of sleep.
"BOO!" I shot up startled by the loud shout in my ear. The world still fuzzy I peered at a smiling Boone.
"You are a cruel, cruel man." I grumbled. Boone's smile just grew wider.
"Yes I know I'm a horrible, horrible person but…" He paused dramatically and I considered reinvestigating the inside of my eyelids. "I brought coffee." My eyelids snapped open and I focused on the two steaming mugs he had brought from behind his back. I grabbed one like a drowning man diving after a life preserver. 'The analogies not too far off.' I glanced around at the mess of my office. 'If one can drown in paperwork that is.' At first I just cradled the hot mug and breathed in the heavenly smell of COFFEE.
"Oh well in that case… I take it back." I mumbled before I took a deep gulp. As the burning liquid washed down my throat I could feel the cobwebs clearing from my mind though I knew it would take at least another two cups after the all-nighter I pulled last night. Memory of multicolored energy and blood assaulted me. Inwardly I winced then shied away from the memories of last night. Boone had uncovered a chair that hadn't known existed under the paper. I blinked as he made himself comfortable. 'Boy you know it's been a long time since the maid service has been in if you can't remember what the furniture used to look like.' I shrugged it off and got back to the serious consideration of emptying my mug.
"It wasn't your fault you know." I winced at Boone's bluntness but didn't look up.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I didn't want to talk about it. Images of the Atavus chamber flashed through my mind but I shoved them back. I drained the rest of my coffee and found myself gazing at the bottom of the mug rather than face Boone.
"He knew what he was getting into."
"Tell that to Quinton." I shot back my voice full of anger. But it was too late he had broken through all the walls I'd built around the memories. Guilt flooded me and I was unable to hold back the memories as they consumed me. It was supposed to be an easy in and out operation to destroy a discovered Atavus chamber. Quinton and I had split up like the rest of the group after finding one of the Atavus chambers. I was on the other side of the room setting up my detonation charges like he was doing on his. I heard a creak and spun around but I was too far away and the Atavus was on Quinton before I could get five feet. The Atavus slashed Quinton's neck with his energy nails. Blood flowed from around the fingers Quinton had clasped to his neck. Gasping Quinton sunk to his knees. I snapped. Quinton was just a kid really and he was dying in front of my eyes. Dropping the bomb in my hand I focused both my shaquarava on the Atavus as it charged me hissing then coldly not once flinching fired. When the light faded there was nothing left of the Atavus. I swayed from the energy drain then swiftly crossed the feet between us. But it was all for not. All I could do was drop down next to him as he gasped one last time then all that was left was a shell that used to hold the animated and boundless spirit of Quinton Wuiden. I gently closed his eyes then took his ammunitions bag from him. I finished setting the charges then picked up his lifeless body and rejoined the group at the rendezvous point. I felt hollow as the others stared at my blood-covered person and their faces paled at the still form slung over my shoulder. A few nodded sympathetically. After counting heads I turned back to the hill containing the once hidden chamber and pressed the button.
Breaking away from my memories I stared at Boone's grim face. "You can't save them all." His voice was full of past experience.
My mug hit my desk with a muffled thud since it couldn't actually strike it through layers of paper. "I know that Boone but he didn't have to die…" Boone looked startled and I winced at my slip.
Softly Boone questioned, "What do you mean by that?"
"Exactly what you think I mean. These-" I held up my hands to show him my shaquarava. "Can heal." I lowered my hands and looked away.
"You mean…"
I nodded still looking at the other wall. "If I hadn't shot the Atavus. If I hadn't wasted my energy I could have saved him." It was so quiet I could hear Boone's breathing as he digested what I'd told him.
He took a deep breath and said, "Listen kid," I was able to muster up a glare that I sent his way. He glared back and his definitely had more kick behind it. "Life is full of what if's. What if you hadn't fired on the Atavus with your shaquarava's? You know guns only slow them down. Could you have grabbed Quinton healed him and have gotten away? I doubt it. You'd be dead too. What if you'd used one hand? You might have had enough energy to save him but then it might not have been enough to kill the Atavus. You might have died before you could get another shot off. I can't think of one solution where you wouldn't end up dead as well unless you were extremely lucky." I could feel his gaze on me. "But it's that extremely lucky that's got you." My silence agreed with him. I heard him get up. "The desire to lead and the ability to are in no way related. I know you didn't want this Liam. I definitely didn't but you're a leader Kincaid. Quinton wouldn't have wanted you to die making a suicidal attempt to save him and you know that." I kept silent but I knew he was right. Part way anyway. Quinton believed in me he was one of the semi-hero worshippers who thought I was infallible. I winced at the thought. 'I'm not infallible and that's what's driving me insane. I don't like to lose.'
"No one does Liam." I turned to him surprised. 'Oops. Must have said the last bit out loud.' Seeing I was finally looking at him again he nodded then headed for the door. Stopping at the threshold he twisted around a smile once more on his lips. "And Liam. My friends call me Will." Then he was gone. 'Since when did I graduate to friend?' I puzzled over it a bit then realized that I didn't really care. Friends were hard to come by and it seemed I'd just picked up one.
"Liam. Liam." I felt something shaking my shoulder.
"Goo. Awayy." I mumbled swatting at the annoying sound. It seemed to work and after a few moments I sunk back into the comforting darkness of sleep.
"BOO!" I shot up startled by the loud shout in my ear. The world still fuzzy I peered at a smiling Boone.
"You are a cruel, cruel man." I grumbled. Boone's smile just grew wider.
"Yes I know I'm a horrible, horrible person but…" He paused dramatically and I considered reinvestigating the inside of my eyelids. "I brought coffee." My eyelids snapped open and I focused on the two steaming mugs he had brought from behind his back. I grabbed one like a drowning man diving after a life preserver. 'The analogies not too far off.' I glanced around at the mess of my office. 'If one can drown in paperwork that is.' At first I just cradled the hot mug and breathed in the heavenly smell of COFFEE.
"Oh well in that case… I take it back." I mumbled before I took a deep gulp. As the burning liquid washed down my throat I could feel the cobwebs clearing from my mind though I knew it would take at least another two cups after the all-nighter I pulled last night. Memory of multicolored energy and blood assaulted me. Inwardly I winced then shied away from the memories of last night. Boone had uncovered a chair that hadn't known existed under the paper. I blinked as he made himself comfortable. 'Boy you know it's been a long time since the maid service has been in if you can't remember what the furniture used to look like.' I shrugged it off and got back to the serious consideration of emptying my mug.
"It wasn't your fault you know." I winced at Boone's bluntness but didn't look up.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I didn't want to talk about it. Images of the Atavus chamber flashed through my mind but I shoved them back. I drained the rest of my coffee and found myself gazing at the bottom of the mug rather than face Boone.
"He knew what he was getting into."
"Tell that to Quinton." I shot back my voice full of anger. But it was too late he had broken through all the walls I'd built around the memories. Guilt flooded me and I was unable to hold back the memories as they consumed me. It was supposed to be an easy in and out operation to destroy a discovered Atavus chamber. Quinton and I had split up like the rest of the group after finding one of the Atavus chambers. I was on the other side of the room setting up my detonation charges like he was doing on his. I heard a creak and spun around but I was too far away and the Atavus was on Quinton before I could get five feet. The Atavus slashed Quinton's neck with his energy nails. Blood flowed from around the fingers Quinton had clasped to his neck. Gasping Quinton sunk to his knees. I snapped. Quinton was just a kid really and he was dying in front of my eyes. Dropping the bomb in my hand I focused both my shaquarava on the Atavus as it charged me hissing then coldly not once flinching fired. When the light faded there was nothing left of the Atavus. I swayed from the energy drain then swiftly crossed the feet between us. But it was all for not. All I could do was drop down next to him as he gasped one last time then all that was left was a shell that used to hold the animated and boundless spirit of Quinton Wuiden. I gently closed his eyes then took his ammunitions bag from him. I finished setting the charges then picked up his lifeless body and rejoined the group at the rendezvous point. I felt hollow as the others stared at my blood-covered person and their faces paled at the still form slung over my shoulder. A few nodded sympathetically. After counting heads I turned back to the hill containing the once hidden chamber and pressed the button.
Breaking away from my memories I stared at Boone's grim face. "You can't save them all." His voice was full of past experience.
My mug hit my desk with a muffled thud since it couldn't actually strike it through layers of paper. "I know that Boone but he didn't have to die…" Boone looked startled and I winced at my slip.
Softly Boone questioned, "What do you mean by that?"
"Exactly what you think I mean. These-" I held up my hands to show him my shaquarava. "Can heal." I lowered my hands and looked away.
"You mean…"
I nodded still looking at the other wall. "If I hadn't shot the Atavus. If I hadn't wasted my energy I could have saved him." It was so quiet I could hear Boone's breathing as he digested what I'd told him.
He took a deep breath and said, "Listen kid," I was able to muster up a glare that I sent his way. He glared back and his definitely had more kick behind it. "Life is full of what if's. What if you hadn't fired on the Atavus with your shaquarava's? You know guns only slow them down. Could you have grabbed Quinton healed him and have gotten away? I doubt it. You'd be dead too. What if you'd used one hand? You might have had enough energy to save him but then it might not have been enough to kill the Atavus. You might have died before you could get another shot off. I can't think of one solution where you wouldn't end up dead as well unless you were extremely lucky." I could feel his gaze on me. "But it's that extremely lucky that's got you." My silence agreed with him. I heard him get up. "The desire to lead and the ability to are in no way related. I know you didn't want this Liam. I definitely didn't but you're a leader Kincaid. Quinton wouldn't have wanted you to die making a suicidal attempt to save him and you know that." I kept silent but I knew he was right. Part way anyway. Quinton believed in me he was one of the semi-hero worshippers who thought I was infallible. I winced at the thought. 'I'm not infallible and that's what's driving me insane. I don't like to lose.'
"No one does Liam." I turned to him surprised. 'Oops. Must have said the last bit out loud.' Seeing I was finally looking at him again he nodded then headed for the door. Stopping at the threshold he twisted around a smile once more on his lips. "And Liam. My friends call me Will." Then he was gone. 'Since when did I graduate to friend?' I puzzled over it a bit then realized that I didn't really care. Friends were hard to come by and it seemed I'd just picked up one.